Chatting and Stepping! Stepping and Chatting! (and the odd rant!)

[carrotsandcelery]

Come inside for a and a and maybe even a if the mood takes you.

A thread for chatter and nonsense

carrots - I think you have a good understanding of the issues.

Perhaps now her teacher will be more aware of the impact that the bullying and change in friendships is having, and maybe this is why the situation happened at school rather than home, to make the teacher notice - probably not a conscious thing on your dd's part but just wondering.

Well I have had a chat with her.

I am not sure if I have had any impact.

She has been dispatched to write a list of her misdemeanours and then a letter of apology to her teacher once I am happy with the list.

She doesn't seem to know why she did any of it or to have considered the consequences of anything that she did.

Her phone is confiscated, she is not allowed out on her own and she has to write this letter of apology. Do you think that is enough?

Thanks for the Scout. I feel in need of it tonight. I am supposed to be going shopping for my birthday gift from my parents tomorrow, with my dmum. This has sullied it a bit. I need to try to find my happy spirit again

carrots - it sounds like you dealt with it very well - without knowing exactly what went on, it's difficult to know about "enough" with regard to consequences.

what would "tell" you that you had made an impact?

Sorry Arti I forget you don't know the sordid ins and outs of the whole sorry affair.

I have no idea how to know I have made an impact. I don't get the feeling that I have.

I think you might work out if you've had an impact after you see your DD's list and her letter. Take it from there to see if you need to have a deeper conversation.

Does your dd seem sorry, embarrassed, upset? Does she seem to understand what she did wrong and why it was wrong ( upsetting others, not respecting teacher/mum etc)? Or is she more likely "going through" the motions of writing an apology letter becauase you said se should?

How impactful ( to her ) are the consequences? Will she really miss not having her phone/not going out alone?

She seems to be going through the motions to me. She has written the list without complaint but I have had to correct and encourage her to expand upon it. She is not tearful and seems on the cusp of back chattting although she hasn't actually back chatted.

The phone and being out alone are huge privileges as they were the signs that she was getting older and was more trustworthy. The fact that she has destroyed my trust in her and her teacher's trust in her was top of her list when she wrote it.

That said, I don't know if it is enough to really make an impact. I have been told before that she is really self contained. It is usually a good thing but now and again...

I considered asking her what her punishment should be. I did ask her what she thought I would do about it and the first thing she said was I would take her phone away.

The thing is she is not supposed to have the phone anyway. She only has it for a Saturday when she is out of the house all day and somewhere she cannot access a phone. Thus, I am taking away something she shouldn't have had in the first place.

I feel I should take it further but am not sure what would be appropriate. I usually try to make punishments fit the crime eg she didn't appreciate me doing her ironing for her - I made her do her own ironing. eg she didn't bring down her dirty clothes - I didn't go and find them and she had no clothes to wear.

In this case it is hard to see how I can do this.

Apologies again - I don't want to actually detail her crime here as it would out us for sure although I am pretty sure any lurkers who know me would recognise me.

It sounds like the sanctions you have applied are very logical and appropriate. She is not to be trusted to be out alone/have a phone, so you have taken away those privileges.

What will she have to do to earn back the privileges?
(Perhaps a look at the flylady detailed cleaning list for the week might give a few ideas, though ideally they should be related to her demonstrating responsibility!!!!)

By taking away the phone you are stopping her from using it again inappropriately ( ie not on a Saturday). Sounds sensible. Can you ban her from doing what she normally does for one (or more if one doesn't seem enough) Saturday on the grounds that- you need phone to be able to go to/do x. You aren't responsible enough to have phone therefore can't do x?

Would you get anywhere by asking her what she thought would/wanted to happen when she did x, y ,z ( as opposed to what did happen or how you reacted.

Maybe it will take a few days of talking, explaining, saying how shocked and upset you feel etc before it sinks in?

I think that is it Arti. I think I will not let her go on Saturday. She can come and help at the fundraiser instead and prove that she is a responible person who cares about those around her. It is a school fundraiser so that makes it seem all the more appropriate somehow. (To be fair she will enjoy it and enjoy feeling part of the school community but that is all to the good)

Thank you for listening and talking this through with me. Dh is here but working and doesn't seem to see it as the big deal I see it as. He feels all kids make mistakes. I agree but also feel that unless you show them it is wrong then they make more and more and more...

I think you may be onto a winner there. If she comes to the fundraiser and "proves" responsibility by helping cheerfully etc, she can go to her normal Saturday activity the week after, provided that in the meantime she has maintained a responsible attitude and her teacher has said she has been responsible and trustworthy at school?

Happy to help out with chatting

At the end of the letter she asked her teacher what she could do to show the sincerity of her apology (not worded quite that way) so she has an opportunity to "make it up" at school too.

I think that is enough - I will see how it goes from here.

I am late to bed as she didn't go until 10ish due to her letter writing.

I have been making a wire necklace. I will put a photo on my profile once I have finished. It is more like the bangles rather than the beadweaving. I need to look up tutorials to figure out how to finish it though.

I had to do something to relax after all the upset. Hopefully now I have half a hope of sleeping and being fresh to shop with my dmum tomorrow

Hope you sleep well and have a good day tomorrow. I should have gone to bed hours ago.

going now!

Morning all!
I AM GOING SHOPPING!
It has been a while.
My mission is a new handbag (my gift) but i may also treat myself to a new top for my birthday lunch.

Morning All!!!
Well, that was an interesting week! The wedding was lovely, the holiday had its highs and lows, and then I came back to a shift at the Nursery. The house is a tip, Muddles is crawling and Lol is def finding her feet as an individual!!!

Been reading back, hugs and good luck to all who need it!

OHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE HAVE SUN!!!!!!!!!!

Proper, shining, warming SUN!!!!!!

YAY!!!

Oh Sun, how we've missed you! Toddler and I will be out to fully enjoy your bright, warm sunny-ness soon.

Morning carrots, camper and scout.

Enjoy your shopping Carrots.

Scout, I think you may have our sun. It is quite gloomy here. Please could we have it back!

Aaargh! I feel really jangly and disorganised today. Off to make a cup of tea and try and improve matters by making lists!

No arti, you may not have the sun back. It's OUR sun now. Honestly, I don't think we've seen the sun since they started the hosepipe ban. I'm so desperate for vitamin D.

We're home for lunch then off to the park that has a lovely playground and ducks.

I figured out why the Little Old Lady keeps calling me. She has two digits reversed.

Scout - and I asked for it back very nicely too!

Glad you've been able to sort out Little Old Lady!

But really, I think it's supposed to rain here again tomorrow. In fact, it was spitting as we were leaving the park. So I guess we'll be giving you your sun back tomorrow.

Little Old Lady, even after telling her what she was doing wrong, proceeded to call me two more times. [eye roll]

Hello!

I have 2 new tops. Yay!

I have also chosen a bag for my birthday but obviously don't get that until my birthday.

I have also had a lovely morning out with my dmum.

Yay!

We have a mix of sunshine, rain and hail here - the same as it has been for forever, or so it feels.

ooohh! Sunshine!
Thank you Scout. I knew you'd let us have it back eventually!
Glad you had such a good morning Carrots and the tops are lovely (and so is the handbag )!