#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

@cherrytree63 I hope you get an op date soon, must be tricky when you don't know how long you have to wait for. DS2 had a hospital appointment booked for last week (which we'd waited months for!) and it was cancelled the day before... sigh. Back to the waiting list! Good plan though to get everything clean and tidy beforehand, it would be lovely to come home to a sparkly house presumably if you and your OH concentrate on your own bits of the house, it wouldn't take much for him to keep it like that whilst you're in hospital? How long will you have to be in for?

Keep an eye on Freegle/ trash nothing/ Next Door/ Facebook for some furniture bargains @LaneBoy, people are often getting rid of stuff cheaply at the moment with the charity shops shut. I've bought a bookcase for the DC's bedroom as their book collection had outgrown the unit we had! I did have to lug it up the stairs by myself though, asked DP to help but he pulled a face. I decided it was the lesser of two evils to struggle with it on my own rather than listen to him moaning constantly about having to help

i know what you mean about feeling a bit lost though; all of a sudden the end of term is almost upon us and I just feel like I've got nowhere this school year! I was hoping to use my free mornings to take some courses myself, maybe do some voluntary work, look for work/ education for September - instead I've had DS2 off school with his broken arm, DS1 after his tonsils op, various days where they've had sickness and then of course the hell that was home education. And soon my babies will be in Reception and I'm not sure I'm ready for it don't get me wrong, they are immensely hard work at home and I think they're ready for full time school, but I don't feel like I've enjoyed the baby years enough and now they are gone which really hit me this morning. I worry about DS1 too and his lack of social skills; PIL are always pleased to have DS2 but not him and I think if his grandparents have that opinion, what do other people think about him?! Just a hard day today and the house is still a bit of a tip, which doesn't help.

Hope you are all well @DownUdderer @Prettybluepigeons @Solo

Hi everyone! Can I join?

Did KonMari a while back, got rid of loads, but still seem to be constantly overwhelmed...

Yesterday’s discovery — camps coffee, expiry date 2015 ... Argh! Out! Chucked the disgusting sickly sweet chocolate ice cream sauce while I was at it... it was really not what I was dreaming of when I bought it ....

Fascinated of course, welcome!

That’s a good point ruby thanks :)

Cherry I’m sorry you feel so unmotivated :( I hate those feelings, I have dips like that and sometimes it’s hard to pull yourself out. I hope you can be kind to yourself during this time x

No decluttering progress here. One more week of term and then I’ll have more time... famous last words!

Thx. I pulled a load of autumn/winter clothes out and dumped them on the spare bed. Nowhere to put them. They’re just...there....agh.

No motivation to sort at all.

Welcome @fascinated! Hope you find your decluttering mojo soon 

Well @LaneBoy, DS2 stayed with PIL earlier whilst I took DS1 for an optician appointment. DP's now told me that him and DS2 are going back there tomorrow so "you can do something with DS1". In other words, DS1 isn't invited/ wanted it would actually have been useful for them both to go so I could crack on with some cleaning, but apparently this isn't an option!

Just caught up with the last few posts - sorry @RubySlippers77 I’d missed what you said about the sadness re time passing with the little ones. Sometimes I think we put too much pressure on to have quality time and build up great memories but it’s the day to day boring stuff that counts. I’m sorry you’ve been robbed of normality for their last few months before school :( but I’m sure they’ve reaped the benefits of more time just hanging out at home too.

As for PIL, I’m speechless. DP is complicit in this, he really shouldn’t be going along with this idea of taking DS2 yet again. BTW, don’t take their attitude and favouritism as as a sign of how others will feel about DS1 - honestly most people are more accommodating and understanding. It’s PIL’s personalities that are the issue, the very fact they can be so shamelessly blatant about their own GC just says how horrible they are, IMO :(

I had a little evidence of how stuff is decreasing its hold over me today - was in town having some nice alone time (I actually sat in a pub and read my kindle over lunch on my own - bliss! I really liked the more spacious seating too) and normally that would be prime time for me to buy random stuff like a new (second hand) DVD or a puzzle book or something. But because of the decluttering and sorting I’ve done I was much more aware of the stuff I have already (I put together a “use stuff up” box) and I just felt happy I have things to watch and puzzles to do at home. :)

Hi! I have some afternoon and the spare suitcases were brought down from the loft for me — yay — so just having a cuppa then will crack on. Marie Kondo takes a dim view of “random” (ie not part of a grand plan) sorting/organising/chucking activities but I find them soothing so I’m hoping I’ll feel better once the autumn stuff is packed away. Weather wise it’s not that it is much different here in summer but I released that the colours were a bit drab for these months so decided to pack away. I also have a bunch of really warm weather things, sundresses and white cotton linen clothes which I do still need when we fly to really warm places, but I think I will put them away separately. Then I will have a better overview Of what I can wear for my day to day life NOW..

Thanks for listening.

Sorry to hear about family issues etc - that isn’t great. Not helpful, is it, when GPS make comments of that nature. Hope it gets sorted.

It's lovely to find something 'new' isn't it @LaneBoy? Sometimes when I'm tidying up I find something that I bought ages ago and forgot about, it feels like a real treat to have something like a new book or beautiful stationery! And how jealous am I of spending time on your own reading peacefully

Thank you for the good wishes about the PIL situation ; yesterday started sadly as DP left it till the last possible second before telling DS1 he couldn't go to PIL's for the day... he tried to justify it with "well you were naughty last time you went" but I pointed out that that was well over a week ago and he's only 4, he probably doesn't even remember! Poor little DS1, his face crumpled and he sobbed when DP and DS2 had gone, he told me "I know DGF doesn't like me because he shouts at me"... I was SO cross. Ended up taking him out for the day to a little farm, which he really enjoyed, and had words with DP when he got home. I explained he'd been completely unfair, if he wanted to 'punish' DS1 for being naughty then he should have made it clear beforehand and not waited till he was literally on the doorstep saying goodbye, and if PIL don't want to have DS1 any more then he needs to tell me now so we all know where we stand. He did lots of backtracking then and said that PIL find DS1 too hard to look after - well they would if they never make any effort to do things with him that he enjoys - he likes colouring, playing games, building things etc but they won't do any of that with him. Anyhow, he has been a delight today and DS2 (praised to the skies by PIL) has been a little horror, ho ho.

I don't know what to do really - my plan was for PIL to look after the DC separately for one day per week/ fortnight and I could have some time with them on their own then too - but if they don't want DS1 should I leave DS2 regardless? If they say they do want him then should I believe them?! I'd rather they didn't look after him than did it and then moaned and bitched to DP about it afterwards...

A good tip I used for my wardrobe @fascinated was to pack away everything you're not using (or can't fit into, in my case) and look at what you've got left, see if you've got any gaps you could fill easily - a brightly coloured top, some summer trousers, whatever. It's probably easier to do on a budget when the charity shops are open but there's always ebay

Hi @RubySlippers77, thanks for the tip. I did manage to get a nice top in the John Lewis sale which is great and yes, I will check for other gaps.

Sorry to hear about ongoing issues. For me it would be better to have it out properly at some point. It breaks your heart seeing wee ones upset.

TBH ruby I think if this were a separate thread everyone would be telling you to go NC :( real life is not so simple. WTF though they won’t do colouring in or building with him? That’s pretty basic

One more week of term to get through and for once I’ve done all planning and printing for it already, so should be a fairly easy week (also helped by the fact we’ve finished a lot of stuff already so fewer tasks each day).

Managed to gather a bag of recycling yesterday, in part home ed stuff we don’t need - feels good to be using up so much as we streamline things. The bag still feels like a drop in the ocean but... a much bigger drop I guess?!

More stuff to sort through as a couple of friends dropped off clothes from their bigger kids, and one included some toddler toys. Can’t use most of the clothes in the first lot (I have a feeling friend knew that but didn’t bother to sort it, despite knowing we have no car to donate the way-too-small and stained stuff... you know when a favour turns out to be more of a burden?! ) but an acquaintance posted asking for fabric so that should solve the issue when I can gather the energy to sort it all.

I must not let it just melt into the background of the house - I did that last time we were given handmedowns, and never got rid of some of the leftovers (that was just because there was so much, I only kept favourites). So there are clothes in the hall cupboard downstairs too, buried under other stuff. It’ll be a pain to get to those but I kind of want to use the opportunity to get rid of those too. The person who wants them doesn’t care if they’re rags even, she has an upcycling business, and will collect, so pretty ideal.

I’ve also made the decision to get rid of even more of the toddler toys, sick of hanging around waiting to find missing pieces etc.

Right, must actually get up!

@RubySlippers77 so sorry for your situation, I'm really sad that I don't have the opportunity to be an active grandparent and your PILs are losers!
My son, daughter and granddaughter are visiting next week as long as I'm not shielding then, so I'll have to get my finger out and clean (and I'm ever so slightly peeved that it's thrown my super blitz schedule out ) but I'm really looking forward to them coming.
Does anyone have any recommendations for scented drawer liners? I'm finding that as I don't really rotate my clothes that some things have taken on a "woody/slightly musty" smell from my wardrobes, I have the little dehumidifier bags that you hang on the rails but want something for the drawers too.

I've had the kids home from school for school holidays, so decluttering has stalled! I feel like I need to do two loads of laundry every day and when I don't it just gets out of control, but it's too difficult to do laundry that often! I guess we've just got too many clothes. When I can never find a t-shirt to wear it feels like I don't have enough clothes!

I had unearthed some nice fabric that I'd bought ages ago, and I've been doing some sewing. I really enjoy sewing, in a perfect world I would get my fabric all organized but that's an ongoing sort of thing!

Decluttering is just never ending and I totally agree it's like Jenga, tetras and a rubics cube! To clear a cupboard you just need the space to make a big mess and the time to deal with it all and it always takes longer than planned.

Good vibes to everyone

Less than 24h till school is over! DD1 finishes at 12 tomorrow so we will do the same with DS. Not done much actual decluttering lately as I’ve been sorting handmedowns but at least that’s still stuff leaving the house and the stuff we are keeping is useful.

7 weeks of school holidays... how much can we organise in that time?! 🤔

I've managed two loads of laundry today and I'm planning to wash another load tomorrow, I'll have damp clothes hanging on 5 clothes horses! It's winter here so clothes take a couple of days to dry. We've got enough space for the clothes horses, one is in my bedroom and the rest are spread out here there and everywhere! I've managed to throw away some baggy underwear and I'm sifting out some t shirts of DH so I can reduce the dreaded laundry pile!

I'm also seeing a pile of things that could be put out for a council cleanup/curbside collection.

I hope everyone is keeping well.

Laneboy, I'm just so relieved when anything goes out the door! It's all forward momentum.

Yes definitely, progress is progress! And sometimes the hard bit is the deciding, so it’s nice to see that come to fruition. I used to do decluttering mentally when I was ill - thinking really hard about things I didn’t want anymore, I’d even write it down and then when I was well enough I could go straight to it and get it out of the house.

DS has finally started enjoying reading at bedtime, not fiction but puzzly books, and luckily I’d put all those in the “use stuff up” box so he can work through those and then they can leave the house.

Hi there! Sounds like a little bit of progress for us all.

Does anyone else find they need to be strict around putting things away after use etc? I have started to realise that if I don’t do this it stresses me massively as things are sitting out on worktops/the floor etc etc. But I so often don’t! Why?! Doesn’t take that long....

And don’t get me started on putting the clean washing away ...

I’ve seen me make lists in my notebook, laneboy...v satisfying !

I started a manic cleaning session ready for my familys visit this weekend, sat down for a cuppa while waiting for the Hoover to charge up ready for starting downstairs, checked my messages and realised it's next weekend that they're visiting
Unfortunately I've stalled and lost my momentum (and I'm currently exhausted with a migraine as DP was out drinking last night and was sleepwalking and waking me up and being a complete dick half the night so I've had very little sleep).
We came to a ridiculous compromise over his reluctance to do any cleaning, he buys me a small Hoover so I can manage the stairs and then he doesn't need to that job.
Then fucked me right off mansplaining me why the one I wanted was no good (pre illness my house was immaculate, and I had lots of cleaning jobs, all word of mouth recommendations, so many years experience of vacuuming) so I told him to stuff it.
I've washed nearly all my linen, and the smell of clean washing as I go up the stairs is just wonderful lol.
It's such a nostalgic smell, I used to love sitting by the fire when I was young when my mum was ironing the washing.

Did your family visit go well @cherrytree63? Did your DH make up for the mansplaining by actually helping out with the cleaning?!

My house is... a tip some areas (the more visible ones!) are ok but the bathroom and utility room desperately need a clean! However I get no time away from the DC at the moment - PIL have one of them occasionally but not both, which is fair enough as together they are more than a handful, but means I never get a break. Three weeks till school goes back, though

Hope everyone else is doing well! @fascinated @LaneBoy @DownUdderer @Solo

Hi! I fell off the thread because I haven’t done any decluttering for a while other than the odd tiny bit of sorting of random crap. The holidays are slipping by :( I’m honestly just completely overwhelmed ATM as there’s so much to sort out, not physically as much (as we have made some progress) but general life admin, it feels like there are a million things to keep track of and my head feels too cluttered so I can’t even think enough to make decisions on actual clutter IYSWIM? We are trying to figure out ways of managing but it feels endless.

It’s LB here btw.

OH did help a bit.
Lovely visit but I got really homesick when they left.
My house could, at a push, be "visitor ready" within 30ish minutes, although my kitchen could do with a deep clean.
I've got some clutter in my bedroom, which was living in the spare room, mainly stuff for the charity shop though.
How is every one? It's all been a bit quiet here lately, hope you're all ok.

Yes it is quiet, hoping @Solo is ok :(

I’ve done fuck all really. Motivation not returned yet and I really need to prioritise studying ATM. I might try and get rid of a few bits tomorrow though as it does make me feel better.

I’ve decided to try and sell some bits early September when home ed friends are getting into term time, that seems to be a good time for selling educational books etc. Then games and toys nearer Christmas I guess.

Still lots of random crap around though, that isn’t even worth donating. Just have to get on with it. We need to do an Ikea order ASAP so we finally have a wardrobe of some sort, and I want to get some more stuff out of the bedroom first.

I’m so frustrated with everything 🤬 I know we have made progress, but when we reach the point of not knowing what to do next it feels impossible and pointless!

We can be visitor ready sooner now for sure which is a big progress marker for me. Visitors with low standards :o but still!

Hiya, could I join?
Potted history; in 4 years we moved 3 times and had 2 kids, all my possessions from my single days (my hoard I suppose) filled up my parents garage and spare room, then were reclaimed on the last move. I'm now trying to sort through it all while minding 2 small kids and doing home improvements on a tiny budget.
My housework habits are abysmal, I don't clean nearly enough. I get so sick though of just pushing back the chaos long enough to clean, and never getting to tackle the underlying problems so it all just flows back in no time at all. When I do make any progress on clutter/diy though I still feel rubbish because the house gets super dirty while I do it. I feel like I can't win sometimes.

Hiya glumy you are very welcome here! It’s a quiet thread but everyone really understands how hard it can be to get rid of stuff.

I get what you mean about the house getting dirty while focusing on the clutter. I know it must be worth it long term - you can’t clean clutter, so once we have less stuff the housework will be easier... but in the meantime it’s so frustrating.