#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

Still waiting for my shed (OH is a master procrastinator).
Still selling on EBay
Still living in a tip.
Me and OH are at loggerheads over anything and everything, I completely broke down this morning and had.a panic attack.
Does anyone else ever want a grown up to soothe their brow and help put everything right?
My mum died in 1973 and I proper cried for her today.
Sorry for the miserable post, hope everyone is having a better time than me!

Happy New Year to everyone here.

I've not been on the thread for a while as I've been prioritising my new business and there's a lot to do in promoting that. More than I expected.

I've read your posts Cherry about eBay selling. Well done !!
It sounds as though you're getting there. And it sounds like you've been investing a lot of time and energy into that. It's great that it's started to bring you money in.

Sorry to hear that you and your H are not getting on well at the moment. Great that you reached out to others though . I'm wondering if it's his procrastinating tendencies that are getting to you. I find that hard with my own DH. I'm not comfortable about pushing him to get involved in cleaning because he can become very resistant and coping with him like that gives me even more work to do.

At the moment I'm procrastinating myself partly because I'm not looking forward to cleaning and organising alongside my DH. But,we've agreed to do some today together.

So, I'll give myself an hour to myself and then I'll start "working with him".
Fingers crossed we don't end up at loggerheads.

Sorry about the loss of your Mum and that you're feeling sad about her too Cherry.

Cherry I know exactly what you mean. I had Noro Virus when Dd was 10 months old and her father tucked me into bed. Such a comforting feeling. I'm sorry that you OH is being a pain; some people are just wired that way. I'm a procrastinator too but, it affects only me as the sole adult at home.

Sortinghat I don't recognise this name, did you change it?

And welcome back :)

Hi Solo. Thanks for the welcome back.
No name change. I read more than I write here. I wrote more in summer.

Whilst I wasn't looking, DH has gone outdoors to do jobs. So, I'm going to wait for him to come back in before starting. I'm going to ask ( probably more like insist ) that he clears out and washes the fridge. That will mean clearing out all the stuff from the sink first !
I'll do sorting out of the fireplace and then the table. Doesn't sound much, but there's a lot of organising unorganised things involved there.

Whilst I'm waiting for him, I'll sort out something to listen to whilst we're working. And , I'm going to catch up on some jobs for myself. Hope you're feeling a bit better now Cherry.

MY memory is shot to pieces these days (unless we are talking 30-50+ years ago, then I can remember the tiniest details! Sorry I don't recall your name .

My gardens are almost clear! Anyone know of some strong stuff to kill off all the weed roots etc?

Hi Solo,
Well done on your garden ! I'd love to be writing that myself. I'm hoping that in February I'll be making a start on my own. To keep down the weeds, I think we have to turn over the soil during the growing season or it might be possible to put down a thick barrier to stp them getting light.To make it look pretty you'd need to put something over the barrier though. Personally I wouldn't use any weed killer. I think I'd just keep trying to stay on top of the weeds during the growing season. I don't know if that is appropriate for you.

This is part of what I wrote a few months ago " I have had such a busy time work wise over the last few years and when I decided to go for my career, through lack of time and motivation, I gradually stopped running myself into the ground tidying and cleaning up after everyone else at home. Everything piled up.
*
One of the big things I let go of was arguing with my DH who either left a trail of things behind him, threw things out despite them being needed, or argued for ever about why he couldn't just tidy something up right there and then. I became miserable about it all and then detached.

Now I have begun to have more time. I have also become firmer with DH. He has finally begun to acknowledge his part of the problem and is beginning to make changes.I am beginning to feel more determined and am getting my motivation back.

However, there's just so much to do and I go around with a heavy heart before I can make a start. Sometimes I just don't know where to begin.* "

It's still valid and sums up where I am starting from now. Reading it again helps me to see that I've made some progress with DH. I've continued to stand my ground with him about household chores and today he is more on board than he used to be. I have to insist. But he does do things now.

It's me that needs to get going more. I still feel overwhelmed though. And I still find it difficult to know where to start. I still have a heavy heart when I look at all there is to do.

Thanks everyone for being kind to me.
I did cheer up after a while. My OH just doesn't see dirt! He's generally very tidy (regimented), does his share with the dishwasher, recycling, keeping the kitchen cleanish, does his own laundry ( but does annoyingly put a load in and then goes off for the day so when I go to use the machine there's a stinky load of his clothes in there) but will not sweep/ Hoover without being told.
When I did my recent bathroom blitz he said he'd do the floor for me (I struggle with wringing out the mop). Came in from the workshop and I said there's only the floor left to do.
So he sat down with a cup of tea and went on his phone. After 15 minutes I just did it myself (I didn't want to start a row by "nagging" him and the dogs had been outside long enough).
When I brought it up at a later date he said he was waiting for me to finish in the kitchen as he was going to wash that floor too. Which he didn't mention at the time.

Ah @cherrytree63 my DP doesn't see dirt either, until he suddenly has a temper tantrum and shouts "This house is FILTHY!!" or words to that effect..... he's been painting our bedroom now for well over a week and the room is tiny, but I daren't say anything because I know it would mean meltdown time - and in the meantime all my stuff is in the DC's room and you can't move in there interestingly he's always telling me that I should be able to keep the house clean & tidy plus do any other tasks required whilst looking after the DC, whereas he refuses to have them anywhere near whilst he's doing jobs.....

@Solo I know we have some weedkiller stuff which has to be sprayed around via a large container (think DP hires/ borrows it) - otherwise we simply cannot get rid of the weeds as they come up between paving stones - very annoying.

@Sortinghatton I'm glad to hear that your DH is more helpful nowadays; would he be able to help you with a 'plan of action' for sorting out the house? For me I usually have to start with a good declutter before I can even think about anything else. Luckily we have a charity shop nearby which will collect my massive piles of stuff, I rarely get the chance to load up the car and get rid of everything.

Sorry to hear about your sadness over your DM too @cherrytree63, I still miss my DGF who died back in 2000, and because I didn't see him that often (we lived quite a way away) I sometimes still forget that he's actually gone and think "oh next time we're in the area I can pop in" - then I am all over again. I got a text from my DM today and was really pleased for a minute - heard nothing from her over Christmas, no presents for me or DP, a present for DTS1 but not DTS2 - thought maybe she's finally making an effort, as I'd put a lot of thought into the presents for my family and got them delivered well before Christmas. Nope, she was reminding me that I might have to donate blood/ blood products for my DB, who is the apple of her eye. That hurt too; not even an acknowledgement that she hasn't sent me a present (or any birthday presents for the DTs three months ago!) but just a reminder that that's what I'm useful for in her eyes. Haven't been able to bring myself to text back yet.....

Aren't families odd in a way? Every family seems quirky. I'm glad I'm on my own (more than 11 years now) but, I look at my Mum and brother and just think - 'odd'. My Mum has a bad habit of blaming everyone else for everything that is wrong for her. I visited her again on NYE and her huge pouffe thing is chocked up with stuff again and I mentioned it. "Don't keep going on" but, it seems she forgot how hard I worked on her house over 3 different days so that it was clean and tidy for guests at Christmas. I wore myself out sorting her crap out and she just doesn't even bother to remember. I suffer with CFS/ME and push myself to work and help other people but, it leaves me with little energy for myself or my home, and it's such a crap hole.

I do need to do something about the weeds as I don't have the energy to deal with them manually in a fairly large garden (see condition above).

I'm off to bed now and will finish my post another time.

Keep up the good work everyone. :)

@Solo my DM gets very defensive about such things too! Mainly when she knows she should have been doing something but has put it off again and again (and again, and again.....) - she is a champion procrastinator! Her house was an absolute tip - she had to move in the end as she just couldn't keep it in any way clean and tidy - and she's pretty much house/ wheelchair bound now as she refused to look into treatment options for her bad back and hip. If you ask her or dare to point anything out - for example, that if she'd started something earlier it would be done by now - she's quite liable to bite your head off

Do have a look into the weed spray thing as it was really easy (although you might need someone to set it up for you if the equipment is too heavy for you). Alternatively are there any odd job man in your local area who would help for not much ££?

Well I've resorted to laughing like a complete loon because the alternative is killing someone.
Our log burner is overdue a clean out.
I said I wanted to blitz the lounge so would he empty the dust pan. (I think I've said before about my bad wrist, I had a steroid shot in it on Thursday and it's gone black and blown up and is so painful so I didn't think I'd be able to lift it out safely).
He helpfully informed me it'd create dust.
He's clever at stating the bleeding obvious.
Yes that's why I want it cleared out before I dust and hoover.
Commence procrastination. Laughs at facebook, have tea, fag and a shit.
Decide to do it myself.
The slow way with the ash shovel until it's light enough for me to lift out safely.
Only I couldn't find the shovel.
Made the HUGE mistake of asking if he'd seen my ash PAN.
Commence several minutes of sighing and head shaking and horse arse lip pursing because although he knew damn well I wanted the "implement" to clean out the grate he just didn't know I meant the little shovel which he'd borrowed and left in his workshop.
Front room sorted, cobwebs hoovered, cushions replaced on sofa as apparently he cannot sit on it with the back cushions.
Tried to have a rational conversation about both of us doing a fair share of the housework which didn't end well.
Ran a service wash, asked him to take out the fluff trap.
See above for procrastination ritual.
Washed tea towels, face cloths and towels.
Had a mega tantrum and got all my selling stuff and chucked it in shed.
Shouted at him that getting it all sorted helps both of us as selling helps pay the bills, if it's out of the house it's easier to tidy and clean and frees up some indoor space for his massive coat collection.
Neighbours now know I'm a raving nutcase.
I'm exhausted.

@Solo if you're local ish to Scunthorpe my OH would do your garden, he loves helping other people out and TBH he is a perfectionist with his work.
We bought a weed burner from Lidls when they had their garden stuff in and you can buy ready prepped back pack sprayers that aren't too big.
Families definitely are odd. On my Dad's side they were professional grudge bearers. Two of my uncles and my aunt lived together. One of the uncles had gashed his head when he was a boy and needed stitching up.
Pre NHS , very poor family and after paying for the treatment there wasn't enough money for food.
So despite choosing to live together they never forgave him and bickered constantly.
Then my 2ND eldest brother had his first ever Birthday party (we were also a large poor family) at the age of 14, my mum went into labour with me before the birthday cake came out and everyone had to go home. He's never forgiven me.

I've recently changed jobs and it's affected what clothes I wear.

I've just piled a collection of clothes into bin bags for the charity shop, including some vintage clothes from 70s and 80s.

Broke my heart, but I'm not wearing them now and I started on the 'sunk costs fallacy' to try and persuade myself to keep them.

Ok yikes I haven’t posted here since August. Wow.

So my last post things were really bad. They’re still not great to be honest. Lots going on, a lot of change, health stuff etc.

However. In November I was diagnosed with ADHD. And I have started medication for it. Things are actually improving! My head isn’t so foggy now.

What with Christmas (quiet, a bit dull, but relaxed) it’s not resulted in a huge clear up yet but I’m feeling quite positive that we can start moving forward a lot more now.

I now have six pages to catch up on! 💐 Happy new year to you all.

I'm a bit late to the thread so hi. 2018 I had reached a point i had no clutter at all. 2020 its like hoarders paradise. It seems I've fallen completely into the trap. I have 2 hours today to get sorted and I haven't even taken the tree down yet. I think I'll start with a hot wash and windows open. Its not helping that the bins need emptied and I have half my kitchen taken over with bin bags and recycling. Recycling which has also spread to the hall and living room. all thanks to christmas packaging and boxes. Its quite offputting.

Hi LilQueenie and welcome! It's so hard to get things to a good place and yet so easy to keep it that way. You (and the gang here) will get there. In my case, it's taking too many years but, I have got to make headway this year.

I'll come back to reply to earlier posts :)

@Gingernaut when I cleared out the loft last year I binned/ charity shopped loads of clothes that realistically I'd never wear again..... that was a sad day! Nothing wrong with a lot of them but I thought as and when I return to work (currently a SAHM) I'll be going back as a 40+ mum of two and not a 'bright young thing', work wardrobe needs to adapt a bit.....

Similarly my feet and the rest of me have gone up in size since having the DC, so a lot of shoes went except some that I kept to stare at sadly and hope that one day I'd fit in them again

I'm in awe of your no clutter in 2018 @LilQueenie even if things have changed a bit now! Our pre Christmas bin collection was missed and for a while we had towering piles of rubbish and recycling - thankfully all gone now - hope things have improved with you too.

Your 'D'H sounds like he was being a right pain @cherrytree63! Sometimes DP stares at me in an exaggerated "I have no idea what you're talking about" way and I want to shout YOU'RE NOT A TEENAGER! DON'T ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME!! And wow, I thought my DF's family could hold a grudge - his DM is certainly a champion at it - but your poor uncle!

Hope your medication is helping @LivingInLaputa? I'm seriously considering whether I need some or it's just tiredness, but I've been really down, I think a culmination of years of crap sleep with the DC and them just being bloody hard work at the moment. I never feel like I have any 'me' time apart from a snatched minute here and there, they're never grateful and moan all the time, and I very rarely get to have any conversations with people in RL (two minutes at the school gate doesn't count!). Whether any medication would help I don't know, but I'm just so tired and fed up.

How is your year going so far @Solo?

Sorry all, that was me trying out a new username! I did ask MN to delete the post so I could re-do it but no response so far

Hello... I'd like to join the thread, please. I'm a single mother of two and it's all spiralled a bit out of control over the past year. I'm finding it really hard to stay on top of the tide of children's toys (or, worse still, to get rid of any of them). My own spaces are also cluttered and I'm finding it very depressing.

We live in a very small space in a big city, which is part of the problem, as it means that really in order to keep things decent I need to be quite minimalist and ruthless about getting rid of things -- which I'm not by nature!

I'm trying Flylady but so far all I've had the oomph to do is to shine my sink. The task ahead seems so daunting and impossible that I find it hard to start at all, even with the little things. Also, sometimes it feels like I am just shuffling things around from room to room but not actually making progress on getting rid of things.

After a period of ill health last autumn (mostly the children, a little bit me) the house is now so cluttered that I feel we can't have people round. I know that I really need to fix this now. Support and words of wisdom would be very, very, very welcome.

Hi @LivingInLaputa, I also have ADHD! (Also diagnosed as an adult -- it was the second child that did for me... and I am not on any kind of medication yet as I am still breastfeeding her).

How old is baby? I know a few BFing mums who are on methylphenidate - including me :) - and I asked the Breastfeeding Network drugs specialist. I wouldn’t have with a small baby though, she had just turned two when I got my first prescription.

There’s a lovely Flylady thread on this same board if you want to join us (I have a different name on there but I thought I’d keep this one until the end of the thread) :)

I managed to fall off the thread again. This week has been absolute garbage TBH. I am in the worst PoTS flare I’ve had for years. DH not doing well either and things feel a bit precarious.

Hi ^Dragon* :) welcome.

I'm just going to bed. Back asap.

She is two. So I guess maybe I could try? I was told that Elvanse would be the first one to try but that they wouldn't prescribe it while I was breastfeeding. I will look at methylphenidate! Thank you, I will look for the Flylady thread! I am sorry you've been having a tough time, welcome back to the thread :-)

Thanks for the welcome, solo. I didn't achieve anything today other than putting all the dishes away after washing up from dinner, but it did feel good making the sink shiny and not leaving it all out to dry.