#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

Aah ruby that’s nice about him doing the gardening! We never really do anything fun like that.

I’m a bit too much of a wuss for free cycle/FB as I’m not coping well with new people. But I might ask among friends. Also I used to volunteer at a friend’s baby stuff donation pop up, so I might ask her if she has space for more.

Mother I would sooo love an extra room for decluttering!

I’ve had to reduce my ADHD meds for a bit as the current weird symptoms may be related to the dose increase. Gah. We shall see how that goes.

Just trying to keep afloat as it is really! I’ve managed loads of laundry the last two days though.

This thread dropped off my threads I'm on list.
Hello everyone, old and new!
Since I last posted I've had a bereavement, which has knocked me for six.
I think I may have mentioned before about the rift with my DIL. Can't really go into details but the situation has really exploded and I'm worried sick for my son. My anxiety levels are through the roof and my insomnia is killing any life/activity.
I also managed to fall out of the shower, knock myself out, tear a ligament in my "good" foot and gash my hand. Came too in a pool of blood, no idea how it happened.
I set my mind to have a quick blitz, ended up sobbing on the stairs. OH took pity on me and said he'd sort the dining room and Hoover the stairs.
Came downstairs after deep cleaning bedroom, bathroom and landing to find he'd swept the dining room floor and gone to sleep on the sofa.
Later said he hadn't dared touch any of my stuff that was on the table (some paperwork, gloves, small pile of laundry) and had forgotten about the stairs. He has a history of moving (hiding) my things and denying all knowledge of it.
I'm on the lookout for a cheap cylinder Hoover for the stairs if anyone can recomend something?
I love my Dyson stick but I can't do the stairs with it (the angle and keeping the trigger pushed in is too painful for my wrist). I have an old Dyson cylinder but the cylinder keeps sticking so I have to ask OH to empty it and I've lost all the tools.

Oh no cherry I’m so sorry about the bereavement and the family rift, that must be incredibly hard. Please look after yourself, the shower incident sounds scary as well as painful! :(

Still nothing going on here. 2/3 Caglets ended up down with the sick bug and the rest of us have been unwell, everyone is really run down and low.

Going to put a wash on with the last of our stuff, DD1 can do hers later as she has uniform/PE kit. The clean laundry pile is so high I’m surprised it doesn’t have snow on top. Might make that the aim of the afternoon, if pain levels allow.

Really sorry to hear that cherry :( Life is so unfair at times. Hope things improve.

LaneyBoy the problem with having an extra room to declutter is that you tend to just...fill it with more stuff.

I've done very little. I'm staving off a relapse with my ME.

That sucks solo :( I think I’m heading that way. The PoTS flare (plus weird new palpitation type symptom that is being investigated) has been here almost a month now and I was thinking at least I wasn’t in too much pain/fatigue, but no, that’s setting in now. Bugger.

I have the odd flash of motivation but it’s never enough and I’m too exhausted to act on it most of the time.

We’ve definitely reached the stage since moving where the bigger space isn’t so big anymore! 😳

Right must go and put that wash on, maybe clear up some stuff and then rest.

Thanks for kind words.
I'm really pleased with how tidy my bedroom has stayed but I've developed a mental block about putting my laundry away. It's in boxes in the spare room
It's really illogical, I've had regular clear outs of clothes in the last few months, my drawers / wardrobe are nearly empty, i just have silly fear of trying to put something away and not having room

Clutter issues are rarely logical I guess! I often procrastinate over things that are really simple.

The issue with clothes for us is that we don’t have a wardrobe - just a crappy hanging rail and some Kallax that is mostly needed for Cagletini really. There’s not enough room for everything. We do still need to move the big Kallax upstairs and maybe I’ll get some more baskets then so we have more storage. But again it’s all very Rubik’s cube like. Aaaaargh.

Life is too exhausting ATM, I’ve hit a total wall of overwhelm.

Sorry to hear about what's been happening with you @cherrytree63; sounds like you have such a lot on your plate at the moment and your DH hasn't been helping matters! I hope you are recovering well from your injury and that things with your DS improve soon - sending

And @LaneBoy, sending you some too for the sickness bug and pain! I didn't realise how perky I was feeling till this week when I caught the sniffles from the DC and now am decidedly not perky. The house is slowly making its way back towards being a tip...

(I also have a large laundry pile to put away, but frankly mine is just laziness rather than anything else!!)

Really sad this evening - DP took DTS2 round to FIL's for a bit earlier - told me what a nice time they had. I went to the shops with DTS1, all good until DP had a few drinks and decided to tell me that FIL says DTS2 is "his favourite" - I said that isn't something you should say about your DGC - DP said "well he says DTS1 isn't a nice child, he's a bit sly, too much hard work for him and MIL." I was - asked if they don't want to have DTS1 round any more then? Oh no, that's not what they mean, but they very much prefer DTS2

(DP has no tact at the best of times - I'm not sure FIL knew he'd repeat the conversation to me - but still, I don't think FIL should have said it!)

Don't know where to go from here really, we literally have no other childcare apart from PIL, and all FIL will say is "I was only being honest" if I raise it with him. They only have the DC one afternoon a week anyway, it's not a massive commitment, but now I'll always be wondering if they actually want DTS1 there at all. I think I will be contacting the HV on Monday to see if they can offer any advice, because if his grandparents think that about him, it's made me very sad and worried about what other people think about him. I've had my suspicions that he has some form of ASD/ ADHD but one on one he is usually absolutely fine, it's only when the DTs are together that they're a pain - but apparently that's not FIL's opinion

Ruby that's awful, what a thing to say :(

Christ on a bike ruby that’s so horrible :( The golden child dynamic is harmful to everyone. DP was tactless too for sure, what does he think about this favouritism?

Didn’t even attempt to put any clean clothes away, but everything is washed other than DD1’s stuff but she can continue that tomorrow for uniform etc. Spent a long time with her in meltdown over maths. She has also now started her melatonin break so the next fortnight will be tricky. We have decided to watch Stranger Things together though so that at least might be a way of spending nicer time together.

@LaneBoy I've never watched Stranger Things! Heard it is soooo good but just couldn't get into it!! Hope you have a lovely evening with your DD

I think DP just thought "fair enough, DTS1 is more of a PITA" and left it at that I couldn't be bothered to go into it with him as he's a complete PITA himself when he's had a few drinks! And today he's been moaning constantly and annoyingly about his man flu and/or hangover, no chance to discuss it. Not sure I want to though TBH; I completely agree that saying one child is 'better' or 'more preferable' to another is wrong, but FIL is another one without any tact (probably where DP gets it from!), and never going to back down on his opinion...

@RubySlippers77 how horrid
I've sorted my laundry into categories but not put away.
Gone through my knickers pile, put away those which I know are comfy, chucked any that don't cover my lady garden and have left the rest in a box to wear then chuck or keep.
May have another sort through of my drawers later and see what I can get rid of.
Or maybe I won't

Thank you @cherrytree63 I'm still in shock really, and still hurt, especially when I see little DTS1 and think how far he's come recently. Plus if he is harder work then he will have more issues to deal with in the future and doesn't he deserve extra help and understanding for that? I realised also that DTS1 already knows that FIL doesn't like him as much, he never asks to go there like DTS2 does

To be fair I don't think MIL would say anything similar - she is lovely, and very thoughtful - but FIL probably didn't feel the need to be tactful. They are looking after the DC one afternoon this week as usual (I'd have changed this but have arranged to meet my friend for her birthday, and as I only get one social outing a month at the most, it's something I've been looking forward to for ages!) but then it's half term next week and after that I'll change things around somehow so DTS1 doesn't go as often.

(Sorry to go on about this, it's just really thrown me!!)

By the way I sorted out all my underwear too not so long ago - bras all went to Smalls For All, knickers to charity shop for their rags pile - but the pants I have left desperately need replacing before they are more holes than pants

I have a never ending quest to find nice knickers! I have a muffin top when I'm naked (I had an immediate reconstruction after my mastectomy, so flat below the waist and then I bulge out ) so anything that sits too low makes me look like a curly wurly!

I feel your pain @cherrytree63... mine are from Sainsbury's but are getting quite grotty. Promised myself some new ones once I'd lost a bit of weight but am still full of cold and very greedy!

Trying to sort out DP's car insurance. Mine is sorted and done but will he give me the info I need?! Nope. And now I'm the awkward one for not sorting it ages ago

Is house admin your job too @RubySlippers77?
Are you expected to know where every single bit of paperwork is?
It's not a lot, just sometimes the thought of yet another phone call, form to fill, bill to pay makes me want to run away.
Today's mission is to at least sort out my socks, all clean socks are paired on the bedroom floor, but I want to go through the drawer first, then put away my clothes (on the spare bedroom floor, but the longer I put that off, the more I'll wear and the less to put away ).
Then onto the dining room, the desk/ sideboard/ dining table are just covered in coats and tools and letters.
I had a tantrum last week and shouted "you may as well chop the table up and use it for firework, we only eat at it at Christmas".
We've slipped into eating in front of the TV every night. Well, I do, OH eats standing up in the kitchen unless I'm cooking. Really bugs me.

Of course @cherrytree63!!

I now put all DP's paperwork and any bit of crap that he leaves lying around on his chest of drawers to make it his responsibility. He moans and moans about clutter but leaves his stuff all round the house and then expects it to remain exactly where it is for months till he wants it again

I would love to get a job as I'm quite lonely at home but I know that DP still wouldn't help round the house, which puts me off; I'd be even more tired and less productive. Financially we probably wouldn't be better off until the DTs are at school - till then we'd have to pay for some childcare as I don't want to rely on PIL - but it's really knocked my confidence being off work for so long.

How is your decluttering going? I had a sock clearout too over Christmas and got rid of loads of them. I have such a lack of storage space in the bedroom (well everywhere to be honest!) that my sock drawer was overflowing!

Really rubbish day for me mentally today. Couldn't settle to do anything, angry at myself, and ate too much crap.
OH has agreed to help get the house in order this weekend as the storm means we won't be able to do much outdoors.
I'd love a job too, but realistically I can't commit, fibro makes me really flaky.

Same cherry I am really craving work at the moment but it would tip me into flare up pretty quickly. I don’t want to rule it out forever (I am 33, that thought is horrifying) but TBH we have so much going on at the moment that everything is in flux and maybe once other stuff is much more settled it will be possible to look for something. I will never ever work full time though. It is not a coincidence that I first got sick within a month of going from 17h to 36h weeks.

Anyway. I’m sorry you had a bad day. I hate days like that, sometimes you just have to write it off and hope the next one is better

Nothing happening here. I’ve been in quite a bad place really with the pressure of carrying everything/everyone. Had a good chat with the leader of a course I’m on (she happens to be our support worker’s boss, so she knows about our circumstances anyway) and really managed to be honest about how low I am. Feel a bit better for it even though it doesn’t change the circumstances! But sometimes being open is enough to lift a little of the pressure isn’t it?

I’m trying to make a list of things to get done over half term as I have a meeting with our support worker the week after and I really want to make her proud TBH. But house stuff needs to be sorted too. Still haven’t even done the clean laundry!

I had plans of getting up early and starting on tidying but I feel wrung out already.
My hot water bottle leaked yesterday so I stripped the bed and washed the covers, but I have an extra deep mattress and need OH to put the sheet on, which didn't happen, so I had to take all my charity shop boxes/ bags off the spare bed, move my categorised laundry piles from the floor and sleep in the spare bed.
The mattress is a bit too firm for me, I've got stuff on my mind so haven't slept too well.
OH has just brought me a cup of tea (bless him he does this every day because he's an early riser) and a Valentine's card, so I feel bad that I didn't get him anything.
After years of card/gift giving and arranging nights out when he never bothered reciprocating I gave up bothering.
I loved my last job, but looking back I can see that my fibro was showing signs then, my GP signed me off nights (NHS role), I have other health conditions and my peri menopause was horrendous, after never ever having period problems.
I thought I'd make a bit of a career selling on Ebay and FB, and once I'd minimised my house I'd scour charity shops and boot sales picking up bargains to sell on.
But unless Ebay are having £1 selling fee weekends it wipes out so much profit and the Facebook marketplace on the whole is fairly straightforward some of the potential buyers/ timewasters have driven me mad!
Have a good day everyone, and batten down the hatches ready for storm Dennis!

Sorry you’re so wrung out cherry

I didn’t get DH anything, he got me a few packs of hotel chocolat yum.

Can’t do our planned breakfast date so I’ve got a hot date with the laundry pile instead. 2 hours sleep thanks to snotty toddler but I’m so wired I may as well get something useful done

Sorry you had all the palaver with your bed and that 'D'H didn't help, @cherrytree63! At least he got you a card

DTS1 managed to wee all over his bed in the night, this morning has started with a big laundry pile!! (Mind you, which day doesn't?!) Plenty of snot here too @LaneBoy, sadly it's mostly mine, although the DTs are contributing too.

Oh gosh, I completely see how health issues would restrict your working ability. After my horrific birth experience I wondered if I'd recover enough to work, and TBH I still don't think I'd be able to do full time, at least until the DC are older and I get more rest. I'm looking for something flexible - can't decide if WFH would be a good option as I really would like adult company! - but realistically a large chunk of my earnings will be taken up with childcare if I have to work school holidays. I hope you are enjoying your course Lane and that your chat helped a bit.

Pants crisis here - one pair has shredded in the wash - I only have a few pairs left happily Sainsburys have 25% off at the moment so I may invest in some new ones!!

Thanks Ruby :)

The courses are enjoyable in some ways but put quite a strain on me really - being in a group is quite tiring anyway but one course is a parenting course - I have to do it and get signed off in order for CAMHS to see DS for ADHD assessment 🙄 it is actually really interesting though, lots about brain development etc, and a lovely group of mums. Next time we have to talk about our own upbringing though so that will be interesting.

The other course is called Adverse Childhood Experiences, it’s not therapy exactly but obviously bringing up a lot. So it’s quite an intense two days (one on Tuesday and the other on Wednesday - both for five more weeks after half term). And yet I’ll be sad when they’re over! I’m hoping to get all the reading and homework done today though so I can put the folders away and forget about them for half term.

I’ve been sorting the clean laundry at last :o

DODODODOOOOO ( that's a trumpet fanfare for those who haven't got their sound turned up
I have put my laundry away!!!
Only one item went to the charity/ boot sale pile, and 4 pairs of socks (out of about 60 ) in the bin.

Fantastic cherry well done!

Mine is all still piled on the bed as in the photo, but I went swimming for the first time in a few weeks and I’m so sleepy!

I could give the kids theirs to put away but really we need to go through what’s in their drawers ready as I’m sure we could weed out some stuff as well. Same with the toddler really.