Fledglings flying into the Roaring Twenties! January 2020 Flylady thread, all welcome.

[LaneBoy]

Welcome to the first Flylady thread of the decade! This is a friendly ongoing thread where we follow (loosely. In some cases, very loosely. ) the Flylady method for sorting out our homes and lives!

Newbies are always welcome here! It’s a long running thread so please don’t worry if we appear cliquey. There’s a lot of chatter and support for all sorts of things, alongside the housework stuff.

Over recent months we have agreed that big lists of daily links aren’t necessary - on a daily basis I will post (if I remember... it is maybe 18 months since I last hosted so please forgive any screw ups ) a link to the launch pad, which is where you can access the information for that day - babysteps, missions, daily focus etc. But if you’re confused about anything, please ask!

Check out the website too - but we suggest not signing up for the millions of emails.

Information on getting started here.

The great thing about Flylady is that you jump in where you are. Everything you do is progress. Don’t worry about not “keeping up”. Any achievement, however small, means progress.

Anyway, huge thank you to Stressy for running our very busy December thread!

And... HAPPY NEW YEAR FLEDGLINGS!!!

Also grabbing the pointy stick here ... ta very much ...

Ta da from yesterday:
sorted a huge stack of post and bills and papers while watching Netflix
rubbish and recycling
watered all bulbs in pots
2 hrs work on nationality dossier
2 dog walks
supermarket shop
made soup from veg that needed using up
massive heated discussion about our next 2yr plan to do with renovation/town house/future etc
massive heated discussion with dd about

Ta da:
s & s
towels in tumble drier
next load ready to go in
1 load of white sheets on, another load white towels on
dw emptied
found missing document
dog walk

That does seem unfair KTCluck - have you tried discussing it with your dh and say emptying of the dw and minimal chores still necessary on "flop" days just as they would be if he lived alone? And yes I really should do 15 mins in the boudoir in the evening to stop previous work being undone but because it's not me doing the undoing, I don't see why I should do it, which is totally immature of me I know! Hence the situation we are in. Or rather there is a fundamental issue with arrangement of house and rooms and their use which leads to this issue which won't be resolved without a major build. Gah!!
Sorry you are sleep-deprived. [Leaves strong coffee on naughty corner counter to get you through your day]

Bower good luck with various appts!
I have been doing exactly the same thing with organisaton of Christmas cards (I have a sent/received tick list too and one for parcels), updating of addresses, transferring to different birthday book, buying all my birthday cards for the year ahead (use Orchard cards) and buying Christmas labels to pack in the wrapping box for next year!

Re: birthday cards (have loads as have enormous extended family and these things are extra important somehow when you live abroad).
There was a time when I had a large expanding file dated 1 to 31 and wrote and put all of my written and sealed birthday cards for the year in them with a brightly coloured sticky post it note a week before to remind me to post. But it took up too much space, I posted them too late, something would happen in the meantime (say godchild passed exams or something) which I wanted to write a note about etc ... so now I just have unwritten cards for the year ready in a long CD box thing, birthdays marked in birthday book and on visual calendar (with advance reminder to post on phone) and that works better.

Tinselette gosh you really have been going through it. Sounds really gruelling. Are they sure you don't have whooping cough? Adults can have it without the whoop. It's known as the 100-day cough over here, there is a lot of it about, and you can be really, really poorly with it.

Foxes I am going to take inspiration from your 20 min bursts too - although it usually takes me 20 mins to work myself up to get to the point where I start!!!

I am doing three (officialish/social/semi-ceremonial) things today, tomorrow and Friday associated with UK leaving the EU and I am trying to hold it together. Leaving aside all political viewpoints which aren't appropriate on this thread, as expats the impact on us personally is quite profound and extends to all aspects of our lives so the going is a bit tough currently. Keep meeting friends in far worse predicaments than us and feel very sad for them too.

The city authorities here are putting on a "keep calm and stay welcome" event tomorrow in the Grand Place with British traditional music, projecting the union jack on to the ancient buildings, red telephone box in which people can film their testimonies etc etc to to affirm (as they put it) "that the capital of Europe will always remain welcoming to all British people". It feels really, really typing that. Sorry to vent but I've just walked with the furries past a statue of Montgomery which was erected to commemorate the British Second Army who liberated this city on 3 September 1944, to a jubilant welcome from the locals, so it was on my mind. In summary, this all feels really really crap right now.

Mahoosive waves to all and back next week some time. Has anyone volunteered for Feb? I can't do it as I am taking on a new role in the office and have guests staying for Carnaval half-term holiday. Happy to do March though.

[Sorry for essay]

Willow I am really sorry - that all sounds really really tough going I can definitely sympathise with the self-obsessed teen vibe! I only have one to steer, so hats off to you for balancing the individual needs of so many! When dd is ranting venting (usually at me) in a less than constructive manner, I find saying "this too shall pass" to myself, as a sort of mantra, really helps . Sorry, that's not much help but could you try, in the midst of all of this, to ringfence some time for yourself as getting swept up in the highs and lows of adolescent "turbulence" can be really draining. Try and step back a bit - even for an hour - and do something for yourself today even if its just a bubble bath while listening to some relaxing music . And stay strong. You can only do what you can do, and it sounds as though you are already doing loads!!!

Ta-da's for this morning
✔️ exercise
✔️ S&S
✔️ 2 x LOL. My basket is now empty 🎉
✔️bathed, hair blow dried and straightened and make up done properly
✔️ all DC up dressed and sorted. Including DS1 who was sick last night and typically is now fighting fit to enjoy his 48 hours off school 🙄
✔️ had breakfast. well a bag of crisps in the car 🙈

Hope things get better for all those having a crappy start to today

Thanks, SC and We3 and apologies for venting on here. It's not really fair to visit this on you lovely lot, but I have to let it out somewhere or I shall go mad.

We3, isn't it always the way that they are sick once, then spend 48 hours bouncing off the walls? SC I'm sorry that the whole Brexit thing is affecting your personally. It feels very wrong from here, in the Home Counties, so it must be even worse from within Europe.

Right. Need to find online resources for DS3 and unwind the panic because his unutterably stupid slightly misguided form teacher told them Coronavirus was in the UK, then shut down the discussion to talk about the "really important" thing that today's tutorial was focussed on. Mutter.

We3kings oh no re: ds1! Glad he is feeling better anyway

Willow you never need apologise for venting on here. Sometimes you need to let it out. And it does you good to do so! [The long-suffering fledglings are used to me visiting all sorts of moans and groans on them and endure it with remarkable forbearance for which I am endlessly grateful.]

Morning

The plan for positive start to 2020 FLYing went out the window. This has been the WORST month ever.
My Father-in-law caught pneumonia and got rushed into hospital on the kids first day back at school. We therefore had to take Mother-in-law home from the hospital at 6pm every day. This made DH so ill, driving now he has parkinson's is really tiring and painful and we still have to take Dd to and from school as well. This change in routine made Ds's depression and anxiety completely off the scale!!
DH's dad died in the early hours of Friday morning, Wednesday I was reading FB when I say a post from my friend that my friends 17 yr old tried to commit suicide, unfortunately 40 minutes with no oxygen means no hope so they turned the life support off.

So that is my depressing start to the new decade.
On the positive side though;
Ta Da
Threw away the dc's toddler plates and bowl.
Replaced plastic sink drainer and rack.
Sent my wedding dress, and mine and Dd's bridesmaid dressed from the wedding 12 years ago to a local charity hospice for kids with terminal illness.

Hopefully once the funerals are over can keep working on Ds's mental health without a GP visit which he really doesn't want. Also will continue the decluttering and try to get on her more often and keep up with the thread.

Hope everyone has a good day, the poorly people get better and constructive help where required.

Oh no Shannara what an awful time you have been having. I am so very sorry for the loss of your fil And I am sorry about your friend's child too. It all sounds so very hard on you and on your dh and on your ds too of course. It's totally amazing in the circumstances that you have managed to do any Flying at all, never mind declutterring! You deserve several medals for that. Do try and look after yourself in the middle of what must be a very challenging time

Shannara what a wretched start to the year.hugs and positive vibes from zoo house

Whilst I'm. handing out hugs willow here's a big one for you lovely.teens are a separate species sometimes,and I think my patience may have run off with my motivation on numerous occasions!!

No flying to report
Drowning in inaccurate paperwork,lies from school,no specialist places locally.if anyone needs a breakdown apply for an ECHP school placement in my county

Had TAF today.lil zoo going to be assessed for Asperger's as her capacity to turn D's and dd2 into sobbing wrecks/raging monsters with her blunt no nonsense attitude is pushing us all over the edge.
Yep,it's funtimes here

At some point I will be more cheerful and I really do need get my shit together and do something with this craphole.

meantime today's tasks
I need chase inclusion team to find how LEA have flag up D's been uneducated a year

zoo
willow
shannara
any one else in need

Ta da

School run and shit
Wash on
Dryer on
Recycling out
Kitchen bin out
Sent two enquiries about jobs
Picked up toys in LR1 & 2
All pots washed
Bottles washed and sterilised

Shannara I'm so sorry to hear your news and of your losses That must all be very tough for you to deal with.

Thanks Chic Zoo 90's and SC, although fil was expected it's still hard especially where DH's family are very divided and not speaking to certain people. My friends daughter was such a massive shock all happening together. We'll get through it, Dd is doing her mocks at the moment as well!!
Time to go and get Dd then am going to put the washing away today not as we wear it!!

Shannara I am so so sorry for your loss, and that you’re having such a rubbish time of it. Hope your DH is feeling better soon. That’s so tragic about your friend’s son, and really puts my little gripes into perspective. Suddenly DD being a stroppy monster all morning is absolutely nothing . I’m
amazed you have a ta da list with all that going on and you should be proud of yourself for holding it all together.

Willow don’t apologise for venting. We all need to at times and this to me seems like the best place. Remember we are all sitting down and reading this when we choose and responding because we want to. I think sometimes IRL it’s harder to rant as you feel like you’re bothering people, but here you aren’t. Plus everyone is so supportive. You and Zoo also have so much on with your DC and you both sound like brilliant Mums.

SC sorry you feel crap about the current situation. I’m feeling pretty despondent about Friday and in the short term it has no obvious implications for me or anyone close to me . I have spoke to DH about similar in the past but to be honest more in frustration in the heat of the moment. It probably does need a calm reminder. To be fair to him if I’d asked him to do something he would have done, but it’s the lack of thought that’s irritating. The whole mental load thing. I’ll admit when he texted and asked me to get milk on my way home at 9pm last night I did think about pouring it over his head .

Hope DS isn’t sick anymore We3 (and also isn’t too hyper for his 48hours off).

So I managed to give myself a shake and have a reasonable ta da list sorted in 10 minute bursts (between den building and hide and seek and not losing my shit with miss demanding).

✅ LOL in
✅ clean clothes away
✅ upstairs dusted and hoovered
✅ loo sink and shower screen cleaned while DD was in the bath (ranting about the bubbles, which she didn’t want there 🙄).
✅ Bath rinsed out
✅ bathroom floor mopped
✅ bathroom bin, mirror and window cleaned
✅ bedroom windows cleaned
✅ dishes done
✅ benches hob and microwave wiped
✅ hall tidied

Haven’t managed anything in living room yet as it’s currently taken over with the den which she wants to show her dad. Will do some decluttering there and the hall unit later but the cleaning missions can wait until Saturday.

We went to the soft play late morning at which point DD perked right up and had a whale of a time racing round with another little girl. She’s fallen asleep in the car on the way home so I’ve parked up in the harbour car park for peace

Still need to make the phone call probably won’t and get her to make DH a card, plus pop to the shop.

Oh and thanks for the coffee SC. In the naught corner drinking it right now! And no, you definitely shouldn’t have to sort out the ‘undoing’ that isn’t your doing !

Shanara I am so sorry to read about your Fil's passing. How terribly sad for all of you. Take care of yourself because you've had a really stressful time running from pillar to post. And the death of that poor lad is just heartbreaking - his poor family.💐

I have bought Andre Rieu's version of the Ode to Joy which is very uplifting. I don't have to apply for residence in the UK as an Irish citizen so I'm lucky but I am worried about how the repercussions of Friday will play out in the near future across these Islands (and for others in Europe caught up in it)

Sometimes it just feels like we've not much control over events. I suppose that's what I like about Flylady.

Shanara I am so sorry to read about your Fil's passing. How terribly sad for all of you. Take care of yourself because you've had a really stressful time running from pillar to post. And the death of that poor lad is just heartbreaking - his poor family.💐

I have bought Andre Rieu's version of the Ode to Joy which is very uplifting. I don't have to apply for residence in the UK as an Irish citizen so I'm lucky but I am worried about how the repercussions of Friday will play out in the near future across these Islands (and for others in Europe caught up in it)

Sometimes it just feels like we've not much control over events. I suppose that's what I like about Flylady.

I have no idea why that posted twice 😜

SC it's not whooping cough though I even suggested it might be a fungal infection and discombobulated the GP. She can hear the infection under my right shoulder blade now. I'm on day one of the new antibiotics clarithromycin so should see a difference after another 24 hours.

I'm desparate at this stage and dh has a cold so he's sleeping on the couch. Was in for blood tests today.

Oh gosh everyone is having a really crappy January 😣😣😣

Shannara I’m so so sorry :(

Willow oh my word wow that is shocking behaviour from DD! I do think the internet encourages this sort of passive aggressive point scoring behaviour. I would have absolutely reacted in the same way.

Wow zoo that’s great they are going to assess lilzoo too. It must seem like yet another thing to think about though.

Sorry not to name check everyone I’m a bit out of it.

I started a parenting course today I have to do it in order to get DS seen by CAMHS but it’s a lovely bunch of mums, a nice informal setting and the leader is absolutely crazy in a good way 😂 It’s going to make for an intense couple of days each week I think (trauma course Tuesdays, this on Wednesdays!) but worth it.

ta da
✅up and showered early (I’m finding this so much easier now I’m making it a habit) ready to leave on time
✅designed another sheet for DS
✅parenting course
✅collected my last few tablets which I’d forgotten were still owing
✅swimming (half my usual amount but I’ve missed a couple of weeks due to the flare up so I’m just happy to be back)
✅booked quiet room for myself tomorrow (need some headspace after playgroup)

Lane glad its a nice bunch of people for parenting course

Tinselette I'm not surprised you feel desperate after the different diagnoses/doctors/abs and because it is taking so long to resolve.
And yes, I suppose Flylady does help with that sense of having a bit of control over things!

KTCluck den-building is the best!

KTCluck and Tinselette thanks for supportive words re: Friday.

I have close relatives in Ireland too so I definitely sympathise. After the official stuff we are off to a lovely friend's house and I suspect Ode to Joy may be played after a couple of or three!

That good luck with job hunting!

Bower hope you are going gently today!

Zoo good luck to Lil'Zoo with her assessment and so sorry to hear about school and LEA misrepresentations wrt your ds; sounds like awful money-saving/face-saving fudges. Despicable! And how dare they when the situation is already stressful enough for your ds and you and they are meant to be the ones offering support!

Waves to everyone. To cheer myself up have just made malt loaf (as relative very kindly brought me jar of malt extract from UK at Christmas) and some sultana and cheese scones. (Sultana and cheese varieties are separate entities!)

Oh I'm so sorry everyone you're all having such hard times , sending you all virtual hugs, tea, anything that might help a tiny bit, sometimes just knowing someone somewhere is reading your words helps I think

The dc are emotional and tired (what else is new?!) Flying wise I've not done much today as been to the shops and then did a bit of overtime. I have sorted some socks though and the dishwasher and washing machine are both on! Picked up groceries for the rest of the week and got some birthday presents for dd and for dd's friend too.

What's everyone doing for dinner tonight? We are having salmon and potatoes and veg with hollondaise sauce (not home made!) I need to get baking again. Need some cake for the naughty corner!

X post sc I see you are at the ready with baked goods!

My mother and sister are British citizens both living in Greece. They have residency but like you sc there's a lot of uncertainty hanging over them at the moment. My sister is actually coming over for a while today. I must remember I've to pick her up from the airport.

Foxes I'm making anything that can be taken from the freezer and shoved in the oven as that's all the enthusiasm I can muster for dinner tonight. DC will be fed at childminders so only me and DH yo feed.

We3kings I hope you have a lovely time with your sister and that things work out for her and your mother in Greece.

Foxes this time of year can be tiring/frustrating for littlies when they can't get out and about and there's little sunlight. Sorry you are absorbing the flack! Well done re: shopping and sock sorting!

That's so true about it helping knowing that someone somewhere is reading and one is not screaming in to a void as it were! That's why this thread is good I think.

It's school half day today so we have already had our main meal at lunch time - sausage tray bake with butternut squash, pots, onions, red peppers etc and some broccoli on the side. Veg soup tonight with bread and cheese.

Really need to re-start (for third time) my diet on 1st Feb. For real this time!

Not fully caught up yet but just wanted to quote this - I suppose the point of flying is to provide the scaffolding to get through this.

Willow that really resonates with what I feel I need now. I’m going to ponder that. Having the girls now in nursery and school is gradually imposing a bit of structure (which is benefiting me really with things like getting up and into the shower at a decent time). But housework needs to follow for sure. DH is actually much better at just getting on with stuff than me (does all washing up etc) but he’s more resistant to routine whereas I’m needing a plan.

I’m sorry DS isn’t responding too well to Ritalin. Is it instant release or slow release? It may be worth changing. My main issue at first was the comedown - when it wore off I got “extra ADHD” - more impulsive, less focus, really angry and emotional. We’ve gradually tweaked that - I now take two slow releases - larger first thing, and a smaller one later - which reduces the negative effects a lot by tapering it slower.

I forget if he also has an autism diagnosis/traits? The issue with ADHD meds is that (anecdotally) they seem to make the autism side more prominent. I am finding this myself I think (hard to tell to some extent as circumstances are putting a lot of pressure on me as well) - social anxiety, need for solitude, fixation OMFG the fixation 😭 it is a fine balancing act.

Waiting for DD to get home (she went to a HE friend’s after school), will have to see if she has homework and she has laundry to put away too. The males of the house are at taekwondo. Toddler is in front of peppa pig because my brain is done for the day!

Remember we are all sitting down and reading this when we choose and responding because we want to. I think sometimes IRL it’s harder to rant as you feel like you’re bothering people, but here you aren’t.

That’s a really good point too. I get really paranoid about venting too much. We’ve become one of those families where people are like wow, you’re dealing with so much, you must be superwoman errrr no. But I feel like if I say anything about how hard things are at the moment it will annoy people because it’s not actually anything new! To the extent that I turned down a quick catch up with our support worker today as I knew I’d just end up bombarding her with a load of worries! 🤦‍♀️ But I love this thread as everyone is so supportive and understanding and yes, we have all chosen to be here.

DD has maths homework but that can wait until after dinner. I suspect this will be oven pizza!