#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

Lane your courses sound really interesting.
I tried to sign up for a business admin course at our local college who advertised mature students welcome. Went to the open day, said I wouldn't have a problem being in a class of 16-18 yo's.

When I went to my interview it was in a grotty Adult Learners building, and was handed a pre course workbook, with boxes to tick, and basic sentences to complete ie John ..... the ball. Janet ...... it.
I was furious!
Going to get the dogs out/ animals sorted before the storm hits at 9am then hopefully a full day's tidying (if I don't clump OH for continually saying he doesn't know what needs doing ).

WTF cherry what do those questions have to do with business admin?!

Almighty crash from swimming yesterday. Only did a small amount as well. Fell asleep on the floor, DH had to sort out bedding for me! Luckily the toddler slept fairly well too or I would have been a sobbing heap I think. I feel like a train wreck this morning.

Didn’t finish sorting the clothes of course. Really regretting starting that before the swim. DD1 did hers though, I gave DSD anything of hers that had got mixed in, hung up towels etc so I did make some progress at least. DH will have had to move stuff to sleep so I’m hoping it’s not all mixed up again.

@cherrytree63 I can't see what those questions have to do with business admin either?! Am I being dim? Or was it an incredibly basic course that wasn't worth your time?!?

(Well done on the laundry though!!)

@LaneBoy hope you're recovered from swimming now? DTS1 is desperate to go swimming again, but we have to be careful now he has grommets in, plus I'm still full of cold and feel too fat to wear my swimming costume. Your parenting course sounds interesting - I'm doing one at the moment too, although the group is a bit too big IMO! - hopefully the Childhood Experiences one will be useful too.

DP is back at work tomorrow and probably just as well, he is eating us out of house and home he spends his time saying he can't understand why he isn't losing weight when he eats so little, then 'snacks' constantly. I say snacks but today one of his snacks was 3/4 of a packet of ham on half a French stick with plenty of butter! He had a massive full English breakfast, moaned and groaned for ages and said he'd eaten too much, then scoffed some biscuits, got me to stop at the chip shop so he could have sausage and chips, ate the ham sandwich (the ham was intended for DTS2's lunches for a couple of days!), shoved in half a (large) bag of Kettle Chips, etc etc...

Half term for us this week. I was fully intending to get back on my diet pre-holidays and indeed have stocked up on fruit and veg, so we shall see how it goes given that what I actually need is copious amounts of gin and chocolate to cope with the little horrors all week

The other students i met were not native English speakers or had left school without any qualifications so needed to bring their English to a certain standard.
My dining room is tidy now, but there has been some shoving in drawers to hide mess.
It's just a really cold looking room, I want to paint it and add some colour, but I don't want to start something and run out of steam half way through.

Ah that makes more sense @cherrytree63! Guess they need to make sure that everyone understands the course before letting them start.

Have you tried Primark for colourful cushions, throws etc? Or Facebook Marketplace for second hand stuff? We have loads of charity shops near us but they're all small ones, they tend to concentrate on clothes and toys rather than furnishings, which is a shame. When I have some spare time many years in the future I'd love to learn to sew/ crochet/ make patchwork quilts properly so I can jazz things up cheaply. A local lady made some of the DTs' baby clothes into blankets and they are beautiful

@RubySlippers77 nope still not recovered from the (pathetically short) swim TBH. Crazy. I’ve really gone backwards!

I did manage to finish all the clothes - including all our clothes that were already put away - over a few days though so that’s something. Binbag stuffed full of rags, and a huge pile for charity, plus a big bundle of DS’ stuff for a smaller friend. Then discovered a bag for life of stuff that DD put aside a few months ago oops. At least I can just add that to the charity pile.

Nothing else achieved though, MH is really quite shit at the moment so I’m just caught up in my own head. Trying to get my course reading done (Solihull’s sorted but it’s the ACEs handbook I wanted to catch up with).

Sometimes happens doesn't it @LaneBoy? We walked our neighbour's dog on Monday as I was determined to do it, really helps her out and I wanted to keep the DTs busy. We did a shorter walk than usual but even so, I was exhausted! Turns out I have two ear infections though, which probably didn't help...

Well done on the tidying though! Bizarrely I found some items that I'd offered to a small local charity a few months ago - they'd asked on their Facebook page for xyz - I had x and y, they said brilliant, someone would collect soon but they're ill at the moment. I realised a couple of weeks ago that I still hadn't heard from them; sent another message but zero response, yet they're still asking for the items! Makes you wonder why they bother asking really?! And not great for my decluttering when I hold onto these things and they never get collected!

Hope everyone has survived half term ok?!

I'm still trying to get over the ear infections, am completely exhausted but think I'm on the mend. Trying to make some preparations to ensure that March is a very frugal month; the budget has been blown in February as I didn't have the energy to entertain the DC, cook, look after myself etc without doing it in the easiest (and usually more expensive) way!

Just popping in to say hello. Half term flew by. Nothing done but, having spent a couple of days in a tidy, uncluttered house, I really want that for myself.

It went a bit the other way for me @Solo. DP was so OCD in his decluttering that he's thrown away things we actually need for example I'd bought DTS2 a new water bottle for school, he was really pleased with it and had decorated it beautifully, and can we find it now?! Not a chance. On the bright side last night I was finally feeling well enough to go through the horrors of the fridge veg drawers - DP had done zero cooking whilst I was ill so unfortunately there was tons to be thrown away. All gone for food recycling though, not in the bin, which is a bit better.

I'm now left with loads of courgettes, a few onions and not much else, plus very little money till next week to re-stock - not entirely sure what to cook

Please may I join. My house is affecting my anxiety but my anxiety also stops me from tidying. It’s so overwhelming!

No one else seems to see the mess! I try to do TOMM but we’ve gone past that now. Maybe I need to boot camp again?

I have today and tomorrow off and an empty house so after posting this I’m going to attack the house starting with the front room. Dh is going to the tip tomorrow so I can actually get stuff gone.

I need to do this!
The worse rooms are the bedroom, spare room and kitchen. Obviously kitchen is a priority. The bathroom and the front room aren’t as bad. I’m not even looking in the dc rooms, they can sort those.

Hope today's tidying went well @Yogawoogie! I did some today but it was in the loft so no-one will appreciate it - have a few hours still to spend up there to make it reasonably tidy again - just not sure if I can be bothered

Thanks Ruby. I filled three bin bags from the bathroom!
I gutted the bathroom and the front room and made a start on the kitchen.

Wow @Yogawoogie, brilliant job!!

DP came home from visiting PIL in an absolutely vile mood, no idea why. Thank goodness he went to bed early or I'd have had to avoid him somehow. There's no talking to him when he's like this

@RubySlippers77 hope he’s in a better mood today.

I’m starting with the spare room today. It’s used as a dumping ground and we have a guest staying from tomorrow. Then I’ll attack the kitchen again.

We recently cleared my Fathers house. It was shocking. Large house stacked floor to ceiling with crap. Old broken appliances, no proper running water, he literally slept in one room, trashed it and then moved to the next one.

Now he is in a home so in a better place but when we were living together (over 40 years ago) he NEVER lifted a finger with regard to housework. Always left it to others. At the end you couldn’t get through the front door and I moved him out for a week and got a clearance company in. He had capacity so although his GP was aware they told me it was up to him how he lived.

So what I am saying is it’s not only MH issues. It’s sometimes down to cannot be bothered, laziness etc until something happens. The garden was a nightmare and the neighbours had complained to him about the state of the place but he just sent them packing over the years. It meant him having to do something which tbh - he couldn’t be arsed.

@Yogawoogie he left for work before I got up. Might have crashed around moodily in the night but if he did, I didn't hear it. Sometimes ear infections have their bright side

@Bathroom12345 I dread thinking about when my DF dies/ becomes incapacitated as I imagine his house is much the same!! He's always been a hoarder but now he lives on his own there's nothing to stop a long descent into Mr Trebus territory he does zero housework/ tidying, fills a bit of the room and just moves to another bit or another room. He has a two bedroom house to himself and yet has never (in twenty years) got round to even unpacking

Ruby. Thanks. Please keep a careful eye on it. My Father’s house was 5 bed. It was truly disgusting. It was his choice though and I have to say it’s easy now to say they have mental health issues, OCD etc. Not always. Often it’s just down to being lazy and having more interesting things to do. People like this push themselves onto others. Xmas, bbq, lunch/dinner parties cannot be hosted by them because of the state of the house. Another thing they don’t have to bother about!

Just don’t ask how much it cost to clear....

@Bathroom12345 I don't think I want to know the clearance costs

Like you, I don't think my DF has any sort of MH condition, it's pure laziness/ not being bothered. Given the choice between washing clothes and just getting new (albeit charity shop) ones, he'd rather just get more. Then the old ones stay in a massive pile and just get added to.

He doesn't have people round to his house but will happily invite himself to my DB's who lives nearby. Or indeed, invite people to DB's if he can!

He is relatively young and in good health but I dread the day when we have to think about carers/ going into a home if he ever does get to that stage, it would be an enormous amount of work to find clothes/ personal possessions to take with him.

I do like to have 'stuff' but prefer to have it in the correct place - boxes in the loft, books on the bookcase, clothes in the wardrobe etc. Many years of living with messy people makes me paranoid about it!

Anyone else want to chip in and buy a commune for a peaceful tidy life, no grumpy men allowed?
I've been muttering at mine that I want to live separately, but I don't think he's taking me seriously yet.
I've had a terrible day with pain today, so hardly did anything.
I did some laundry, and had a minor wobble when I remembered I had to put away the clothes that have been on the rack for three days (what is it about laundry that causes me so much angst ), I don't mind doing it and hanging it up, I just get anxious about putting it away, really odd!
Then I was getting ready for bed and randomly decided to wash the dog/boot room floor.
I wouldn't be too ashamed to have an unexpected visitor, but there's plenty of room for improvement

Welcome new people. And you are very welcome but, please do remember that this is a support thread for anyone that needs it - even the lazy ones. I do think that one thing can lead to another. It becomes a bit of a circle where the laziness makes things overwhelming and that affects mental wellbeing which makes you unable to deal with the overwhelming mess that your home has become.

I really need to make a start...moving bags of old clothes out of the house...

I managed to do most of the spare room yesterday, I just need to put a sheet on the bed and have a pile of odd socks to put somewhere else.
When the guests are gone and we return from our holidays I think my main focus needs to be the kitchen which causes me the most stress and avoidance. One end is tidy, I can cook etc no problem but the table and side board are really cluttered. It’s the first thing you see when you walk in. It’s junk.

Yoga mine's the same, in fact most horizontal surfaces in my home are a magnet for "stuff".
A few years back I made a conscious decision not to have a "junk" drawer, did a mini Kondo and everything had a place, now my desk is the junk surface.

I had a couple of hours to myself today - raced through the washing, tidying, vacuuming - but the downside of DP 'looking after' the DTs at PIL's was that DTS1 came home really upset absolute meltdowns because no-one had been listening to him (he has suspected ASD). That's the sort of thing which sends me into a downward spiral but I'm trying hard not to let it.

The kitchen is a bugbear for me to @Yogawoogie, it stays clean for about 0.5 seconds and then the cooker top needs cleaning, the floor needs mopping, work surfaces need tidying etc etc... and whilst I'm busy with that the DTs will be busy making a mess elsewhere

The loft is still a tip but I can cope with that. Still never feel like we are 'visitor ready' though, which I think is just a throwback to my DP never welcoming people. I am still sometimes about being invited to people's houses at short notice!

Goodness, yes! If there's a space on anything horizontal, it gets 'stuff' on it. So annoying.