The Hoarders Anonymous #5

[CherryMargo]

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Is your house/flat in a complete mess? Do you often feel overwhelmed and helpless when it comes to sorting it out? Do you procrastinate a lot? Do you struggle to declutter due to emotional attachment or decision-making fatigue? Are you embarrassed to invite people in?

Then you and us have a lot in common!

Join in for advice, encouragement and support. Here we share our struggles no matter how big, and celebrate our progress no matter how small. Welcome to thread number five! 🤗

P. S. Here are the links to various methods mentioned in previous threads:

The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

Cherry that's fantastic! Such an achievement! I'm in awe, and I'm envious of you. I have currently 28712 emails in my inbox, close to 300 in my junk mail, and many folders on top. It's not a priority at the moment, and I have in the past managed to lose a couple of thousand emails, but it's an immense task - which is why I really take my hat off to you.

Me today...

Another bag of stuff sorted through, a load of school exercise books belonging to Dd who is now in year 9, but these were from 2014/15! I took out the pictures that were in the books (prints of photos the teachers take that Dd was in), and a few pieces of her art from the books which made us both laugh so much , we just have to keep them to look back on again in a few years.
A few additions to the bag of clothes for friends daughter, and one into the 'to sell' box, as well as charity bag. One wash load is done, bedding in next but in a couple of days when today's load is dry. Got to put that on airer before bed, and wash up.

Babies pick the one that will make the most difference to you/everyone.

I forgot to mention...

Yesterday I did mine and mum's shopping, which was a nightmare! So many people, so many queues, it was awful!
Got to mums, the kitchen a mess. Dd had been baking, and everything was left out, a sink full of washing up; I was not happy.
I put the shopping away, then started washing up before I could even get the joint in the oven. Mum had peeled all veg, so that was okay, but then she totters into the kitchen "why are you so angry? If you don't want to help, don't" Well! That was it. In my 57 years, I've never raised my voice to my mother, but I absolutely yelled at her. She shouted back at me, and I thought we'd end up laughing, but no. Anyway, within half an hour, after I'd got the dinner going, I apologised, but I put in a "I don't mind helping you, doing for you, but I didn't expect to come in to such a mess" Anyway, I think I got my point across. I then after about 5 times of asking, got Dd to strip mum's bedding off so I could get it washed. I remade her bed with Dds help, and I cleaned the bathroom and shower, watered the plants, made custard (had mum breathing down my neck telling me that's not how she does it - no mum, but you loved it last week...! And did I want her to carve? No. Served dinner, ate it, and a while later ate pudding - totally stuffed. Sat for a while, cleaned up the kitchen, stacked DW, washed up the rest by hand, cleaned tops down. Went home. It's a trying time with mum, who is never easy to deal with at the best of times.

Still can't believe I shouted at my mother!

Solo that sounds so stressful. And your mum deserved it! Wanting help is one thing, deliberately leaving unnecessary mess for the helper is taking the pee.

Babies if you can't decide don't waste time trying to work it out, just close your eyes and stick a pin in the list.

I've done nothing today I haven't been well.

@Babieseverywhere it can be debilitating trying to decide which room to tackle or which pile to sort out. I've been there! A good approach for me has been to just do anything. Once I start it feels easier. Sometimes I can do ten minutes here and ten minutes there getting a couple of problem areas looking better.

I've written myself a list of things I'd like to achieve this evening and something to focus on tomorrow.

I want to buy some bedroom curtains in the sale tomorrow. The current curtains are from the previous owner, we've lived here for 2.5 years. The curtain ripped across the top, from old age I think. The curtain has been held up by a thread for ages. I've been procrastinating about what I wanted to do! I hadn't wanted to spend the money because we've been saving up, but seeing a sale come up in a shop I like has helped me lean towards making a decision.

Fridge shelf will be fine for now.

I would do the worst place: or the step that would be a step to getting the worst thing done.

Failing that anything.

just checking in while waiting for the meeting to start.

only just managed to get the children to school on time due to wrong shirt itis delaying the emergence of one child from the flat.

have got yesterdays washing out of the machine and another load in. By the time we finish meeting it will be nearly ready to hang.

also managed to take down the chicken carcass so it is not in the bin for two weeks waiting for the next collection. bin day today and they had not been collected until just now.

I have managed to exercise but my hips have gone weak and wobbly so will need a sit down for a minute or two to recover, if only I had a meeting to sit through...

Solo my mother and I are always shouting at each other, especially when housework is involved. .we are both irritable stressed human beings after all, not any more saintly for being mother and daughter I'm surprised that you should feel guilty. Sometimes boundaries need to be set...Custard made me smile. I used to love making birds custard my mum disapproves of nursery puddings and would always ask why I "bothered" (I think she was more into whipped cream!)
How great though that your DD is enjoying life at your mum's house and baking etc.

Down, my favourite thing in the world is curtains...they can transform a room. Aka blinds. Droopy curtains are very demoralising I wonder whether it is because we feel they are not only nonfunctioning but also possibly unhygienic if too old and worn...and we instinctively feel depressed by that
Anyway here is to all forms of brightening and freshening.
I'm so cold I have gone back to bed, seems easier than putting heating on...

@Nettleskeins DP loves blinds, I much prefer curtains - we have blinds everywhere at the moment as they were all here before I moved in and (sadly) have yet to break and require replacement. I told him that at least curtains can be washed regularly, he says that yes, but blinds can be dusted... but does he ever actually dust them?!

@chillied photo collages have been brilliant for me to put photos on display - like the scrapbook idea, but you can trim/ tilt photos and fit them in a frame, then you have a little reminder of 'this holiday' or 'X's birthday' or whatever. (I actually print out a little title and add it to the frame for this reason!) I do keep cards too - I think like @Solo I enjoy the reminder - plus my DM, despite being a rabid hoarder of pretty much everything else, doesn't seem to have kept much of mine from when I was little and that does make me sad.

@Elleherd it made me sad too to read about your childhood; how utterly odd to not celebrate your DC's birthday, regardless of the reason. I don't mean have a massive party or spend tons of cash but just... acknowledge it? I have to say that I did have good birthdays as a small DC but once my younger sibling came along mine was pretty much overlooked; I was 12 and I think my DM & DF didn't have the time/ energy/ money to do anything for me by then. I am always now at people on social media spending £££ on parties for their teenagers, but what would I know, perhaps that's the way it should be!

@AmberItsACertainty well done on giving things to charity or recycling them. I have kept a few of the DC's bits because they are just precious to me, but often I think how much someone else would benefit from a good quality coat/ top/ whatever that they've grown out of, and pass it on. Most of my stuff is in too poor condition to be donated but I do donate to the charity shop's rag collection too, so nothing goes to waste.

I'm still job hunting but I'm just so flipping tired, I can't find any motivation to do it. I think if I had a definite aim - to get back into a former career or start a specific new one - it would help, but really, I have no idea what I want to do I've tackled the laundry mountain, cleaned the bedrooms and bathroom, vacuumed stairs and cleaned the sodding blinds but still have tons to do:

• clean kitchen floor & tidy kitchen
• tidy up the DC's toys and clothes and put some aside for charity donations
• hire a carpet cleaner and do the carpets. This fills me with dread but they are filthy
• go through fridge & freezer, meal plan more effectively
• tidy up the loft and put some more bits up there

Aaarrrrggghhhh. I need some of @CherryMargo's motivation!! DS1 (ASD) continues to be generally very wearing too, I've noticed now that I'm often just waiting for his (at least daily) meltdown and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy; I'm already fed up with him by the time the first whinge and whine starts, I have less patience, therefore the meltdown is more likely to escalate. I wonder if that's why I'm exhausted at the moment, 5.5 years of constant moaning from him has taken its toll...

Sending to everyone else I haven't mentioned, it sounds like everyone is working hard!

I'm sorry, I can't answer individuals, but trying to cover the points made.

Mum ruled the roost with an iron fist when my brother and I grew up. Db could do no wrong, but I could do little right - and it's still the same despite the fact that he's unreliable and bloody lazy, and I've done all the running around since 2008 when my Dad was dx'd with terminal cancer. I suppose I was brought up to fear mum, and I was more than a bit scared of her too and respected her through fear more than anything else. Also, the good catholic girl in me would never have considered cheeking her or being rude, and to shout at her? Maybe it made her realise how annoyed I actually was on Sunday. But Db is apparently taking her to lunch on Thursday (whoop de do!), but she forgets the countless times I've taken her out for lunch.
Sorry :), I'm okay now!!
Dd baked 2 cakes at mums, first time she's baked a cake. It was nice, but the mess!

I'm a lover of curtains too :). But I also layer them, and have Venetian blinds. The plan for my bedroom is to have a white wooden Venetian blind to the window, then striped curtains on one rod, and black sheer curtains in front at the sides, with white lacy curtains next to them in the centre. This may change, but I really like this plan. My colours are going to be orange, black and white.
My carpets are disgustingly filthy too! But they are beyond cleaning. The lounge carpet is about 30 years old and had a hard something (varnish?) on it by the doorway that's got blacker and blacker over the almost 27 years I've been here. The thing was that it's a wool carpet, a quality one that still shed fibres for quite a lot of years after I moved in, so I didn't want to replace it in my 12x20ft room. Now though - ugh! It's revolting, and the moths have had it. This also happened to my (also quality wool) dining room carpet - most of which ended up in the vacuum cleaner! So that was replaced with laminate. The master bedroom which will be Dds room at some point has a 26-year-old carpet in it which I want to rip out, along with the stair and landing carpet and the second bedroom carpet which is the oldest carpet is awful. I'm hoping that the engineered oak in my shed is still okay as I want that in my bedroom. Dd will have laminate, the lounge...not sure yet, and the stairs and landing new carpet. I have so much to do, and lots of money to find. Rewiring, replastering (ceilings too), new windows and doors, redecorating, flooring, and a new kitchen...and gardens also need doing, new soffits, fascias and guttering. It's daunting.

I can't cut up photographs. A friend of mine made a couple of collages, and they look great, and you see something different every time you see them, but I couldn't do it, I don't think.

I can only imagine how utterly exhausting waiting for a meltdown is (((HUGS))).

Long post , sorry.

Caringcarer To my mind where to start depends what you’re trying to achieve and how. Ie: Is there perhaps a specific practical reason why the first place you mention as a problem is the garage? Do you want to use it differently? Or is that you know it’s full of literal rubbish and the easiest place to start? Etc.
If Dh is anti a skip, he might just accept a Hippo bag. You buy it, and call them when you want it collected, and how you choose to use it can be more versatile than a skip.
You’ve identified a lack of storage space to store things neatly, but is the issue also there’s just more stuff than there’s space for? (The heart of mine and many other’s problem) Recognising that can help you start deciding what really matters to you.

Cherry Margo Congratulations on achieving your digital declutter! So very impressed! I’m afraid I’ve currently pretty much given up on it all, as though it causes many problems, physical ones here are currently the biggest, but I’ll be losing my email address soon (connected to work I no longer have) and need to address things too, so really uplifting to see it can be done.

Miaowse Thank you for the stately homes thread suggestion. It’s all past needing support, more I’m trying to understand it’s relationship to my more intense behaviors re hoarding.
Hoping the act of having admitted it might help me deal better with letting go of things to do with my children. It’s not something I’d normally talk about or inflict on others. It sounds mad but I think all the publicity and wrangling around Prince Phillips funeral rather unsettled me.

Clara I only did parties when they were little, as schools had a birthday parties ‘circuit.’ It became horribly competitively expensive with children declining each other’s invites as ‘not good enough’ entertainment, venues etc. Absolutely awful. Culminated with a bidding war over a venue and several children/parents falling out.
(The real over-compensation was with Ds with ASD as it became clear he wasn’t suited to all sorts and wasn’t able to make friends.)

Solo while it may have been done differently, my Mother ruled with an iron fist too and we were terrified of her. I also had the golden sibling. (though to be fair to them, more gold plated than golden!) I always wonder if I’d have ever stood up to her if she’d lived long enough for me to be old enough. It may have shocked your Mother that you finally shouted at her and without being nasty, maybe not that bad a thing.
I also can’t cut up photo’s, but can copy them and cut those up.

Babieseverywhere Hope you found something that worked for you.

BlackeyedSusan well done on chicken remains and exercise!

Solo in a different way, my Mother ruled with an iron fist too and we were terrified of her. There was also an element of the golden child sibling. (though to be fair to them, mainly by other's incurring worse wrath) I've always wondered if I’d have stood up to her if she’d lived long enough for me to be old enough. It may have shocked your Mother that you finally shouted at her and without being nasty, maybe not that bad a thing.
I also can’t cut up photo’s, but can copy them and cut those up.

Nettleskeins Hope the medication has settled down.
Happy memories of post party cuddled collapse, surveying the wreckage!
Our front room curtains are huge, good quality, lined, 2nd hand ex hotel curtains, too good to replace, but I dislike the colors and not that fond of the pattern! I’ve wondered about spray dying the light bits but worry I could make them worse. Also fantasize about making a cosmetic layer from cheap cotton. (would have to be cheap as there’s a lot of them!)

Down Maybe your curtains are doing you a favor, my unloved 'sensible choice' are likely to outlive me! Hope you find something you like!

It’s all got complicated here. Yesterday started pear shaped when workman turned up to do leak above us, but needed to pitch a ladder further along than where I’d already cleared, so ended up chopping back more tree for him, and chopping up another two bags of branches. Then got a call from hospital to say Dc’s Great Aunt had had a fall, threatening to discharge because of pets. Was eventually allowed to see her. Managed to get her to stay, and went to deal with animals. She always cluttered but it's got worse over lockdown.

Got back from that to find the leak hadn’t been fixed, just reduced to a slower trickle! Went back out to make sure animals would be ok for the night and forgot to take bags out.
Back to animals very first thing this morning, so only a few hours on their own, but they seem ok and not too bothered. Most of today spent running between hospital and GA’s home, via pet shop for new kitty litter, (apparently only use one type!) and supermarket for juice, as what she’d asked me to bring from her cupboard was way out of date.

Emptied all three litter trays and scrubbed them and the floor to within an inch of their lives. Didn’t dare use disinfectant in case the cats objected and went elsewhere!
Went to hospital but now not allowed on ward, so dropped stuff off and left with hospital social worker about to see her.
Managed to get a couple of boxes together before back on pet duty, but very little else done, other than managed to take yesterday’s sacks to the bins.

What I did
Interestingly I realised when I woke up that I had forgotten to refill my pill boxes, so this morning was pills day, which took most of the morning.

Plus, DH had brought upstairs a load of laundry I had left in the machine, so that was the rest of the morning gone.
I have some done some of my daily jobs.
I have kept on top of the kitchen.

Regarding my next step, I have decided to fully finish the kitchen. Because when I go into the clear and relatively clean, bathroom, hall, and landing, it makes me feel better and want to feel like that in the kitchen too.

I pulled everything off THE fridge shelf and sorted out what I can. I still have a couple of boxes left over and DH will have to pull down the stuff from the cabinets.

Our kitchen is tiny and so are the cabinets, so there is a collection of things we need to store for occasional use but not every day. Like Tupperware used for food tech classes and baking silicon trays etc. So I need to source several clear boxes with lids to go on top of the cabinets, to store them. I hope to get them at the weekend

Oh gosh @Elleherd you’ve had an eventful day. So annoying that the leak still isn’t fixed - hope they can come back soon to finish the job.

Inspired by that amazing post by @CherryMargo I deleted a bunch of old emails from places like John Lewis & M&S and I’ve unsubscribed from future messages, current unread messages total 16550, which is a pleasingly round number. If I dealt with 100 emails a day I’d be done in less than 6 months

I’m just now trying to decide whether to store one of my small appliances in a kitchen cupboard. I use it at least every other day but it takes up a lot of space. So is the clear(er) worktop worth the faff of moving it in and out of the cupboard when I need it? This is an unusual dilemma for me.

Hi. It's interesting to read bout other peoples views on curtains! I found some today and I thought they were in the sale, but no, they were not and I didn't like them enough to pay full price. Anyway I feel like I've gone round in circles trying to decide what I'd like. And I'm now leaning towards buying fabric and making some. I am quite good on the sewing machine and I'm feeling brave! I am not sure when I will buy the fabric, I do really need the curtains sorted but I don't want to derail my decluttering efforts.

Perhaps if I knuckle down and get a few jobs sorted today and tomorrow morning I will allow myself to go and look at fabric. Sometimes I enjoy the shopping and then don't fallow through with the making. I have fabric in a cupboard to make blinds, and it's been in there for about 2 years. I say things like "when the sewing room is tidy I'll make those blinds" but then I don't get that room tidy so time just sort of speeds by.

I bought a curtain rod and four new houseplants. I just love having greenery in the house. One of my previous houseplants is looking half dead though.

I did get rid of two plastic bags of charity shop bits this morning. Honestly if I didn't have this thread keeping me focused I would not have remembered to do that this morning. I dropped them into the charity bin and felt the weight lift from my shoulders.

My mum kept a clean and tidy house, when I was young I didn't like it because it felt too tidy. But now I look back and realize that if my house was clean and tidy like that I'd be very happy.

I've just had dd1 help me put away two laundry baskets full of clothes, they were piled high! They've been that way for maybe 5 months. We usually rummage in them when we want to find something. So silly. It didn't take long to sort through them, and we have filled two small plastic bags with things for the charity shop, I have thrown away really awful things (stains, holes, droopy fabric, stretched). I got DH to accept that two of his t-shirts could go to the charity shop and one could be binned, because it's very thin and has a hole. I feel like I'm winning!

I have also wiped down some dusty books and sorted some for the charity shop and some for recycling because they're ripped.

I also moved a chair into my sewing room. It had been hanging around for a couple of weeks.

I've got a load of laundry in.

Found the missing glue by chance late last night! I’m awake a lot but normally try and rest, but knowing how far behind yesterday put me, got to me, so any physical rest was being offset by lack of any mental rest.
Took pain medication early, (will pay later!) and cracked on and fixed the last bit of the chest of drawer’s frame. Has been sitting on its side with weights on it since.
Have done first pet run, cats seem to have accepted clean litter trays happily enough and don’t seem too spooked. Cleaned up a bit at GA’s and now waiting for hot water to have another wash, then see what hospital has to say, and hopefully going to catch up with the more important of yesterday’s daily tasks and try and get on top of boxing and sorting plan, and fit pet runs in between.

Babieseverywhere Well done. Anything that results in feeling better as an instant reaction, has to be a good decision.

Miowse Personally I wouldn’t put it in a cupboard if it’s in frequent use, as it’s adding extra steps/work.

Down “Time just sort of speeds by” Oh doesn’t it just! You certainly sound like your winning!

Well done on finding your glue. It's so nice when you find something.

You're a caring person to be looking after the cats and sorting them out.

I've just had an evening burst of energy for tidying. I done a big pile of recycling, mostly old notes that came home from school. I try to stay organized with notes home from school, but getting rid of them when they're 'old' needs to be incorporated into my system.

@DownUdderer I must admit that some of my pyjamas could probably go to the recycling pile maybe I'll replace them next time I see some I like at Primark/ Tesco/ Sainsburys... and good idea about making the curtains - admittedly I've never done it myself but presumably it works out cheaper than buying ready made, plus you can have them to your exact specifications?

Same here with the tiny kitchen @Babieseverywhere. All the cupboards are narrow, we have limited storage and worktop space... sigh. Some of the cupboards don't even open properly because of the angle. I bought loads of storage bits from Wilkos but Dunelm do some good ones too.

Blimey @Elleherd, you have been busy! Useful to know about the parties - the DC have actually only been to one 'proper' party, which was a school one last February just before Covid hit... I had to keep taking DS1 out due to imminent meltdown, but it was ok apart from that. That aspect of lockdown has been quite welcome actually, as I really dread social occasions with him.

Speaking of DS1, he was up by 6am today and the meltdown lasted 7am - 7.30am - screaming, hitting, crying - with another minor meltdown for 5 minutes or so as well I'm just so done with it, he's such a sweet little boy when he's not in a meltdown but my nerves are absolutely frazzled waiting for the next one. I'm trying to be really productive at home and apply for jobs but I can't seem to get into the right headspace... maybe tomorrow, if there's no meltdown

Miaowse I would sacrifice the surface space for something you use every other day. We store soup maker, slow cooker, toastie maker and blender in a tub for odd occasions. Toaster, kettle and coffee machine are on the surfaces!

CherryMargo What would be a good first step to sorting out our electrics rubbish? I really need to do start on this.

DownUdderer I am in awe at your sewing ability. I have a machine but don’t do anything with it. Pain meds are so difficult aren’t they. Hope you don’t get too much extra pain later.

Elleherd Glad the glue turned up.

ClaraTheImpossibleGirl Bumps fist with another tiny kitchen owner. Our cabinets are narrow and short in every direction. We only buy small, short storage from Wilko and can only buy small cereal packages that are stored lying down! But the kitchen will hopefully remain organised enough to use day to day, which is the aim.

What have I done
The top of the kitchen cupboards are now clear bar DH’s protein powder, which will go straight into one new box. DH and I whittled down the excess kitchen stuff to occasional needed things which will fit into a second new box which will go on top of the cabinet. Great teamwork, as he is the cook of the house therefore knew what we needed to keep.

I also sorted a small box from the dining room, so now there is five bin bags of rubbish in the hall and I need to buy two new boxes to finish off the kitchen.

I decided to buy some hand towels just for the kitchen on next pay day and DH has agreed to fit another bar next to the sink for us. Yeah! I have never had hand towels just for the kitchen before, so I am looking forward to that.

The kitchen is as done as it is getting for the time being.

Next job living room and dining room. Going to have to think of a strategy before I start this job! Probably starting next week, as I need to catch up on my daily jobs and a bit more laundry before then.

Thank you all for such a positive feedback on my digital decluttering story! 💖 And to everyone who’s currently working on this issue: good luck and please don’t give up! It can be done! 😉

@Babieseverywhere I would suggest starting with incoming data – deal with it as soon as it arrives or pick a certain day/time when you can work through it (I do it on Sunday afternoons). There are three types of action you can take with a new piece of information:

1. get rid of it – if you don’t need to hold on to it for future reference/keep it as a memory, then delete straight away. If it’s a marketing message, consider unsubscribing from their mailing list before you delete it (the unsubscribe link/code usually sits at the bottom of the email/text). If the email/text is sent by a company/business/social network you’re no longer wanna be a customer/user of, delete your account and request the personal data removal via their customer support online form/email, if necessary.

2. deal with it or leave it for later – if it takes less than five minutes to process/respond, then deal with it on the spot, and either get rid of it when you’re done (see above) or keep it (see below). When it is something that will take time to process (i.e. you need to find more information, make some calls, etc.), then flag it as important or move to a separate folder (name it Pending or smth). As soon as you’re done with it, again either get rid or keep.

3. keep it – this is where the most clutter comes from. We tend to save a lot of data, just in case, or because it is a nice memory, or it’s something for use at a later date. The advice here is to never save it in one huge pile or let it sit under the Inbox tab. It’s very important that you categorise it all. For example, your digital data can belong to the following categories: Shopping (this can have sub-categories like Beauty, Clothes, Household, etc.), Friends & Family, Work, Bills & Subscriptions, Health, Entertainment, Travel, etc. Once you have figured out what your categories are, start creating corresponding folders in your email inbox, on your bookmarks list and on your PC.

When you receive a new email, or download a new file, or bookmark a new page, store it in the folder which it belongs to. When you really struggle to decide on a category, you can make a Misc folder(-s), but it can be very tempting to just start throwing everything into it (the decision fatigue and all), so be aware.

When you go through your categorised ‘storage’ folders in the future, it will be easier to see what data has become irrelevant and unnecessary to keep, so decluttering/deleting should be faster and easier.

I hope this helps! 🤗

I cleaned the bathroom today! Well, sort of. Not a deep clean but still better than it was. Also had a go at trimming the front bushes. Again, not perfect but better than they were. I feel like I'm moving at a snail's pace compared to all of you but hopefully in the next half year dd2 can drop her nap and I'll get childfree evenings again to make some real progress.

Clara that sounds exhausting, no wonder you're frazzled. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Job hunting is hard work, especially as it has it's own set of rules and is all about having the right buzz words rather than what you can actually do.

The meltdowns sound very tiring.

Today I've been busy. I've completely tidied and cleaned the tiled area by my from door. It was dusty and mucky and had become a dumping ground.

I'm soaking some bits in borax, I've never used it before.

I've washed a load of towels and hung them out. I've swept up some leaves in my sunroom. I scrubbed some of the floor as well.

I've put dry clothes away into bedrooms.

I've got lamb in the slow cooker.

I wiped down my toaster and gave it a clean over.

My entryway!