#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

Hi everyone :) I'm so sorry I can't get on here these days. It's so difficult without a pc/laptop; I just can't get on with doing much on the phone.

I can see we have a few newer members :) Very glad you are here with us. I hope everyone is well? I haven't gone back to where I haven't caught up from as I just don't have the time right now.

I've done nothing. Nada. Zilch. Hacked off doesn't cover it. I have half term week off, and can only hope that I have the enthusiasm and energy to get some stuff sorted.

I hope to get back on here soon

Hi @Solo,
Sorry to hear things are difficult, fingers crossed for a good half term. I'm on my phone too, and I found the app useless but the mobile site (through chrome) works well.

Hi Glumy :) thank you. I just need a new laptop.

Have a good Sunday all.

Did some hoovering today, including the stairs which haven't been done for months. They always look awful because it's just unfinished bare boards which used to be carpeted, but I was a bit depressed at how disgusting they were. I remember the long ago days when I used to have standards, but that was when I lived by myself in a studio flat and life was so much simpler.

Hi everyone, I've not posted on here for a while.
I had my hernia OP two weeks ago and I'm in far more pain than I was expecting, really taken a toll on my mental health as I'm not very mobile.
Feel a bit cheated, originally told I'd have to shield for 14 days and had a massive clean up/ clear out operation planned, but then it was changed to having a Covid test and 3 days self isolation
My OH has been pretty good (he's been a bit of a dick to me in the past when I've had surgery/been ill) which is a nice surprise.
He's doing all the cooking, keeping the kitchen clean, done my laundry, helped me dress, looked after the animals and doing a bit of work.
Hi and welcome to the new folks on here, it's a nice place to chat.

Hi @cherrytree63, hope the recovery is going well. Years ago my mum had a hernia repair op, and I remember she found it quite hard.

Did your mum have a mesh repair @TheGhostofGlumy?
I feel like I should have had another consultation, it was spring 2019 I was put on the waiting list, but I literally got 10 minutes on the morning of the surgery, all I knew was that I didn't want an animal derived mesh, but now I think I maybe made the wrong decision as I didn't have enough information.
Anyway, I'm up and about walking, can manage to shower and dress without squealing with pain, so of course OH has decided I don't need much help.
Planning a massive, but slow and steady ruthless declutter and clean up over the next month.
My "wash/rack/wear" system is much more acceptable as I only have a few things that I can bear to wear at the moment, so I'm washing more frequently, and haven't got my usual 2 racks, hangers on curtain poles and radiator racks on the go, just one small rack.
I'm so sick of moving things from my spare room to my bedroom when family come to stay (although sadly that won't happen for a while), but I do have stuff that I need to keep which just doesn't have a home.
Hope everyone is doing well x

Sorry @cherrytree63, it was 20 years ago and I don't remember the details. I imagine it was quite stressful getting it done in the current climate, and not surprised you didn't get enough information.
After months of slow and steady decluttering I'm having a bit of a break to focus on cleaning and the kids. I'm also giving myself permission to put stuff in the bin, rather than bend over backwards trying to manage the most ethical disposal. It's not ideal, but with young kids and quite a bit of anxiety I think it's ok to put myself first sometimes.
Right now my project is to tidy up enough for the kids' halloween treasure hunt on saturday. There will be running around involved and I don't want any floor hazards. Currently our floors resemble a ninja training exercise...

www.isecondthat.co.uk/?utm_campaign=c175bdc6-835a-449a-9094-f6a1865ea504&utm_source=so&utm_medium=mail&cid=dc2f0c9b-65df-42d2-9998-cb39db6c3961

I saw this on another thread this morning, I might try this when I sort my clothes out.

Hi everyone. Healing vibes coming your way cherry
I had some plans for the half term week. Real plans, and some motivation, but yesterday I woke up unable to walk. I'm waiting for the doctor to phone.

Hello everyone,

I've not read all the posts, but the very first one here spoke to my soul! You are my people.

I try really hard to keep downstairs presentable. The kitchen is clean, and I have a weekend schedule for hoovering and mopping. It's not perfect, but it's relatively liveable.

My biggest issue is upstairs. My 'D'P sleeps all day, and we have a baby in the house next door, so I don't want to hoover our bedroom late in the evening after DP has decided to get up. That means it's practically never dusted or hoovered.

I use the spare room as my wardrobe/dressing room and it's also a dumping ground for things that don't have a home. As a result, it's a real mess. I have tried to gut it a few times, but end up with bin bags full of stuff to chuck and then I don't know what to do with it.

We have one of those ridiculous black bags instead of a wheelie bin, so there's never room for anything more than our regular fortnight of general unrecyclable waste. Can I just take big bin bags to the tip?

Any tips on how to get rid of accumulated rubbish would be really useful! Thank you x

@Solo how are you doing now?? Was the doctor able to help? I hope you are recovering well and that your half term wasn't ruined!

Sending good wishes to you too @cherrytree63, are you on the road to recovery now after your hernia op?

Welcome to @Peace43 and @ginglebellsginglebells gingle, check on your council website for rubbish removal - hopefully they will clarify whether you can take the lot to the tip! I know it's not much help at the moment, but I often get a charity shop collection booked (my most recent one was supposed to be Friday, hence there are now bags piled up in the hall...!) and they will take clothes, bric a brac etc. They also take our worn out clothes to be recycled for rags, which they get a bit of money for.

I know all about write off days @TheGhostofGlumy - most days it's all I can do to tidy up the mess behind the DC as they go, but if something else goes wrong (leaking pipe, cat throws up somewhere, car issues etc) then more or less I have to resign myself to the house being a tip whilst I sort out the more important issue...

Have you moved past your mental block @DownUdderer? I am feeling utterly stuck, really thought I'd have the house in better shape by now, but the loft has proved to be my nemesis it has taken me days to sort it properly, and I probably have a day left to go on it too. And now all the things which I cleaned in the beginning need a good clean again! Aaarrrggghhhhhh.

That said, I can't be more than a week away from getting everything done - although I really thought it would be sorted long before now with the DC finally at full time school!! - and it feels like I can start living a bit then. My to do list is as long as your arm though, starting with losing weight, exercising more, cooking properly and getting in touch with lots of friends again... oh and trying to find some form of work, which I find a terrifying thought, I just have zero confidence now. Have you finished your course now @SingToTheSky and maybe found a suitable volunteer role?

Hope everyone is well and I hope to be on here more often once the loathsome loft is finished and done!!

I do hope I didn't put everyone off with my big loft rant last time

In exciting (well, for me) news... it is finished!! I almost shed a tear when it was finally done!

I'm now spending the week working out what Christmas presents we still need to get, plus sorting out the fridge and freezer and doing some batch cooking; generally getting organised really in case we are hit by illness and/ or the schools close again. Plus, I have applied for a job it's part time and based at home but I'm still feeling very brave for even sending in my CV. I really have no confidence nowadays...

Hi everyone and thanks for the get well wishes.
My house is filthy but there's not much I can do about it at the moment.
I have changed my bed clothes, embarrassed to admit they'd been on for nearly 5 weeks .
I'm not good at asking for help, but then I get resentful that OH doesn't just do things that he knows I can't/ really struggle with.
I last hoovered the day before my OP, but I can't do the stairs, they haven't been hoovered since January and I've just been doing a "lick and a promise" with one of those little rubber brushes.
Had my post OP appt yesterday, everything is healing ok, but still need to take it easy.
I'm seeing the hand surgeon today, I've refused to have any more injections, hopefully he'll make up his mind re surgery or not.

Hi @ClaraTheImpossibleGirl, sorry dd2 has been sleeping badly so I've had less time to post.
Hurray for the loft being done! Sounds like you are really getting on top of things. Good luck with the job application, fingers crossed for you. I'm still a couple of years off being able to get back to work but it does worry me when I think about it.

My friend dropped into a group WhatsApp chat yesterday that she's got a phone call with an American publisher scheduled next week. She's written a non fiction kids book. Now I know this is probably via her Sil's connections (successful non fiction for adults) but it still stings a bit, in the same way it hurt when she and her husband bought a 3 bed while I clawed my way up the property ladder one room at a time. It's not that I wish she wasn't successful, I just feel sad that I'm not. With the possible exception of cooking I am by far the least accomplished of my friends. Although I do now have the biggest house, by virtue of moving to a different area and buying a fixer upper (which we can't currently afford to fix up).
Welcome @Ginglebellsginglebells , it's not a fast thread, but it's a wonderful safe space to talk.
Your user name reminds me of the alternative lyrics to gingle bells I came up with when dd1 was tiny and loved the tune. It goes like this:
Doing chores, doing chores, doing chores today
It's not fun, but sadly we have to do them anyway, hey!
Doing chores, doing chores, do them every day
If we don't they like up and tomorrow we will pay

Dh pronounced it deeply depressing

*pile not like. Stupid phone

How are you feeling now @cherrytree63? Hope your OH has stepped up a bit and is lending a hand to get everything sorted out!!

Love your Christmassy tune @GlumyGloomer must teach that one to the DC! Yes, I can imagine it's galling to hear that your friend is getting opportunities which are probably due more to connections than ability unless she is an amazing author who has been snapped up by chance?! Friends eh... last week a friend took it upon herself to say that she thought my DC were being rude and cheeky for the record I don't think they actually were (on this occasion!) - school had changed the one way system at pick up/ drop off time and they couldn't get their heads round the fact that we were going the other way, so kept telling me I was doing it wrong. Even worse the friend said this twice and then expected me to do her a favour which I usually do, but I was a bit that she still expected it! I will be going a bit more low contact after this; even if she'd thought that it would have been better to keep it to herself, I never feel the need to comment on her DC. This is the same 'friend' which I haven't told about DS1's suspected ASD after she said that in her opinion it doesn't exist and DC should just learn to behave...

I can completely empathise about being worried about a return to work though. In some ways I'm ready to actually use my brain again, in others I'm not sure whether I actually can I did have an interview for the job I was interested in but haven't heard anything back, can only assume I didn't get it so am still looking/ applying for other things.

The house is in a reasonable state except for the kitchen which is still grim. Aaarrrgghhh. Glumy did I see that you have a recipe thread going? I may join for some mealtime inspiration!

Hope everyone else is well @Solo @SingToTheSky @DownUdderer @ginglebellsginglebells

Hey, thanks for the tag I was thinking just this morning I needed to catch up on the thread! I only really post on one other thread now.

Decluttering happens occasionally but with no access to the tip/charity shop etc it is very slow indeed. Feel like I’ve got a million other things that take priority.

Have started a new course though, finished the counselling skills one and now on children’s mental health. Yet another thing to fit in but gives me a bit of direction at least.

Got some storage arriving soon, should sort DS’ room out. We’ve been thinking very carefully about storage in the house and took ages even to get a wardrobe. Got a shoe rack too so the hallway looks a bit neater.

Gradually things are getting organised but it’s a really long slow process!

Finally caught up. I so, so relate with the frustration of trying to get everything sorted. It feels like whatever I focus on is at the huge expense of something else. I do well at exercise and cooking goes to shit. I declutter but then can’t keep up with home education for DS. I focus on eating better but self care is forgotten. Etc. And then every time I realise this I get depressed all over again because I have failed at something, or basically at everything except the one area I was focusing on. Again. So then I lose that focus too and everything goes to shit. Again.

I also really understand the feelings about your friend glumy (seriously though well done for actually writing a book!!! I have had some half baked ideas for years that I’ll probably still be talking about in a decade) - I have had similar with art lately, and even tuition businesses, and I just hate the jealousy I feel because really I know it’s my own “fault” that my lack of confidence is holding me back with pretty much everything.

I’m a bit down in the dumps this evening as DH has been given yet more meds which will likely turn him into an even more tired/woozy zombie at least while they settle in. And much as we will be relieved if they help at all, I am dreading yet another period of being able to get nothing done and everything getting even messier because I struggle to cope when he’s out of action.

I did remember to email the nursery today though and ask if they have any use for board books and spare clothes. If it’s a no I’ll find another avenue.

@ClaraTheImpossibleGirl you definitely don’t need judgmental friends like that! Are there any local online support groups you could join to meet people who are more understanding about potential SEN?

Weirdly I found that all the SEN mums gravitated towards each other at infant school, even one whose child didn’t have a diagnosis at the time.

Sometimes I forget people with those attitudes exist. Pretty much all my socialising, kids’ stuff etc is within the home ed community, my best friends are other home ed mums and all of us are autistic and have autistic kids who couldn’t cope in school. Sheltered from shitty attitudes. I can’t imagine being friends with that woman clara - I’m glad you are going to ease up the contact, you and your boys deserve better 💐

Ikea order didn’t show up, I was sure the second half was meant to arrive today. Oh well

Oooh yay at least the nursery emailed back and they would be very happy with some books and clothes. I can sort the books ASAP, I’ll have to dig about for the clothes I think as they’re buried under bags of random crap in the cupboard, but worth it to create a bit more space.

HI @SingToTheSky; it sounds like you're working through things gradually, and as always, I'm in awe of you being able to do courses at the same time!! (That's another thing I'm going to look into once Christmas is sorted, to do alongside job hunting!) I know what you mean about the storage; in theory it would help us a lot to have more, but because the rooms in our house are small, I have to think carefully about what will fit. I bought a bookcase via Facebook the other day though as the DC's book collection had swamped the previous unit!

Oh yes, and I have a pile of stuff ready to go to the charity shop which was supposed to be collected on November 6th... what a pain! I can't even drop it off anywhere because of course, everywhere is shut. I did give some bits to the DC's nursery and school too.

I completely know what you mean about losing focus - the loft was my nemesis for a while and I couldn't think about accomplishing anything till that was done!! Now I know I need to finish off the kitchen and spend a day tidying up the garden, but my other bugbear is cooking. Think I've realised that I just don't enjoy it in our tiny kitchen and it'll be a chore till I have more space and/ or no small DC hanging off me every time I try to cook! I'm trying to work more exercise into the day but the thought of meal planning/ cooking just makes my brain whimper with stress even though I know it would really help...

I hope the meds help your DH too - I'm getting worried about DP's lack of motivation to do, well, pretty much anything! He's a hard worker but when he gets home he'll literally just eat and go to bed. One night a week he'll drink (too much) and play computer games till the early hours, then at the weekend I have to drag him out of the house to get some exercise. He's putting on more weight and has an occasional moan about it but not sure what more I can do?!

Oh and thank you to you and @Miaowse for the SEN support and ideas! I did look into some meet ups pre lockdown but everything is online now (I'm doing a course via Zoom for the moment). I'm in touch with the HV still as DS1 is on the borderline for ASD and still finding school tough in some ways. Plus he's just hard work in general, TBH! I haven't bothered discussing any of this with my friend so it's nice to share online

@ClaraTheImpossibleGirl the lack of understanding still out there is quite shocking! I understand why you've not said anything to her though, it's awkward when you have to see people regardless. It was a nice surprise to see you on my recipe thread (I opened that one first). It's pretty quiet but has a nice chatty vibe going at the moment. You mentioned a new cook book, it was actually getting a new book which inspired me to start meal planning again. I basically just decided to go through and try everything which remotely appealed (and tick and cross marking recipes as I go). I find the best way is to have a few inspiring recipes to try each week, then plug the gaps with easy practical stuff. Each week will usually feature a few evenings of pasta, oven food, left overs from freezer. It's too exhausting to cook something amazing every night, but having a few exciting challenges per week really keeps up my enthusiasm for cooking. I totally sympathise with the issues of cooking with a child hanging off you, it's so frustrating. I use my slow cooker a lot at the moment, because the toddler is much more likely to self entertain in the morning than the evening.
Meanwhile I've done zero decluttering and minimal housework as all my efforts have gone into food recently, but I'm launching a batch cooking Crusade next week to hopefully free up some time later.
@SingToTheSky thanks, it still needs rewrites after way too many years. I think I'll try to get it properly finished next year, although I doubt much will ever come of it.

Total empathy with the cooking. I would quite like it if I only had myself to worry about but the older two are very picky due to their ASD. Then with a DH who is coeliac and barely wants to eat a lot of the time (the pharmacy’s worth of painkillers etc make him feel pretty sick, but then he just wants sugary stuff when he does get hungry and I’m pretty sure that makes it worse, plus he can no longer run it off like he used to) it’s just utterly joyless.

Can I join your recipe thread too please?

I’m feeling so low today, I didn’t properly wake up till 10 after staying up late as I didn’t want to go to bed (not a good sign for me, MH wise). Not expecting any potential decluttering to happen, it’s hard enough trying to keep up with the essentials, but I could potentially go through the board books as I gathered them all a while ago, and see what to donate to nursery.