#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

I am waaaay behind on this thread (and all forms of cleaning!) after DTS2's broken arm and DTS1's operation (he is still suffering, poor boy) plus lack of broadband - but hope everyone is well & I'll be back soon!

Anyone around to give me a sympathetic hand squeeze and a kind word?
I've let the house go again. It's a complete pigsty, dirty and messy.
Both my children are visiting fromThursday to Sunday, and bringing my 11 month grandaughter, who is walking and getting into everything.
I posted upthread about a family member going ape at me, well it's my DIL so getting to see my grandaughter is a rare occurence so I'm over the moon. But I'm trying to tidy, clean and toddler proof!
I've asked OH to help but he's just got angry with me, as he rightly says it's my clutter, but it's not just me that brings dirt in the bloody house.
I get violent urges when he asks me what needs cleaning. And when I give him specific jobs he's too busy. IE in my last house, he had his massive coat collection in the downstairs loo, along with a couple of tool boxes. He used it as his "smoking " room as it had a good extractor fan, and eventually everything went a bit yellow, it was all tiled and I asked him to clean it weekly. He never did it.
I've asked him to hoover the stairs (I have arthritis and find it painful). They got done last Easter.
Then he shouted at me for moving the DVDs and was really scornful when I said I was trying to toddler proof because we can't move everything out of the way.
He's gone to bed because he's got a cold and I keep squatting in corners and sobbing.
I'm going to have a cup of tea (and not make him one) and start again.
Sorry for my miserable post.

Cherry that is really hard for you. I would probably in your situation just concentrate on the kitchen bathroom and lounge area for deep cleaning and just do your best on the hygiene front and not deal with clutter except to pile it in corners with a big tablecloth draped over it (I'm afraid that is what I've been known to do, under tables is my speciality) I would hoover downstairs thoroughly and make the worktops and floors mopped and the rest will have to wait. Maybe your children will help you with specific decluttering jobs if you ask them in advance? Would one like to clear out a kitchen cupboard or fridge for you? I know my mum refuses to let me do these things and my fingers are always itching to do so, especially books clothes and dvds.

I think people with 11 month olds see everything through the prism of a small crawling person putting things in their mouth or eating off not so clean cutlery plates, so if you can get that right, all the rest will follow. I know my mum has been in tears when her DIL complained about the hygiene, after my mum thought she had made an enormous effort to be hospitable and welcoming with food, tidying etc. In the end it all came down to mopping and dusting, not tidying at all. In fact the DIL (my SIL) used to create an enormous mess with her babies' possessions, clothes toys food, not notice this, whilst sulking about how dreadful the conditions were (which she was contributing to by bringing a whirlwind with her of baby related chaos) So remember, you are equal. They shouldn't get to judge you.

Hoovering is one of the first things I usually do at my mum's house too, if they are young and fit (which I am relatively, and I don't have arthritis) it should be a doddle for them to do some hoovering for you if you asked politely, again in advance you could mention this, whilst clearing the decks to make it possible. My mum's other bete noire is to have a hoover that doesn't actually work, just having a working one (or ask them to bring it) might be a good idea.

I would also not get sidetracked by annoying dh. He clearly is making things worse for you, so don't involve him in these plans.

It wasn't the state of my house that caused the ruck, it's normally blitzed when I have visitors and up until when I moved two years ago I was reasonably tidy and organised.
I live 200 miles away and only see them 4/5 times a year so don't want to be cleaning while they're here
I 've done the lounge, properly, subconsciously broke it down into 5/10 minute tasks. Made a massive dent in the clutter mountain of my dining room which I should get finished first thing and then onto the home stretch of the kitchen.
I'm determined to keep on top of everything from now on!
On the OH front, I don't know if I'm a cantankerous old cow or he's a pain in the arse!
I stripped the bed and washed the linen. I asked him if he'd make the bed up and he said no.
I reminded him that it's almost impossible for me to put the sheet on, it's an extra deep mattress and my right hand pretty useless these days.
I've ended up having a strop and I'm in the spare room.
We both keep up with wiping the kitchen tops, dishwasher, putting rubbish out, cleaning up after the dogs but he just doesn't think to do anything else and I don't have the mental energy to do his thinking for him.

I bought a Dyson stick hoover which has been a game changer for my back and hips, but holding the hand held bit and keeping the trigger pressed in is what kills my hand (I broke it a year ago and developed arthritis in it almost overnight).

@Nettleskeins DTS1 & I made a Christmas cake this year, it was very easy (although admittedly we haven't tasted it yet!) - it was this Delia one. And I sometimes make kale with chilli too! Cover it with a bit of oil, some salt and some chilli flakes, put in a hot oven for about 15 minutes, turning over once - yum I do the same with broccoli too!

@cherrytree63 my MIL is a big hoarder and as Nettle said, that didn't bother me as much as PIL leaving things lying around that the DTs could have popped in their mouths, not putting up stair gates etc. Could you buy/ borrow a playpen just in case you need to put DGD in there for a little bit? If someone does make a fuss about xyz not being done, she could go in there whilst you sort it out! And I think you were completely reasonable with your DH, don't see why he couldn't have helped to make the bed at the very least. I have that Dyson too by the way and whilst I love it, that trigger does annoy me - an on/ off switch would be much better!

House is desperately in need of a thorough clean but as I always have at least one small DC at home, it's not getting done. I've borrowed the 'Organised Mum' book from the library though, maybe that will show me the way forward?!

I managed to get it all done, OH helped as well, he cleaned the kitchen and hoovered the stairs for me. I subconsciously did it in 5/10 min bursts, funny that I wouldn't plan it that way, but when I looked at a whole room that needed sorting it was too overwhelming.
So I just job hopped, would be in the middle of something, go to the loo/ make tea/ answer phone and see something else to do and everything slowly clicked into place.
The other thing that helped was having several blitzs in the last couple of years, so nearly everything had a space in a cupboard or on a shelf.
Most of the recent clutter was me selling loads of stuff that I don't use/wear any more so I'd been pulling out cupboards and the bringing the contents of my shed in yo photograph for ebay and facebook.
I'm so determined to keep on top of everything now!

Hope they are all having a lovely time in your house and you enjoying the visit Cherry. Five minute bursts in different rooms is often what I do too. Sometimes it is the only way I can face even starting...Once you get started it becomes more interesting .

Good day today, returned from a visit to another cluttered house of another relative - a clean and tidy one but just a bit much for relative to cope with(very nice house and very nice visit though) It is a relief to see everyone struggles with this not just me, and also I can see I've made progress in a lot of ways. Also beginning to see that really I could make life simpler for myself (but only when I think this about other people's houses it is like looking in the mirror. Again I watched someone fretting about throwing out something and just thought...just throw it away woman!!! when in my own house, I would be standing there suspended in amber for hours [days] wringing my hands with indecision.

My front room was trashed with baby paraphernalia!
We had pizza last night too.
After baby went to bed I tidied away the pizza boxes, boxed the toys, little mini blitz.
And I was reminded of when my children were young and how I kept my home spotless. My husband was very hands on which helped.
I was a bit neglected as a child, my mum kept a beautifully clean home, she'd grown up in a generarion and location of gossipy judgemental women, and was ultra house proud, nets washed every week, doorstep brasso'd, clean table cloths with newspaper underneath. But she got very ill on and off since I was about 4 and died when I was 10.
My Dad couldn't cope, I rarely had clean clothes and the house was filthy, overflowing cat tray filthy (my Dad wouldn't buy (deoderising) cat litter, he'd fill it with soil. Dog hair everywhere. I became a school refuser and SS got involved.
Which is probably why I was so OCD when my children were growing up.
My daughter made me think last night, said how organised my kitchen cupboards are. That's OH, he's very Sleeping With The Enemy tidy with some things. He chunters away if I buy the big bottle of mayo because it's too tall to go on the shelf that the other sauce bottles live on. His workshop is ultra tidy, he had twenty billion tools and knows where everything is, everything is cleaned/ oiled/ sharpened after use and put away. Won't lend his tools to anyone, yet is reckless with my stuff.
I'm going off on a bit of a tangent here, when his precious pub got flooded, he was straight round there with MY dehumidifier, MY bags of sand without asking me. When I grumbled he said it was my fault as I'd forgotten my phone so he couldn't ask, and what was my problem as I wasn't using them at the time.
Yet I'm not allowed to use his tools (I once borrowed something, took a picture so I could replace it exactly and he still knew I'd used it ).
I'm sorry I can't keep up with everyone's names on here, but I hope everyone is doing ok and has a good weekend.

Have you recovered now after the visit @cherrytree63?! We had an 18 month old visit last weekend too. It was flipping exhausting, mainly because the parents did zero to look after him and DP seemed to think I would entertain him. Errrr no, I have two DC of my own to keep an eye on, thanks very much!

DP was an absolute arse last weekend too and we are only just getting back to 'normal'. I almost walked out at several points as he was so aggressive and bad tempered. He got in a (drunken) mood about how many toys the DC have, but instead of starting to go through them and making sell/ donate/ keep piles as I planned to, he threw shedloads of other crap in their toyroom so we couldn't even get in the door. It was completely counter productive of course as now we have to do loads of tidying before we can even start on the original job, but will he admit that.....?!

In better news I had my hair cut this week at the local college, I was desperate to get it done but couldn't afford to pay £££ even via Groupon. It was a bargainous £8.50 and the girl did a great job

Just caught up. No news. I'll be back.

We had a fab weekend, so lovely to see my children and grandchild.
I whizzed round the house tidying and hoovering last Monday and I've been keeping on top of things with little spurts here and there.
Have put away my laundry pile, it was several loads dumped on the floor because I needed the basket. But I washed a load yesterday and it's bothering me that I need to put it away.
Had some admin to sort which clutters my mind.
Had to laugh this morning when OH accused me of letting the dog in the bedroom and he'd taken a massive dump on the carpet.
On closer inspection it was a brown hair scrunchie
@RubySlippers77 sorry your DH was an arse.

Glad you enjoyed the weekend @cherrytree63 and that your dog was not the culprit this morning

I too have a massive laundry pile to put away, but it's in the bedroom; sadly DP decided this evening that he was ill and did his usual "what children? I have no children when I'm ill" routine, and has parked his arse in bed, where he seems to have recovered enough to watch his iPad (although not recovered enough to deal with the DC if they wake up, I would bet). FFS.

Downstairs is still an utter tip after DP's temper tantrum last weekend and DTS2 spending all afternoon grumbling on the sofa - he had his cast taken off his arm today. I'm tempted to leave the lot and start afresh in the morning, but do need to sort out the ruddy elves for tomorrow

It must be so hard to cope with children on top of everything else when your DP is making everything worse.
I've been majorly stressed by admin crap today. I had to take some documents to the council offices. Had a hissy fit because my phone wouldn't connect to my printer, unearthed my laptop to connect it manually but it had no black ink.
So had to get my big printer out of cupboard, got everything printed, rang the council to find out what time they shut, buy spent 18 minutes in a queue, only to be told that I could just screen shot the docs and email them.
My dining table is covered with printers and laptop and paper and cables and why oh why is all the phone call/ paperwork/ banking bla bla bla my job by default?
Although DP did graciously offer to connect the printer for me, but couldn't find the cable. Which was in the drawer. With all the other cables.(because at some time I've organised that drawer) And because he IS NEVER WRONG he tried to make it not fit which made me laugh.

@cherrytree63 I hate those sort of admin issues!! When something that should be easy becomes hideously complicated our printer has a document stuck in the queue that I cannot get rid of; it's from a particular program rather than our printer jamming, but when I contacted the website they couldn't help either, so now every time I want to print I have to faff around. Grrrrr!!

DP is still (generally) in a foul mood as he decided that the house was a tip and I was obviously lazing around and never cleaning anything, so did one of his 'crashing around to make it obvious how much work I'm doing' tantrums. When I asked him to look after the DC for a bit, he said he couldn't because he was VERY BUSY cleaning. Of course when I have them this is NO EXCUSE for not doing the cleaning

He actually got friends over at the weekend to give us a hand doing a big spring clean - he did pay them - but they brought their toddler, why?!? It meant I only got about 2/3 done of what I wanted to as I had to spend a lot of time stopping him destroying the cleaning and tidying I'd already done. I was really cross actually as we'd arranged for our DC to go to PIL but for some reason DC's friends thought I'd be absolutely delighted to look after their 18mo whilst trying to make the most of my child free time... I wasn't.

On the bright side, 90% of my Christmas shopping is done and I posted the two biggest parcels today, so I'm feeling quite organised!

@RubySlippers77 how frustrating!
I've not done too well, I'm on week 3 of a post flu cough which is wiping me out because sleep is almost impossible.
I have a stack of clean laundry on the spare bed, only the kitchen is semi clean my dining room looks like a jumble sale because I'm having a massive purge and selling stuff on Facebook and EBay.
I'm regretting sending so much to charity shops, good stuff that I should have sold.

Hi everyone. Sounds busy in here! I've not done anything much. I have had the front garden cleared so far and the back garden will be done soon, I think. It's costing me but, it's so nice to be able to walk up to my front door unhindered!
I have done little in the way of Christmas shopping - I don't know where to start actually but, the secret santa is tomorrow and I have to go out today to do it! Hate Christmas.

I thought I was going to be rich (ish lol) this weekend with the stuff I've sold on Ebay. Sadly as a new seller they're holding my money until 48 - 72 hours after I've provided tracking info.
If we have a dry (and hopefully slightly warmer) day this week my OH is going to fit out my shed with shelves and hooks for me to put my clutter in and keep it organised.
I've started writing lists of what I've got for sale and what I'm keeping.

How is your selling going @cherrytree63?

Not much happening here between Christmas prep and DTS1 coming down with a D&V bug..... poor little thing, it's wiped him out. He came out of school one day saying "I feel a bit sick" and promptly threw up all over himself and the car I did plenty of cleaning over the next couple of days to make sure that it wasn't anything at home, but I think he'd picked it up from another child in his class, as he wasn't the first to go off sick with it.

Like you I was hoping to sell more stuff on ebay/ FB but ended up sending it to a charity shop, as I was just so desperate to clear the house of some clutter! Hopefully once all the Christmas stuff is gone from the loft we'll have some more space.

Next year I am planning to write down all my financial aims and have a plan for working towards them!

EBay selling is going well now I've worked out how to do it lol! I'm listing loads everytime the £1 selling fees offer is on.
I've had to jam all my clutter in the corner of the dining room as my shed hasn't been started though.
I had a mad spurt of energy on Christmas day(we didn't "do" Christmas this year) and scrubbed out the downstairs bathroom which is currently our dog/boot room and was absolutely disgusting.
Dust on everything, greasy marks from the dogs coats on the walls . I spent a good 90 minutes on. it and was really pleased with the result.
It's a massive bathroom and we plan to divide it into bathroom and utility.
@RubySlippers77 I hope your little one is better, did anyone else catch it?
My son's in-laws took their D&V'ing child to visit my them, so my DS , GD, DIL got it, then my DD and SIL got it too when they babysat.
I'm hoping that my OH gets my shed kitted out this weekend, today's job is putting my laundry away

I've done nothing at home. Spent a lot of hours clearing and cleaning my Mum's downstairs though. It looked great. Wish I could do my own in the same way :( .

Christmas was okay considering I dislike it so much. Dd's birthday was yesterday and was okay too with just Mum, brother and me to sing and eat cake with her. Poor sod.

Hope your DD enjoyed her birthday @Solo? I'm not bothered about Christmas either TBH but DP's family love it. They manage to extend it over two days as well. I am by the end of Christmas Day AND Boxing Day with them.....

Great job with your bathroom @cherrytree63! Any news on the shed?

DTS1 is better but still really really tired, poor little boy. DP was ill for a couple of days too (but I suspect it might have been him that brought the bug home!), thankfully no-one else came down with it. Once the DC are back at school there will be a lot of clearing up to do, I don't even get chance to vacuum with them around!

(Can't wait for DP to go back to work by the way - he is eating us out of house and home - three massive meals a day, extra snacks and then complaining that he's putting on weight!!)

Happy New Year to all if I don't get to come on here again tomorrow

Happy New Year!!! Here's to getting it done!!!