The Hoarders Anonymous #5

[CherryMargo]

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Is your house/flat in a complete mess? Do you often feel overwhelmed and helpless when it comes to sorting it out? Do you procrastinate a lot? Do you struggle to declutter due to emotional attachment or decision-making fatigue? Are you embarrassed to invite people in?

Then you and us have a lot in common!

Join in for advice, encouragement and support. Here we share our struggles no matter how big, and celebrate our progress no matter how small. Welcome to thread number five! 🤗

P. S. Here are the links to various methods mentioned in previous threads:

The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

It's very interesting on this thread at the moment, I read everything and enjoy everyone's news. It's lovely that everyone is being so open and it's interesting isn't it when there's common traits!

Today is my deadline for a tidy bedroom. I'm really close but it's not completely tidy. I did a lot today. I've filled four bags with trash. Old worn out clothes. Broken toys. Various things. I'm pleased to be getting rid of them because I'll end up with a tidy room that'll be easier to keep tidy. I was emotional with some old clothing, but I'm letting lots go.

I was working on tidying my wardrobe. I got a bit bogged down with perfectionism. But I was trying to avoid churning, so I went through a lot of bags and managed to throw things away.

Everything that was put out on the kurbside was gone before we did the school drop off! Like magic.

I'll attach a photo of my tidy cupboard with my shelving units. It's not a scary cupboard that has to be ignored anymore. It's a much more useful space.

We have ASD, hypermobility, and dyspraxia in this household as well. Everyone is much bigger than me now, and I’m really feeling it.

Yesterday brought one more sack of tree cuttings, and two sacks of stuff from remains of squished greenhouse. Have to wait for help to lift them to get them out but did manage to get an old freezer drawer out.

DownUdderer Second clothes/pantry moth of the year yesterday. Close to where the first one was in the corridor, so the hunt is on.
I don’t know if you’ve tried pheromone strips, but they’ve helped a bit in our battle. They’re so deep in the fabric of these buildings, I doubt we’ll ever eradicate them. Some neighbors have them visibly fluttering about all the time. In better news also saw the first butterfly yesterday. A small peacock fluttering happily in the sunshine, and today a greenish yellow one.Well done with the letting go and clearing!

Solo to be diagnosed the impairment must be significant across thee areas. Lots of people out there with major impairment across two ‘only’ so don’t meet diagnostic criteria. It doesn’t make those impairments cease. Sorry you're left picking up the slack. Hope your Mum is ok.

AmberItsACertainty Hello and good luck!

Nettleskeins Poor dog, hope you’re both feeling better.

Clara The council here seem to be trying to enforce dependence on them for everything, whether people like it or not, while charging extra for it. Their services aren’t generally good either.

Ds2 started playing the piano again two days ago, and to his delight he found the piano workbook from when he was seven...so he spent an hour playing things from that. And there lies my dilemma..I deduce oh it's so great I kept that book for 12 years ..it has finally come in useful...

But actually it is a distortion...if the book hadn't been there he could have purchased another, or played a different tune, and in the meantime I've been hanging on to the piano book for ME not him. It's an archival piece of info, it gives me pleasure to see it and remember him aged 7..
But is that blocking some aspect of our lives together aged 19 and 55?
I have to remember there is plenty more to accumulate for ds2 s life ahead...maybe he will be an archaeologist and have thousands of archaeology books, paraphernalia and the piano workbook...well there just won't be room for that AS WELL.

So I will keep it till the sound of the piano is no more ( I don't think this phase is going to last long and then chuck it with GCSE workbooks.

I'm finding the tidying and getting rid of things easier as long as I keep on doing it, as soon as I loose momentum it's so much harder to get back to it.

But I've focused on my bedroom recently and other rooms are starting to look really messy!

I hope your dog will heal up nicely.

Solo, I have to say I find it easier to clean other people's houses than my own, but there is something so demoralising about having to do basics when other people are too selfish to realise YOUR time is actually important, and your life is also full of other responsibilities and challenges besides their..oh you won't mind just spending a few minutes hours weeks sorting this..
I have this with my family as well, I think we are all quite wary now and have set up boundaries...we have all stopped doing things for each other as a result - it was all so out of kilter. My sister still does a lot but feels angry because of it. Not sure what the right balance is. It's hard dealing with selfish careless people, when you are in the middle of caring for a vulnerable person.

The second tradesman of the week has been and gone; I'm really proud of myself for letting him come into the greasy grimy kitchen and just let him get on with repairing something. I'm sure as a pp said, he has seen it all before, it has taken me a year to organise this particular repair and now it's done. Phew

DH has put a lot of stuff back in the understairs cupboard, but the contents of two cupboards are still on the landing(relating to tradesmen's visits). I feel alright, it isn't the end of the world..I feel as if a weight has been lifted now that that's all over.

Down so much storage in the new shelving unit. Well done! I am so mindful of churning..I swear I have now looked at the same plastic coated tablecloth which might come in useful but I never use (garden? Craft activity) and picked off road nearly four years ago. No less than five times has it moved from cupboard to cupboard.

I'm just recycling it.. it is driving me insane.

I had a lot, maybe a couple of bags of, old t-shirts. I wanted to make someone with them, a quilt or blanket. But years later and I've not made anything with them. So I've managed to get rid of quite a few. I'm hoping it gives me some mental space as well as actual cupboard space.

Congrats on the tradesman. I know you must feel great to get it done. We'll need one soon and it does play on my mind.

Thanks for the welcome everyone 🙂

DownUdderer I like your cupboard. I have one similar but larger, I turned it into a room with a desk/chair/drawers, plus a chair and side table for books/tea. I was determined not to turn it into a huge junk space. Congrats on clearing yours out.

I'm wondering where people stand on the issue of the environment? It's something I feel strongly about. I really really dislike waste. I think things that can be used should be used. So I have a real problem throwing things away.

My dilemma is this. With the exception of my clothes (which is a whole subject in itself, we're not going there!) I have a tidy home. I'm very inventive with storage, creating space where it first appears to be none left. A place for everything and everything in its place. But - I have a lot of stuff. Too much honestly. I've identified a pile of things I'd like to dispose of. I've gone through all the emotional detachment of being able to let it go, finally. It can't be recycled or donated. There's nothing wrong with it, it can be used, it's just I don't need it. Ideally I'd sell it all and have sold some of it.

My question is this. What do I do with the stuff that remains unsold? I've recently sold a few pieces which I'd been trying to sell for a year. Ideally I don't want to be keeping stuff around for that long once I've decided it can go. I find it immensely annoying to have people coming over, messing me around with timing and no-shows and I'm not prepared to do that if they're not giving me money, at least £5, so giving stuff away isn't an option. The obvious solution is landfill, but this doesn't align with my environment beliefs.

Do you all have some ingenious solutions for storing stuff until it's sold? Am I setting too much store by the environment, using it for an excuse? Do I need to accept that if most people don't want to buy something then despite how useful it could be, it's truthfully effectively useless due to being unwanted? I feel confused. I have a friend who would hire a skip, toss the lot in and some more besides just to fill it up, then send it away without a moment's thought. I was quite shocked when I found out they do this. It's got me wondering if I'm wrong with my approach of keeping things out of landfill no matter what. I should probably make clear I'm not hoarding other people's cast offs, this is all stuff I bought and used but no longer need.

I have sorted out my exit strategy, by remembering that there is a local Facebook group where we can both request items or offer to give away items.

So I listed everything that was in the hallway, that was waiting to be taken to a charity shop. Hopefully, I will get some takers.

I have kept on top of the kitchen and making small inroads in the bathroom, living room etc.

In the living room, I cleaned the mantlepiece, mirror and the side tables.

In the hall, I sorted and listed all the charity shop items, hoovered, and cleaned the mirror.

In the bathroom, I cleaned the bath side, the top of all the laundry boxes and the mirror.

My left shoulder and neck are still hurting a lot. I think a lot of it is due to me carrying things with my left hand only going up and down on the stair lift, as my right hand is needed for the lift controls. Not sure what to do about it. I have rubbed in Ibuprofen cream which gives limited temporary relief. I am reluctant to take any pills, as I already take loads for other reasons. But my other painkillers are for nerve pain and are not helping with this one.

Sorry to be moany, I will be in a better mood tomorrow.

My problem is that if I could just hire a small skip and chuck in everything I wanted rid of, I could probably declutter the house very quickly. But it's the mammoth task that is advertising everything that could be reused on free cycle or FB groups, which means so many discussions with so many people about every last little thing. A friend of mine really guilt tripped me when I offered a group of friends who all garden some seed trays 'else they are going to the tip' and she said nothing like that should be going on the tip, I should be offering to people on various groups. And I agree. But it just makes the whole decluttering thing a much bigger, more protracted job. So progress is slow and then it becomes boring ans never ending. How have others overcome this?

@RockingMyFiftiesNot this is why I can't use these free giveaway sites. The emotional drain of dealing with those people isn't worth it if I'm not getting at least a fiver. I've loads of stuff listed for sale "cash on collection - no exceptions" on every ad. So many people still asking if I'll post it and can they pay with PayPal. I'm so sick of it. People have zero respect.

[quote AmberItsACertainty]@RockingMyFiftiesNot this is why I can't use these free giveaway sites. The emotional drain of dealing with those people isn't worth it if I'm not getting at least a fiver. I've loads of stuff listed for sale "cash on collection - no exceptions" on every ad. So many people still asking if I'll post it and can they pay with PayPal. I'm so sick of it. People have zero respect.[/quote]
I don't even want money for most things, which is harder in some ways. I joined a decluttering group on FB looking for tips and motivation and now feel guilty about even throwing away magazines, which previously I'd have dropped off at the Drs, dentists or care homes But they currently don't accept. Do I really want to be giving out my address to randomers to pick up free magazines? Well apparently I have to if I don't want to be responsible for all the bad things that will happen to the planet as a result.

Sneaks back in, I've been struggling - it's hitting home DH is gone and not coming back, his ashes are ready to collect but I've not fetched them yet.

Bloody advert keeps coming on telly with dolly singing "I will always love you" I'm in bloody pieces each time,

Today I've phoned the local hospice and arranged a collection on the 14th and I've promised them 10 bags so I'd better crack on !

notapizza I'm so so sorry. If you haven't felt able to collect your DH 's ashes yet, maybe you should give yourself a little while longer. You must have worked so hard to get those bags together, and at least that difficult step is taken.

.@notapizzaeater I'm sorry for your loss and how hard it must be for you x makes me realise how trivial my last post must seem.

@RockingMyFiftiesNot your post wasn't trivial, I need 'normal' x

shred the magazines and put in the compost?
use to line pets cages?
use as fire lighters? (not very environmentally friendly)

hope the shoulder gets better soon.

I am really struggling to let stuff go. ie a small plastic toy orange. (actually I think it has now gone down with the rubbish but I am feeling guilty for not recycling it)

today's jobs:
got a child up and to school.
arranged for children to go to dad's. and checked up on child going to dad's.
washing up and putting away a rack full of pots. sorted out which ones need scalding first as they have been to long waiting to be washed and had a furry coat.
sorted some washing and washed a load. it is waiting to be hung.
continued sorting out the kids respite care bags, putting stuff in wash as I do loads.
started filling the recycling bag.
emptied the kitchen bin and sent it down with ex.
sent the compost with ex.

hung up that washing, sprayed and wiped the loo seat and basin, put the next load in the machine so I can turn it on tomorrow, got pudding a drink and duct-taped a toe or two.

and: spent an hour and a half stripping woodchip off ds's wall, and cleaning up afterwards. (plus picking up some of the rubbish in ds's room. ) washed the old sheet that was covering his bed to protect it. going to send the rubbish bags down with ex.

I am trying to take things between rooms as I go.

pizza

normal? well thats me out then.

I've been recycling magazines in the paper box. Have I been doing it wrong? Is paper recycling bad for the environment? I do struggle to put books in there, it seems so wasteful if they're in good condition.

notapizzaeater .

BlackeyedSusan I'd be feeling the same about the plastic orange.

Magazines can go out of date I think, so recycling sounds fine to me. I think big corporations make the most environmental damage and yet the blame for plastic pollution (for example) is put onto individuals. I think we can do our bit, recycling is great. But for myself, I try and do my best, I use up things and re use lots of things I buy second hand. But sometimes it's ok for me to chuck some stuff away. I guess we all have our own "rules" that we follow. Don't let other people pressure you on what you should do with old seed trays etc.

Notapizza. Well done on commiting yourself to give away ten bags, I hope that helps you. A collection date might help you fill the bags up.

I'm hoping that four bags for the charity shop, filled with clothes that are too small for my kids will be picked up today.

@DownUdderer thank you yes you're right about just not letting people guilt trip me. Magazines will now go in the paper recycling instead of trying to rehouse them! I do have bags of clothes and a box if books waiting for the charity shops to open, although i expect they will be overwhelmed at first again so they might be in my garage a while.

We have a local over 60s club that are always happy to take magazines that they distribute- have you something like that ?

Putting them in the recycling is fine.

notapizza I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all this. It’s quite normal to not be ready to accept ashes. They’re currently in the care of people who understand, and you may well need the gap before you’re ready. Deciding your longer-term intentions over them sometimes makes collecting them more bearable.

You’re being very wise in gathering the bags now and having a collection date. Hope it goes well.

Babieseverywhere Won't sort the immediate problem, but for the future would it work to have a container on your lap to take the weight and center your posture?

AmberItsACertainty and RockingMyFiftiesNot If the items are potentially of interest to others, one answer can be to state ‘Y item/s will be rain protection covered and outside X address at x time. Help yourself, first come first served.’
You’ll get more takers especially with bigger items needing transport, if you’re prepared to offer text/email communication about if it’s still there, as people understandably don’t wish to make the journey without knowing if they stand any chance. If people then start asking if you will do x,y, or z, you just have a standard ‘sorry, no can do, as a result of previous experiences’ ready to C+P.