#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

Ironically DP (who is OCD about clutter) is the main culprit for leaving his 'stuff' on every available surface!! Then moans that the DC are playing with lego on the floor and making the floor cluttered...!

Hope everyone had a good weekend? We actually had sun here yesterday so took the DC out on bikes/ scooters for a bit. I was hoping to tidy up the garden when we got back but I was utterly exhausted! This ear infection has really wiped out my energy

My OH leaves his coats everywhere.
Then gets so defensive (actually that's his default about any "issue" I raise) and starts whining when I say actually 6 coats, boiler suit, 3 hats is a bit much to leave on the dining room chairs/table, and then points out my one coat that I leave out, because I'm in and out all day.
Also his million pairs of mucky boots (why can't he wear his wellies and rinse them off before coming indoors).
In my old house everyones boots / shoes lived in the porch, except his because he didn't like putting cold shoes on.
Now they're left on front of the radiator, where they give off a whiff of smelly feet as they warm up. But it's ok because he can't smell anything.

@cherrytree63 your OH does sound very defensive, I take it he's not interested in changing his habits to make the house a bit more pleasant for everyone?!

My DP likes to have the house roasting hot - I cannot stand it and open all the windows as soon as he goes out! Combination of doing more exercise than him and peri menopause but I'm just generally warmer and don't need it as hot.

I've been doing some admin bits for him this evening, he brought me the paperwork and had a look round at all the bits and pieces the DC leave out which I usually tidy away once they're in bed. Do you think he bothered to move a single one...?!

Really sad day today. DTS1 has been challenging (to say the least) with his behaviour over the last few days - shouting, moaning, hitting etc. He scratched DTS2 on the way to school today just because they were jostling a bit whilst running. Then he pushed another little boy in school and ended up in thinking corner.

I've contacted a local child behaviour specialist as I think we might be looking at an ASD diagnosis, due to his behaviour and (lack of!) social skills, waiting for an appointment date. However he's supposed to be going to a birthday party at the weekend but on current form I'm dreading it and have told him that he can't go if there is one more hitting/ scratching etc incident between now and then. He's really looking forward to it and I feel mean but am at my wits' end TBH, nothing I do makes a difference. If he's going to be like this I'd rather he didn't go and I could take DTS2 and not worry about watching him all the time; he is only 4 though, I'd feel sad for him, just can't trust him around other DC.

The house remains not tidied/ cleaned whilst I'm still flipping ill and now stressing about this too!!

@RubySlippers77
Your situation sounds so sad.
I hope you find a way through.
Yes my OH is ultra defensive, and if things don't bother him he won't budge. And it is NEVER his fault.
He's such a good egg in so many ways but sometimes I could really swing for him.
I cleaned my front room today, and asked him if he could stop folding the cushions as they're getting really difficult to straighten out and he huffed and puffed about what is he allowed to do, he can't do anything right bla bla.
Poor wee thing

Thank you @cherrytree63

My OH is ultra moany OCD about clutter, apart from his, which he is mysteriously blind to he has at least twice the storage space I have in the bedroom but then moans when I put stuff in the loft instead. Not sure where I'm supposed to put it?! He has drawers, shelves etc for winter woollies and suchlike but I have nothing...

DTS1 has been slightly better the last day or so - I've been going on a parenting course which seems to have helped - I'm trying really hard to keep identifying & responding to his needs to prevent any incidents. I think I'll let him go to the party as he will be heartbroken otherwise but will keep a VERY keen eye on him.

Hope everyone else is doing ok? We finally have a bit of sunshine here today!!

Hi all and welcome to newbies! Hope the party went ok ruby that sounds really tricky.

When I last posted I think I’d reduced my dose of ADHD meds already. That didn’t entirely help with the physical issues (weird whole body palpitation type feelings ) but did cause a huge mental health crash. I’m now back on the higher dose and feeling worse again physically but mentally things have improved again. I realised though that the first dose increase (right before the flare up started mid January) was also when I had to switch brands! So we are trying a switch back in case that helps.

Not much sorting done at all. On better days I’m getting a little more productive in terms of day to day stuff - I’m a bit more organised. But the house is a complete state. Family support worker is visiting on Friday so I do want to sort the ground floor a bit. I’ve written an enormous to do list.

DSD just got the OK on a flat though and could be moving in less than three weeks! Mixed feelings as she’s awesome but getting the space back will be useful.

@cherrytree63 and @RubySlippers77 I’m glad I’m not the only one that struggles with the kitchen surfaces!

Ruby, sorry to read that you are struggling. It’s so hard. I remember isolating ourselves when ds1 was young because it was so hard in social situations.

Guests have gone and we are back from holiday. I’m glad that I tidied before we left because it was lovely to come home to a clean(ish) house (if I don’t look at half of the kitchen and dc’s bedrooms).
I’m back to work tomorrow but want to enjoy one last day of relaxation so I’m only doing the basics today (hoovering main areas, bathroom, washing).

@LaneBoy I hope you are feeling better now? A tough choice between mental and physical health. Are you working your way through the to do list?

Our kitchen worktops are cluttered again as is the living room floor - my back is bad and I can't reach the shoals of kids toys lying around. I have loads of gardening to do too but the weather is still awful.

Hope you enjoyed your holiday @Yogawoogie? You're quite right, it is isolating when you can't enjoy social situations (for whatever reason). DTS1 is so quick to go into hyper mode, often followed by meltdown I really want to get him to the GP to rule out any physical cause and perhaps get a referral onwards, but of course there's no appointments at all at the moment! Thankfully he was ok at the party but took himself out three times ("too loud!") and I took him out three times too. He did kick and screech a bit but I'd rather he was cross than he started running around manically and/ or hitting other children

@RubySlippers77 well done for getting through it!

Thank you @Yogawoogie! I'm not much of a drinker but I did have a celebratory glass when I got home as I was so relieved!!

Morning everyone, hope you're all well and ready for a good weekend!
My house is a tip. My mind is a tip. My body must hate me , my arthritis is bad at the moment.
I think I need a grown up to write me up a timetable and give me some deadlines to work to so I can be more productive as I don't motivate myself at all. But it's difficult when you have chronic pain.
I did some cooking on Wednesday, so much for recipes stating 20 min prep, somehow it took me nearly 4 hours standing up in the kitchen to make a lasagne, quiche and soup, and washing the pots up, which has caused my flare up.
Are you all prepped for any self isolation/ lockdown situations?

I find the same with food prep. A simple recipe takes me far longer than DH, and wears me out!

As for preparing - I think we are ok, managed to stock up a bit (NOT excessively) with tins etc a week ago when all the panic buying was focused on loo roll and hand gel and thankfully I just had a recent prescription for my ADHD meds which I’d be thoroughly screwed without now.

I don’t feel too bad at the prospect of being stuck in - DH and I are introverts anyway, and it’s not like home education is new to us if the schools do shut etc. I feel utterly grateful all over again that we were housed by the council in 2018 - this house is much bigger, with a little garden and heating that actually works.

If anything I’m looking forward to being able to ditch more of the outside responsibilities and actually focus on the house a bit more... maybe I’m being naive though!

Quietly hoping life can carry on for a couple more weeks at least, since the courses I’m doing are so important for my MH. Only have two more weeks of those anyway, plus therapy tomorrow, then I’m not booking anything else.

Anxiety and mood have been horrific for over a year now anyway so if anything this has tipped me over into strangely calm and practical - but I do definitely get waves of panic too when I think about the actual virus.

Not done any actual decluttering lately BTW!

All I can think of right now is the pain I'm in. I'm not generally a moaner but, I hurt so much.

@Solo

Sorry solo I take it it’s an ME relapse? :(

DH is on board with using any self isolation time to sort more of the house. Although how difficult that will be with the toddler not at nursery, who knows 🤨 she’s been told not to come back for the week - snotty nose, NOT a dry cough or fever, but their rules so fair enough.

Sorry to hear you are feeling bad @Solo hope things improve soon.

@LaneBoy my DC are very snotty and grumpy but school have told everyone that DC must attend if they don't have actual virus symptoms (cough, temperature etc). It's looking like schools here will close imminently anyway. I'd like to say that we will spend a productive few weeks with education, fun etc but I imagine there will also be too much CBeebies in there

I do wonder who preps/ cooks these recipes @cherrytree63 as it always takes me much longer than they say too! Granted we have a tiny kitchen so I can't lay everything out in advance - that would save a bit of time - but still, it's very frustrating.

Not much to update here - my ear infection is 90% gone (at last!!) - the GP wanted me to book an appointment to review my medication reaction, but I don't think there's any hope of that soon!! DP went on a stag do at the weekend and has returned immensely grumpy, no idea why. And the wedding we were going to in Italy next month has been cancelled; now we start the long process of seeing how much money we can get back from our bookings...!

My OH has been working away and it's true, absence makes the heart grow fonder, I did miss him.
Came back last night and already this morning he's reduced me to tears.
I mentioned him mocking me when I was stocking up pre Brexit, and he's straight back with "well the shortages you expected didn't happen"
Would have been nice if he'd said good job you did, or some sort of positive remark.
It sounds so pretty but it's non stop disagreeing with me that's ground me down.
I mentioned bagging up stuff in the freezer instead of taking up room with boxes, no just fold up the boxes.
Batch cooking, no, too much time/gas/ electric.
Tea bags/oasta in bulk? No, too much time putting into the tea caddy, pasta spills, whatever.
Go shopping with him, pick up tin of whatever, get told there's 2 tins of that in cupboard, argue about how much we need.
I got in the habit of buying paracetamol or ibuprofen every time I was in the shop, no we've got enough, funny how we're now down to 32 paracetamol and there's none anywhere in the shops.
Sorry I'm off on a tangent again!
In housework news, my front room is clean and tidy, I've swept all the downstairs hard floors, swept the stairs with the hand brush, all laundry up to date but not put away.
My hernia OP that I've waited 5 years for won't be happening for the foreseeable, likewise my hand OP.
Looking on the bright side I won't have to put up with grumpy on nursing duties .
When I had my mastectomy I was told I'd be in for 7/10 days, I was discharged on day 5 and he was awful when I asked him to help me downstairs and leave me a sandwich and flask. I got the fruit bowl and a bottle of water because he didn't have time before work and it was my fault for coming home early.
@Solo are you feeling better?

Well I will say it @cherrytree63 - a good job you did your Brexit prepping!! And that you are putting so much thought into other things you could be doing!

My advice: leave him at home when you go shopping. Buy what you think is best. Ignore him

I've taken some stuff out of boxes in the freezer too, put it into bags. We actually have a big freezer but I'm even thinking of getting another so I can prep and freeze more veg, plus any stuff I buy which has a short shelf life. It's my birthday next month so I may ask for a (secondhand) one as an early present - well, we won't be going to Italy any more...

Hope you all have the Too Good To Go app? If you have shops/ cafes near you which use it it's brilliant, loads of cheap end of day food. In our area it tends to be bread/ cake/ crisps rather than fruit & veg (Morrisons is more fresh stuff, but sadly I'm not very near a Morrisons) but I've been eating the sandwiches, freezing some of the bread, giving chocolate/ crisps/ sweets to the food bank, and sending DP to work with some bits to share out.

Have to say this crisis is doing nothing to curb my hoarding tendencies, even when it's all over Marie Kondo will not be converting me!!

And my DP is the same cherry - I had three major operations in a day when I had the DC and he was still amazed when I didn't want to carry a big food shop in a couple of weeks later - however, when he has a cold he is straight to bed and expects to be waited on hand and foot

Sorry about these asshole men.

I’m in bed and SI as I have a slight fever. Pretty sure it’s tonsillitis but rules is rules

That's reminder me to put the too good to go app on my new phone! I had it before and the only place near me was the local carvery but maybe some more places have joined in.

Not feeling great but, on top of that, I'm coughing and sneezing with a sore throat! Pretty sure it's not cv though.

It's my birthday. Nothing to see here! Literally, nothing to see :)

I'm working from home from now and need to make space for the PC. Oh boy!

@Solo Happy Birthday!

(And I hope you feel better soon.)

@Solo Happy Birthday!
My aim this week is to declutter my kitchen, especially my big larder cupboard which looks like it's been ransacked!
Thinking of putting what fits tidyly on the shelves and putting surplus under the stairs, and if possible replacing what gets used by buying new and saving the surplus for when I can't get out shopping.
I'd also like to defrost my freezer (and bag my fish fingers up ) but don't really have anywhere to put the frozen stuff while I do it.
I impulse bought some crispy pancakes but the only flavour available was mozzarella and tomato and they taste foul, I nearly threw them away but then I had visions of literally having nothing to eat and crying over my discarded crispy pancakes

Happy belated birthday @Solo and I hope you're feeling better now?

Under the stairs is our new stash holder too @cherrytree63! All our cupboards are tiny (as is the kitchen!) so I've put what I can in those and the rest is boxed up under the stairs. We do have plenty of food but sadly it's mostly what the DC will eat - we won't be running out of Wotsits for a good long time...

Hope everyone is safe and well and will cope ok in lockdown x