Fledglings fly into December to party hard.

[HillsBesideTheSea]

Morning.

Tomorrow is December 1st which means roll call for the fledglings and shiny new thread. It might seem a bit clicky but it is because it is a long term thread, park your arse in the naughty corner for moral support, natter and various delicious goodies. Oh and smidge of housework too.

We follow the flylady system HOWEVER we adapt it to suit the circumstances of our lifes and sometimes we ignore the slightly more fluffy/bonkers babysteps --because we can and there ain't no one the boss of us

Cag fwiw I think you are doing brilliantly! Agree with Hills that to a greater or lesser extent, I think everyone struggles with compromises, no one does it perfectly. (I could also post horrific photos and I have few excuses!).

And it must be especially hard and demoralising, having been relieved from fibro symptoms during pregnancy, only to have them return again

And a newborn baby is bound to throw a bit of a bomb (albeit a delightful one!) in to the works and so its bound to be a good while before you can establish new routines and systems.

I am probably talking through my hat here with only 1 DC/pt job, but fwiw, I am terrible at prioritising and have found two things helpful: (1) the Flylady daily focus allocations (adapted to your own priorities) because however mad things get, it is quite comforting to know that on Mondays you have focused on x, on Tuesdays you have focused on y, and in every week (more or less) you have done something (hwr little!) towards ticking off tasks in each area- even 5 mins better than nowt
(2) tip from vv organised mentor of mine - make yourself weekly timetable in half hourly increments and block in: sleep (not that you are getting much currently!) getting up/bedtimes, bath time, meal prep and meals, rest blocks (for yourself) and essentials like home edding hrs, DC extra curricular classes, weekly shop etc. Then you can see clearly what other time you really have available to do chores. And that helps you make best use of that time, or probably (in your case) helps you feel better because it will be clear that there simply isn't that much time available, so compromising on ready meals and cleaning really is necessary for the moment ifyswim!

As I said though, Cagletini is far too young to be shoe-horned in to any set timetable ATM but maybe helpful strategy for future ... . For moment, as everyone says, good enough is good enough. Everyone fed, no-one dead etc! Just do what you need to do to get through. And try and prioritise your own rest however difficult, cos it's a marathon, not a sprint and you are probably in "the wall" bit of marathon right now but in a few years, you will be charging down home straight!

Sorry that was so long and no I haven't been at the damson gin (wish I had frankly)

Ta for linksHills!

Cag I only had DS last year, and I remember it felt like a bomb had gone off in our lives.

I prioritised batch cooking above everything else. I felt that if I had managed to feed us, nothing seemed quite as bad. After about four months I felt I could sort of start some other stuff, but it was hard going, especially with the recovery from the caesarean.

He's 20 months and I've only just started feeling that I am a little bit more in control. It has been a big thing to find ourselves back with nappies and night feeds. It's a massive shift back and I have felt the drudgery of it all more keenly this time.

You are doing amazingly well and you're doing the home Ed. That's a lot. Don't be too hard on yourself.

I am (probably) autistic too. Recently I read that in girls (and I assume women), autism often presents as perfectionism - unless it is possible to see how to do a task perfectly it doesn't get done, and it causes a lot of distress. When I read that it made so much sense, and I kind of gave myself permission to let go a bit. I thought it might be helpful for you too.

Sorry, I should have proof read a little better - the sentence should read, "unless it is possible to see how to do a task perfectly and finish it completely it doesn't get done, and it causes a lot of distress."

I have got a spot as big as a planet on my forhead

Just a quick pop in.
Ta Das were 1/2 my list😜
Bed
Baking stuff
Work stuff
Swish & swipe
Wash on before leaving
Bought Christmas meal food for Wednesday
DH vacuumed while I made my dinner.
Went to quiz won second week in a row!
Nothing else done

Been researching trees today for son 2

Plan get through work, buy tree, baubles, lights for son 2's new house.
Go for curry with quizzes.
Anything else I can squeeze into day!

Cags you are doing well. I can't get stuff done and I haven't got a baby!
Trouble is they don't read the baby books where they sleep for four hours between feeds😱

callme I'm not autistic (as far as I know!) but that really resonates with me...yesterday I cleaned the fridge and got very stressed because I couldn't work out how to take the rubber bits of the shelves to clean under them!! (Luckily dh managed to and then I could do it). This is why I love fly lady because even though that did stress me out I still only spent 15 minutes on the task and left the rest for today so I didn't get too fed up!

Foxes, I am pleased it helped. It really resonated with me too. Peefectionism is such a difficult thing to live with, particularly when combined with all the stuff women are socialised to care about.

With the autism, it's only fallen into place for me in the last couple of years. I was diagnosed with anxiety, but then I read an article somewhere about late diagnosis in women and thought, "that sounds familiar" and the more I read, the more it made sense. It's like I look at my life and decisions and I can see why I did things so clearly now. This realisation has brought me a lot of peace actually. I'm not struggling to do better and not understanding why I can't. There's an acceptance and I'm far more kind to myself now. I realised I put so much energy into appearing normal that it's no wonder I'm exhausted. Funnily enough the anxiety has mostly gone, as I have an answer for why things are as they are iyswim.

Anyway! I've decided DD can't go to school today. Her energy levels aren't high enough, she has no resilience and her stomach hurts every time she eats.

To do
Quiet walk with children
Buy Waitrose meal deal
Washing
Put spare bed back together
Hob
Cooker hood
Batch cooking if I can, especially as no school run.

More then I'll ring the school.

ds' aspie perfectionist streak drives me bonkers. And my anxiety levels over him being able to cope with the Christmas market has hit over drive and I am feeling incredibly stressed about the whole thing.. He is just talking about cinamon almonds

I used too much energy yesterday and didn't sleep well. Today will be hard. Just hope that this evening is more fun then stress

Hills, it must be hard to live with. I hope the Christmas market goes well.

Note to self. Do not make porridge on a school morning. Especially do not think, hmm that bowl looks a bit small but it’ll be ok. It will not be ok, it will explode and your DD will refuse to eat it anyway. Plates and bowls currently soaking in the sink .

Cag, and everyone else, ‘everybody fed, nobody dead’ is always useful. Fingers crossed for Xmas market Hills.

It’s slightly off the wall but I find it useful... I have been watching organising / decluttering videos on YouTube. It was recommended on one of the many threads about decluttering that I have read on here. There are loads, lots are short (so can be watched while up in the night / washing up etc). Some are super organised houses which I can only dream of but there are some which are pretty messy and they do show them improving. I like clutterbug (recommended on here) as she seems nice and often talks herself about being a perfectionist and needing to store realistic amounts of stuff for hobbies etc.

To do:-
Deal with porridge disaster
Morning routine
Stuff to charity shop
Go into town Christmas shopping
Find cat. She has not come in as she knows full well we need to give some medicine to her . Vet said not to keep her in as if she is stressed than that would only make things worse and we need to keep things as calm and normal as possible (vet did point out that is not the easiest just before Christmas!).
Make some kind of to do list
Take DDs to garden centre after school to look at Xmas decs.

Must get on and stop writing an essay on here! Sorry about your spot Afresh. I still get them at 37 years old - not impressed.

Cordelia I'm so glad the realisation has helped you! It did for me too. I realised maybe 5 years ago and was diagnosed in 2015. I am much kinder to myself now.

Totally agree on the perfectionism. Flylady is definitely helping on that front, as I am learning to celebrate the little things I do manage. For example some nights I am setting up the Caglets' maths for the next morning. In the past I would have given up if I couldn't do it every single night but now I just do the nights I remember and have energy/time.

And I am trying to remember to do little things even if I can't complete it perfectly. Baby clothes have caused some anxiety (it's the inconsistency - in an ideal world all newborn size would be exactly the same size and outgrown at the same time and I would know when to get the next size ready. But I am managing ok just putting the odd thing away when I notice it's too small, and going through the next bag occasionally and bringing out what fits, rather than getting hung up on 'all or nothing'.

I've got my postnatal check next Tuesday and I know my mood will be discussed again. I think I am ok without ADs at present. What I've realised is I'm not depressed as such - basically in times of big change I become "more autistic" so struggle more with the stuff I can normally cope better with. I'm sure hills will know what I mean. DD is the same - even things like taking things literally got worse when she was being bullied for example, she totally freaked out about a sign in a cafe that said "unattended children will be sold to the circus" and refused to go to the loo alone. Normally she would have laughed at it but the stress of the bullying (we had just come back from that awful holiday with the awful bully's family) put so much pressure on her that she couldn't cope in the normal way.

I do agree with everyone fed no one dead! I try and remind myself of that. I just worry that the more I scrape by the worse it gets overall if that makes sense. As more clutter/laundry/whatever builds up and makes everyday life so hard.

I am trying to think of little ways I can improve things but need to do it gradually rather than doing the whole big push thing which ends in a crash and burn! Because perfectionism.

I just find it hard to implement anything. For example I keep thinking I need to gather together all the baby changing stuff and I have a box I bought for that purpose before she was even born but have I actually got round to doing it yet?

Cag, as soon as you next have your hands free, set a timer for 5 mins and start gathering stuff up for baby changing. It will save you sooo much time if you can get things together, even if you do it a few minutes at a time.

Ta da:-
20 mins (maybe more ) cleaning porridge disaster area
Morning routine
Am on bus into town

Of course I have not left enough time to shop leisurely so will be running round in a rush. Every time!!

Tired today

Ds is very screamy. Hes hurting my head.

Ta da

Me and 4 dc up fed dressed and out for 835
Three uniforms ironed
Two packed lunches made
Kitchen table cleared
Dryer on
One load dry one load in dryer
Washer on
Ordered ANOTHER christmas present

afresh I feel your pain. My Ds is very screamy too. He is currently lying in the.middle of the room crying and I'm at a loss! He won't let me pick him up, he doesn't want chocolate and he isn't interested in any toys I give to him. I know he's poorly but he's driving me crazy!

I'm starting to worry as he hasn't eaten anything other than a handful of shreddies and some chocolate coins in two days

Oh dear, hope screamy children feel better soon.

Ta da:-
On bus back home from town - only got the essential items and no time to browse but at least the stuff that I have to go into city centre for us done. Failed to get one item for DH but that is his fault for very unclear instructions so we will need to order that as a click and collect thing .

To do:-
Update Xmas shopping list
Quickly hide a couple of bits that are for DH
Quickly eat - had a pasty in town but it was unfulfilling.

If time:-
Stash and dash
Test Xmas lights to see if I have bought enough - absolute bargain in Aldi but I think I may need to buy more.

Then:-
Pick up girls
If I can catch her speak to DD1’s teacher
Soft play
Pet shop
Buy a wreath for house
Avoid checking bank balance
Oder click and collect item
Find cat as she has not returned and she needs meds, the little monster .

cag yes I understand. First clue ds is stressed is he takes everything literally when he is ok he lets a lot of things slide. Tbh i am no better, woe betide you trying to help me when I am stress and tired, it rarely ends well - especially if it invades what I consider my 'safe' space.

I have given up. There are around 4 or 5 (possibly 6) boxes of brc that I am not going to get done before christmas as I don't have the energy and am rapidly running out of time. They have be negotiated space to sit until the new year. Not the most ideal and out of the way place but if the house is put to tidy so that what needs to happen this weekend can, I can always sort a box if I feel I have the energy between now and Christmas anyway. Hopefully getting up to where the house needs to be for the weekend will just take all the stress off the whole situation and I can then stop using my energy reserves for January. (aka actually rest the amount I need to) so that is the plan tomo and thursday.

Right off to pay the garage and prep supplies for this evening (yep I have an oh fuck meltdown bag of tricks) "it will not be as bad as you think, it will be fine and tomorrow you can hibernate from people"

OK I think I have already lost the Christmas battle and I haven't even properly engaged with it yet.

What was I thinking when I thought it would be a good idea to have builders in three weeks before Christmas?

And, as ever, I'd forgotten that it was dd's last day of full lessons today. So from now on she will be coming home any time from between 9.30 am and 11.30 am whenever that exam of the day is finished. She will be closeted in her room revising but it doesn't help with getting stuff done.

And I have allowed myself to be persuaded to organise a pre-Christmas gathering for dd and friends on 22nd involving hired people carrier, karoake machine and barn decoration

Spent the day attending yet more med appts. Very behind with St Nicolas prep for tomorrow. Need to go and closet myself away and wrap!

Also need to do more washing and sort out dw and sink (again) and sort random piles of crapola that have sprung up from nowhere.

hills sometimes you have to know when to just give up and revisit later!

Ta da
Daily routine
Kitchen declutter - finished fridge and did the fridge door as had so much stuff stuck on there!
Decluttered and cleaned cutlery drawer

To do
Plan rest of week
Swish and swipe toilet
Dinner (steaks for me and dh and fish fingers for the kids with sweet potato chips and salad and flat mushrooms)

Sorry to hear about poorly dc Foxes and Afreshstart - must be tough going for all of you.

Arf at porridge disaster Toostressy! Very jealous that you can hang a wreath on your door ... they just get nicked here ... . And thanks for clutterbug recommendation, will have a look.

Waves to everyone else!

Believe me, just 5 or possibly 6 BRC to sort before Christmas is GOOD (going by standards of this household anyway)!! x

I have no energy reserves ... zilch... zéro... nul

Sorry that last post was for Hills

Congrats re: quiz Bowerbird!

Thank you stressy I now have two changing 'stations'! One box downstairs with most of the stuff in and a bigger plastic tub upstairs with a few nappies/wipes and all her clothes organised in piles. It's not ideal for the clothes TBH but there is literally nowhere else ATM. I don't want to buy any more storage, partly because we have nowhere to put it anyway, and also because I just want to get by until we move and know what kind of space we have in the new house.

I also sorted through all her next size up clothes (she's still in the bigger newborn/up to 1 month size!) and now I know that she possibly needs some more vests, but definitely doesn't need any sleepsuits as she has 20 in 0-3m size . May get some tops too but she has plenty of trousers. I am tempted to get her a dress too though.

Unfortunately although I had remembered to sort bus fare earlier I then totally forgot to look up bus times (lesson time changed) and due to the roadworks messing buses up we have had to cry off tap class as we didn't leave early enough. Thankfully it's not the last lesson today (parents get to watch and DS wants to observe too as he wants to start lessons!). And a plus side is we save on bus fare I suppose. This is the kind of thing I mean though. I do well in one thing but bugger up something else. I know it's not a disaster but I feel guilty when stuff like this happens and it was frequent enough before pregnancy TBH .

Anyway onwards and upwards hopefully. At least I theoretically have time to make dinner (as of course I hadn't got round to making sandwiches to take to tap class as I'd hoped) and maybe I can get some more presents out to wrap with the Caglets or something. For now we are watching Mr Bean!

I feel a list brewing - I want to try and write down all the things that need to run smoothly and then I can maybe see how to start working on them. Maybe.

DS is currently playing with a set square and wandering round declaring whether things are right angles or not. Autism certainly does have its cute and quirky side too! :)

Cordelia I forgot to say happy birthday :)