Fledglings flying into the Roaring Twenties! January 2020 Flylady thread, all welcome.

[LaneBoy]

Welcome to the first Flylady thread of the decade! This is a friendly ongoing thread where we follow (loosely. In some cases, very loosely. ) the Flylady method for sorting out our homes and lives!

Newbies are always welcome here! It’s a long running thread so please don’t worry if we appear cliquey. There’s a lot of chatter and support for all sorts of things, alongside the housework stuff.

Over recent months we have agreed that big lists of daily links aren’t necessary - on a daily basis I will post (if I remember... it is maybe 18 months since I last hosted so please forgive any screw ups ) a link to the launch pad, which is where you can access the information for that day - babysteps, missions, daily focus etc. But if you’re confused about anything, please ask!

Check out the website too - but we suggest not signing up for the millions of emails.

Information on getting started here.

The great thing about Flylady is that you jump in where you are. Everything you do is progress. Don’t worry about not “keeping up”. Any achievement, however small, means progress.

Anyway, huge thank you to Stressy for running our very busy December thread!

And... HAPPY NEW YEAR FLEDGLINGS!!!

It’s been quiet today! Rough day here. CBA with anything but just doing dinner as DH had a meeting.

ta da
✅remembered extra meds
✅sorted ST bag for DD
✅up, showered and toddler sorted etc for playgroup
✅made a point of telling the other playgroup leader (who is also childcare coordinator for our area) how pleased I am with the nursery and why
✅renewed my spirit (who cares it’s not Sunday?) by spending 90 mins drawing - first time since around new year I think. Sometimes support worker books the parents room for me so I can get some space once DH arrives to take Cagletini.
✅sent/responded to emails and messages about various annoying and awkward things (Senco happy to sort toilet pass though yay!)
✅booked dr appt for next month
✅phoned psych to request new appt and told them when I can’t do
✅collected glasses

Willow totally understand. It’s miserable isn’t it. I hate all that stuff like DLA forms. Doing my own PIP form in the past was horrible too. Whereas in other situations you can be more balanced - in the ed psych chat last week she said, so tell me about DS and I started with “well... he’s awesome” :o because all our kids are, of course ❤️

I am about ready to kill someone this evening (if it wasn’t the wrong date I’d swear I had raging PMT, but in fact it’s due to a change of plan this evening and getting mega stressed making dinner)

ta da
✅dinner
✅tried phoning psych again as I forgot to request prescription, but they shut at 4! Absolutely must do it tomorrow
✅asked DH to walk past Tesco to get ice cream after the meeting. It is very much needed.

Sympathy to all over EHCP/DLA and the awfulness of having to put down on paper all the hard stuff, done all that and will be doing PIP for DS in the next few months .

Well, Flying is not going well this week, doing the minimum really, just ticking over. I finished my tax return so that's something.

Evening fledglings - I've been a bit of a gadabout this week and gone out during the day a lot, which has been fun but not helped the housework situation. I should be in tomorrow though, so a bit of focus should see it all through. Must make lists, sometimes I just ignore them but occasionally I work through them and actually cross stuff off.

Doing lots of craft this week, tried different crafts and different groups. Doesn't really come under flying but one of my aims this year is to meet up with people more. Still cheesed off at the lack of family visitors to Chez Croissant, so will have to work on other visitors instead of getting upset about it.

Tinselette and zoo, take it easy if you can - you must both be shattered

Sorry that some of you are having a hard time at the moment💐

I am still having trouble sleeping. Then sleep late. Woke at 10 yesterday🤭 had plans after breakfast. I am trying to make sure I have something every morning. Plans went awry because DP had other plans and wanted to go to chose paving in the morning. Hmm I wanted to go in the afternoon. Anyway after he spent hours on the Internet we went to a local place in a large village where we often shop. We found some there and it was cheaper as not as popular so £20 a metre instead of £40 -50. 👍 it also meant we didn’t have to go into the city to all the places on his list. Being local helps. He let us take a piece of stone home to check the match and it looks fine. Delivery in two or three days so just waiting for Builder to agree. This is something that has needed doing for a long time. They are coming next week. I am getting pipes blocked in and a new bookcase.😀 as well. And a log store nearer to the house for when it snows.

Back still a problem but walk out helped.

Ta Da for Thursday
Washed up breakfast dishes.
Ironing DH actually offered to do some.
Washed up lunch dishes and wiped all worktops.
Watered plants.
Found diary.
DH did fire.

Morning! Some weird flying yesterday as I seem to be ignoring the zones and cleaning what appears to need it.

Ta Das (since drs appt yesterday)
✓ went through Equivalent Fractions with DS3. Have concluded the problem is his literal thinking - he can't reason from the process the teacher showed him to doing it the same but with different numbers. If she multiplied by 2, that's what he does. Always. If that doesn't give a sensible answer, then the question must be wrong, because he's applied the process.
✓ made packed lunches
✓ kept food and movement diary for DS3
✓ sent WhatsApps to arrange meetups with old school friends for DS
✓ asked County for help with local home ed / parent support groups
✓ made sausage casserole
✓ cleaned the oven (? Why?)
✓ sat with DS3 while he researched equivalent fractions on Youtube. Turns out there are some much better explanations on there that play to his strengths.
✓ reviewed DS3's grades at online school. Need to email the humanities teacher who is giving woolly instructions then getting cross with him for interpreting them his way. If she wants a specific outcome, she needs to be a lot more precise with her language.
✓ got two more doses of eyedrops and hot compresses into DS3.
✓ hoovered our bedroom
✓ helped DS2 do a quick tidy before his Not Girlfriend came round.

To Dos for today

• Washed, dressed to shoes, hair and face, teeth brushed etc (have been finding it really hard to bother this week, usually a sign I'm going back down the well)
• DW rotation and kitchen clean
• DS3 to change his bed and help with washing Homeschool work - make a poster to teach technical drawing skills (thanks, Bower* for the tip about not understanding ruler use; I think that's a lot of the problem) and practical maths (calculating the centre of the sheet etc)
• Online school homework - I need to sit with him for this and make sure he's understood properly.
• Email snotty humanities teacher
• Email lovely maths teacher and explain about literality with methods
• Research 11+ support system that we can administer in case we decide it's the right thing.
• Find out where we are with the OT
• Talk to DH about possible children's pilates class for DS3 and DD - will cost money, but building core strength should help both
• Fakeaway curry for tea, thank god it's mostly out of a jar! Wake DS2 to do his maths right now*!

Ok, must be off. Also want to get in half an hour drawing in my bullet journal - have decided it's an excellent form of self care.

Hope all poorly / sore people and small people are on the up. Nearly the weekend now!

Still trying to catch up after letting things slide on Tuesday.

Only ta-da's for this morning
S&S
Ironing
LOL
Everyone up washed and dressed although not quite in time so had to stick my wet hair in a bun and it's not quite the weather to be waking round with wet hair.

Will get cracking this afternoon and get myself back on track.

Morning all. Bleary eyed this morning. Think I’m adjusting to getting more sleep - nursery is definitely helping Cagletini to get into more of a normal sleep pattern (although still nowhere near normal enough for me to not be ashamed 😳)

Willow are you on FB? Everything home ed is done via FB here really (Sussex). Lots of “home education [town name]” groups on there where people post social meets, workshops, regular clubs. It really does depend on the area. If only we were near each other, our boys sound somewhat similar!

Been discussing with DH the idea of having certain chores for DD in the evenings. Nothing heavy just general contributing. DS is getting better at just chipping in when asked (and has even started tidying the odd thing when bored!) but we tend to just let DD relax when she’s in from school. But then she ends up on her phone ALL evening. And yes she needs to decompress of course but it’s also affecting her mood and energy levels. Even getting her to watch a screaming Cagletini so I could do dinner was a major chore last night.

What chores do your teens do after school? I’m just thinking washing up one evening, help cook dinner another that kind of thing. We keep meaning to sort out a particular day for each child’s laundry too. So she can chill with her phone for a bit first but then has to do a couple of things and her homework before getting her phone back or having time on the switch/YouTube. She does do better with routine although I know she is also now much more structured/contained at school now so I’m also wary of not letting her relax enough.

Thoughts? 💐

Morning! About to make myself a strong coffee and tell myself I'm motivated to sort the house out. Let's hope it works

Watching with interest about the chores because my DD does none! She will happily spend the entire evening with a laptop and headphones on and frequently needs reminding about homework and music practice, although she does do it off her own bat occasionally.

DH is doing OK with SW, a smaller loss this week but going in the right direction. We do seem to be using a LOT more cooking equipment though! Maybe the washing up would be a good chore to start with

Actually one of our current to do list tasks is to sort out getting a dishwasher. We had the form from the housing association (need permission to take a cupboard out) but they want quotes etc. Aaaaargh. Stresses me out. But it will make such a huge difference to us. In the meantime it’s washing up all the way.

✅got me and Cagletini up and dressed
✅played piano - sort of my homework for the course
✅DS set up with maths and now doing english
✅discussed chores and screen rules with DH
✅tried phoning psychiatrist again 🙄🙄🙄

Need to figure out some more work for DS over the next few days. He’s nearly finished his English workbook (we are just kind of ticking over with that at the moment) and I need to see what else we’ve got lurking (I have been terrible for buying lots of resources and then not using them but I’m determined to use stuff up now!)

The irony is I’ve always felt strongly that kids should do chores. It’s all part of becoming independent adults (so perhaps even more important they are taught if they have SN and will struggle more). But I think the guilt of having to get them to do stuff a lot - they are in that middle ground of being affected by our health issues, but not enough for Young Carers - makes me hesitant. I have a huge amount of guilt about how they miss out on stuff because we aren’t well enough to do some things (not to mention earn the money for others). Plus the energy involved in managing them is hard to find so DH normally just gets on with stuff (it does annoy me when he does their laundry though as they’ve been happily doing that start to finish for a few years now). Plus the guilt at having a messy cluttered house anyway so I can’t expect them to know how to tidy... sigh. But there are plenty of things they could do I think.

We said this morning we are going to make a blank chart and laminate it to write her homework plan in each week, but I think we could also write in what she has to do in the evenings (even if it’s just take the bins out or watch Cagletini while we do dinner).

In all honesty Lane dd does very little after school and not much at weekends either although if she does do stuff it is mainly related to emptying dw, laying table and clearing table or walking dogs/brushing dogs or hoovering or dhorse of course.

It's mainly because she has a load of hwk, and also if I'm honest because she is usually quite tired after school, sprawled on sofa with ear-buds in, does genuinely need to chill out for a bit, and gets quite stroppy when asked and I usually can't face another row as the atmosphere is already quite "tense".

It's not something I am happy about and I feel I am failing as a parent tbh by letting her get away with it, but she is under a lot of pressure atm with everything and very "tinder box". Also, I am up against dh who, when he is here, runs her everywhere, constantly makes her snacks, does her photocopying at the office, doesn't make her follow through on stuff, because he feels guilty about being away so much. And I don't have the energy to battle both of them tbh. Nor do I want to encourage the "wicked witch" v "fun Daddy" dynamic although that's already a lost cause I think ... .

I don't think we are doing her any favours by letting her get away with it though. Getting her started is the issue, she is pretty good once underway.

We always start out with lots of new initiatives every year, and start off well, but it dwindles to nothing again. In her defense, her bedroom is tidier than the boudoir atm, so I can't fault her for that. And she does happily join in family bed-making every w/e. She is also very helpful when we are entertaining and others are here (although this drove me mad at Christmas because she tended to only do stuff when the rellies were clocking it, and when we were alone left me to it and disappeared off to her room!!). Teenagers eh?

My only consolation is that she had a full "chore" list between 8-14 yrs which she did reasonably consistently. So she is fairly competent when she does do stuff. She even cooked us a meal once a week at that age! With teens though, it's a whole different ball game. Most difficult period of parenting for me so far anyway ... .

Been lurking for the last few days, but never seems to be enough time to really catch up and join in!

Re chores, my 2 DD15 and DS10 have a list of chores to do throughout the week. I really need to update that though. Basically involves 1 LOL a day, emptying DW and loading dirty (we add to it after dinner & start it before I go to bed). Vacuuming and mopping entire house twice a week (I don't expect it to be done to my standards, but they do a good job), clean the bathroom. Pick up poop and dusting is on the list too. Usually they split the jobs between them and only have to spend 30 minutes to an hour on chores a day, after homework. They're home 2 hours before I get home so it's all usually done and they're on phones/ Xbox so still get lots of unwinding done.

I will add that only the LOL and DW are daily, everything else is either once or twice a week. Chores don't hurt them even though I do feel guilty sometimes with how much they do, even they tell me themselves that it's not that much/ that bad.

Not too much info at all SC I appreciate it! And you’re not failing. Fighting against that good cop bad cop dynamic must be incredibly hard - especially as the whole reason is that you’re the one left with it a lot of the time when he’s away. 😡 Him being all indulgent is not fair on you and it’s not fair on DD either really.

I’d be interested to know what was on said list when she was younger please?

For us it’s going to have to build up slowly I think. We still have a huge amount of decluttering to do. Everything just builds up so quickly. DH got the hallway perfectly clear around Christmas and now it’s worse than ever! Really it’s DH and I who need a schedule as we are rubbish at this but I figure if we gradually increase it with the Caglets involved then it might be easier than trying to suddenly reel them in at a later date.

Thank you also hazel that’s fantastic that they get on with stuff before you even get home!

Lane thanks for support I've tried telling dh he is not doing dd any favours by letting her off chores etc and that it's ultimately not fair on her, but he can't help himself. He's the same with the dogs tbh too! Gives them too many snacks and confuses them with inconsistency! Grrrrr. (Not comparing the two of course but its the same principle.)

We had an illustrated star chart in the early years - I remember drawing it out - which I found Octoberish last year when going through the home office while looking for papers for nationality application; I think I kept it for sentimental purposes (hell, I seem to have kept everything else as is evident from the state of the place!! ) but can't for the life of me remember where I put it, but will try and find it once this very busy period is over. I know some of the tasks included feeding guinea pigs, and another was distributing loo rolls (long, tall house) and another was prepping veg as I recall! And simple things like hanging up coat, putting shoes neatly on stairs, hanging up back-pack etc. We've had various timetabled charts over the years as well as ones detailing what to do on which day. Maybe some of it will have rubbed off ... .

Tb totally honest though, and thinking about it some more, and to be totally fair to dd, as with all things relating to parenting tbh, I think the over-riding influence on them is our example as parents ... and as I regularly veer between "guest ready" and "total shambles", and am not the most domesticated of people and find choring very boring (although I do like a shiny scrubbed kitchen and bathroom) I can't really blame dd for being a bit a lot inconsistent about things ... . It's probably rather hypocritical of me to expect otherwise ... .

In summary: I need to step up and improve my consistency wrt choring and hopefully that will rub off a bit! She won't be at home for that much longer either [dabs corner of eye with hankie] so if I'm ever going to do it, I'd better get on with it ... .

Just read Hazel's post - that is really impressive - both what your dc do and you having organised it all and got them to do it

lane teen years and homework=nothing done her after-school
Routine is snack,homework.veg on devices.dinner.read/shower in whichever order.bed for lil zoo< and D's before things went tits up>
Dd2 has done wash up/pop shops but not anymore as homework increased and then things went tits up MH...
I'm happy if laundry makes basket,I'm informed with minimum 24 he notice clothes/goods required for school and that homework and hygiene are done on weekdays(if beds are made and rooms tidy it's a double win)
Bedrooms are sorted on weekends and D's will help with other things if asked then as long as she's coherent,not freaking outthings like litter pick garden,wash into machine/drier and hoovering stairs are undertaken.tidy front room if given clear instruction on what wants doing i do wet meat as D's can't do it without pickle,but he and lil zoo put down kibble for cats.i do littertray,bathroom and kitchen cleaning
Agree with SC preteen was easier/compliance guaranteed
And SC dp is same so it's frustrating being the evil one

willow I add I'm impressed by your home helpers.how much do they charge an hour and are they available in the east of England??

willow apologies,that was aimed at hazel

Another dh moan I'm afraid. I am in kitchen serving dinner. I can hear "puppy" whimpering in other room (she has started to do this recently, it's totally for attention as she has been walked twice, fed, watered, had mental stimulation/20 min "find the sausage" training today etc but she is very full on/high energy) anyway dh is sitting right next to her watching the news and isn't correcting her immediately as trainer suggested with a "look at me" command.

It drives me nuts! If he is watching the news, we could be walking through the room on fire/naked/wearing a clown's outfit and he wouldn't ruddy notice. Grrrrrrrrrr. I should add this isn't the first time he's watched the news today either so it's not as though he is watching anything new/riveting. Double grrrrrrr.

What is it with men and their ability to totally cut themselves off with abdicate responsibility from what is happening all around them?

zoo I think both my DC would be happy to help - for the cost of 2 plane tickets from U.S! Both actually really enjoy helping other people in other people's homes, but sometimes they just avoid chores at home. They would rather be cleaning someone else's home, and have done when staying with DHs family, usually not as clean as ours to start with though tbh, as they do a great job.

That reminds me of a time my DN was staying with us a few days and told her she needs to help as well, said she can help mop and just do the kitchen (she was about 10 at the time, same age as DD). She asked about a mop - we get on our hands and knees as I miss dirt with a mop. You would have thought I'd told her I'm cutting off an arm lol! She took so long doing it that DD finished her rooms and took over in the kitchen. She knows what to expect now when she comes to stay, I treat her the same as my kids so it takes less time to clean overall.

Ta Das so far today:
Cleaning out my desk, threw a bunch of stuff away I don't want to take with me. Hoping I don't cry this afternoon, but not so sure I won't. I'm feeling the love at work today, since it's my last day.

Interesting reading about DC chores. Mine don't do a huge amount ATM (age 14 and 16). DD gets in from school at 4.30, DS stays to homework club at least 3 days a week and I pick him up on my way home from work, getting in about 6. Then we all go out most nights for various activities plus homework/revising. So really all they do on weekdays is the dishwasher, a bit of tidying, cook the odd meal. Weekends they do bedrooms and change their beds, run the vac round or other odd jobs. I get them doing more in the school holidays.

Willow for core strength for DCs have you considered climbing? My DS has been going to a local wall for a couple of years and it has massively improved his upper body strength.

Hazel enjoy your last day in your job!

Chores wise I'm trying to train the youngest to put things in the bin. He's not even 1.5 yet though so that's still a work in progress.
Next youngest is 5 he has to take his dishes through to the kitchen when he's finished with them. Clear up toys after himself. Put away some of his ironing and he will occasionally straighten the sofa cushions even without asking.
Next is my 8 year old who is really helpful and actually sees mess and will respond to it without prompting from me. For example if he walks past the washing basket and there are things strewn around it rather than on top of it he will just pick them up and put them in. Apart from me and him everyone else doesn't seem to see things like this. He will attempt to change his bed sheets sometimes and will tidy his room or other bits and bobs when asked. And then does the same as the 5yo. Oh and he and eldest also take turns to dry the dishes.
Eldest is the laziest kid I've ever met in my life and every request to do something usually results on me reminding him 100 times and then the 8 year old ends up doing it for him 🙄.

Had to come home early from college because my childminder was Ill so got a few bits done
✔️2 lots of ironing
✔️LOL
✔️ homework with DS2
✔️reading with DS3
✔️bath and bed for little 2
✔️ took eldest 2 to cubs and picked them up again
✔️ college work
✔️ meal plan done
✔️ nipped to Lidl for a few bits and will do big shop tomorrow
✔️ dishes

Thank you for further thoughts on housework stuff! I’ve not read the last few posts yet and just signing in before journal writing and sleep so I’ll catch up tomorrow.

Been a bit out of it today so not got much done.

ta da
✅FINALLY got through to order prescription
✅realised we also need to add “getting ready for clubs” (and school bag etc for the next day) to the “must be done before being allowed back on her phone” rule. Hopefully discuss all this fully over the weekend
✅looked through/edited notes on a tricky subject I need to talk to FSW about

Right now I need to get my swimsuit out of the washer (I can foresee it getting washed too hot and tumble dried if I don’t), do some online banking/PayPal for some home ed stuff, write journal then sleep.

Tomorrow I need to make sure stuff is ready for the tip (DSS kindly collecting some stuff for us and the Caglets are in charge of breaking it up first), sort DD’s hair at some point, make sure she’s packed for sleepover and has a card/gift, renew library books, make myself vaguely presentable and meet friend for a drink/maybe lunch