The Hoarders Anonymous #5

[CherryMargo]

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Is your house/flat in a complete mess? Do you often feel overwhelmed and helpless when it comes to sorting it out? Do you procrastinate a lot? Do you struggle to declutter due to emotional attachment or decision-making fatigue? Are you embarrassed to invite people in?

Then you and us have a lot in common!

Join in for advice, encouragement and support. Here we share our struggles no matter how big, and celebrate our progress no matter how small. Welcome to thread number five! 🤗

P. S. Here are the links to various methods mentioned in previous threads:

The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

CarmelBeach hello. If we had a place for everything... that’s half the battle. I’d settle for people here just tidying up after themselves. No days of the week routines here, more little ones like cloth on hand for cleaning the sink and taps when going to the loo, cleaning the loo when going in the evening, generally plants get watered at weekends (or on the Monday because I didn’t manage it at the weekend) etc.
Solo I don’t think you should worry about answering everyone on the thread. Everyone I’m sure gets that it can be problematic.

Hospital ‘meeting’ was a total waste of time. Apparently, person who arranged the meeting hadn’t realised it’s a Saturday, and their social worker doesn’t work weekends! Have suggested they chase me on Monday, rather than I chase them.
Today never really got off the ground! It’s been the same over getting help from Dc several Saturdays in a row, and it does feel like this is the adult version of those transitions…
But all creatures human or otherwise, are fed, watered, stroked, exercised at some level, some more than others, and a small amount of recycling and some flooring off-cuts are gone at least.
Tomorrow will somehow have to cover an awful lot of ground .

Elleherd this is to late for this afternoon but FYI in future, as a relative and if your GA wishes it, you have a right to be involved in her care. Which means if a meeting is impossible for you to attend, you can get it rescheduled so it suits you as well as them. In this circumstances you are her advocate and can also give your own opinion. Photos could be useful of the house to demonstrate your point. The hospital has a duty of care to ensure GA is discharged to a suitable place. They can't discharge her to her home if it's unsuitable. I'm unsure what happens if she discharges herself against their advice, if GA is still in need of medical treatment under some circumstances they can send police to fetch her back. This meeting is to determine care going forward. If GA sticks her head in the sand and is uncooperative insisting on going home when it's not an option, and nobody advocates for her, decisions could be made without her input. Despite what hospital (keen to avoid bed blockers) and social services (keen to get hospital off their backs) tell you, your GA has a say in which care home (if it has come to that) and does not have to accept the first available space if that care home isn't suitable for her needs (eg a severe dementia care home for someone who's brains are fine or vice versa). If they tell you your GA has no say they're lying (yes they do this). Maybe her current home is unsuitable but GA needs carers daily to make the situation suitable. This meeting is the time to discuss that and ensure GA isn't telling them all is well and relatives are carers when relatives can't perform that role for whatever reason (not wanting to is reason enough). Or saying she's managing fine when the state of the house says different. If GA is recovering from surgery for example, a care home place or carers could be a temporary measure during recovery only. Hopefully this information helps GA navigate this stage of her life.

Hello Carmel

I have been unwell today but I read a magazine and it's in the recycling . Small steps

Oops there's another page!

Yes solo don't worry, I too have the attention span of a fly an reply to who I can remember.

Carmel I have cleaning day because otherwise I'd obsessively clean all week and nothing else would get done. If I run out of time or energy to clean I leave it and start with that area next week. I tidy as I go and am strict with that so there's no tidying day. The worktop is tiny so washing up is done when there's a sink load. I prep food in either the worktop if dishes are drying or if they've been put away I prep in the drainer and use the worktop for the next pile of dirty crockery. The dirty linen basket holds one machine load so is done when it's full. Either tumble drier or line dry and put away same day. Bedding and towels done on cleaning day.

Amber " I have cleaning day because otherwise I'd obsessively clean all week and nothing else would get done"

No risk of that here!

I'm going to be boring a do a list of zones. See if we can spread stuff across the week into 20 minute chunks.

Also need to accept I find some tasks heavy and hard going physically.

I started another thread after looking at the vitamin cupboard which is frankly, quite mad!

Carmel vitamin cupboard?

@Solo

Carmel vitamin cupboard?

I just cleared it out It's more like a shelf, sorry. I think of it as the vitamin cupboard because I go there first thing and take my multi and a B.

I have chucked most of it, it's mostly expiring this summer. Stuff like echinacea, C, it was all catching colds in the office etc.

I know it's stupid but I've got friends who take all the pills, if they come stay with us they have a few at each meal. They're very slim and energetic, though they are also getting peri headaches, sleep issues.

I think I had a stupid idea the pills would make me as energetic as them, but it's okay, I was never really one for a two hour boxercise class anyway!

Also these ladies - one in particular - you can go to her house unannounced and it will be clean. She has children and her DH has chronic health issues. We haven't been to see her because he is shielding, but like me, she mostly works from the dining table and I have seen it on Zoom and it looks like she has made a sensible set up. Mine is a bit mad even with four filing trays.

She would say it's simple picking up after yourself, DH is much better at this than I am. I also have at least two books on the go which move from coffee table to bedside table.

Carmel, you are you with your own unique personality, strengths and weaknesses... ability to keep tidy is just one trait. some people are good at tidy, some not. Neither one makes you any less valuable a person.

Rest day here so nothing major. Mainly looking after a boy until he went off to dad's for tea.

Got to check the shopping otherwise we could have random stuff arriving that I have no room for in the fridge.

Carmel what Susan says is exactly right. We are all different. However, I think we can all change, too. I used to be tidy, clean house, and anyone could come in at any time, but I think life changes us. Our emotions change us too, not to mention our health.

Nothing done here today. I didn't go to mums as I had a massive headache (still do, actually). I'm just waiting to get the jacket spuds from the oven and grate some cheese.

Solo, I hope you feel better asap

Susan, I hope it wasn't a random boy

I don't attach any morality to cleaning, I'm just conscious that we've become lazy. DH has cleaned the kitchen cupboards thoroughly and I've done some sorting in the lounge. It feels more relaxing now which is good.

The house being untidy gets on my nerves in a low level way, I think. I'm a calm person but there is a groan factor in walking into the kitchen and seeing stuff from last night.

I think it's salvageable and hopefully fairly soon. It's being home so much that's caused an issue, I think, as well as people not being able to come by.

This week, after work, a couple of days, l'm going to look at the wardrobe. I may finally part with some clothes that don't fit me!

I'm with you on the untidy equals stressful Carmel. I got tidy by finding the right solutions for storage or display of various items. It was a bit trial and error though. I spent the first year finding everything a home and the second year rearranging everything to maximize the use of space and have things in the most convenient place. Worth it now it's done, easier to keep tidy and clean. When you see someone with a perfect home you don't know what they had to do to achieve it. My friend has a spotless show home. They also have a skip once a year. If you want to be tidier you'll find solutions to suit your family. It just takes time to work it out.

Nothing went out of the home today except the bins. I've been through my books and separated out the ones I want to keep, the ones I haven't read yet and the ones I've read but can't remember them. Those last ones I'll read again then decide, but I'm expecting most of them to be added to the donation pile because if I can't remember them they probably wasn't that brilliant.

Amber - a skip? Wow.

Re books, I find if I love it and want to read it again, I won't forget. I actually hide those at the back of a bookcase because I don't want visitors asking to borrow them. We used to do book swap at work so anything I don't think I'll read again went there but now it's charity shop.

I leave boring history and reference books at the front because no one ever wants to borrow those!

It sounds mean but I hate lending books and then people "lose" them or return them in not great condition like turning the page corners etc.

Carmel yes! I hate lending books too. I've lent very few - ever! But I've had a brand new hardback book returned with an indented scrape in the cover - which I would never have expected from the borrower. I've had teacup rings!!!!!!!! in one book, and I am waiting on the return of another at the moment. I don't expect that to be trashed though, and I think it was a charity shop purchase, so it won't be so dreadful if she forgets to return it.
My brother has spoilt books from my childhood before now and borrowed one of mine which was a gift to me when I accidentally left it at my mums some 30+ years ago, now, but mum didn't remember seeing it on her coffee table and it was by chance I saw it about 5 years ago in Dbs book case, and I took it back. He didn't even remember it!

Re the skip yes they're ruthless about excess clutter. And presumably have no conscience re the environment. Everyone is different I guess. I could transform my home in a day I I hired a skip, now I've properly got into the decluttering mindset. I see things every day now that I think yep I could let that go. But no way could I skip it. Just can't. So selling it is, very, very slowly.

Borrowing stuff, oh gosh yes! I used to be extremely poor and learnt from an early age that others will happily trash, lose or steal something that isn't theirs. "No I'm sorry it's prescious to me, I'm sure you'd look after it but I'd worry the whole time it was out of my sight", is a bit awkward when you're talking about an ordinary everyday object, but its my everyday object damnit! and that's how I'd like it to stay. After they've heard it a couple of times they tend not to ask again. It shuts them up because they'd have to be pretty damn rude to start arguing how it's not precious to me. With the expensive stuff I find "No I'm sorry, you obviously can't afford to buy one, so I don't want to put you in the position of having to replace mine if it's accidentally damaged" is enough to stop them in their tracks. The concept that they'd have to return it in the condition they received it, no matter what happens in the interim, seems fairly alien to most people. Like you though, I'll hide stuff if I can, it's just easier.

a random boy...

I used to see the kids lined up leaning over the railings waiting for parents to pick them up from school. I always wondered whether you could ask for a different one to the one you delivered in the morning.

ex used to use my books as coasters. just disrespectful really. not yours, don't trash it.

We went away for one night. The unpacking will be my job this afternoon. In the past I've been guilty of leaving bags hanging around unorganized for months.

I had the dentist this morning, then I've got an appointment on Wednesday and then no more appointments for a while. So I'll be relieved on Wednesday evening!

I've been on eBay and bought four second hand dinning chairs. They will be delivered Wednesday. We've not got enough chairs at the moment and one is very wobbly. I'll be so happy to have nice chairs. I'm thinking of recovering one of the current chairs then we can have five nice ones.

I'm going to get a load of laundry on in a moment.

Glad it's not just me with the books!

I have a different problem with books. People insist on lending me them! I have quite enough of my own (understatement!) and insufficient time. Am always terrified of damaging or loosing them, but don't have the time to sit down and read them so I can give them back fast and be able to discuss them with the person whose insisted "you must read..." I've only recently discovered that having a reading list for study is the one excuse that's accepted.

Amber thank you, that’s useful. I’ve had my own issues getting out of hospital and IME sadly yes, they don’t always tell the truth. I doubt GA would allow photo’s to be shown. She’s coming over as unreasonable with them, but I think actually she’s just shaken by how swiftly others seem to be trying to make decisions that she feels aren’t theirs to make, mortified by the state of her home, and terrified of losing her animals and her independence.

Carmel Also need to accept I find some tasks heavy and hard going physically. Completely relate to that. My brain hasn’t caught up with my body and is under the impression I’m young, strong, fit, and not disabled! Reality kicks in at the most inopportune moments!

Agree with Susan and Solo about both difference and change. Life can really take its tole both physically and emotionally, though I’m trying to use what I’ve learned during its rampage, to push back.

Down Your sounding very organized. Well done!

Yesterday got a few more boxes into storage, and a small carrier bag of recycling and a broken clothes dryer out.
Lost a lot of time trying to fix tap unit that’s sprung a leak. We just can’t get it apart; it’s seized solid and nothing’s moving it.
While at GA’s, opened her fridge and wished I hadn’t! It will have to wait though.
Now have four days left for us to have everything ready for contractors and it’s not going as fast as it needs to. Not panicking yet but considering it!

freshly out of a post diagnosis session and head reeling. I am ggoing ot have a sleep to recover. Shopping in coming later so need to leave some energy for getting ready for that.

oh and I have just realised I have not typed what I was thinking....

you are doing great elle, you can do it.

Elle you can do it, just don't do your GA's fridge, in four days perhaps but not now.

I'm digging out an overgrown veggie patch..it is complicated to explain, not at my house, but very satisfying. I'm making the most incredible mess...there is mud and weeds everywhere...maybe not mud as it is so dry.
It is not something I could possibly have fitted in earlier in my (child bearing) life. To everything there is a season etc.

Re books...I love them but I also adore lending them to people and quite frankly I don't care if they never come back...I'm the sort of person who reads books in the bath and whilst eating jam sandwiches so condition doesn't bother me.
I regard books like broccoli. Fresh and green, can be made into soup for freezer (brain food) but ultimately compostable.

Freezer is equivalent to a well stocked library ...metaphor etc.

Mostly I'm in awe at you all and I don't have any time to get anything done. Though I do resonate much with the mindset (I hope I'm cluttered not hoarder). My mum is much more of a hoarder.

Today though, with a day free of work, I did a deep clean of DDs bedroom. I'm exhausted. She is a bit hoarder - stuff everywhere - but mainly is allergic to actually finding a bin for rubbish. So a bin bag filled, 3 bags to drop off in the clothes recycling and loads of laundry of clothes and bedding. I'm proud!

Sort of wish I could carry on round the house instead of going to work tomorrow.