Need help with cleaning and decluttering...

[withaspongeandarustyspanner]

DH is unhappy in our relationship and wants to leaveand has cited my housekeeping/lack of ability to get rid of stuff as a factor. I'm overwhelmed. Don't know where to start.

Any tips?

Sounds like great progress Sponge.

We are in garden mode too. DH is laying turf and I'm heading out to sweep down th patio area and wash down the furniture.

Hi everyone, all sounds good with you sponge
Hope you are well after your procedure cider I am poorly so miserable today, would love to be able to enjoy this glorious sunshine. Have a good day in your gardens, I am going back to bed!

Sorry you are feeling rubbish blonde. It's a gorgeous day here. Shame you are feeling too rubbish to enjoy it. Hope you feel better soon.

I'm doing well thanks. Except have to have further surgery on Wednesday. Sort of same procedure. They got all the cancerous are but not enough of the safety margin around it so want to take some more. It's a bit of a pain as delays the radiotherapy but I would much rather they err on the side of caution.

Hi everyone can I join? Have read every post and think sponge is amazing for coming so far and am hoping and keeping fingers crossed that all works out at home :)

I was totally obsessed with my house, cleaning cleaning cleaning and wouldn't go out unless everything was perfect.

Then I went through 2 failed school appeals for ds who is autistic and I developed severe anxiety and depression ( now under control with
meds) and my house took the hit.

So whilst I've done the basics and still tried to maintain my old standards, I just can't keep up with it and have finally realised that I was doing far too much and had no life outside of the house!

So now I'm starting again, have bought the Kondo book and plan to attack the place!
My problem is I put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself and also have health issues ( sciatica and slipped disc so on tons of pain meds ) and these make me tired so it's a vicious circle.

So sorry for such long post, hoping to be part of this lovely thread and support and inspire others and to receive a much needed kick up the bum

Hi MissRabbit certainly you are welcome on the thread
I am working right now but will reply properly later. You sound like you have had a very difficult time. I will quickly say that when you have read and understood the Kondo book, if you decide to take action you will be amazed. I have empty drawers and cupboards now. No surplus of 'stuff' which in turn makes me determined to not buy any rubbish to clutter up the place again. It is hard work, but gosh, when you finally get rid of all those old chargers, odd holey socks, random keys, spent batteries, chipped plates/mugs, old saucepans you never use, 20 year old paperwork and so on, you will never want to go back. It's truly liberating. I can tidy my house to very presentable standards in moments now as everything has a place and I don't have to stuff things in drawers (to deal with later, which never happens)

Hi Grumpyoldblonde :)
Thanks for your message.
Have only briefly looked at the Kondo book but am I right in thinking it says it may take 6 months?! Think I'm a bit impatient.
Ironically the first thing that needs my attention is the cleaning cupboard. It's full. And I feel compelled to buy more stuff each week ( habit which I'm determined to break ) here is a pic. I feel embarrassed at the sheer amount of stuff I have and use the same 4/5 products so there's really no need.

Have a good day in work.

This :(

Hi again, I work at home so getting distracted! Yes, it could take up to 6 months to Kondo your house properly but I guess it depends how much stuff you have in the first place. I know some people who have taken a year, others a month.
Once you understand the concept you will not want to keep adding to your cleaning products, it really is quite unlike any other de-cluttering advice.

We had counselling today. He's leaving. Oh and he said that he has spoken to that woman about starting a relationship with her, but he had said that he didn't want to have an affair and neither does she, so he's ending our marriage first.

Oh Jesus :(
I'm new to the thread but have read it all and I was really hoping that everything would be ok for you, I'm so sorry.
How noble of him to not want an affair, cheeky bugger has been dangling you on a thread for weeks giving you false hope and then drops that bombshell. So your gut instinct was right all along, I wish it wasn't.
Please keep posting, this isn't just about de cluttering and cleaning, we're here for you too

Come to report back on progress and seen all your posts. Cider I hope that the follow up surgery this week does the trick - sounds like a good decision. MissRabbit welcome - I am aspiring to be Grumpy, a way to go yet but already I am enjoying some areas in my house that are free of clutter that are easier to keep clean and tidy. I hope that you have managed to make a start with the cleaning cupboard - starting is often my stalling point! Sponge I have nothing to say - I feel for you . What a really shocking thing to say to you.

Oh Sponge. I am sorry. I know you are probably really hurting but I can't believe how he has treated you.

Oh sponge I couldn't be more sorry to read your update, I really feel for you and hope you will continue to post here for support, I am desperately sorry to know you are hurting.

Sitoff your line -" I am aspiring to be Grumpy" made me laugh - aspire to be happy!! Nice to think I might be providing a tiny bit of inspiration, but honestly if you could see my house right now with all the work going on, shocking!

Morning sponge sorry to hear your news. What an awful time for you. Hopefully you can take some small comfort in the fact that you've begun to take control of your home as a starting point for the rest of your life. We're here for you

My house is in utter chaos - haven't hoovered since golden broke up from school on March 24! But we have been on lots of day trips which is more important while they're home I suppose. A wedding, two funerals and away for weekend this week so will get back on track next week she says that now

Just read all this thread, I was rooting for you Sponge, what an amazing support group this has been. So sorry to read your last post, I know it's very hard for you, clearly he has had his head turned and was then finding fault in order to justify this.

Continue with you path re getting your house in order, in the long run it will make you feel so much better and more in control of your life.

Well, he left 2 weeks ago today. I am relieved and, you know what? The house isn't so bad. I'm keeping on top of it. And I have much less washing now that he's gone.

He went straight to the other woman, by the way.

Hey Sponge I was wondering how you are.
I am ever so sorry to hear he has gone, just as you suspected, another woman.
So, you are coping OK? How are the kids? Big changes for you all and not the outcome you hoped. I guess things are going to be up and down emotionally for a long while to come. I hope you continue posting, if you want of course, this has been a nice thread, even if it has all gone wonky for you [smile}

Oh sponge, I hope you're ok. I saw your thread when you first posted. Less washing and stress I hope, if you need to talk there's a lot of us to support you

You're all wonderful - and I thank you wholeheartedly for all your support. I will keep posting because it's lovely being on this thread to you all.

He's been round today to see the kids.

God, he's such a twat.

He is. A complete and utter cock Womble twat fink.

Keep up with the thread and your clearing and cleaning, you'll get great support here.
Sorry to hear that things are so tough for you.
Remember "this too shall pass"

Oh Sponge I really feel for you. Such early days and so many emotions to deal with - and then all the practicalities of family life too. I hope the sun is shining in your neck of the woods to at least lift your spirits.

I hope that, although the initial motivation you had was based on an untruth from him, you will manage to find a new motivation to keep going to make any changes you want to your home. I am still slowly but surely clearing and reclaiming my home and it feels good! Can not say I am there but certainly still on the journey.

Hello, just wanted to see how your are doing sponge and everyone else.

I am taking advantage of the sun to do a mega wash, I have even washed all the pillows and they are drying. Every sock, every pillow case, every last vest is getting it today.

I still have a fair amount of work on but it is a bit more manageable for now. I see dust everywhere, must obliterate it.

Hello lovely ladies

I know it's been a while but I have thought of you often. The house has been up and down and it's currently in a bad way but I am slowly plodding through it now that I am on summer holidays. And I'm kind of enjoying it.

I wanted to let you all know that, ExH continues to be a dick (are we surprised), but I have recently met a lovely man (V early days) but he has read Marie Kondo's book and knows all about her and applies her methods to his housekeeping.

Anyway, it really made me smile and I'll keep you all posted.

to you all