The Hoarders Anonymous #5

[CherryMargo]

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Is your house/flat in a complete mess? Do you often feel overwhelmed and helpless when it comes to sorting it out? Do you procrastinate a lot? Do you struggle to declutter due to emotional attachment or decision-making fatigue? Are you embarrassed to invite people in?

Then you and us have a lot in common!

Join in for advice, encouragement and support. Here we share our struggles no matter how big, and celebrate our progress no matter how small. Welcome to thread number five! 🤗

P. S. Here are the links to various methods mentioned in previous threads:

The FlyLady Cleaning Method by Marla Cilley
The Organised Mum Method by Gemma Bray
The KonMari Method by Marie Kondo
The Getting Things Done Method by David Allen

You know, my Dd's birthday is on boxing day. She's had 1 actual party where friends were invited - and it was 2 weeks after her day, at age 6. It's difficult (pandemic aside) to do anything for her, and it was much the same for my Ds who has a middle of the summer holidays birthday. His 1 birthday party, I had invited everyone before the school holiday started, but only one child turned up. Ds never complained. Dd has never complained, and I had a chat with her after her last birthday where she said she really didn't mind.

Ds has his 11th birthday 9 days before his 'hero' and best friend Grandad died; he didn't want an 18th party even though I did offer him one, and his 21st birthday happened 3 days after my brother's wife died. We went to breakfast as a family, but no real celebration, no cake.

Had his birthday.

Hi, new to the thread but oh my goodness, a lot resonates.

Over a number of years, I gradually let my house get more and more cluttered. I had no time to gut the place and even when I did attempt a clear out I just felt so overwhelmed by the enormity of the task and the guilt over removing things that it was half hearted and I abandoned it.

It all became too much though, roughly a year and a half ago. I had so much going on, no support at home, DP a total workaholic running his own business, issues with DCs and DP, house a riot. The kids were so embarrassed with the house they didn't ask their friends round any more. I ended up I just broke down one day. Cried for 3 days solid, as dramatic as that sounds. I had to go to docs and took time off work. Realised the house was a huge part of the stress and anxiety I was feeling.

I watched the Marie Kondo series on Netflix and did actually find it really helpful. I tackled it a room at a time. I asked everyone to disturb me as little as possible and let me get on with it. Having got to such a low point I could see the effect all the "stuff" was having on me. It took me a good few weeks of working every day to get it to an acceptable level. I made umpteen trips to charity shops and the tip. My mind felt so much clearer. Went back to work and then kept at it on the weekends till I got it totally decluttered and organised. Also having gotten rid of the clutter meant I could decorate and start putting up nice shelves and pictures and plants etc.

Around a year later we sold the house and moved. The new house is a refurb which still has loads to be done before it will be finished. I have started as I mean to go on however. I have incorporated storage wherever I can squeeze it in and have fully embraced storage baskets and tubs and a labelling machine

So I just wanted to say it can be done!! Every drawer cleared out and every shelf dusted is a step forward and a weight lifted.

Jazzledazzle thank you :) That is a really encouraging post, and I'm really pleased that you managed to get it done

JazzleDazzle congratulations on turning that around all by yourself that's amazing. I've got too much stuff but agree with you once it's stored it's much less mental impact.

Amber Well done on selling stuff! (and staying awake!)
Solo I think the fact you discuss things with your Dc's makes a big difference to how they’ll see things.
Jazzledazzle Sorry things got so rough for you, but congratulations on getting it so under control.

Re the birthday weirdness: I’ve looked for all sorts of ‘no one’s fault’ reasons, but unfortunately once it gets put into the context of other things, the common denominator seems to have been me, but no not adopted. (though I have always wondered if there’s a chance I wasn’t fathered by who I was supposed to have been! But it’s probably just looking for excuses.)
Unfortunately, it left me rather overcompensating with the importance of Dc’s birthdays and awkward about mine. But not the end of the world.

Things went rather wrong here today, so got nothing into storage.
The better news is amazingly some of the rubble round the bins has been cleared and they’ve emptied a couple of the bins! So grateful! Used the afternoon to get another sack and a carrier bag of stuff out, so day not a total loss. Fingers crossed for better moods all round tomorrow.

Solo I agree with you, I keep all the mother day cards I am given, and I keep some kids birthday cards too.

AmberItsACertainty Scrap booking cards is a great idea.

Elleherd I am sorry to hear that your family didn’t treat you well. Especially hard as they treated you differently than other family members I am not surprised you make a point of making your children’s birthdays special.

Jazzledazzle Glad you finished your house. I really hope I can say that one day.

What I have done
Not much, lol

I kept on top of the kitchen.

AND I left the house for the first time this school holiday! My DH took me for a drive when he went out for an errand. Lovely to see the further than just my house.

I am feeling a little more rested, going to start anew tomorrow. Starting with the two under the stair’s boxes.

Elle there is no way you can blame yourself for members of your family treating you so differently, and unfairly. It's not your fault.

I've always discussed things with my Dc's and was once told by my Ds that I treated him more like an adult (not word for word), and he was probably about 10 at the time.

I've been through a bag of stuff this evening. I got rid of a bit of it, but probably not enough. There are still some secondary school exercise books in there, but I did throw some away, along with a couple of very old magazines, a colouring book (from my childhood ), old work handbook and pension info. Left that job in 1990, and transferred that pension in 1998 .
I kept some birthday cards, letters, and other stuff.

These doll parts are still looking at me. I should throw them out, but...

I haven't washed up today. It's just me here, and all I've eaten today is 3x bowls of cornflakes and a bit of scrambled egg. Separately! Just couldn't be bothered to cook.

Also threw out a 21st key...never thought I'd do that. Wonder where the rest are.

A label maker! I'd love a label maker!

I've taken the weekend off. I I needed to take my mind away from decluttering and organizing for a bit.

Thank you all for letting me wobble on! Decluttering’s bringing up a fair bit.
Babieseverywhere Glad you finally got out of the house for a bit! I hope it was as sunny where you are as it was here.

Solo well done on the clearing out! Cornflakes, scrambled egg and minimal washing up sounds very tempting.

Down Udderer The weekend off and some time out mentally sounds good. Label makers were a big hit here, then the Dc’s got tired of labelling everything and into a drawer it went.

Unfortunately, I’m going to have to double my efforts today while trying to appear relaxed about it all, to try and get us back on schedule after yesterdays hiccup. I am however going to try really hard to keep Ds on side, pressure got to us both yesterday.

A 10 o'clock start today was agreed on last night, and of course it hasn't happened. Somehow I need to be 'un hustly' while making it actually happen.

Hi jazzle..only two sentences into your post but I'm off as something you said inspired and I am going to catch the following wind..

So far today:
Put ds's towel and trunks in the washing machine and put his bag in the pe cupboard.

Put his new pe shoes in his bag.

Collected the recycling and put in bag ready for ex to take down.

Made Ds breakfast and taken his dish to the sink. (He was on his way to do that but I was going through too)

Tickled tomato flowers. Only one of five took last time. Then I dropped the pollen brush in the egg pan oil... Started again.

Taken more pots through to the kitchen on my effort to always take something with me.

Ditto taking washing up for DD to put away and I put ds's pants away.

Sorted dd's supply of milk and apple juice. Put new ones away brought old ones into easy access. Next job is to sort the rest of her storage and hoover her floor.
All the above is maintenance jobs.

Progress has been made too:
5 items from the hall cupboard...2 put away, 2 wodges of paper recycled. One school badge found to be sewn on. Another job for today.

Aims for today.

Finish putting away stuff from dd's floor.

Finish collecting recycling (or at least fill the bag)

Sew on badge

Wash up

Feed and water a boy.

Clean clothes from yesterday folded and put away.
First load of laundry (woollens) washed and hung on the airer.
Second load in the wash.
Third load ready to go once the machine is empty again.
Dishwasher emptied and half way to full again.
Not much else except playing, phone calls and procrastination.
It’s a lovely sunny day where I live so I should be outside decluttering the garden of weeds.

Awful to read about the cruel treatment you endured growing up @Elleherd - I can’t imagine how difficult that must be to this day. I see the stately homes threads on the relationship board mentioned a lot for good support with toxic families

We’ve never thrown birthday parties and tend to stick to the usual daily routine, but we give plenty of presents and sometimes see the extended family.

Another milestone has been reached today.

Since February 21st Sunday has been my weekly “Clean Out” & Desk Day, and these are my Sunday tasks:

🍒 Clean out the handbags, the wallet & the car (my car needs proper steam cleaning but I cannot find this type of service in my area. In the meantime, I’ve been decluttering it bit by bit, or churning rather – all the items have so far been brought back into the flat)

🍒 Empty all the bins, and take the rubbish out

🍒 Clean, sanitise (if needed), and re-line the kitchen, paper and bathroom bins

🍒 Clean the vacuum cleaner dust bins (I have two vacuum cleaners – one is upright, the other one is handheld and cordless), and wash the filters (if needed)

🍒 Clean the laptop, printer, computer mouse and mobile phone screen

🍒 Re-fill the printer tray with paper (if needed)

🍒 Check the stationery supplies (which is a hoard in itself, and needs to be addressed at some point in the future), and update the master shopping list (if needed)

🍒 GTD Method steps 1 & 2 (Capture Everything & Clarify)

🍒 Work through all the mail and messages (letters, emails, voice messages, texts, DMs on social media) which were received during the week but did not require immediate response (I do not always have time to get through all of it on Sunday, so this task often spills over to Monday and/or Tuesday)

I’ve had eight Desk Days so far (not including the Easter Sunday), and it has helped me speed up the process of digital decluttering which I initiated 21 months ago. Today this journey has come to an end. The wall of text below is the story of my digital hoarding, and what I did to take it under control. TL;DR after many years of mental overload and time sink I’ve finally sorted my digital hoard.

🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒

Throughout the years I’ve got registered with hundreds of online platforms which resulted in enormous information pollution. Checking my multiple email addresses and social media channels could take several hours a week, especially around the holidays or sales season. If I skipped a few days, I would return to dozens upon dozens unread emails and newsfeed updates, and I would always fear that I might have missed an important message amongst all that chaos.

Back in 2019 I decided to sort it out once and for all. Due to my procrastination, low energy and a series of distractions it took me 21 months to identify which platforms I was registered with/subscribed to, and to tackle them one by one. Some of them weren’t easy to get rid of, and I had to contact the customer support with a request to delete my account and remove all of the personal data associated with it.

As a result, I’ve cancelled every irrelevant or unwanted subscription, deleted every online account I no longer needed, and updated the security and notification settings on those accounts which I still wanted to keep. I’ve also streamlined my social media channels’ news feeds (this required lots of muting and unfollowing), and made a list of all of my remaining subscriptions and accounts, so if at some stage I decide to delete some of these accounts or unsubscribe from some of these mailing lists, it will be a five-minute job! 😎

In addition to this, I’ve organised the browsers’ bookmarks and file folders on my laptop, and reduced the number of my desktop icons to a minimum 💻 This task alone took 16 hours in total and gave me a massive headache.

Needless to say, it was an incredibly laborious task 😵 so I’m over the moon that it’s finally finished!

🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒 🌸 🍒

P. S. Now I'm off to catch up with the thread!

Congrats on everyone's progress. It's heartening to read. Especially the digital decluttering.

I've had an amazing day myself. I've had a difficult task to do this week so I left the rest of the week empty and just covered the basics. Had a bad night, slept at dawn all morning. Woke up to an invitation to go out. Which I needed so I accepted. But, it's cleaning day! Had 3hrs to get ready have breakfast and clean. I got halfway through. Went out, ate and came back to another invitation. Blooming tired so considered declining but really didn't want to. I'm honestly not this popular usually! So I did 3/4 of the cleaning left, had a cuppa then went out again. Came back and ate while watching a DVD, then finished the last of the cleaning. I can't believe I've done all this in one day. I swear it's the ideas and encouragement of this thread helping me organise myself. So thank you all 🥰

I am considering hiring a mini skip to get rid of so much stuff from garage. DH against this idea. He says he will sort it but never has time. I also have a spare room full of just stuff. Packed up in piles and some things still in wrapping. I just don't have enough storage to store them neatly. I just don't know where to start.

@caringcarer anything you can happily part with is good. I think if you've literally not used something "useful" in a couple of years then you can consider getting rid. Starting feels hard but once you get going it can feel good.

The digital decluttering sounds amazing! Really well done!! I like to check emails once a day and I delete almost all of the promotional emails I receive without reading them.

I've ordered a small shoe rack. I only need a small one for the kids shoes. Their shoes clutter the hallway so badly! I would like a completely clear hallway, once I achieve that I'll take a photo!!

I'm going through the shopping center for an eye test on Wednesday, so I'll plan on taking a couple of bags for the charity bin. I'm in Australia so we don't have any coronavirus restrictions at the moment.

I have moved a chair out of my bedroom and now I've decided I don't want to move it back in. The less areas for collecting clutter the better!

I phoned up and made three appointments for myself this morning, a scan, an eye test and the dentist. So it feels good to have them booked, it's like mental decluttering!

So interesting about the digital decluttering AND the Sunday tasks in office zone Cherry...I was to my surprise focussing on sorting papers into a concertina folder test...so helpful...usually I just sit surrounded by scribbled lists and bits of paper and it is all just so....haphazard and demoralising.
I've had a reaction to some medication so not been at all productive, (apart from organising another tradesman to fix something in a months time)

So some paperwork order was so soothing.

Apropos birthday celebrations...I have always dreaded them both for myself and the children and DH...HOWEVER, I have always made birthday cakes, bought cards, organised children's parties X 3. It was just something that as a parent I forced myself to do, I think "enjoying" it all is the next step. My birthday was in the summer holidays so it was always gentle and quiet as a child .. no big gatherings. Social anxiety AND poor organisation is what makes parties stressful for me but I hope it will be easier coping with people coming over in my new improved tidy house after pandemic. Tbh it has been such a relief I haven't had to organise ds1 21st, or dcs 18th last year, Im ashamed to admit it.

Although having said all that there is nothing to beat the buzz when your guests (child or otherwise) go home after a children's party and you all get to cuddle up on the sofa surveying the "wreckage" thinking yay...we did it...pass the parcel, musical bumps, birthday candles, mess stuffed in cupboards to clear the floorspace. And it is over for another year, tgoodness!!!!

@caringcarer in that situation I take an armful of stuff from the cluttered room into a non-cluttered room. It's easier if you're not looking at all the clutter only the bit of it you're dealing with at this time. I find it's important to be determined to deal with only that armful of clutter before you move on. Otherwise you end up dealing with the easy stuff, leaving the complicated stuff in a corner somewhere and bringing in another armful of stuff. Then before you know it your non-cluttered room is cluttered too.

Aggghhh. Do nothing all day then try to get it all done in too little time. And a near meltdown....

I was kept awake by fear last night. Slept with a light on. ( My new solar powered lamp) in case something walked over me again. I came home after school run and farted about on my phone then slept then lay about sleepily.

I have achieved:
School run, children to school on time.
Breakfast and snack for Ds. Tea will be late. On the stove.

Bathroom basin, and bath and lower tiles cleaned

Dusted the landing banisters.
Wiped down doors in bathroom whilst listening to just a minute ( a job to keep me near the radio and is quiet)

Put a load of washing in

Washed up most things, all the things in the kitchen

Dealt with some liquified carrots, sorting the good from bad. Used up the good ones in tea.

Collected the rubbish and sent it out.

Sent the compost off with ex.

Organised dd to pack bag for tomorrow.

Currently having a break as pissed off with manky carrots.

My carrots from veggie box do that too Susan. I m wondering whether it is cos they aren't sprayed...hmm. or maybe it has been a very long winter for root veg..

these were the ones left over from morrisons, in plastic and got frozen at the back of the fridge. It is only a little while sice I cleaned out the fridge so I am narked, they were fine recently.

And as I came here, to type so I can check out the space bar on the key board... I can add:

keeping my temper when I found out dc had dismantled the space bar trying to fix it, (see sitting on my arse for half an hour to destress worked)
hoovering the keyboard
reassembling a space bar and checking it by typing on mumsnet...

(still haven't fixed my typing to include capital letters though)

CherryMargo Wow, electronic decluttering, fantastic

BlackeyedSusan Capital letters are over rated, lol

I haven’t done much recently. Just cleared out the rest of the under the stairs cupboard. Which means an extra charity box, in the living room…sigh.

Today the kids rooms, bathroom, hall, stairs and landing are good enough.

I have kept up with the kitchen!

My lovely DH has put up a rack for the mops and some bars to hold teacloths and oven gloves. I removed, cleaned, and repurposed a small trolley from the kitchen to the bathroom, which helped in the bathroom.

Still need to sort out things currently on the top of the kitchen cabinets but I need DH’s help to get them down. Also need to resort the large over the fridge shelf. I already sorted it once, but I am also not happy with how things are arranged.

But the living room, dining room and our room are getting me down. I guess I am torn and finishing off the good rooms or ploughing though one of these other rooms.

Arghh, I just can’t figure out what to do first. I don’t want to churn, things have to actually leave my house.

So tomorrow I can either :-
Clear out and re organise one of the storage units in living room and dining room
Or sort out the kids pictures and paperwork
Or deal with one of the boxes piles up here!
Or maybe I should go though all the storage downstairs and just collect as much as I can to throw away and send to charity.
Or do I keep on with the kitchen and redo the fridge shelf.

Decisions, decisions.