#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

@DownUdderer I have a giant pile of laundry looking at me right now (and an equally giant pile of dirty clothes elsewhere). I'm not feeling motivated. Dd2 has morphed from a nice easy baby into an angel of destruction toddler and I'm feeling a bit broken today. However, I'll try to get some laundry put away now.

The washing pile is now looking at me accusingly @DownUdderer

@GlumyGloomer I can only now attempt to clean up the pigsty of a house because both my DC are at school - it was pretty much impossible with them around! DP would moan that I seemed to get 'nothing done' whilst at the same time insisting that I had to take them every time he wanted to get something done

Unfortunately DS2 isn't enjoying school at all; three of the four boys he was friends with are in DS1's class, the other one went to a different school, and he hasn't really gelled with anyone in his new class. He was horrible all through the school holidays because he was so worried about it and now his worries seem to be justified his teacher seems to be stricter than DS1's teacher too (from what the DC have said, what other parents have said and my own experience!) which doesn't help. Obviously I'll give it a bit longer and see if things improve - or if the schools close again anyway! - but it does make me really sad for him.

Ah well, off to tackle that washing...

@RubySlippers77 ha, my Dh maintains that his job is more stressful that looking after the kids. But he can't take them for too long because it's too stressful. Not sure why he thinks it's different for me but there you go. He is improving as they get older.
Sorry to hear your ds has been separated from his friends. We moved when I was 8, and I found it very hard. Is there any chance he can move class?

I'm having a bad day today, which I know is 90% down to sleep deprivation, but everything I want to achieve (sort house, cook healthy food for my family, loose weight) is all feeling a bit impossible at the moment. Ages ago I wrote a novel. Never any agent interest, or even much from people I know, but I was still pretty proud of it. Recently I started rewriting the first chapter, as I was never very happy with it, and with a good amount of distance I can see just how much is wrong with it. I know logically that it's just a hobby, I can just delete the bloody thing and nothing bad would happen. Similarly if I leave it as is, or take another 7 years to rewrite it, none of that matters either, but I still feel rotten that my 'big achievement' is so half arsed. When I was young and stupid I used to believe I'd be a full time writer one day. I'm ashamed, I suppose, that I had such a high opinion of myself, and frustrated I fell so far of the mark. I wish I could be genuinely good at something, rather than passable at lots of things. Self indulgent waffle over.

Ha @GlumyGloomer, I know that one... My DC are almost 5 and DP has still never looked after them for a full day on his own. TBH I now wouldn't trust him to as he's just too short tempered with them! I mean, imagine having to spend time with your own kids and actually do stuff for them

I did think about asking for him to move into DS1's class, but I wanted them to be separated (and still think it would be best in the long run) and don't know if the school would change things now... I'll probably give it till half term and see if he perks up. It's upsetting for him to not enjoy school (he loved nursery) and for me because he is such a little horror at home

I know what you mean though about things feeling impossible; I thought I'd have the house 75% sorted by now but it's taking a looong time! And I have zero self confidence to start job hunting (which I know would improve if I lost weight, but again, finding the motivation is proving tricky...) BUT I am very impressed that you wrote a book!! Honestly, whether you re-write it or not, that's a great achievement and I'm sure you'll always be pleased that you actually did it, rather than thinking about it but never doing it

(And if you do re-write it to your satisfaction, could you publish it as an e-book on Amazon, might earn you a bit of money?)

Ohhhhh I am so overwhelmed thought the house would be almost sorted by now, it's still a pigsty - thought I'd have started a diet and exercise routine, nope - thought I'd be on the ball with school, no, missed a homework assignment already! Hope everyone else is a bit more with it than me...

Our house is good in small patches. You just can't do everything! Our garden needs sorting out, desperately! I keep busy doing laundry and cooking dinner and grocery shopping and trying to keep on everything else, but it up and down!

Yep, my house still looks crap, even though I know small improvements are happening. It's so hard to get to the point where the change is really visible.
Don't be hard on yourself @RubySlippers77

Thank you for your kind words @DownUdderer and @GlumyGloomer I'm feeling a bit better now, cleared out a kitchen sideboard which I'd had a major mental block about. There is still tons and tons to do but I'm not being idle (I wish!), it's just the everyday stuff still seems to take up 50% of my day.

I'm hoping to make a few cheap changes after payday to make the house a bit more, well, homely - the toyroom/ office is the next in line for a big clearout, I want to move the PC into there and generally make it more usable as it's currently full of crap the DC can decorate it with all their Halloween tat then too, I don't mind it but DP will moan and moan if there's too much round the house.

Must book a charity shop collection whilst I can to get rid of the next lot of stuff the DC have grown out of!

It's our 1 year anniversary in the house. Not only is the place still a dump but dd2 is ful of snot and sleeping terribly, so not a hugely happy occasion. I did manage to cut down a lot of old sentimental stuff last night, and get some pictures up in my room, which at least felt good. Next step is to hopefully rearrange the boxes (mostly books, got nowhere else to put them) so they are less in the way, then finish mending my coffee table (broken in the move) and sort/home the rest of the random crap in there and my child free space will be ready for me to relax in. Then I have to sort the rest of the house....

Talking to my Dad today, and I made a comment about dd2 messing up the house. He said oh come on, your house is always a mess. It's true, but it still really stings as an observation. It makes me feel like that's just my lot in life and I will never do better. I have issues with housework, and a lot is down to stress and sleep deprivation. When I lived on my own I kept my flat clean and tidy. I hate how low my standards have fallen, I'm trying to do better but it's so bloody hard.

Oh @TheGhostofGlumy, what a tactless thing for your DF to say! I can completely empathise, when I lived on my own everything was neat, tidy, clean. everything had a place... now it's a constant battle just to keep on top of things and stay sane(ish), frankly. I was only today bemoaning (to myself!) that I thought the house would be in a better state by now, but I have realistically six years' worth of crap to go through and try to improve

One thing that has helped - apart from the DC being at school, which has finally given me some time to tackle everything! - is buying some new storage units/ bits of furniture to improve storage options. When I say new I don't even mean Ikea-price new, it's all second hand, but we desperately needed another chest of drawers, desk, bookcase and shoe rack... any chance you could have a look on ebay/ Facebook/ in charity shops to do the same?

And apart from that, I'm physically still a mess I want to start exercising and eating healthily - just feel like I have a mountain to climb in the sense of sorting out the house before I can even think about that! Which is probably silly but I have a real mental block about it.

Hope you are feeling a bit better now but I agree, it's very hard when your DC are small, particularly if you very rarely get a break from them

(It's me Ruby by the way, just trying a new username!)

Thanks @ClaraTheImpossibleGirl, reading your message has made me feel a bit better. We don't have a car, so picking up furniture would be quite tricky. I think for the time being we can manage with what we have. Dd2 went to sleep at a decent hour at long last, so I managed to clear half the kitchen backlog and sort out my box room a bit more. Dd1's uniform is looking rather creased, but I'm not up to ironing yet. She's only in preschool, and I'm hoping no one cares at this stage.
I'm a long way off starting any regular exercise, but I'm also trying to eat more healthily. I caved and ordered biscuits on tomorrow's shopping though, so I'm not doing brilliantly. In the last week I've managed to lose 1kg just from not having snacks in the house, but that will probably go back on this week, sigh.
It really is tough being a mum, our own well being always ends up bottom of the priority list doesn't it?

How have you been getting on this week @TheGhostofGlumy? I'm still feeling quite overwhelmed by things, if I could only get on top of one aspect then I'd hope the rest would fall into place...

I've joined the low carb bootcamp thread, starting Monday - I'm not sure I'll manage to low carb the whole time but could do with the motivation, and new recipes/ ideas will help!

I've been doing a budgeting course via Zoom this week which has been useful, also a bit of job hunting. I know Rishi has been going on about retraining people but the National Careers Service has been zero help I shall keep looking as I would be interested in a new career. How are you getting on @SingToTheSky?

@DownUdderer @Homebodiva hope you are well too!

PS I haven't ironed anything for about 5 years I can confirm that no-one in preschool ever noticed/ cared

Hi Clara! Thanks for the tag, totally fell off the thread, totally haven’t decluttered AT ALL. Oops.

Sorry about the NCS being useless. It’s frustrating! I have a couple of weeks left on my course and I’ve been sent some voluntary role info by my work advisor but I haven’t contacted them yet, life just seems to get in the way but I know it’s nerves too.

I’ll try and catch up with the thread tomorrow!

I'm losing weight too! I joined the low carb bootcamp last year. I found the OP of that thread really scary actually, and a bit mean. Maybe my skin isn't thick enough. I enoy the really encouraging weightloss threads. I've found them gentle and kind.

I haven't been on top of the house though! I've had the kids home for two weeks school holidays.

I just am in a mental bloke with the house just now.

Mental block

I'm a bit nervous about rejoining the world of work too @SingToTheSky. I get a bit depressed thinking that I have friends who are Financial Controllers/ Head of departments/ other important job titles and I'm like, would I be able to manage this part time admin role? I've never had much confidence (in personal or work life) but five years out of work has made me doubt my ability to do, well, anything much.

It doesn't help that I need to lose weight (and find some form of personal style/ smartness!) and crack on with the house. If I could sort out the toyroom I'd feel like I was getting somewhere; everything else can be done in bits but that really has to be tackled in one go! and yet I am procrastinating on MN

I was on the bootcamp last year too @DownUdderer but probably not for long enough to form any opinions about other posters; it all went ok for a couple of weeks then DS2 went into hospital unexpectedly and my choices of food were sandwiches, chips or more sandwiches

Are you me, Clara? 😭😳

If you spent a day last week supposedly making pass the parcel games but actually scoffing most of the Love Hearts you were putting in there, then yes, @SingToTheSky, you are me 🙈

Hi, I’m new to the thread. I have ME, a long term fatigue condition. When I’m well the house is ok, my diet is ok, my life isn’t too chaotic. Today I’m ill. This means I’ve barely got the energy to move off the sofa. I could be here a day, a week or maybe a month. The housework goes to shit, cooking is a no-go, I can’t even work today (I wfh full time).

I just want a shoulder to cry on really! I don’t know how to keep on top of things when I can’t always do my jobs or predict when I might be ill.

Hi peace welcome! At least two of us on this thread have ME (including myself), total sympathy with the unpredictability of it. I think overall I’m doing better lately and can manage some exercise etc but sometimes the flare ups seem to come out of nowhere. I’ve totally stalled with the house lately and find it really hard to find any motivation at all, when I had made some progress in lockdown - it’s so frustrating!

Claira in that case I’m not you, but it definitely sounds like something I’d do! Love hearts are yum :o

Thanks Sing. Nice not to be the only one, although I’d not wish ME on anyone. I managed to put the dishes in the dishwasher so I’m proud of myself! Back to the sofa I go.

Hi, just checking in. Welcome Peace, that sounds really tough. I had a sofa morning but I have no excuse really. Overnight the washing machine made the kitchen sink drain back up and explode all over the sink and cupboard under the sink, and the day has basically been a write off ever since. Can't wait for the kids to be asleep, even knowing dd2 will be awake again in no time.

Hi all, feeling a bit better and back to work (from my sofa). The dog managed to get tied in the living room curtains and pull them and the rail off the wall yesterday afternoon so looks like my weekend job will be to put up curtains! It’s a good job he’s so cute 😂

Naughty dog!

I’ve bought two new bookcases and a shelving unit. Literally every time I buy another shelf or bookcase I think ‘this is it, now I can get organized’ but of course I don’t get more organized! I bought quite a few things this year, bookcases and a small utility cupboard. I still cannot quite get everything sorted!