The Hoarders Anonymous #5

[CherryMargo]

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Is your house/flat in a complete mess? Do you often feel overwhelmed and helpless when it comes to sorting it out? Do you procrastinate a lot? Do you struggle to declutter due to emotional attachment or decision-making fatigue? Are you embarrassed to invite people in?

Then you and us have a lot in common!

Join in for advice, encouragement and support. Here we share our struggles no matter how big, and celebrate our progress no matter how small. Welcome to thread number five! 🤗

P. S. Here are the links to various methods mentioned in previous threads:

The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

That's amazing down.

Yesterday: trip to a and e took up most of the day. And subsequent looking after. A week or so of recovery.

Yesterday:
Get kid up, breakfasted and both to school.
Organise appointment with hospital.
Fetch kid 1 from school
Fetch kid two from school
Abandon kid one with dad
Take kid 2 to hospital
Buy kids twos meds
Dose kid two with painkillers
Feed kid two.

And randomly, clean the living room windows with vinegar.

Well, I have been spending the odd 10mins here and there deleting old emails and my new total is 11748 unread, so a pretty impressive reduction.

Not much else going on. The only outs have been a few papers and old packaging. I bought some plants, but hopefully they will be in the freshly weeded part of the garden very soon (before the weeds can re-colonise...)

I've scrubbed a toy today that had become mucky. I'd been meaning to do it for two or three weeks.

I've thrown away a holey pair of socks.

I've ordered an outdoor rug to go in my sunroom. The room needs a bit more sweeping and scrubbing but I'll do it bit by bit. I find a small effort repeated over days really builds momentum.

I can really start to see improvements everywhere. Areas are still completely messy, but on the whole I can feel things getting better.

Sorry to hear about a trip to a and e. Get well to your second child.

@DownUdderer your entry looks gorgeous. I love the design on your door!

BlackEyedSusan Sorry Ds 2’s unwell. Hope he gets better soon.

Exhausted and changing meds routine has brought issues. Last two days have seen three and a half sacks out; one recycling, one and a half rubbish, one garden, and a bit of additional cleaning of rarely seen corners, skirting boards etc, on top of daily stuff.

GA’s pets seen to both AM and PM, feeling bad for them as can’t really spend as much time on them as they deserve. GA isn’t very happy, (not that I can blame her) and lots of time wasted failing to get to talk to elusive social worker, but a few boxes packed in-between things. I ache badly, and it all feels never ending at the moment.

Now down to six days to go before first contractors in. It sounds a lot, but actually isn’t enough. A lot’s gone into storage and a reasonable amount disposed of, (though not enough) in a ‘first sweep’, but currently everything looks awful half turned upside down. This is the dark side of organized hoarding. It’s scary just how much stuff can be densely packed down and stored, and how much space it takes up when un-tetris'd!

I’m leaving the main room until after first contractor starts as access to it won’t be needed for the first fortnight after work starts. It’s one of the fullest rooms, doubling as studio/work room/living room, so the plan is to be packing it up while they’re working on other bits.

Down Udderer that does look very nice!

@Elleherd I think you are doing great to keep helping others with all your own things to attend to plus a change in meds!!

I hope your DS2 is on the mend @BlackeyedSusan?

IIRC you're in Australia @DownUdderer? When we went (a good few years ago) I was really struck by all the floor tiling in the houses (yours is lovely, by the way!). Back in the chilly UK it's carpet all the way to try to keep us warm actually we do have tiling in our house but only immediately next to the front door, to try to get some of the dirt off shoes there and stop the DCs making the house even more grubby it doesn't work

@Babieseverywhere kitchen storage and worktop space are the bane of my life!! The kitchen just seems badly designed, we could have a smaller table and bigger actual working space, but DP (who never cooks) thought it was better this way

Nap times are tricky aren't they @GlumyGloomer? When the DC were very small I used them to do a workout when I wasn't utterly bloody exhausted but they do tend to tie you to the house - or buggy, in my case, as both mine needed pushing around to get to sleep.

Things in the house have stagnated with my utter frazzledness from DS1. I'm just a bit stuck really - the meltdowns are happening pretty much every morning (with no obvious cause), I've tried contacting three local parenting/ SEN groups for assistance but none of them have got back to me, and school don't see any issues as he's fine there. DP never sees the worst of it either as he's generally at work, but it's making me dread DS1 being at home, I hate his bad temper and the accompanying tantrums. Plus my sibling has been diagnosed with potentially a life limiting illness and I'm now worried over that (can't be more specific as I know my DM is on MN!). Really I just like being asleep at the moment as it's a bit of oblivion from all the issues. No wonder I'm tired all the time...

Clara fingers crossed for the job hunting.

Well done Down for decluttering the clothes pile and Elleherd for fixing the chest of drawers.

I've sold something bulky and it's been collected so that's good.

I've found the tip helpful (here or another thread? can't remember) about seeing how much it would cost to replace it in the future if you needed to. It's helping with the decisions on what to sell to know that I can, well, not replace exactly due to quality and expensive, but purchase a suitable item at an affordable price in the unlikely event that I need to. It's stopped so much of the "keep just in case" mentality.

I've done some digital decluttering, 350 text messages taking up memory on an old phone. Which all had to be deleted individually.

I've had a hoarding fail though. A phone totally broken (I keep the part broken for emergencies) it had the Blue Screen Of Death so that's that. I need replacement obviously, but I ended up with three. Yes, three. I've thought long and hard about why and it's partly a lack of understanding technology. If I'd bought a dual SIM phone I realize I could have bought two not three. But still it would be more than one! The only reason I could find was I don't like to throw out fully functional SIM cards. So they're now all in a phone that works. I can see the madness in this. If I needed any further evidence that I have a problem, this is it.

I like your entryway Down.

Hope your DC gets well soon BlackeyedSusan

Yesterday:
Kid one headbutted something hard in school and had to be collected. Dad fetched dc1 as closer. Pack hospital bag, didn't need AandE

Wash and dry splint, admin meds

Dc's breakfast, tea, snacks, drinks.

Some washing up,
Some pots away,
Put a load of washing in.
Put top up shop away

Today:
Shopping for stuff missed from top up shop

Sorted and delivered to ex and carried mine up two flights of stairs.

Petrol bought

School run, twice

Washed and dried splint.
Started washing up.
Tickled tomato flowers
Take medical call for DC

Collapsed in a heap currently. Need to find some energy to feed children.

I have done a lot but not towards the flat.

Both DC improving thanks. Bloody splint gets a bit honky though. Definitely needed a wash today. Hate splint washing. This one does dry quick though.

My shoe rack has arrived, I'm disappointed with the quality, but I will use it until it breaks, it'll probably be ok. It certainly has solved a shoe clutter problem though, so for that I am pleased.

Thanks everyone for the kind comments, it does give me a boost. I daren't tell people in real life as I'd be embarrassed!

Clara...with my son with an ASC aged five it was "transitions"...ie thinking about leaving one place and activity (home, bed, play) to go to another (school, trip, shop). It is because the "theory of mind" aspect of an ASC can make it difficult for some of us, myself included, to imagine how we will "get" (not physically) from A in our mind to B in our mind.
It is basically anxiety that causes meltdowns.
In my case I reduced the demands before school to minimum or made them almost robotic. So I used to dress ds2 because that made the transition easier, no demands to put your clothes on. No "getting ready" demands. Then he could do the hard work of transitioning out of the house mentally.
I'm ashamed to say my DH does this for me when we go anywhere..he finds all Docs he clears house organises kids because I meltdown with anxiety when we "leave" to go somewhere for any length of time . I'm fine travelling by myself btw or just taking kids out for an expedition by myself, don't get me wrong, I've gone in many many trips with kids...it is just I can see why my ds2 found the "process" of antipication stressful.

Or breaking things down so there are fewer steps and simpler ones.

There's always at least one holiday packing meltdown here too. No choice but to get on with it. Just slowly.

My other thoughts Clara is that if you DS is still tired when he wakes up, is there something very low key that he can do first thing in the morning. Not necessarily screens. So there is soothing music, just audio, things to suck or chew to regulate the proprioceptive system (straw or slow sippy cup) activity which is soothing and quiet like Brio wooden trains (no bridges or falling apart bits!!!) Or a story tape which isn't too exciting. My Ds was always up early and breakfast was followed by these things, not telly. DD used to scream a lot when she woke up (needed lots of sleep)and we found that giving her Ribena with sugar in it (not sugar free kind) or a milky chocolatey cold drink with a straw IN bed before she even got out of it helped her stay calm. But Ds would have bouncing around long before that, no chance of a drink in actual bed...

My DD has an offer from a London Art School yest, I'm really thrilled!

Susan A & E, gosh it takes it out of you. Poor child, is that collar bone??!

Hand injury.

Eating breakfast.

I have already:
Had a lie in and woken naturally without an alarm.
DD got herself ready for swimming.
I have:
Unblocked the plug holes and plunged the pipes in the bathroom and scrubbed down the pipe with an old toothbrush to collect the long hairs.

Cleaned the bath,basin and the top half of the outside the loo....was interrupted and need to go back to that.
Wiped down all but the top row of tiles.
Put a load of washing in.

I like your attitude to the shoe rack. It will also give you chance to work out whether it works or not. It might stop working after a few years as kids grow, things change.

Clara Very sorry to hear about your sibling.
Experience here with Dc at five was having no choice but to take him to work with me, then get him to school (v.close) on time during my ‘coffee break.’ Work setting was actually well equipped and a nice place for him to be. He wasn’t diagnosed at the time but even then, and with those background problems, what stood out was the difficulty he had changing from one setting to another. All his difficulties were put down to him coming in from my work, rather than home, but it quickly turned out incorrect. We got the routine working and to school successfully, calm and apparently unstressed, but then the complaints moved to he was now having difficulty going from the playground line up to the classroom, and breaks, and lunchtime, and packing up, no matter what I did.
As Nettleskeins has said actually it’s "transitions" & “basically anxiety that causes meltdowns.” I also reduced everything I could but without understanding underlying reasons. We did as much pre-prep for school the evening before, ie laying out clothes, books in bag, PE kits etc, and in the morning I’d wash, dress, and feed him to take some of the stress away, with as few decisions or things that had to be remembered as possible, so that there was this very automatic routine. For us what it did was move when the meltdowns occurred. Pros and cons out of it. I don’t know if you’d face the same now, but once it was proved that my situation wasn’t the cause they wanted him on a reduced timetable.
Nettleskeins Congratulations to daughter. Hope studios and workshops as well as face to face learning is all available as normal by September. (not everywhere is)
Amber Well done with your selling! The ‘how much it costs to replace’ strategy is one of those ones that can go either way depending on the individual. It can have the opposite intended effect on those with financial insecurity, fixed, or ever shrinking incomes.
BlackeyedSusan Ow! (both for Dc1 and for you juggling)
Down Udderer It is so helpful to be able to communicate with other people about what we’re trying to achieve.

Yesterday was just a carrier bag of recycling and a tin of dead paint out.
Managed to speak to hospital social worker finally. They want to go to GA’s home and assess suitability for her to be discharged to it. She’s said a flat no and is very upset by their assumption they have any right to. I’ve done my best to simply tell them it’s not suitable without going into detail. They’ve asked me to come into a meeting this afternoon which I’m not too comfortable with and don’t really have time for.

This is last weekend with help to get boxes out, but I’m quite unwell with a reaction to second vaccination and hit a block yesterday in terms of managing to pack efficiently. Seem to have done so much work and running around but not achieved what was really needed.
Today has gone wrong with required help getting upset already, so we’ve tried to restart the day. Is fed and watered, about to be re-fed, and am about to try again…

May I join please?

The day started well, bit of gardening. Bit of boring paperwork.

Now meant to sort bedrooms and have lost motivation. It's pretty shocking what happens when we're not allowed to have people round. I don't think either of us were expecting that

Went out for what should have been a reviving stroll and coffee and now just looking at it like, ugh. Oh we dropped some stuff at the charity shop who seemed really pleased, I didn't want to go because I thought it would be overflowing!

It's got to be a blitz weekend for reasons I won't bore you with. So by the time I next post on here I will have changed two beds....

Did all that

Just familiarising myself with the thread

Blackeyed what is tickling the flowers?

I don't know why this all seems such hard work, it just used to be part of the day when I was in 20s and 30s.

If we had a place for everything....I think we need a tidier, not a cleaner.

Welcome CarmelBeach . You've got started already :).

Down your entryway looks amazing, and I love your front door!
Clara , I hope things aren't as bad for your sibling as you think they might be.
Amber? sorry if I've got the wrong person. Could you film your Dc when they have the meltdown to show how they are to those that don't see it?
Elle it's a bit of a nightmare looking after (in whichever way) other household members of the family. You are good to deal with GA's pets.

I'm really sorry, I keep going backwards and forwards to try to address each person, but I'm not doing terribly well at it .

I hope all the illnesses, bumps, and broken bones are okay.
Good luck with job searching.
Well done to the Dd getting her art course.

Me.
Well, I've not done much for several days. Laundry, yes, but not even washed up the dishes.
The doctor thinks Dd might be anaemic due to her long and very heavy periods, so I've got a blood test booked in for her.
I gave away a big carrier bag of clothes that Dd grew out of to a friend whose daughter is in need. The bags of stuff for charity are still here as I too was thinking that charity shops will be overwhelmed with donations at the moment, and I don't want them all ending up dumped.
Tomorrow I have to go to Mum's after doing hers and my shopping, then I have to cook for her, us and my brother .
I want to book a week away in the summer. It'll be here in the UK. It was an utter waste of money getting Dd a passport, and mine too. I get really anxious at the thought of going abroad with just me and Dd as I've only ever gone with other people that either knew how to or with a planned group (not people I knew, just with maybe my ex, and travelling by coach for example). Actually, anxiety doesn't cover it!

I'm going to put a load of laundry in to wash. I'm going to watch a film, and see if I can go through some more papers whilst I'm doing that.

Carmel yes! A tidier would be so helpful! And I agree, just getting everything done was so much easier in the younger years.

I meant to say before that I also have a small kitchen. I'd love more storage.

Yes, more storage would be great. DH has all the kitchen gadgets.

I need to get back in a routine I think. Does anyone do that? Like have days of the week for particular tasks?

I am doing a lot of extra hours at the moment but due to the joys of peri, i think, I have issues with sleep. Weirdly, my legs hurt after not much gardening today. I have dreams of growing my own veg but that's not very realistic.

Sorry, going off topic there!