#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

Great news about your DH being unexpectedly helpful @GlumyGloomer! I completely empathise with wanting your old life back; honestly when I had that dream about going to the pub with work friends I could have cried. I never thought I'd feel so trapped (not helped by lockdown!) or that DP would be such a reluctant parent. Plenty of my friends go out for meals, drinks, nights out etc and I'm stuck at home. Once the DC are finally back at school I'll be job hunting again, but no idea how I'll manage work and childcare, as DP won't participate at all.

Good to hear from you again @Nettleskeins, always useful for me to know someone else who's survived twins - I take my hat off to you having three small DC at the same time!! Well done on the decluttering, your DH sounds a bit reluctant to help though? Or is he just lacking in time to do it?

Messy play is always useful for odds and ends @SingToTheSky! I gave lots of puzzles and toys to the DC's old nursery, but of course they can only take ones in good condition, and preferably wipe clean too. Books have gone to a friend who works in hospital to drop off in the children's ward (not sure if you can still do that?) but a fair amount is just clutter kids seem to love plastic tat unfortunately!

@ASatisfyingThump sounds like you've made a good start!

The decluttering has been temporarily abandoned here whilst I count down the minutes days to the DC returning to school. I just don't have enough time/ energy to get the house back to a decent state with them here 24/7! I'm starting work on my meal planning and am determined to overhaul my lifestyle too, work in more activity etc. Unfortunately DP says he wants to get fit and healthy but his habits are the exact opposite I really want the DC to be active kids but it's hard when he'd rather sit on the sofa all day, every day at the weekend!

DH is a collector and he deals in "old things", so he doesn't really see the arrangement of the house as a functional issue. He likes tidy rooms but doesnt like parting with books or toys the children have liked.
He was very helpful with the kids and used to sit and play, read to them for hours, so he has a very sentimental emotional attachment to their trainsets, dollshouses, soft toys. Luckily he never cared about dolls(!) So I ws always able to give those away...(although truth be told I miss the Barbie collection...)
I'm more phlegmatic now, I try and do a bit, and not let anxiety overwhelm me, and live for the day, enjoy little things, whilst being more commonsensical about small things that help (like taking rubbish out or wiping worktops)
And then bigger decisions often follow. I managed to move the kitchen after years of quarrelling, and that has been wonderful (DH reluctant to lose the "playroom" for kids, I wanted kitchen there, onto garden)
Honestly I think marriage is just a long series of bitter negotiations

We quarrelled about garden for years too...it is quite muddy and I wanted a dry patio, he liked the "green" view. I'm sure it ws just incompatible temperament not that either of us was "wrong"..but garden is lovely now and they have all grown up!!!

Clara, DH ws not exactly sporty, but he did like taking kids to "sights" and doesn't drive, so I suppose they got some exercise that way.
I used to walk with them to parks, that was my only exercise. Once I learnt to drive the weight piled on alas. The dog helps now with exercise. But having a dog is like another toddler.

I've done a lot of the laundry backlog today, and things are drying in sunshine, which is uplifting. And I've managed to move some garden rubbish from front to back.
DH must have been secretly reading this thread because he has just appeared with a large bag of rubbish from ds2 (who is at uni)'s room and said he has hoovered it and the landing...wonders will not cease. He hasn't hoovered his own workroom (upstairs) for ten years but said he wanted to "make me happy" I also think he likes watching football matches in there when it isn't covered with Dd art Foundation debris...nothing like other people's mess to cure you of your own blindspots

Reread for the 4th time a Barry Unsworth book I keep meaning to declutter. But tormented by thoughts that ds2 might need to know about 18th c coal mining and then don't get the courage to chuck it. Ridiculous how much energy even one paperback takes out of me, it is like fighting a dragon on horseback.

Progress in the study

@Nettleskeins if your DH would still like some small DC to entertain, feel free to send him round here

My DP just has no patience with them - he'd rather stick them in front of the computer/ TV for hours on end. I keep telling him that they want attention, and someone to play with, and someone to listen to - but it doesn't sink in, he ignores them till they're bouncing off the walls and then he gets cross with them. DTS1 has been an absolute horror today too and I just feel wrung out, completely shattered; then DP got home and wouldn't help putting them to bed, just faffed around downstairs so they wouldn't start getting ready for bed either.

'A long series of bitter negotiations' is about right!! I would really like our (very small) kitchen set up in a different way, but DP doesn't think it's necessary as he does zero cooking and doesn't have to cope with it , so the plans always get put on the back burner...

I keep thinking about getting a dog, but I know the DC (who are desperate for one) would be bored with walking/ feeding/ picking up poo very soon, and then it would be me stuck with it for years. And yes, I don't feel ready to have effectively another toddler to look after, particularly when DTS1 is so difficult at the moment!

Oh that is really hard Clara; fwiw, dh did also love watching dvds with the kids ...it wasnt all "educational".....I think he came back from work and found weekends pretty exhausting. Watching telly and going to the cinema with them ws important to him. He found it annoying that I always wanted to clean instead of "sharing the moment" hmm.
I think you are doing brilliantly to get through these exhausting days, and if you want to rejig kitchen you should insist on being heard. Hopefully when they are back at.school there will be time to breathe and consider things.

Hi everyone
Nettle that sounds like lots of progress. I,'m absolutely drowning in laundry, no matter how hard I try. Books are really tough. I think it helps that I've not had time to read for years. I also really focus on the fact that I don't need the book to keep all the memories associated with it.
,Clara sending a hug. The kids will be back to school soon, and then you'll get a breather. Definitely insist on the kitchen. Food prep is such an essential part of life, point out that if he wants you to do all the cooking he needs to let you judge if the kitchen is fit for purpose.
Hi Thump sounds like you're off to a good start.

I've got another box of books going today, down to 5 crates (yay!). I'm really hoping those books will fit into my under bed storage, as I'm really down to my essentials now.
Slightly annoying conversation with Dh yesterday. We were talking about what to save for after phase 1 of house repairs is done. Dh wants to save to basically replace most of his clothes (which are old, but not as old as mine). I pointed out we should save double so I can get new clothes too. The answer was something along the lines of "I guess, since you'll be working quite soon". Basically he thinks it's fine for me to look and feel like a tramp because I'm just a sahm
On the other hand I explained that I'm using the money from my latest book sales to buy a treat for me (new jewellery box, my old one broke and then I botched a repair which made it worse) and he was supportive of that. All previous money made on books went into the kids birthdays/Christmas, so I'm quite excited to get something nice for me.

It's good to have goal, re the books Glumy.
Mine is to be able to do admin in my study. Before sorting I couldn't find anything or put anything away, it was just full of unfulfilled hopes and dreams that never got started! I been through a box of newspaper cuttings and home improvement articles that I had already "sorted and refined" and just chucked most. With things the way they are, nothing will get done, it is better for me to keep focusing on decluttering for its own obvious benefits! Space, light, air, less housework to tidy things, easier to clean etc with less stuff.

Now I have a whole box of (ordinary) picture frames, without pictures in them. They are going in the loft whilst I consider. Probably should chuck them but need time to consider the issue. DD is going to art college, might she need them???

I wouldn't mind DP watching TV with the DC so much @Nettleskeins if he didn't fall asleep whilst doing it and then get annoyed if anyone dares to wake him up but yes, I think he hopes/ expects the weekends to be 'relaxing', whereas with small DC (or ours, at least) it's very far from that...

Could you keep the photo frames for presents? Or holiday souvenirs? I often get a load of photos printed then make a collage in photo frames for us or others, it's a good way of cramming lots of memories into a small space!

@GlumyGloomer my DP will often comment that I'm wearing worn out clothes (because I do) but then if I buy something like a new top, he reacts as though I've bought haute couture with a £££ price tag rather than picked up one at Tesco whilst I'm shopping either way, I'm hoping that once I've lost a bit of weight I'll be able to dig out my old pre-DC clothes from the loft and it'll be like a whole new wardrobe! or the closest I'm going to get

That's fab about your books though! Well done on making some money from them!!

Hi, I'm popping back on this thread! I've caught up with it again. Seeing the photo of the beautiful study is quite inspirational for me! Thanks for sharing it.

I tidied a small area of my bedroom yesterday. I'm going for a bit by bit type of process. The decision making is the hardest part. I tried just 'doing it' without overthinking things and that helped. Sometimes I get stuck trying to think of the perfect solution to my mess, but I have to accept that done is better than perfect! I'll be happy and relived when I clear up my bedroom, it's a real mess at the moment.

It was interesting reading about how cupboards are hiding the items that are used the least and that if they could be sorted out then some other things could get homed in them and then rooms could be emptier and clearer and less cluttered!

My head is my worst enemy, thinking about a job that needs doing is worst than just getting on and doing it!

I'm just starting on iron tablets because my iron levels are really low, so I am hoping in a few weeks that I will feel better and that they tablets will help.

I'm going to clean the bathroom sink tomorrow and sort out some of the recycling. I am really trying to be focused! Some jobs just need sorting out and then hopefully I can stay on top of them.

I'm in Australia so I'm in a different time zone to everyone else on this thread!

Hi down :)

No progress here, some stuff I had already decided on has actually left the house though - the three bags of old clothes were collected this morning, and yesterday DH took the other clothes we donated to nursery.

Hello, hello!! I've just caught up, although I know there has been a lot I've missed from about 6 months ago. I'm snatching a window of opportunity that my laptop has had another rest, and is allowing me to use it. Unfortunately, I don't know how much time I'll have on it before it crashes, crashes, crashes...and I give up again.

You are all so good. I'm still living in a pigsty. I'm totally sick of it, and need to get on with it. I'm a procrastinator too as I know I've said before, and it's not getting any easier or better, so I need to get on with it.

The study picture looks fab! I'd love to be so tidy. :)

Books, fabric, knitting yarns, and all associated things are my downfall. I too am emotionally attached to my things, but I can't use any of it because I'm so cluttered.

I also still haven't got the very essential works done in my house, and I really need to.

And losing weight would mean that I too could wear some lovely clothes that I've been hanging onto too! Instead of wearing some rubbish that I don't even like very much.

I'm going to try to keep up with you all. It's lovely to see you all still here (although if we would sort it all out, we wouldn't need to be here), and I wonder what happened to some of our original members like @Babieseverywhere ? I hope they got sorted :)

I wiped down the bathroom sink, and sorted out quite a huge pile of recycling. It's not perfect but I'm certainly glad I tackled these jobs today. I got a load of towels in the washing machine, and DH hung them out for me.

I'm making small steps, but definitely feel good for a 'small and often' mindset at the moment.

@ClaraTheImpossibleGirl and @Solo I also have a wardrobe full of beautiful things which are patiently waiting for me to lose weight 😟 Decluttering would mean a defeat and acceptance of my today’s body, the body which I dislike so much that I dress it in old, nearly worn-out clothes, and apply only the oldest of my skincare products onto.

Since June 2020 I have been on a no-buy with regard to clothes, shoes, bags, and accessories. This means I won’t buy new items until I reduce my hoard to the target number of items in each category. I struggle to declutter so I’m ‘using up’ my items by having seven outfits on rotation (one for each day of the week 📅) – my plan is to wear and wash them until they completely wear out and become unmendable. My current outfits consist of my oldest items of the largest size. It's good that not many people can see me due to the lockdown restrictions! 👀

I started my no-buy with 257 items across 25 categories (I created a comprehensive inventory in Excel to catalogue and track all of my clothing items). My ultimate goal is to have a maximum of five items in each category, i.e. 125 items in total. However, in the last eight months I’ve managed to ‘use up’ and throw away only three of those items, so this journey will probably last for ages.

A couple of years ago I did declutter all the clothes that didn't fit at that moment. Now under threat of t2 diabetes I'm trying to lose weight. I managed 5kg, enough to make my jeans loose and unflattering, but I'm stuck and can't make it into the next size down

The 12-18 month baby clothes are gone or soon to be going. Some are being sent off to a friend, and a charity bag through the door mopped up the rest. A couple of things inbound as I organise my jewellery. I've ordered a bangle box, still dithering over which main box to get. My options are 1, a very pretty box, (like the broken one) with a few auxiliary boxes, or 2, a big mega box which would hopefully take everything (except the bangles obviously) but is not pretty. Asked my friends and it came back a 50/50 split so they're no help, lol. Dh votes pretty box, because it has a dragon on it. He does make a good point...

Solo, sending you "you can do it" vibes.

Ive no jewellery to speak of. I went through a stage of keeping piles of broken necklaces (not valuable.but pretty beads) that I was going to "mend" or repurpose. But slowly Ive just.chucked them. It helped that the cat got in the drawer and mistook it for a litter box .
Ive also lost both rings, and the replacement. I wear no jewellery. Not for moral reasons, just forgotten "how to"'. Also have a nickel or silver allergy so.only pure gold will do!!!
I gave away the clothes that didnt fit me many years ago, but that ws ten years after they had stopped fitting me. I dont recommend waiting, as theywell all hadover moth by then....

Im convinced that when I finally sort out the house, my wedding rings will reappear last time I mislaid one it reappeared in the hardly used DIY kit cupboard. Then when I dusted the top of a cupboard many moons ago,I found my phillips.screwdriver. Things reboot when you try a different tack!

Margo, I think you are "allowed" some nice new things that flatter the wiser more venerable you!
There are some things I give thanks for every day, that have come into my life only recently - my warm dressing gown and my fleecy dog walking boots. Im happy to recycle some more glamorous aspects of my life (goodbye too small taffeta jacket) to accomodate these purchases....

Hello again @DownUdderer and @Solo!

Well done on some decluttering @SingToTheSky. When the charity shop opens again I've got a pile of stuff to go there (again!) - some good stuff and some worn out stuff, which they get cash for recycling. For now however it's cluttering up the bedroom

@CherryMargo I'm in awe of your Excel wardrobe I'm sad that you are sad about your body though - I've been there and I know it's very tough. My DC are now at the "too honest for their own good" stage so I'm trying to take it as constructive criticism; today's comment was "I love cuddling up to you Mummy, you're so soft and squishy" Have you read the Idiot Proof Diet? The diet itself is low carb, which didn't really suit me, but there's a section about loving/ appreciating yourself which I did find useful. (Although I'm no longer an India Knight fan after reading some of the stuff on here about her!)

I vote pretty box too @GlumyGloomer!! And I stuck with some maternity clothes for ages as even when I lost weight I found some things too restrictive round my C-sectioned tum. In fact I probably still have some of the trousers in my wardrobe 'just in case'

I lost a ring in the car today @Nettleskeins. Hoping that will turn up at some point! Your fleecy dog walking boots sound great, I've been looking for some similar but all the ones I've tried have been mega uncomfortable. Maybe I need to try them for longer...

I've cleaned the kitchen sink today, it's looking lovely. I chucked out some broken drinks bottles, decluttered the sink area and wiped it all down. I'm glad I did it, it looks so nice! I decluttered ten things from the dining table. A small amount of progress feels good for me today.

I think there's a lot of good feelings that come from dressing nicely. I know it can cost a fortune but I've bought so many nice things from ebay, second hand. I know comfort is also important! But if you're feeling down because you don't think you look good perhaps a nice outfit would lift your spirits.