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Original poster

DH has done ALL of the washing... FFS

149 replies

Lottalove · 03/03/2019 20:27

Today, after I put in 1 load of washing, DH decided to randomly take over and empty the entire contents of the laundry baskets and do 5 loads of washing and drying himself.

He knows it pisses me off when he impulsively washes clothes and leaves them in piles for ME to put away.

So he's put away 2 of the loads and claims he'll put the rest away after work tomorrow.

He won't.

And the clothes will crease up as they wait...

I have 2 young DCs at home and plans to go out tomorrow so I definitely will not have time to put it all away. It's all kids stuff too and will take forever! We have classes on Tuesday and so I know I won't get chance to put it away until Wednesday inbetween entertaining the kids.

I've told him I'm annoyed. He says I'm unreasonable and most women would be delighted that he's taken on the entire washing and drying for the whole house in one day.

Would you be delighted?

OP posts:
YourSarcasmIsDripping · 03/03/2019 21:42

@pastabest fuck off indeed. He really is a twat. I would've gone on laundry strike if I was you.

ineedaholidaynow · 03/03/2019 21:42

Maybe there were some clothes in the wash pile that the DH needed.

Pluckedpencil · 03/03/2019 21:43

I'm with you. Putting washing away IS the washing job when you have a dryer. I would be happy however if dh did this, as we also have to hang the clothes outside so that extra step would be cut out for me! I'd just take him at his work and leave him to fold it!! Put it in an IKEA bag and hide it on his side of the bed!

bibbitybobbityyhat · 03/03/2019 21:44

Yanbu op. I completely agree.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 03/03/2019 21:47
  • A house full of condensation and mould and clothes that get a bit fusty because your mountain of laundry can't dry fast enough in your tiny house on a cold, wet February day is no less of an impact than using a dryer, imo.

Mould is unhealthy, the stuff needed to clean it up is pretty nasty and damp furnishings don't last as long.*

This. Paint peeling, wet and cold clothes in the morning if left on a chair,furniture ruined and some clothes at the back of the wardrobe not only got smelly,they were actually growing the fucking mould! And the cost of having windows open with the heating on and running a dehumidifier.
First year I've used the radiators for only 2 things,OH's thermals and DD's cardigan because they shrink in the drier.

ineedaholidaynow · 03/03/2019 21:47

I would be annoyed if the DH doesn't put the clothes away tomorrow. I certainly wouldn't be happy in pastabest situation. However, if the DH is just not doing the laundry to the exacting standards that you would that is different.

Strongenoug3 · 03/03/2019 21:50

OP's husband is not 'helping' her any more than she is 'helping' him when she does things around the house. A grown man operating a washing machine is not sweet, or kind, or praiseworthy. It's what he has to do if he'd like himself and his children to be wearing clean clothes.

And everyone telling the OP to be grateful (for what? It isn't her job any more than it's his) and that the washing would only take 10 minutes to put away, yes, great. So why doesn't he just do it? He began the process.

If you'd be genuinely grateful, overjoyed or astounded because your partner washes his boxers all on his own, you need to up your standards. This thread is like stumbling into the '50s.

pastabest · 03/03/2019 21:57

YourSarcasmIsDripping yes he is a laundry knob, he had a magic laundry fairy growing up and therefore is/was clueless.

He does all of his own washing now unsurprisingly, I told him since he was so much better at it than me he had better takeover his owm laundry and he couldn't really argue with that after the performance he had made Grin

he works in a really dirty manual job so it's actually pretty entertaining to watch.

Girlzroolz · 03/03/2019 23:12

My DH messes with my system, and it’s no help at all. I don’t iron either (a steamer for rare occasions), so I’m careful to hang out and unpeg in a certain way that prevents creasing. It’s amazing how ironed things can look if hung right.

He hangs everything in ‘smile’ shapes, so horizontal creases form. He unpegs everything together and dumps them in a big pile (heavy towels crushing silk shirts). Or he stuffs 2 loads into a teeny laundry basket. Seems to enjoy getting more in, compressing it all down to make it fit!

Even my 8yo yells at him, it’s her job to fold and hang her stuff and his way makes it so much harder.

gubbsywubbsy · 04/03/2019 07:38

My son goes to bed at 6 and I sort it then and out his outside his door . Takes 2 mins in the morning to put it away .. I do move fast though 😂

origamiunicorn · 04/03/2019 07:45

Why is one load a day better for the environment?

It's not, the environment doesn't know if you're doing 5 loads of washing in a day or over 5 days, it's still 5 loads of washing.

ShirleyPhallus · 04/03/2019 07:47

If you'd be genuinely grateful, overjoyed or astounded because your partner washes his boxers all on his own, you need to up your standards. This thread is like stumbling into the '50s.

I agree.

ShirleyPhallus · 04/03/2019 07:50

I iron everything before it gets put away so when my husband decides to wash every item of clothing in the house in one day, it means I'll have a bloody huge mountain of ironing and putting away to do.

Talk about making a rod for your own back. I can’t even remember the last time I ironed - none of my clothes need an iron. Not necessary to iron every single thing surely?

SlangBack · 04/03/2019 07:53

Put it away on Sunday then and pretend you did 1 load a day.

Its like saying he batch cooked, to save you both having to cook every night this week & its annoyed you because you have to move stuff in the fridge for it to fit.

I can't see the issue.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 04/03/2019 10:35

@SlangBack it's not. It's like cooking 7 different meals in one day and then washing a few pots but still leave OP with two sink fulls of pots and pans to wash.

CarpetGate · 04/03/2019 11:10

@YourSarcasmIsDripping If I cooked 7 days' worth of meals, I would certainly expect my partner to do the dishes!

mrsm43s · 04/03/2019 12:00

it's not. It's like cooking 7 different meals in one day and then washing a few pots but still leave OP with two sink fulls of pots and pans to wash. and finishing the rest of the pots the next day

Corrected it for you.

OPs DH has not asked OP to do anything. He as done all the washing (and with 5 loads in the basket they must have been overflowing and its well overdue), put half of it away, and has said he will put the other half away the next day. He hasn't asked her to do anything. She needs to do nothing at all. He's (rightly as one of the two adults in the household) taken the initiative to do a much needed job. He doesn't deserve to be bollocked for it. OP just needs to keep her nose out and leave him to it, and stop being a martyr and presuming that everything is her job to do.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 04/03/2019 12:55

And if he doesn't do it since he has form for it?

Original poster
Lottalove · 04/03/2019 13:15

Doesn't compare to cooking 7 meals though does it? Unless you're just banging 7 meals into a microwave.

Its the messing with the system that has wound me up as some posters have pointed out. Also, yes he should finish the job he started that I would prefer to have done myself but when you find 3 garments hanging from one hanger in the wardrobes and I don't iron, I have to put the job right again.

Or even thw wrong clothes in each child's wardrobe because he's oblivious as to which clothes belong to which child and doesn't check the sizing.

If he's going to do it, he needs to do.it properly or not at all imo.

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 04/03/2019 13:16

If he doesn't do it then OP can remind him if she likes, or not if she likes.

Perhaps he "has form" because OP wades in and does things first. She needs to stop martyring herself.

Honestly he's done simply nothing wrong, nothing at all.

I suspect OP is tired, and probably struggling with life in general. But to have a go at someone for seeing a job that was needing to be done and doing it is just not OK. At no point has OP's DH asked her to do anything or get involved at all.

Original poster
Lottalove · 04/03/2019 13:19

Definitely don't martyr myself mrsm43s. In fact I'm left feeling shocked at the inequalities in my friend's marriage as I expect a lot more from my DH.

If we are going to go to work and be responsible for the home then we need to up our standards when it comes to our expectations of the men who reside with us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lottalove · 04/03/2019 13:19

*friends marriages

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 04/03/2019 13:24

OMG OP you're such a martyr. The man has done some washing and dried it, and put most of it away. He's doing the rest today (assuming you leave it for him)

No, OP, you don't have to move 3 things off of one hanger. Just leave it. If you're that worried about things getting creased you need to iron (I wouldn't personally) but the difference between 1 unironed thing on a hanger and 3 unironed things on a hanger is minimal.

And maybe he occasionally makes mistakes and puts things in the wrong drawer - just move it when you see it - takes far less time that doing all the washing, drying, putting away by yourself.

Stop assuming your "system" is better than his. The fact that you had 5 loads of washing piling up, tends to point to your system being rather flawed for a start! How/when were you planning to clear the backlog?

He is going to finish the job he started, he told you! Stop assuming that he won't and making this a self-fulfilling prophecy by swooping in and doing it yourself.

I think you're stressed and tired, but I think you're very unreasonable, and I couldn't live with someone like you. Stop trying to micromanage your adult, responsible DH.

PCohle · 04/03/2019 13:24

I totally can't see the issue.

Why not put the big pile away in batches like you would if you'd just done one wash that day? Are the kids clothes seriously going to get unbearably creased because they've sat in a pile for a couple of days?

Or better yet, just let him do as promised and put them away himself. Why are you so upset about an event that hasn't even materialised yet.

Original poster
Lottalove · 04/03/2019 13:33

No he WON'T finish it MrsM.

As usual. He will SAY he will but he WON'T.

Since when did you know my DH better than I do? 🤔

OP posts:
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