#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

@SingToTheSky of course, you're very welcome. It's here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/food_and_recipes/4028036-Recipe-review-club?msgid=102023518#102023518

That sounds really hard with everyone needing different things. Do you have a decent freezer? You could make individual portions, then maybe once a week make something you love while everyone else can have what they fancy from the freezer. Sorry to hear your Dh is suffering so much.

Thanks Glumy I’ve joined and will read back soon :)

Our freezer is average sized (sadly our plans of a massive American fridge freezer couldn’t happen as not enough space) but there isn’t much room for batch cooking as bread products tend to go in there (we don’t eat enough to keep it out) and then frozen veg although TBH batch cooked stuff would be a much better use of space as texture wise the frozen veg isn’t great and often isn’t eaten as well as the fresh version, it’s just a bit tricky as it takes a lot more energy to do fresh (I get a lot of hand pain etc) - mind you we are trying to get the big two to help more so they could do more peeling etc. And theoretically if the main part of the meal was done I’d have more energy to do that anyway. We rely far too much on convenience food lately and one of us enjoy it TBH. It all just feels a bit overwhelming!

Anyway. No decluttering. DH is sleeping off the new meds plus it’s his weekly osteo meds day too which wipes him out at the best of times. Gah.

It's a lovely recipe thread @GlumyGloomer, great idea! (And I hope your book writing goes well when you can escape from toddler wrangling!!) I'm trying to do another couple of 'big' shops in the next week or so and then avoid the shops till after Christmas, so will be making better use of my freezer. I do need to give the kitchen a really good clean still but can't decide if it's just procrastination when I should be getting on with cooking and job hunting

@SingToTheSky have you had a look at the Batch Lady cookbook? I found some of the ideas very helpful, and definitely use more frozen veg now! We do get a fresh veg delivery but frozen is very convenient.

I didn't get the job I went for last week - trying to tell myself that it's their loss but it's just annoying, I could have done the job easily and the hours were great too. There was no negative feedback, in fact they were very nice and said it was just that someone else had more experience, therefore there's nothing else I could have done... still, very irritating.

I haven't seen my friend again so haven't needed to think of reasons not to talk to her, but interestingly two other mums at school have been telling me of their DC's struggles with ASD! Sing if you are interested, I'm also on a preppers thread here which I have mainly joined because there are certain foods I need to keep in the house all the time due to DS1's very fussy eating habits; there are a few people on there with the same concern! Might help you too if that's something you need to think about?

@SingToTheSky I get the steam fresh frozen veg. It's a bit more pricey than the big standard, but worth it because as you say it actually gets eaten. Not very eco of us I suppose, but it's my absolute saviour at the moment. I also find things like frozen chopped onion, mushrooms and peppers great to cook with. I sympathise about the freezer, in our last place we had a tiny one, and no room for anything bigger. Sounds very tough for you and your Dh, be kind to yourself and don't stress about less other stuff getting done for a bit.

@ClaraTheImpossibleGirl sorry you didn't get the job, but at least you got good feed back. Hopefully an even better job is just around the corner.
Dh has started making noises about wanting a new job. He's been at his current one for 2 years, which is about as long as he's been in any job. He gets mopey about not actively learning new skills through work, and thinks he could get 10k more elsewhere. Maybe he's right, personally I'd stay put though. From experience job hunting soaks up an awful lot of his time and I rather selfishly would rather he spent that time on the house and with the kids.

Is there much out there for your DH @GlumyGloomer - does he usually find it easy to obtain a new position? I guess if he's in a sector/ role where he can change easily enough, he may get more money. Although in the current climate I'd tend to agree with you that he should stay put, at least he's entitled to redundancy should the worst happen, and like you say he would have even less time to spend with his family in the meantime!

Well, DP came home in a massively argumentative mood, I'm very pleased that he's fallen asleep during the DC's bedtime no idea why as we haven't argued and he didn't mention work being tough or anything... just arrived spoiling for a fight about Christmas. We usually go to PIL and they invite a few other people too, ends up being about a dozen of us. Obviously the new rules have only just been announced and we hadn't discussed it with them, but I assumed they'd say to the non-family members that they wouldn't be able to come this year... nope, MIL is carrying on as normal. I would add at this point that MIL is lovely, and very thoughtful, but neither of PIL seem to think that COVID is a particular threat and are just carrying on as they would do at any other time...

So yes, DP was very antagonistic and kept repeating "well YOU won't want to go. YOU want to stick to the rules all the time. I'M going and I'm taking the kids. YOU do what you want!" - I was completely taken aback and said it wasn't about the rules as such, more common sense of not bringing half a dozen households together in a restricted space for a whole day. We had to end the 'discussion' there as it was the hellish time that is the DC's bedtime, but I'm still quite shocked and sad. On reflection, no, I don't want to go if PIL won't change their plans at all, I'd rather be at home on my own or volunteer at a charity event if I can find one - but I'm a bit sad thinking about it

Hi everyone. I hope all is well with you. Sorry I'm a bit absent these days, I'm still without a laptop and the small screens of phones don't do much good to my cataracts .

Hi solo sorry you can’t get on much! We miss you!

Clara that sucks about ILs.

Glumy ugh job hunting at this time of year is a bit of a leap even without covid I think!

Can’t remember what else I was going to say except thank you for the batch lady recommendation, I’ll try and get those from the library. Thankfully DS doesn’t have a need for particular brands of anything so it’s not too much of a worry. In fact we had a conversation about them eating more foods - there are a few they are “not keen on” and really they CAN eat those (especially things like fish fingers which they used to happily eat) - and then we will have a list of things they REALLY can’t stand (such as melon which even the smell of makes DD1 feel sick) and they will never have to have those. Hopefully it’ll widen their tastes a little bit without being awful.

Sorry not relevant to hoarding/decluttering! I’ve done nothing at all lately except gathering a bag of board books for the nursery, and going through all the bedding to get rid of a load.

Annoyingly our ikea order never showed up and their phone lines/online chat etc have been suspended so we have no idea when we will be getting DS’ stuff to sort his room.

The rest of the house still feels like a total tip but I keep having fatigue/pain flares and I’m struggling TBH, DH is in a rough place physically too so we are very much in the bare minimum phase and not managing to sort much else.

@ClaraTheImpossibleGirl when I hear stories like that it makes me deeply grateful that Dh doesn't like his family all that much. I hope you were able to sort out some kind of agreement, although it didn't sound like the IL's are prepared to be reasonable. My friends think I'm being overly cautious as I don't want to go for our usual Christmas meal/catch up this year. Apart from the fact that I think technically it's not allowed to mix households in a restaurant my 1 year old has awful separation anxiety so I'd have to take her with me and then worry every time she stuck her hands in her mouth.
@SingToTheSky you've worried me now, I've ordered an IKEA wardrobe for dd1 which is supposed to be arriving in January. Were you able to chase your order in the end?

Dh is still flip flopping about job hunting next year or staying put until the year after. Last time he got a new job very quickly. It's a high demand sector but the tanking economy still worries me. His pay review is coming up soon, which will influence things a lot.
I've not decluttered anything for the last week or 2. Now bracing myself to look at towels. We have to keep them in bedrooms as no airing cupboard, and less would be good, but part of me feels like you can never have too many towels?

We have quite a lot of towels, @GlumyGloomer as we find we use loads when our child is sick. We have no airing cupboard nor storage in the bathroom so we keep most of them all rolled up and stored in boxes in an IKEA expedit unit (you can fit a surprising number in each box). Then there are usually at least three or four in use towels which are hung over the radiator/door/chair to dry and then stay there til the next time they are needed, but we wash/change them quite frequently and it can be a pain getting them dry in wet weather so I like to have enough to cover this.

@GlumyGloomer fingers crossed for a good pay review for your DH!! It sounds like that would be the best option I can understand that he'd want to change jobs for better pay/ training opportunities/ a change of scenery - but at the moment I agree with you, a stable job might be more important.

We also have the towel dilemma no airing cupboard and bathroom is too tiny to keep them in. At the moment they are in a wicker basket in my wardrobe but I would really rather they weren't! When we have a move round next year I'm hoping to sneak in a small storage unit and let someone else be inconvenienced by them for a while...

What a shame about your Ikea stuff @SingToTheSky! Where on earth can it have gone?! I would have loved a Strala star lampshade but they're out of stock online and we're nowhere near an Ikea (and I'm not sure I could face it anyway just before Christmas!). I hope you get some answers from them soon and that you're recovering well from your flare ups.

No further news from PIL - DP was convinced that DC under 11 don't count towards the 'mixing households' rule but a quick glance at the gov.uk website has proved him wrong I have to add that MIL is lovely but is a real people-pleaser; I don't think she wants to tell anyone that they can't/ shouldn't be visiting for Christmas dinner, but I'm just not comfortable mixing at least five households in an enclosed space for a whole day after being careful for so long.

Glumy I feel your pain with the separation anxiety, DS2 was exactly the same, heartrending sobs whenever I tried to leave him! He's been an utter horror today though (four years on!) to the point where his elf isn't visiting tomorrow, after many warnings that that would happen if he didn't improve his behaviour...

Hi @Solo, we miss you!! And @cherrytree63, hope you are well!

Hope everyone is doing ok on the countdown to Christmas - not long now

I'm nearly done with the shopping, made a big effort this year (helped by the DC being at school full time at last!) as I wanted everything sorted in case we had to isolate or I found a job sooner than expected. Neither has happened yet although I have another interview this week, fingers crossed for that

No news on Christmas so I may be spending most of the day on my own; I'm not heartbroken at the thought (DC open their presents at home in the morning, then we usually head over to PIL early afternoon) although I would like to see the family, watch DC open their other presents etc. DP still thinks I'm overreacting by not wanting to go, especially now his cousin and his cousin's pregnant wife have been added to the guest list: "well if it doesn't bother them..." but I just don't think I'd feel comfortable with around 15 people/ 6 households in an enclosed space for several hours plus I wouldn't have to see FIL, which is always a bonus

Did you get your IKEA order yet @SingToTheSky and how are you feeling now? Has your DP made up his mind about job hunting @GlumyGloomer?

Hi clara nope not showed up yet and still no reply on any channel to our requests for info! It’s crazy. Just a relief it’s not a hugely important order like beds etc.

We’ve not got more decluttering done. But DD2’s bed is nearly ready for her to sleep in again. We gave up trying to put her in it over a year ago 😳😳😳 and it’s been a dumping ground while she was sleeping with us instead (not actually sleeping much). But she’s weaned now and generally sleeps through without needing cuddles so we are finally sorting it 😳😳😳

Good luck with your interview!

I need to get on with decluttering more for Christmas but it’s my birthday and I am totally off duty 😂

Happy birthday @SingToTheSky!

What a pain about IKEA! I was tempted to order some bits from them, glad I didn't now...

We have a big charity shop collection this week, been waiting well over a month to get rid of this load of clutter. Looking forward to that more than the interview

Yes I’d leave it for now TBH I’m just amazed they haven’t got their act together yet, they’re a huge company and I don’t really see why there couldn’t at least have been an email - even a generic one to everyone with an order outstanding - just to say sorry?! @GlumyGloomer hopefully it’ll all be sorted by January and it’s just the back order that’s the problem!

Read back now and just wanted to say re towels - we don’t have a proper airing cupboard either, or space in the bathroom, so we have one of those over the door rail things with several hooks on. It’s on the door just next to the bathroom, it’s not a terribly attractive solution but it’s easy to grab one as you go in and means they’re all together. I do need some proper hooks on the inside of the bathroom door for current ones though.

I bought a little peg bag the other day but I’m using it for odd socks. I got so sick of them lurking. It’s on a hanger so it goes on the spare bit of rail in our wardrobe. No more lost odd sock bags dammit!

Oh and thank you! 🥰 It has been a nice day so far just chilling and feeling no guilt at doing whatever I need to relax. Health is still a bit up and down TBH and I’m not looking after myself that well so it’s a bit of a vicious cycle - I’ve been given the go ahead to try a different form of ADHD medication though and I’m hoping that will help (but without the anxiety side effect, please 🙄😂).

In better news, I now have some work - back to piano teaching! I have also made progress on my course so some things are going well. I do wish I had time and energy to just sort the damn house though. We aren’t decorating-ready yet, it’s normally the end of term when we finally give up any idea of having a clean house for Christmas 😳😳😳

Sorry DH’s family are being so manipulative about xmas.

Happy birthday @SingToTheSky! Definitely a good reason to take it easy. We got part 1 of our IKEA order (draws), but the wardrobe is due in January. Hope your stuff turns up soon, or at least that they start talking to you about it.
@ClaraTheImpossibleGirl nope, he's still flip flopping on the job front. Doesn't help that he's stuck on 'boring' tasks at the moment as no bog projects until the new year.
Good luck with the interview, fingers crossed for you! We're mostly ready for Christmas, still got a few presents to wrap and cards to send. Also aspiring to tidy and clean the house, but it's slow going. We always have Christmas day just at home, so that's all business as usual. Normally we'd see family around the holiday, but this year everyone has agreed to give it a miss, except BIL who is insisting he comes to visit, much to Dh's annoyance. (They have polar opersit views on covid.) Not sure when that's supposed to be happening.
Meanwhile I have a dilemma. MIL bought a toy box for dd2, which matches her other toy storage thing in her bedroom. The box would be more useful in the living room, but it's a matching set, it'll look so cute in her room. But way more useful in the living room. And then my brain hurts and I put off deciding.

@GlumyGloomer Maybe your MIL can find a matching wagon for hauling toys from the living room to the bedroom toy box at the end of the day.

@cakeandchampagne Dh has pointed out that I can in fact split a matching set and to put it where it's needed. Nothing like a bit of pragmatism, lol.

@GlumyGloomer you sound like me, putting off decisions because your brain hurts too much

Is your DH a bit bored with his 'routine' work at the moment rather than the job? I mean I can understand that, but not all work can be 100% exciting all the time there is much to be said for slow-but-steady work if you have a family to support!

Glad you enjoyed your birthday @SingToTheSky and that everything is going well with the teaching and the course, exciting times! I am currently putting off cleaning the kitchen, it's just so boring although it's really the last big job; once I've done that the rest of the house could do with a quick clean and hoover but it's no way as bad as the poxy kitchen. Aaarrggghhh.

I finished a parenting course this week which was really interesting, it was to support parents with their children's challenging behaviour. I learned a lot actually and it was useful to hear why things you think will work in fact don't! I wish DP was more on board with things like this but he just says "they need to learn to do as they're told" and similarly unhelpful things the frustrating thing is that we went on courses like this before the DC were born and he was the opposite, kept saying he didn't want to lay down the law like his DF did, wanted to learn better ways etc... but when it comes to it, he doesn't/ can't be bothered. And then he wonders why they play up when he's clearly not giving them any attention or frustrating them or doing something which he knows they hate... sigh.

Totally relate to the struggle to make decisions!

In all honesty that’s why many of us end up hoarding isn’t it. Difficulty deciding how to deal with each item in your home. Multiply those unmade decisions, and you have clutter!

I’m so sleepy. I’ve had two pupils this morning and I need to leave in half an hour to teach two more (they live very near each other by very happy coincidence!)

It did force me to tidy up a bit when the mhm dropped something on my floor so I got a bit of extra hoovering done and I checked the tub of duplo.

Hoping we hear back from the HA soon about getting a kitchen cupboard removed, it’s just a question of waiting for a date and then we can get our dishwasher. So excited.

Still nowhere near ready for Christmas in this house

Well done for finishing the parenting course BTW! I did one called Solihull before lockdown (and randomly made friends with one of the leaders!) which was basically because I needed to get it ticked off the list for a camhs referral, but it was so good and I learned plenty.

It was a really good course @SingToTheSky! I'd have preferred it to be in person as it's usually nice to chat to people in these situations as well as have group discussions, but obviously that isn't an option at the moment, Zoom is better than nothing. They usually run other courses too - some of them more specific such as safety online, etc - but sadly not for now.

I think you're right about the clutter, it's so easy to give something 'house space' and then struggle with chucking it out! My DM & DF were/ are awful for it, which does give me some motivation to keep going through my stuff regularly and binning/ selling/ recycling/ charity shopping whatever I can...

Glad you got so much out of it @ClaraTheImpossibleGirl

How’s everyone doing this week? I am happy to announce the tree went up on Sunday! We had a bit of tidying first including the big cupboard off the hallway, which was utterly horrific and is now still pretty full but with stacked boxes instead of heaped piles!

Specifically I found a load of old toddler clothes that a friend passed on ages ago - this was the stuff I didn’t even use as there was so much, but I went through it all and got rid of loads, and now have one big bag of stuff to try and donate somewhere

Good sorting @SingToTheSky!! The charity shop collection removed a big load from me (literally and metaphorically!), hopefully you can find somewhere to donate your stuff to soon. You could always try putting it on Freegle if you can't get it to a charity shop somehow? I also finished wrapping most of the presents and managed to get all the boxes and paper out for recycling this week, hooray

The rest of the week hasn't been so great... DS1 is still off school with chicken pox, I was hoping he'd be back before the end of term but he's still pretty spotty I haven't heard back from the interview I had last week - the last I heard they were going to decide on Monday who to second interview this week - seriously, how hard is it to send a 'thanks but no thanks' email?! You don't even have to offer any feedback (constructive or otherwise!) if you really can't be bothered...

In general I'm just tired, and fed up with wanting that final bit of time to get organised, and now I won't get it before Christmas. I felt it was within my reach before DS1 became ill the kitchen (and general meal planning, and food organising) is proving the sticking point this time - plus I need to have a good clean in the bathroom too. Like many people I think 2020 has defeated me!! I had good plans for the year but am ending it still fat, more tired, and generally lacking in the vitality I'd dearly love.

How is everyone else doing with their organising @GlumyGloomer @cherrytree63 @Solo?

@ClaraTheImpossibleGirl hope your DS is feeling a bit better now. It's so frustrating when you've planned how to get things done and suddenly it all goes out the window.
My house is still a heap of chaos, albeit a well stocked heap of chaos. Dd2 has been walking at night and screaming for around 2 hours before she'll sleep again. She's been going to bed around 9.00 at best and 11.00 at worst, so I've not done anything useful at all this week. I think she's teething but nothing's breaking through next.
I've got a headache today after about 4 hours sleep last night, so I won't waffle on any further.
Hope everyone is doing well.