#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

Hi Sing, thanks
Yes, in the long term the decluttering should make cleaning easier, it's just taking such a long time to get there. I'm hoping to start with the kitchen tomorrow. The sides are so cluttered that I usually put my chopping board on top of the cooker and do my prep that way, but then the hob gets covered in veg peelings. The clutter is a mix of toys, paperwork and recycling. I find with kids absolutely nothing stays where it should be, and it all just ends up piled on the nearest available surface.

Can I join you? Moved into a flat 5 years ago, accumulated a lot of stuff. I started off like I lived in a show home (😂 in comparison to now). The thing I hate is the visual clutter. Also my cleaning habits are awful. I managed to declutter the kitchen over 3 days-cleaning, reorganising. I figured then I would eat healthier and have more energy to tackle the rest. The only room I reasonably keep on top of is the bathroom. Current challenge is paperwork, and clothes everywhere. Also terrible at leaving doors open and lights on, feel like if I was in top I'd have a better routine. A weekly check in would be helpful.

Hi Homebodiva
Paperwork is the worst, I'm still hiding from mine.
Today was meant to be tidying and cleaning dd1's room, but I'm having a horrible day trying to deal with some urgent admin which has come up, so no cleaning managed so far. We've also lost one of dd2's shoes in the house. I can't find it anywhere and I'm terrified she's put it in the bin or something (toddler). If the house was less of a jumble it would be so much easier to find it. As it is I'm mourning it as lost forever and hoping I can afford a new pair in September . Probably being melodramatic there but still feel crap about it.

How is your studying going @SingToTheSky? I'm hoping to start something when the DC finally go back to school - that, look for part time work and FINALLY declutter the house, starting with the loft which I was planning to finish back in March!!

I know exactly what you mean about cleaning with small DC @GlumyGloomer, mine are 4 and can make a mess at least twice as quickly as I can clean up behind them!! And if anything urgent comes up then everything gets put on hold and the clutter just accumulates

Have the charity shops opened again near you @Homebodiva? Just thinking that if you could book a collection, that would give you a date to work towards - get rid of as much clutter as you can in one go? I'm on the waiting list for one in our area, I'd go myself but can't manage it with two small DC around as well.

Hope you are well too @cherrytree63, and that your OH is still lending a hand with the cleaning when needed!

Welcome home :)

Thanks ruby it’s going ok, am behind though! Was offered an extension. Assignments have good feedback so far though so that’s something.

Also heard about a job I might apply for but it’s all a bit scary!

@RubySlippers77 I went to three yesterday and asked if/when they were taking collections. It's quite promising as two of them said anyday but come first thing.

I had a burst of doing yesterday and cleared out a cupboard.

@SingToTheSky is your course all distance learning? I was hoping to start a college course nearby in September, but I just don't think it's going to be possible with the threat of a second lockdown looming it was supposed to be two days a week, school hours only, but I can't take the risk of having DC at home and not being able to go as I'd lose the money (almost £1000!). So in that sense a distance course would be more practical, but I also wanted to do it to practise my social skills and self confidence, as I feel they're sadly lacking after five years as a SAHM

An example... I thought I'd made a new mum friend a few weeks back, our DC (similar ages) started playing together during an activity and we got chatting. She was new to the area, I said that if her DC enjoyed this activity then they'd like a multi sports event I take my DC to, and emailed the details to her. She replied to say thanks very much, they'd be there - I said lovely, see you then. She came along to the event - brought another mum friend - chatted to her all through it and blanked me

(I'm writing this thinking it sounds a bit sad and pathetic, but it's really thrown me that we were so friendly when we met and then she didn't even say hello next time she saw me! I did try to make eye contact and smile, but she just looked away...)

Good news about the charity shops @Homebodiva, I think 2/3 of the ones near me are open again now but only half of those are taking donations, which is a shame. For now I'll stockpile my collection in the hope that they'll arrange to come round soon!

No news here on the tidying/ organising front, I am knackered, not feeling well and counting down till school time in the hope that my energy returns by then...

Yeah it’s just a low level course offered by the local adult education people. Normally the practical assessment would be done with a group meeting but we have to do it on zoom which I am dreading. Sorry about the course being too risky that does sound like a lot of money to potentially waste 😨

No decluttering here but we did get a proper kitchen bin at last. I feel like an actual grown up.

Our kitchen bin is slightly knackered now @SingToTheSky as it is the perfect height for the DC to lean on/ lever themselves off when they're putting shoes on to go into the garden I expect we will have to bite the bullet and get a new one at some point!

There are a couple of local authorities offering online courses, I'm hoping to sign up with those and set aside a day per week to work on my skills. At the moment my term time plan is something like 2 weekdays working (when I find a job!), 1 day housework/ food shopping/ meal prep, 1 day volunteering & study, 1 day life admin and (whisper it quietly) leisure!! Maybe by that point the house will look less of an absolute tip she says without being bothered to clear the toys up off the floor

I’ve taken the plunge re work and contacted a charity who help autistic people find work. It’ll just be support with CV writing and stuff like that but hopefully good to chat to someone. I want to do more of the low level courses too while I decide what training I want to do long term. It’s scary trying to decide what I want to do when I’m grown up 😳😅

I’m in a really unmotivated place with the house and organisation lately, really struggling to get out of the rut I’m in. Had a bit of a realisation that hit me like a train - I’ve been holding out for a more fun relaxed life once we have more space etc but actually so many other things are going wrong for us lately that I can’t imagine life being much better even if we lived in a show home. It’s hard to see the point in sorting stuff. Even though I know it should all help a little.

Hiya, back to waffle through my stuff/life sorting a bit more.
I'm clearing out the baby things as dd2 outgrows them, but I've hit a block on the stoke flexi bath. I bought it when dd1 outgrew the newborn baby bath, but wasn't ready to go in the shower (all we had in that house). It said on the packaging up to 4 years, which I didn't believe, but when we moved and we had 1 bathroom being totally gutted and 1 shower cubicle with leaking tiles I was actually able to fit both dd's into it. Hypothetically our new bathroom should last for decades, but I can't feel confident that we'll stay here to use it. We've moved 3 times in as many years. Supposedly this is our permanent home, but I can't give up the flexi bath because part of me still believes that it will all be taken away again. A big part of my decluttering drive is because I couldn't face moving it all again. Dh is the type who never puts down roots (he was moved a lot as a kid), so I feel like moving is never off the table.

Ruby sorry to hear you were upset by that other mum, she sounds rude. It's hard when you're in that mindset but honestly it's nothing wrong with you. Some people are just like that. It's a shame about your course, distance learning is not quite the same, although when I did an OU access course a while back there were tasks where we had to comment on each others work, so a tiny bit of social contact in there. Good luck with the job hunt.

Sing hope your course is going well, and well done for approaching that charity. It sounds like a really positive role with potentially a lot of job satisfaction.

I've been telling myself 'things will get better when...' for the past 5 years. You're right, there will always be some problem to deal with, but I really do believe that having a nice space to deal with those problems in can make a difference. I hope so anyway.

That's great news about contacting the charity @SingToTheSky, even if it's just someone to talk things over with whilst you think about what to do next! I've chased up one of the online courses I'd like to do, it's supposed to be free, ongoing support, counts as a qualification etc... but not much use if they won't even email me back with the details of how to enrol

I do know the 'can't see the wood for the trees' feeling though, I think it's particularly common for people with small DC and/ or who rarely get a break from childcare... even when I tackle something 'big' like cleaning the bathroom, I'm glad I did it but then I think what's the point?! It'll be trashed again within a day! But a clean(er) house with less clutter does make me feel better, as long as I can find the initial energy to make a start...

Does the bath have to go @GlumyGloomer or could you keep it as a bit of a security blanket? Reading your post made me realise that I keep 'stuff' because I've moved around so often, I keep it just in case I have to move again and then I'll have all my things around me. How odd, I hadn't framed it that way before but now I've considered it I can see why my decluttering only works to an extent! To be fair I'm quite good about giving stuff to charity etc, but I do like to keep mementos and always have stocks of things like cards, presents, Xmas decorations etc. Does your DH want to move house again or is he the type to up sticks often regardless of whether you're settled somewhere?

(Thank you for your comment about the other mum by the way! It was just bizarre, I didn't expect a long conversation - it's impossible anyway with the DC around - but even a "hi, how are you" would have been appreciated!)

Well everyone, the DC are finally back at school this week and I feel like I ought to be more sad about it, but realistically it's been five years for me with hardly a break and I'm absolutely shattered... I'm sure I will be sad about it at some point but at the moment all I can think is that I will finally have a few hours to myself to sort stuff out/ study/ clean the house/ work/ actually breathe!! Someone I know compared women whose DC are off to school for the first time with butterflies; once their DC start school it's like they emerge from a chrysalis and have the time and opportunity to live for themselves again. Well, at the moment I am still a (very hungry and fat) caterpillar but hopefully I can change that soon

Hope you are all well @cherrytree63 @fascinated @Homebodiva @Solo and anyone else I may have missed!

@RubySlippers77 yes the bath is staying for now. I'm still working of fitting everything into our limited storage to try to reclaim the last room from the moving boxes (been here nearly a year) but hopefully it can stay. I know what you mean, I've had plenty of times when something that seems obsolete ends up being a life saver, which makes decluttering harder. Mostly though I'm working on all the non essential possessions, all the collections and sentimental crap. I'm not aiming for minimalist, I just want to make a capsule version which I could pack up and transplant without too much hassle. This is our permanent home in the UK, but Dh grew up in France, and believes that there is a better quality of life in Europe. We're in an uneasy stalemate at the moment, where neither staying or going is ruled out.

I can imagine you want to keep your possessions portable @GlumyGloomer if the possibility of moving is always there! One thing I have done is have cushions and duvets made of the DC's baby clothes - it wasn't very expensive and means I actually look at them and get some use out of them rather than keeping them in my 'mementos' box

Do you have any preference of where to live?

Gosh I hate moving, I found it so stressful. Keeping things streamlined makes total sense.

Kids back to school/childcare for the first time since March tomorrow. I couldn't be more ready! A quiet house...I can't quite believe it could be possible.

Still feeling under the weather today but my husband went to the tip with a car full of crap - broken microwave and cot, mountains of boxes I'd saved for lockdown junk modelling, overflowing rubbish that the binmen wouldn't take. I also sorted through a collection of picture frames, most of which were broken. Why had i kept them?!

Honestly Ruby I'd prefer never to move again, but I'll always do whatever seems best for the kids. It really depends on how bad things get here.
Frogslegs I hate moving with a passion, it's a year on and I'm still dealing with the fall out. We have a broken printer which we have moved three times now, because we've never done a proper sort out and just shipped the endless boxes about without question. That at least ends now.
Dd1 starts preschool in a few weeks, I'm dreading it, mostly because of the 8.30 start. I guess it will be nice to have a few hours with just one kid though. I've not been child free in over a year. Bet you will get so much more done with a quiet house.

Hey everyone. I hope you are doing well. Not got time to read everything yet and catch up. I have no pc at the moment; this is a borrowed one (borrowed for Dd's homework), and don't know if I'll get on anytime soon. Catch you soon.

Sending best wishes @Solo for whenever you get to catch up with everything!

I can't say I blame you about not wanting to move @GlumyGloomer, I loathe it (and I have done it many times!). If it's always a threat/ possibility in your mind then it must be quite unsettling.

@FrogsLegs14 I have a charity shop collection booked soon, can't wait! I'm getting rid of some clothes and toys the DC have outgrown but also the clothes they've trashed (the charity get some money for recycling them). I put as much as I can on Freegle too but really, there's not much I can do with their very holey tops and trousers!

The DC are back at school full time next week and I am counting the minutes... I haven't had a day off in five years (since I was pregnant!), DS2 is a little horror at the moment and I just desperately need a break. My DM & DF live a good three hours away and PIL are in their 70s now, they only look after one DC at a time as two is too much for them. I can't tell you how much I need some peace and quiet and time to finally sort the house out, plus make a start on my very extensive to do list...

I need to read and catch up properly. I finally managed to sort out the stuff I put out before lockdown, into sell/charity. It was helped as DM told me about a place that buys books. I also ended up making a display shelf of memorabilia, that I discovered is actually worth something on ebay! so will keep or sell that one day. The items are sentimental so it feels quite important that I put them out and a display shelf feels like what people have in their home. Anxiety is up about what happens next after I finish decluttering. The next thing will be driving lessons and getting a car, but there is still online decluttering to do and a deep sort of old childhood boxes. My balcony is severely neglected too and I need to clean the sofas. At least a month of tasks. My worry is we will be back in lockdown by then so no driving lessons. In any case I also need to exercise more so that can fill time. Also juggle with work and seeing friends. I always let work take over before so trying to get the right balance. The key is knowing how much better I feel when I am on top of things and have a routine...then keeping on top of it.

Hi. I've not done any decluttering in ages. Everything is getting on top of me, I had planned on doing some jobs around the house last week but I just didn't!

Why can't I put away the clean washing? It's in a huge pile and I just wish it wasn't.

I had a couple of washing baskets filled up with things that in my mind had been organized but the kids tipped them out and used the baskets for a game and now it's a real mess!

A lot of the time I tell myself I don't even know what to do, where to start. But that's a cluttered mind getting in the way.

My youngest starts school in January (we're in Australia) and I will miss having him around but I hope to really get organized then.

I've been procrastinating on everything and feeling overwhelmed so I've done less than normal. I try not to beat myself up. I will get there! I will!

I recently started doing IF ( Intermittent fasting) to lose weight, I had put on weight during lockdown. I'm feeling much better, I've gone low card, and it really helps clear my head.

@DownUdderer delurking to say I too have a huge pile of clean laundry and also struggle to start. I read your post and decided to just choose three items from the pile to fold and put away, so it is now three towels smaller (cunningly chose towels as they are bulky so instant reduction in height of laundry mountain). Good luck with yours!

So funny you should say that! After I'd been on here moaning I also said to myself I could choose three things to put away. I spent ten or twenty minutes and got them all out away actually, and was glad of it.

I also mopped the floor and that felt good.

Sometimes when the school schedule is busy I can focus on that and get everything sorted for the kids but other things slip by the wayside.

I'm feeling some focus returning now a busy week at school has gone. I'm in Australia so school has been back as normal for quite a long time. Everything is still social distancing though.

It sounds like you've made a great start with the decluttering @Homebodiva have you passed the theory part of your driving test already? If not, that could be something to work on if the practical side is cancelled due to another lockdown?

Putting the washing away is a soul-destroying task @DownUdderer I don't mind actually doing it and drying it but actually putting it away... urgh.

My DC have their first full days at school this week. Yay! But they are absolutely full of snot and sniffles - really, really hoping they don't get sent home. I'm going to do a big supermarket shop and make myself a new To Do list (oh, how I love a list, makes me feel so productive!) in the hope of being able to work through it come what may...

I've put away loads of clean washing again today! I've been thinking of jobs that need doing and really trying to get on with them.

I've still got a million more jobs that need doing though!