Please will you kindly support and advise me, as I try to help a friend sort out his home?

[EatingTheElephantInChunks]

Yesterday I started to try to help a friend sort out his home. If I tell you that it took me nearly 3 hours to clear a space on the bathroom floor about 3ft x 4ft, you will probably understand how things are. Today I did a little better. In about 2 hours I cleared another space the same size, which meant I could open a cupboard. Two shelves were almost empty, so I was able to clean those and use them for storage. I will carry on next time with the other 2 shelves and continue clearing the bathroom floor.

It was very satisfying to get rid of a whole binbag of rubbish yesterday and a half bag today, plus a bag and a half of recycling, and a small bag of confidential waste to shred. There is a folding storage crate of things to keep so far, but I'll go through that again to see if I've missed anything that should be thrown out or recycled.

My friend has got into this situation after many years of serious illness and close bereavements, has no family left and few friends, certainly not really close ones. He has been at the stage for several years where he doesn't have visitors. He needs many repairs and much decorating doing, and is getting to the stage where carers visiting would be helpful. I am hoping to get him to the stage where that will be possible. He is such a nice guy, and it's a shame that life has gradually got smaller and smaller for him over the years. It must be terribly lonely.

I feel honoured that he has trusted me with the truth of how things are. I can't talk to anyone IRL as I know it's essential to protect his privacy, and I have changed my username in case anyone makes the connections. I could do with some mumsnet wisdom and support! I have never felt such a sense of achievement over a bit of floorspace 3ft x 4ft, but equally the enormity of the task hit me.

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The author - writing under the pseudonym EatingTheElephantInChunks - claims and owns the copyright of all her posts dated on and after 14th August 2018 as her intellectual property and as a moral right and which are all her own individual and original work. Reproduction in whole or part or any other use is strictly prohibited without her prior written permission.

[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

Hello again everyone - this thread dropped off my Threads I'm On and I hadn't realised it was still going.

Need to do a lot of catching up.

Hope you are well and chunking on Nellie.

Also popping in to say hello Nellie, and to see how you're getting on. Quite amazing progress x

Hello all and thank you everyone for your messages. I have been kept away at least in part by family, health and tech issues, but here I am again, eventually turning back up like the proverbial bad penny, and hopefully better late than never.

I am delighted to report that my friend has finally moved into his new bedroom - in fact, he has actually spent 18 nights sleeping in it so far and is no doubt currently on his 19th. I know that it has been a long time coming, but forgive me - or ideally join me in - a small triumphant trumpet voluntary?!

Woohoo!! small elephant parade 🐘🎉🐘🎉🐘🎉🐘🎉 you did that Ele, if you hadn't stuck it out and helped the way you did it likely wouldn't have happened. So bloody brilliant job! Hope the rest of life calms down for you, gets a bit healthier 💐.

Well done!

It sounds like your friend will have difficulty maintaining this “oasis”.
Do you have a schedule to check on the new bedroom & help keep it tidy?

Trump, trump, trumpety trump!

Well done you 🎉

I’ve just gone back to the beginning of the thread and realised how long you’ve been doing this. You are amazing and this is one helluva job!

Thanks so much everyone. I'm not entirely sure that I would have got this far without the support and advice on this thread. Sure, I could just give up, slink off and disappear, never to darken your doorsteps again. Sure, I could tell you fibs - that my friend had put a stop to it, that my own commitments had made it impossible to continue, that I'd decided I had bitten off more than I could chew, that it was all absolutely lovely and finished now. I suspect all of them but the last option would be completely believable. Anyone who has followed and contributed or just read the thread knows that absolutely lovely and finished is a very long way off! So sometimes steadily, sometimes in fits and starts, on we plod.

PS Tragedy has struck - I've lost my elephant emojis!!!

I can see above that we'll have to rely on Pash for them now.

Thankfully I can still do and of course but I'm going to miss my elephants. And no, I don't care if that does sound juvenile

I have some spare 🐘🐘🐘🐘

hello just joined today , was looking for chalk paint users,and in a rush, but l really wanted to come on quickly to say how kind you are and how supportive the responders are to you. I have just done the same for my daughter, it was so bad, please go carefully both physically and emotionally. I couldn't share it with anyone, she was actually living in her dads house, but he never looked in her room. he would have found he wouldn't have been able to open the door. this is is your story and l am not going to take over. but take care and continue to share as l couldn't it was truly awful insects +++. and shes 28.

"Did you know there are companies that will drive out to the house and shred documents for you? Not sure how much it costs but this could be a better use of money than forking out to buy a shredder and doing it all by hand when you could be tackling the next room."

If you're able to be at home when the bin lorry comes, just put the confidential waste bags out last minute and watch them get torn to shreds by the lorry. ID theft tends to be more online than from bins these days anyway.

I thought I'd better update before the thread falls off the edge of the Housekeeping world - it's never been this far down before!

There's not a lot of chunking to report, I'm sorry to say. I am still feeling very much involved and wanting to make more progress, as much as my own family life and commitments allow, but what my friend has wanted and needed recently has been more support with health, both physical and emotional. I was worried that what I've been doing and the move to a new bedroom had caused the shakiness, but my friend assures me not, that he actually feels much better for it despite how he is feeling otherwise at the moment.

I did spend about 4 hours or so starting to clear some space in his main/old bedroom. You can see the floorboards now for about 6ftx5ft, and there's a working light too. There's some rubbish and recycling ready to go from that. I'm going to clean the window and put up some new thermal curtains next. Ideally I want to free up some storage space in there, to help me when working elsewhere. At the moment there's nowhere else to put anything - I've filled what little space there is with storage crates now of things to keep, which at least looks tidier and makes things easier to find, or allegedly!

So instead I have taken my friend to appointments, and listened, and talked, helped him to purchase some essential equipment, and sat together over cups of tea. With the winter weather upon us he is cosier in his new bedroom with a warm dressing gown and slippers, a good quilt and throws, a wool rug and a very good oil filled heater, a lamp and some favourite books and treasures. I'm intending to get some thermal linings for the curtains in there too, because there is no double glazing in the old original windows.

I feel a second Christmas breathing down by neck, with nowhere near as much progress made as hoped and expected, and no progress at all in the kitchen.

I will come back and reply to pps - thank you all - soon, but I just wanted to pop on to say hello, to ask how you all are, and with a quick update, lest you were all thinking I'd packed my trunk and scarpered.

It’s good to hear you are still going and surprising just how much time and effort it’s taking. How many more rooms are left now?

Don't give up Nellie, slow and steady is better than not at all.

Long time lurker...I love this thread, your kindness and humour. Please keep updating us...it makes me relieved that the world hasn't gone completely bonkers

Good to hear from you Nellie, gosh that year has gone quickly, but however small it may seem you have made a massive difference to your friends wellbeing and you have made progress, so good job. Hope you're keeping dry and warm. 🐘🐘

another lurker just saying that you are one hell of a friend to your friend and I hope that you are able to keep yourself together not just for them but for your own health and family as well and as ^^pp said slow and steady will win in the end
maybe he will accept other help now that you have made a start

Only just catching up on the latest posts. Well done for helping your friend in the way he feels he needs to be helped - you are a wonderful friend Nellie. Keep on chunking!

The new bedroom sounds so cozy. Eventually, the old bedroom will too. You are a very good friend.

Ah I've just found you again.

Just wanted to echo other posters to say what an incredibly kind and generous person you are Nellie.

Hello again everyone. On the eve of not only a new year but also a new decade, I just wanted to say thank you very much to all pps for your interest, support, advice, good humour and kind words during 2019. It really has meant a lot as I chunk along, mostly slowly, sometimes manically, always looking forward to the next G&T, on my solo journey.

This Christmas, there is quite a large real decorated and lit tree in the lounge, with cards and a cheery retro Santa up too, and a cosy throw on the sofa. In the bedroom, the pictures are adorned with retro tinsel, there are lights, cosy extra blankets on the bed and advent calendars for my friend and his cat. Both rooms have got good heaters and curtains. My friend was able to have a nice lunch and has had plenty of nice bits and bobs to enjoy since with his tv, dvds, books and music. Not perfect, but it's more than it was, and I do intend to carry on, even if it seems to be at a snail's pace. It was hard not to feel completely disheartened however when I saw a little bit of a tv programme recently where an expert team achieved near perfection in about a week. But I won't give up if I can help it, and will keep coming back to update for anyone miraculously still with me or wanting to join.

See you next year, God willing.

Wishing you all peace, joy and happiness.

Happy New Year Ele. Onwards and upwards sounds like your friend had a lovely Christmas. Hope yours was the same. xx

EatingTheElephant, I don’t believe those TV programmes. I think there’s a huge team behind the lead couple of cleaners, or it simply wouldn’t be possible. What you are achieving is far more realistic, and far more encouraging to others with too much ‘stuff’, like myself. Keep on keeping on, it’s worthwhile for your friend, but also inspiring to others.