Chatting, ranting and some stepping! Come in and have a brew with us.

[carrotsandcelery]

A place to have a blether, and a . All chatters are welcome, stepping or otherwise.

Come inside and settle down on the sofa.

Sounds lovely Scout and looks like it will be beautiful weather for a wedding.

It is still roasting here although it has rained overnight which will help the garden.

I won't be flying much today as I have an even at the school, then the hospital for ds and then dd's activity and then ds's sleepover. Yikes!

Think I need a rant, please feel free to ignore.

It's freezing here and rain is on the horizon so the washing isn't drying easily, DD1 will not do even the slightest of things to help keep her room tidy. Complains about having nothing to wear, she's ten BTW, but shoves dirty clothes in bottom of the wardrobe. Because she won't help her twin sister gets uppity about keeping her stuff tidy too. All I want them to do is keep their own stuff tidy. they keep telling how they are going to earn pocket money by helping me keep the house clean, hence they are skint, ha ha.

We have far too much stuff in an enormous house, and the OH wants it show home immaculate, with children and two dogs. I'm sorely tempted to just throw out anything that isn't put away properly. We're trying to sell so it really does need to be presentable at all times.

My knee is sore from wacking it and then wearing boots that have worn down further than I realised. They are now in the -take to get sorted- pile. And my finger nail split way down past the place where it joins to finger and is catching on everything I touch.

Right, I need put the dishwasher on and check status of washing on the line before I do the school run. I'm having a cuppa first.

Hope every one has a good weekend.

And now it's raining. Most of the washing is in but the mattress protectors are too wet to bring in.

Rant away!!

My kids are much younger than yours, so I'm not going to be much help, but does she have a dirty laundry basket in her room? DD1(3.5) puts her dirty laundry in the basket after her bath every night (I am training them early), so I would have thought a 10yo should be able to do it. What happens when she runs out of clean clothes? How about only letting her have 5 outfits until she learns to put them in the laundry bin?

Have you read the fly lady stuff on decluttering? If your OH wants the house immaculate, what is he going to do to help with that? Who's stuff is it?

Fly lady also has mission-type stuff for kids on her site - would the girls be interested in those if bribed?

adora I have an 11 yo dd and went through this battle recently. The two things that have worked for me are:

a) Taking EVERYTHING from her room that was not where it should have been and putting it in a black bag. She earned back one item a day for every day her room was tidy.

b) Letting her not take laundry down and letting her run out of clothes -even pants. I then showed her how to do her own laundry which she had to do if she wanted any clothes.

We are now at the stage where she brings her clothes down and I wash them but I no longer iron them. She does her ironing herself. It lives in a basket in her room, neatly, until it is ironed so is not in my way.

It is harsh but it is also working and has removed A LOT of tension between us.

Thanks for the chocolate bessie

Yep, they both have their own linen baskets, and I've tried letting her run out of clothes too. The main problem is that we used to have a full time maid, I feel terrible typing that, because it's just the done thing here. She's had years of someone running around picking up all her crap and making sure the clothes get washed. She's currently on supermarket clothes instead of trendy department stores as OH thought that may be an incentive to look after her things better, but no. I think what really annoys me is the fact that before I followed OH out here with the DDs they were doing little things for themselves. Just doing their own buttons up and similar things as they were only two then, but they were learning a little independence. As soon as we arrived here the maid was dressing them, feeding them, speaking for them doing everything despite me asking her not to. The words "spoilt"and "brat" spring to mind , I'm the only person who has ever told her no, without shouting it, and so I'm the bad guy.

I'm going to start on the Kid's challenges tomorrow, I'm not in the right frame of mind to deal with her refusal tonight.

What happened when she ran out of clothes?

Another option might be to start with one really small job each which they are responsible for and to let them get used to doing it for a few weeks. Reward, reward, reward when they do it, in an appropriate way and once it is just habit and expected then add a new one.

Babysteps for babies

You would have to be consistant with whatever you choose though, no matter what is going on.

I have a lot of friends here who have moved here from abroad and who have had maids. It is the norm in many countries. They have all struggled themselves and with their dcs when they have had to pick up doing it all themselves again. I have never had a maid and still struggle so it is clear to me how tricky I would find it if someone suddenly tackled it all for me and then stopped.

Oh, and OH won't deal with decluttering and it's mainly his stuff. He doesn't know this, but a year ago I packed all my "things", stuff I've kept for sentimental reasons, bits and pieces I had before we met, that kind of thing. Put it all in boxes stored out of the way, and the house is still full. Apart from clothes and toiletries I have nothing actually in the house - ifswim. He's older than me and has in ingrained sense of waste-not-want-not which prevents him getting rid of anything. I don't expect him to throw away stuff that can be used, there are people here with nothing that we could give stuff to.

I may try your approach carrots, but I really am battling on two fronts here. She complains at having clothes, OH looks at me as he says "well they should be washed and back in your wardrobe by now". I shall win tough, she's not going to grow-up to be a spoilt teenager, whatever I have to do to avoid it.

Can you discuss your tactics with dh before you start or would he not be supportive? I can see it would be very tricky if he is supporting the expectation that you should do it all.

You are doing the right thing Adora, even if dd doesn't thank you for it just now. My dmum did it to me and not my dbro and I am now a reasonably independant and capable adult whereas he didn't do his own ironing until he was about 30

Just thinking out loud and feeling sorry for myself :(. Toilet training 2.6 DS for 8 weeks now and he poos his pants everyday. Its so frustrating and I have tried everything positive I can think of to encourage him with limited success. So I'm now kicking myself for not waiting untill he was 3 and maybe he would have better success.
I also have three teenagers and struggling with them to do as I ask. They just seem to do their own thing and it drives me crazy. I have started to give consequences when I'm disobeyed.
For previous poster I have a 14 year old DD who is so lazy its quiet amazing. Her room is a constant mess untill I clean it Monday and Tuesday (days off). Clean clothes, dirty clothes threw on the floor. Bed in a ball. Has a shower once a week. Spends most of her time listening and day dreaming about Justin Bieber!. Although does really well in school.

Good luck with the toilet training RORomammy

I have stopped cleaning her room, as long as someone is doing it she has no reason to do it herself. I do understand that she's entering the stroppy pre-teen stage. Stroppy I can deal with, it's the spoilt brat in her that I'm not willing to put up with. I'll see how the Kid's Challange thing goes. I could use boy wonder Justin as a potential punishment, she hates him

Tomorrow is another day. We just have to persevere and stick to our guns. Consistency is the key although when DH is on our side it is a whole lot easier.

As for the toilet training oh Lord give me patience and lots of it :o

I have had a few computer problems and not sure how long it will stay working for.
I am trying to do as much washing as I can get dry today cause I have been out a lot in the week --so not done much-- . Finding the heat a bit much now! It is lovely to have some sunny weather I'm just not good in the heat.
Hoping my health visitor will come up with some good ideas about the potty training as DD is still refusing to sit.

If she gives good advice and I can get on here I will try to share it. I don't know what you are supposed to do though when the child is being stubborn --like DD is-- She is 3 and a half so we have been trying a long time!

Morning everyone!

Join the club on the sunshine front Cats. I am finding the heat a bit much too. 20C would be fine. 28C is just too much if normal activities are to continue That is the colour of my face, I am not angry

Ds had his first friend to stay the night last night. His friend flaked out no problem but ds was so excited he couldn't sleep. Dd also kept waking me - I think her room was too hot. We made it through the night though and they are playing happily this morning. I am so chuffed for ds.

In all the confusion last night I forgot to say that ds's assessments came back from the psychologist all clear. He has no official syndrome or disorder etc. They have said that he is just a bit hyper and a bit highly strung/anxious and that all the other problems were related to the bullying at school.

Welcome RoRomany I regretted starting dd on her potty training when she was 2 as well as it dragged on and on. She did get there though. I do sympathise though. It was not the best part of my time with her as a little one. With ds I left it and it was much less hassle for both of us. Have you gone to far to stop and go back to it much later? Would that just cause more confusion?

Cats have you tried training dd straight onto the toilet. We did this with ds on nursery's advice and it was much easier.

Hi carrots, we do try to get her to sit on the toilet but she just completely refuses most of the time. She knows when she has done wee or poo but it's normally too late. She does a lot of hand flapping and jigging about and making noises. She knows about sending poo to poo land but only asks when it's too late. We've tried bribes, saying she could have a new toy or stickers and we've tried chocolate buttons. Nothing seems to get her to want to sit. We even watched things on you tube. Might give you tube a few more tries. If anyone has good links please let us know!
We also got her the book about polly's potty. don't know what to try next!
Nursery are trying with her too but they haven't said she has had any success yet.

Anything useful in here Cats? mumsnet potty training stuff

I can see it is very difficult if she is not motivated herself. This is a bit personal but does she see the rest of you using the loo? Seeing that is how adults do it and encouraging her to be a big girl too might help. I am sure you have thought of that already though.

Is it just me or is it sometimes quite depressing being on your own with the dcs all weekend?

I love my dcs but I am desperate for some adult company.

Hi Carrots
I'm only here very briefly today, but I am ancient an adult!

Having a difficult day here. I've not slept well for 2 nights because I've been wound up and upset about something and now I'm really struggling to function well.

btw. I do know what you mean about adult company and I don't even have my own children. When I was teaching in school, I used to feel that, or If I look after friends' children for a long while I feel that too!

Oh Arti (((hugs))) I am sorry you are upset. Not sleeping really doesn't help does it? Both dcs woke me up at 1am ish (separately) to inform me that they couldn't sleep. I can just about forgive an over excited 7 yo but what does a sensible 11 yo think I am going to be able to do about it?

Adora
I second the "black bag" method for dealing with untidy children's rooms. My friend used to have a designated day each week when she cleaned bedrooms. On that day, anything that wasn't tidy/hampered cleaning in the dc's rooms went in a black bin bag and they didn't get it back for a week! It worked really well. It helped the dcs get into the habit of being tidy too. (something I still struggle with at times