Hoarder's Anonymous, Part 6

[Solo]

Well, here we are embarking upon part 6 of our epic journey of sorting out our homes.

We are a varied group of likeminded householders that are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine included), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves that makes sorting out our households challenging, to say the least. So...

Anyone and everyone is welcome to join us for support, adding their own ideas to help others out, storage ideas, even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it. Encouragement abounds here, and we do not criticise. EVER! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, don't know where to start, can't be bothered but really do want to be bothered...think you are lazy, just need to see it in print here...we'll help. We'll virtually fist bump your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises, and if you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you. Here for one another because we get it - the highs and the lows, the art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement.

Welcome to thread #6 of Hoarders Anonymous - Carrying On Sorting It Out

HERE

I ended up getting quite a lot cleared in the kitchen. Several loads of laundry done and dried. Huge clean laundry mountain - several washes worth from last week - folded and put away (and I set aside a pile of outgrown stuff for the charity shop rather than putting it away). The accessible bits of the floor in the kitchen have been cleaned. I chucked some mouldy veg from the fridge and planned a few meals with stuff that was in danger of being forgotten. I got so caught up that I forgot to cook til quite late so my evening meal is still cooking. It’s a using-stuff-up pie - no recipe just cobbled it together so I hope it tastes ok. Chicken marinading ready for tomorrow night.

oh, well done.

I washed up absolutely loads of things and wiped and put away over the course of the day. (can not leavee to drip dry as normal with the flies... which madde a reappearance today along with a tiny hole in the decorators caulk. which I swear was not there yesterday. So two flies killed, possibly one mia, and the hole refilled with more caulk.I spotted a flie lurking on tteh windowsill just ourside the kitchen window so I shut that but it is hot and humid here and I need fresh air!

I am absolutely starving as I had one slice of bread for breakfast a tomato, one and a half buscuits with a coffee or two and some peanuts. I need food. but am too hungry to think!

Hope you found a snack!

Hi, I found you guys again.

I spent three days having a really good sort out. 1.5 cars worth of rubbish taken to the tip by my DH. Yet nothing looks different as most of it came from drawers and cupboards which are now all lovely and organised, plus under our bed is totally clear! For the first time in a decade!

I will read back on the thread a bit now and I hope everyone is doing well

Grabbed every bit of the help I could on the Saturday and kept gong on my own Sunday and Monday, went to court (for someone else) Tuesday morning and have been flat on my back since paying for it all, but sort of upright and about to try and do something here.
I didn’t really think about the need to truly ‘manage’ the help offered. Much more difficult than expected and feeling very guilty for not being uncritical, but lessons I need to learn here.
Lovely intent but literally hours of needing to be on a break, in the toilet, scrolling through phone, texting, getting food, going out to get more food, eating food. Each time I got them back, they needed to be kept engaged, motivated and encouraged all the time or they’d grind to a halt.

I must sound so ungrateful, but I’m so not, just caught on the hop at how difficult continuous working for even 30 minutes seems to be viewed. TBF they were equally surprised at me working without constant breaks. Out of the time they’d very kindly allocated to me to help, they worked for less than a quarter.
Once I realised, lowered hoped for expectations and rearranged everything so I only got them doing things with me that I absolutely couldn’t do on my own.

As it wasn’t planned that way it was inefficient, but it also meant I could honestly thank them for making a real difference.
So actual amount out was four sacks of random stuff on the Saturday, and seven of cut down greenery over Sunday and Monday.

Have read thread, but am going to be disciplined, crack on here as best I can, and reply later, but well found BabiesEverywhere

Thank you @Elleherd I can hear your frustration! Help has to actually BE helpful, or else what is the point! Sounds like you proactively dealt with the situation, even though it meant you got less done than you hoped for.I am very motivated aat the moment, as we have just adopted a puppy and therefore all the floors had to be cleared (hence under the bed)AND I have got a 'return to work after 15 years as a SAHM' job starting in a few weeks involving home work if I have the space. So organising all the cupboards and drawers was a 'polish the cat' exercise before I tackle 'the pile' my ever shrinking/growing frenemy in our room.This time 'the pile' has to be defeated and a work desk set up in that location!Wish me luck!

FiniteSagacity
Putting the previously sorted bags into the clothing bank without re-examining every item suggests part of your brain is willing to accept your earlier decisions without having to remake them, which is indeed massive. Well done!

Miaowse to quote Finite I think the point of this group is that you shouldn’t be embarrassed at slow progress. I would add fight off embarrassment even at no progress. It’s accountability and others who are going to understand not judge.
For someone who might get stuck you’ve done loads. Well done!

BlackeyedSusan
Good to see you. Flies would test my limits! well done hopefully sealing wherever they're coming from. I’ve managed to previously sort out a fruit fly infestation by putting a banana skin in the bottom of a poly bag propped upright and then sneaking up in the morning and grabbing the bag round the neck and taking it outside. After a couple of practise goes I got almost the lot in one, and a couple of days later was free of them.

TalkToTheHand123 A clear sink is always a good thing and regardless of what I’m being told I think lists are far more of a help than a hindrance.

CherryMargo Thanks for the link. I actually think some of my issues are around memory and stuff acting as a visual memory. Hope you’re recovering.
@BlueSummerBaby 'I need strategies and to change myself, I think. Just changing the home isn't enough'. THIS! 🙌 💯 I have no chance of changing the home without changing myself. It and I are a work (in various stages of) progress.

Babies everywhere Congratulations on the job and the puppy. I do wish you luck but that’s some really motivational reasons for defeating the pile.

This afternoons efforts were small (unless you include the dust) but significant. A pot and a vase that were both waiting for repair are instead calmly sitting in recycling in the kitchen. Normally I’d get them out into the public bin so they were irretrievable and gone and that was an end to it. But I’m going to try and live with the ability to retrieve and ignore it.

Got nothing additional done yesterday after spending most of the day at hospital getting poked and prodded. Am in the middle of stupidly debilitating Chrons' flare up days before trying to tackle major clear up. Depressing but hopefully the fact it's happening now might make it be on the wain by next week.

It may sound a little ridiculous, but I'm pleased with myself over the pot and vase sitting in the kitchen recycling waiting to go out when it does naturally, instead of feeling I need to do something specific to 'control' myself. Hopefully all the reading, talking and doing, is helping me free myself from the grip of holding on to things.

Logistical issues mean I can't start on anything until late afternoon here.

Elleherd I am very impressed by that. I feel if I don’t strike while the iron is hot I’ll change my mind and hang onto stuff. How long till bin collection? And was it a relief to get rid of two to-dos (mending) that were hanging over you?

Hope the flare up eases soon.

After my flurry of activity I seem to have settled back into lethargy. The kitchen still looks much better than before, so that’s something positive.

I agree with Elleherd, not going through the binbags is fantastic FiniteSagacity! I have numerous boxes for the charity shop and I will be trying to channel your incredible self-restraint when I finally get organised enough to drop them off.

I'm keeping on top of some things and trying not to feel overwhelmed by everything.

My dd has a school trip next week, two nights away. First time! Eldest child! I've got everything on her list of things to take that came from school. I'll be really pleased that there will not be any last minute stress just because I've forgotten something. I've planned ahead. I'm pleased I didn't procrastinate with this planning. I didn't want my dd to feel stress just because I was unprepared. We'll be able to pack her bag calmly.

Hello, can I join in? I keep buying things I don't need. I've been getting rid of things the past few weeks but I'm still bringing new things into the house.
All the cupboards, the attic and the garage are stuffed full of junk. It makes me anxious.

@MarthaMayWhovier welcome! I’m in a similar place - stuff everywhere and lots of it is just rubbish.
I’ve just listened to a podcast by clutterbug about the 6 reasons why decluttering is extra hard for some people - very thought provoking and worth a listen.
The ones that resonated were:
Scarcity mindset - I totally have this, grew up with make do and mend folks and can’t part with things that I perceive have value.
Last week I took out old toys and checked for batteries, I had to take half the battery operated stuff to electrical recycling. I’d liberally held onto things until they had no value.
The other thing was getting your head around the fact buying things feels good. Getting rid is harder - some good insights.

Hello to everyone else, some amazing updates and sending to strength to those who are struggling - any progress is progress, even the progress which is just doing your dishes/laundry/cleaning that day so you help the you that has to get through tomorrow.

Miaowse Nearly all the journey I'm making is just trial and error.
I'm not sure how much I trust myself at the moment, but I'm trying to use and tailor ideas of exposure therapy in very small doses, so I have control over unwanted side effects.

Recycling is mid next week, unless there's too much in which case I take to public recycling earlier. Both still sitting there, but afraid there's no relief from not fixing, though maybe that's another thing for me to work on further down the line.

Looking on the main boards I think most people are feeling somewhat lethargic. Combination of August, heat, and economy heading for Lord knows what.
But I think you should look at whatever bits of your kitchen are looking better and actively enjoy them!

Well done DownUdderer! Rite of passage for you both.

MarthaMayWhovier Welcome and sympathies, but the fact you’re also getting things out is great. ‘Pursuing’ and getting things releases a dopamine hit which is effectively chemical happiness. It will have been very useful once upon a time as it will have motivated us to gather prior to cold spells etc, it’s evolved into retail therapy.

I found working out theoretical motivation behind what I was buying helped me ie: bargain, useful, beautiful, only opportunity, etc. Quite a lot for me was buying for a life I didn’t have.

I actually ended up having to go cold turkey to stop myself. The longer-term result was majorly slowing myself down, but I’m much more in control and buy little. Free items are still potentially problematic, but I’m far more careful of what I let in, as I recognise that currently what comes in tends to stay even when I tell myself it’s a temporary acquisition for a short term purpose.

For me controlling the buying was the first step, so the fact you’ve started getting stuff out is a great start.

Finite thanks for the podcast recommendation.

Irritatingly I got nothing additional done yesterday or today. I'm visibly unwell and unable to eat without disastrous repercussions. DC is trying to con me into believing that doing nothing now will pay off next week when we have no choice. I say con, because while it sounds logical, the only time anyone tries to persuade me to do nothing above basic maintenance, is when it coincides with them being available to help!

I managed to fill three bin bags from 'the pile' this morning, which DH added to my car. He will take it to the tip when the car is full!

This afternoon I played bitten lots by with our puppy and our children (who don't bite!)

In a lots of pain today, so that is all. Just a couple of weeks before I start my new job (fingers crossed) so I am on a countdown to get this finished.

Yesterday and today, I managed to throw an additional eight bin bags from 'the pile'.

Depressingly there is still so much to do, sigh. On the plus side I think I have got rid of all the big things. Now it is crafts stuff, paperwork. The paper will take forever! So the next step is crafts.

I am keeping my fibre/cords stuff downstairs and I have a big black storage box with fitted lid, which can be filled with craft stuff which I haven't got time for at the moment but don't want to throw away atm. That will go in the attic.

So tomorrow is craft stuff, this will be hard for me to do.

@Solo Calling you back to your thread. How are things with you ?

Well done BabiesEverywhere! Sorry all your hard work's left you in pain, but it sounds very positive and that you have exciting reasons driving you. (Tries borrowing some of the energy and definitely the puppy!)
Very impressed with you doing craft stuff! Wish you lots of resilience.

Also love to know how @Solo is getting on.

My countdown proper starts tomorrow and I’m trying to prepare.

Most of today has been navigating scaffolding going up and scaffolders. I’d actually already done a lot of the worst bit’s preparation courtesy of the unexpected help.

Tomorrow's day one of my attempted big push, though I have to go for a x ray in first thing in the morning first.

One of my previous mistakes has been to successfully work really hard and do lots but end up doing and getting talked into prioritizing the wrong things, in terms of longer-term change, so keen not to repeat that.

This afternoon I’ve been re-watching some hoarding clear out programs for any tips on working with others, (or perhaps how not to!) while trying to work out what the next fortnights priority goals are, and what’s needed to achieve them so we’re reasonably organized, along with reminder list of where what can be disposed of.

Am going to have to have agreement from Ds over what the priorities are too, but within the fortnight we need to have cleared two of four storage units, and to achieve that a lot has to go from all of them. (I’d like the lot gone, but it isn’t realistic in the time scales.)

Disagreements have already started over me wanting to get rid of some things, not overly helpful but I suppose inevitable.

Hello, hoping there's room for another here.
Trying to declutter and struggling so much. I have huge emotional attachment to things, to clothes, shoes, birthday cards from years ago, seriously ridiculous amounts of socks, pyjamas, underwear. Also pens, notebooks, greeting cards, restaurant cards (and receipts from good or special meals).
I will listen to the clutterbug podcast recommended.
I've only read the last few pages but agree that to change this I need to change how I live. Very much recognise the feelings of buying things for a lifestyle I don't necessarily lead. I actually don't buy much nowadays (relatively speaking) but have so many clothes my wardrobes are bulging. Also if anyone put me under house arrest I'd stay clean for years with the toiletries I have got.

I just wanted to type this as a bit of motivation to get some stuff gone.

Hope others are managing to do a bit of what they need.

Hi zebrashoes & welcome.

You'll (almost certainly) find that motivation actually follows action, about face as that may sound.
Posting about the problem is an action and I've found I can use it to make me do something and from the something comes the motivation to do more.

to change this I need to change how I live. Very much recognize the feelings of buying things for a lifestyle I don't necessarily lead.

There is so much psychology caught up in all this - I'm quite a way down the path from were I started but right now I'm working on what is the gain and loss in me keeping items vs the gain and loss in not?

I popped in to say x-ray done, Ds has inevitably overslept (elsewhere but was working late) and declared himself exhausted before we start, so I used the time to give notice on the more expensive of the two units I want to clear.
Enforced motivation that has made me feel slightly panicked, which is stupid really!

Am about to go and see what can be negotiated with a gentle start today and trying to motivate Ds over the whole shebang.

Welcome @zebrashoes , there is always space for one more.

A few of us have been on these threads from the start (around 2015 ish) and some posters are brand new, if we had all the motivation and speed already, then we wouldn't need this support thread!

@Elleherd is right. There is so much psychological and other stuff going on in our lives, usually health concerns which prevent us from having the show homes that some people effortless maintain.

We all move at our own pace and to suit our own situations. I have been dormant for a while struggling with health issues.

As I have an extremally short deadline, today I ploughed on with 'the pile'. Four more binbags and a plastic box gone into my car via DH for the tip. One bag of stuff to put away downstairs.

So much more to go still but finally 'the pile' is reducing!

My motivations are a need to fit a desk in our room and due to the tight timescale, instead of trying to rehome, recycle and sell items...I have thrown everything! I don't like doing it this way but it is working.

As I am bagging stuff up and placing on the landing and my DH is moving them outside to the car, so I don't change my mind. Once it is out of the house, I am hard pressed to remember what I got rid of!

However I am currently struggling my way through my craft stuff. Then old paperwork which will be time consuming but easy to sort and finally onto sentimental things that will probably be boxed and put in the attic for another day/month/year/decade! lol 😂

Welcome to MarthaMayWhovier and zebrashoes and apologies if I have missed anyone else, I lose my posts if I scroll too far back while typing.

You'll (almost certainly) find that motivation actually follows action, about face as that may sound.
Posting about the problem is an action and I've found I can use it to make me do something and from the something comes the motivation to do more.

Elleherd, this is so true and I had not really put that together despite observing the phenomenon of posting leading to progress. Thank you - I feel as if something just slotted into place.

Good luck tackling the storage unit, hope the helper helps!

BabiesEverywhere you are doing brilliantly! I long ago abandoned selling but do put lots in boxes/bags “for the charity shop” and then they just continue to live in my home in the boxes/bags. I must learn a lesson from your post. The observation about being hard pressed to remember the stuff once it leaves the house is another golden nugget of truth.

Thanks for all the wise words and good luck to those working to tight deadlines.

My only positive update is that my kitchen is still looking significantly better than usual and I’m getting so much laundry done & dried in this heat. I might even tackle the sofa cover today or tomorrow.

Miowse Hope you wont mind but I've been cheeky and fixed your post for you: My positive update is that my kitchen is still looking significantly better than usual and I’m getting so much laundry done & dried in this heat. I might even tackle the sofa cover today or tomorrow.
Really glad if things click, and grateful to have folk who get the need to ruminate.

'the pile' is reducing! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!!! Well done BabiesEverywhere

It's interesting you say "once it is out of the house, I am hard pressed to remember what I got rid of!" This is so where I'd like to be.
Lots of people are able to say it, but there's a sub group who aren't. As one of them I'm interested in if it's linked to objects as memory devices, or if it's something else. (I also don't find photographs useful as an alternative, if anything they make things worse. It's like holding onto loss.)
I actually find it quite difficult to forget what I've disposed off for some time after, waking in the night focused on them () but most of it does fade away in the end. It's no wonder I'm having memory issues - even my brain is cluttered!

Update: Experiment to leave items to go in recycling in the kitchen, has worked. Transferred from kitchen to pick up box and outside, and it was taken away, without me changing my mind etc.
Hopeful that it's a sign I'm getting more in control of my issues.

Yesterday didn't quite go to plan.. Conversations went quite well while we were out and about, but then we went back for something and the scaffolder had come back and was behaving appallingly. I think because someone had made him come back. But myself and the lad with him got the worst of it and he's done some unnecessary damage out of temper.

After that Ds was out of sorts, prepared to help sort out the mess made, but no more, so decided to run with it.

Haven't slept well which isn't a great start, and a few things went awry with everyone's timing this morning, but about to do a couple of things in garden and then we're off to the storage unit to see what can be culled.

Thank you @Elleherd @BabiesEverywhere @Miaowse ,nice to meet you all.

I took a bag of clothes to the charity shop today and have started another one.
I find it hard to bin things so am trying to feel positive that my clothes can help someone else.
@Elleherd I don't know if it's clothes or other items you refer to but yes I gave some to charity a month ago and still know what was in the bags and can visualise the items very clearly and know the textures of the clothes. It makes it quite difficult to get rid.

@BabiesEverywhere I have some health issues but thankfully doing well physically, mentally is a bit more challenging.

@Miaowse that's great your kitchen is looking good.
I'm trying to keep on top of washing up pots and hoping to declutter cupboards but one thing at a time.

So tired but will see what I can get done tomorrow.

zebrashoes Well done, one bag down! Sympathies with the tiredness. It’s wearing.

Folks on here are anywhere between struggling with keeping things together and knowing having less things would be helpful but finding it harder than expected to achieve, to knowing we’re suffering from full on hoarding disorder, and anywhere in-between.

In answer: for me it’s all items, and yes it doesn’t make it easier, and there don’t seem to be many current answers for it, other than the one of knowing it’s been released to be enjoyed by someone else, (anecdotally not everyone gets relief from that) if it can be offloaded that way.

I think working out what our peculiarities and differences are, can make us more resilient to them.
I was put off a lot of how to de-clutter material or groups because apparently I ‘couldn’t even do hoarding right!’ [eye roll]
I’ve come to realize that one reason it’s so hard to treat is while we have lots of commonalities, we also have relevant big differences. (somewhere in them is the clue to what might help)

Obvious perhaps, but for an individual struggling to use de-cluttering systems, CBT etc, it can be easy to think we are maybe worse, too far gone, or less help-able when what works for most doesn’t for us. It just means what helps for those situations, hasn’t yet been uncovered.