Flinging our way through the chaos: February’s Fledgling Flyers

[LinzerTorte]

Welcome to the February edition of the Fledgling Flyers' thread.

If you're living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome), this is the thread for you! We follow the tips on the FlyLady website in an attempt to restore order to our homes, but advise against signing up for the e-mails; all the information you need is on this thread.

Each day, I'll be posting the links that will enable you to do any of the following:

• start or repeat babysteps

• repeat babysteps and do 15 minutes a day decluttering in the current zone

or

• reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.

More information about the babysteps is here.

So please join us - there's always plenty of chat, , cake, encouragement and the occasional to help us on our way!

LifeBegins - yes, I realise that did sound a little suspect about the stove men in my bedroom . They are young and easy on the eye but, I'm afraid, only going into my bedroom to check the chimney.

BlueEyes - sorry you have a grumpy DS1. I hope a good night's sleep will restore him. It's hard work otherwise.

Honu - yes, it's hard to look after a DH when DC are already absorbing all your energy. Hope you helped yourself to some .

ChitChat - sounds like your body is very determined to make you rest! Glad you are listening to it.

Linzer - thanks for posting the links when you are so tired. Hope you get a good night's sleep.

Good luck tomorrow, Bitchy.

Just off to bed now and looking forward to the tidy room and clear floor. It will be nice not to risk breaking my neck every time I get out of bed, for a change.

Morning all,

Just popping in while I'm waiting for the second half of my job to arrive. It was supposed to be here first thing but it's gone 10 o'clock now and still no sign of it... and it has to be done by this evening. I could have been working on it for the last two hours and only have 2.5 hours of working time left now. Grr.

Toffee Nothing like a few young and easy-on-the-eye workmen to brighten up your day. Don't forget that seductively draped negligee.

ChitChat Hope the nap did you good; an early night sounded like a very good idea as well. Hope your DH is better soon.

Honu Oh poor you. Sorry I missed your post last night - I was struggling to keep my eyes open so I barely did more than glance at the thread - but I hope you had some last night and that you're OK today.

No pancakes here yesterday; instead, we had doughnuts (typical carnival fare) with some friends who came over after the carnival procession and I didn't want to spend the whole time in the kitchen cooking pancakes while they were here. I didn't have time after they'd gone as I had to rush upstairs to work as soon as DH was home, but I've promised to make some for the DC today instead.

Going to make myself a now and hope that work will have arrived by the time I get back to the computer.

Morning all .

have woken with horrible sinus headache . need to get ontop of these headaches!

Very wet and windy today I got very with dd fussing over her hood, umbrella etc on the way to school that I marched off up the street, leaving DS to patiently help her with her coat and hold her hand to chivvy her along .

Honu I work as a physio with people who have neurological conditions (stroke, MS, PD brain injury etc). We always say that the condition has 'happened' to the spouse as much as the patient in that it has a significant impact on your life too and is not something you have chosen. A number of spouses simply cannot cope and do walk away (and none of us really know what we would do under the same circumstances). I don't know what your DH's condition is but you are helping him enormously simply by being there and running the home and caring for the kids and keeping the whole show on the road. Tiredness and frustration are inevitable. I have never (in 20yrs ) met someone who felt they were a natural carer or who didn't regularly feel anger, frustration and resentment but don't feel guilty because it's the condition you are angry at not your dh (and he will know that). Make sure you have a little time and a little money thats just for you and don't go too long without spending some of it on yourself .

Right today:
Lidl
library
bedroom windows
car tax
dd friend for tea
Rainbows
Cubs (with homework!)
waterloo rd

Honu that sounds terribly hard I don't think any of us are natural carers to husbands really I once had to look after Dh when he had a broken foot and it was the longest few weeks of my life. Your poor Dh too, is there something he can do to help the household - paperwork/planning etc which would take the pressure off you if you are doing all the physical jobs and make him feel more in control? Anyway I feel guilty to complain at all now..

done
drs for bloodtest
now agonising whether to get ds1 immunised against tetanus before Rome trip on 2nd March, as it turns out he didn't have his TPP booster when he was five although had original jabs.
long discussion with friend about Rome trip
3 kids to school

Ds1 escaped a detention yesterday as he just said he'd lost his book (true) and did the essay in class without the draft essay I was soo tired after getting up at 6am to force help him to write it yesterday (yes I know that's pathetic that I told him from now on, he was doing his homework, under supervision ON THE KITCHEN TABLE at 5pm where I could see him do it. No more sloping off to his room and getting distracted by reading Football results and pretending everything was finished when it wasn't.

Pancakes also done. We were setting off for party when dd had a tantrum and pushed ds2 so that was cancelled. So we sat at home eating pancakes, dd sitting in the corner of the kitchen with hers refusing to come out from behidn the trolley..Oh dear. A early night for all on Tuesday! Read Pippi Longstocking for first time ever to now cheered dd, I was crying with laughter at the bit where Pippi is invited to a genteel tea party where all the ladies talk about how their cleaning ladies never clean properly, and Pippi invents this cleaning lady character called Marlin who bites visitors on the leg.

Dentist for a few hours later today, I will be thinking of you Bitchy, so glad your mum is looking after all, you included.

That's good advice for Honu, scatty, and good for all of us to hear as we all face caring for others more than we'd expected sometimes.

Had a horrible scene with DS1 this morning, all played out within the hearing of the three men installing our new multi-fuel stove . DS1 was talking to me like a piece of s**t and became absolutely incensed when I remained calm (but was actually struggling to remain so). Eventually, I started reading his story to him, but dissolved into tears. You should have seen the look on DS1's face - suddenly, he 'got' how he was upsetting me more than he ever did when I was simply telling him. He was absolutely horrified that he'd upset me so much, insisted on doing the drying up, made me a cup of tea and found a bar of chocolate in the cupboard for me . He even promised to tidy his room!

Have done my morning routines and am now going to do some paid work.

Ta da!
Beds stripped
Washing done and in dryer
Clean laundry away
Everybody where they need to be

To do!
Filing/paperwork
Dusting
Ironing
Hoover, sweep and mop
Declutter dressing table

Linzer - hope your work comes through soon. I was hoping that something would have come in this morning as well. Grr to unhelpful clients!

Honu - hope today is better.

Toffee - it's amazing when things get through isn't it?! The other day DS1 was being ridiculous about picking up a few toys. I got and listed all the housework I'd done all day and surely he could manage a couple of toys and he got really upset - just repeating "I didn't know!" I don't think it would work again though...

toffee dd does that to me when she is feeling very very bad about something - I don't know why, I suppose it's a kind of purging feeling to be really mean to someone else when you feel in a horrible mood yourself. Almost as if you are proving to yourself that that you and everyone else is horrible. The irony is that she never brings me a bar of chocolate afterwards, whereas the dss immediately run to comfort me
Not quite sure what to do, crying doesn't work, staying calm sort of works - she's a different sort of character to your ds1 though I think. She gets so upset. And then she is bright and cheery.

Sometimes I feel like dd and I have these emotional dramas that we play out together, almost as if she wants the emotional dramas. Very worrying. And the more love and effort you put into them the more you feel like they are destroying you. Anyway I digress. All I can say, is, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Back from dentist. 2 hours there, and not so bad! A calm place to surrender to one's fate!

Scatty I'm sure ds is so kind to his little sister because he has learnt how to look after people from you.

My list (encouraged by *Blue)
is simple

todo
change sheets on our bed
throw away three bags of rubbish from wherever
put veg box stuff away (which may mean sort the fridge)
lie down so my tooth settles before I have to play Dodgeball this evening

I've slightly exaggerated there, dd is not destroying me, just it is so upsetting when she attacks me - Dh says I should develop a much thicker skin and then she would feel safer Probably right.

DS is only kind to dd when I'm being horrible . I guess thats the point of families, when 1 person drops the ball, someone else picks it up.

I think daughters are a different 'kettle of fish' for mothers than sons are, Swan. Friends tell me they get much more emotionally caught up in stuff with their daughters than with their sons. Interesting that your DD does it when she is feeling absolutely awful about something. That was one of the things DS was shouting at me - "You don't understand how awful I feel!" Anyhow, he has remained contrite ever since - he gave me profusive thanks for his lunch .

Have managed some work. Going to take DS1 for our daily walk in a minute .

We now have a beautiful multi-fuel stove installed in the fireplace in our sitting room . We can't use it for several days as we are waiting for the cement to dry, but it is lovely just to have as an object of beauty. And it stops the draught roaring down the chimney.

He is a sweet boy Toffee ] I'm sure a walk is worth it. I've done mine for today (to and from dentist in icy winds) and I suppose it was good for me
[virtually warms hands at new stove]

done
changed sheets
collected whole bag of stuff to throw away from our bedroom including things I like and wanted to hang onto (books mainly, but I've read them Ave atque Vale and all that)
and my tooth is hurting!

builder is returning this afternoon, so I suppose I had better tidy kitchen [sigh]

Well, we've done our walk (a bit further today) and DS is still being incredibly nice to me. Yes, he is a sweet boy, Swan. He obviously didn't want to upset me - it was all about him. I think he forgets I have feelings too. Sorry your tooth is hurting. Can you take some paracetamol or Ibuprofen? And teething gel is brilliant at numbing the pain, although it sounds as if your children are a bit too old for you to have any left in the house.

School run to do now. And you are right about the icy wind, Swan. Not looking forward to the agonisingly slow walk home with DS2 (who doesn't feel the cold and will meander slowly, looking at everything on the way).

Well, my work never did come through, so I managed to tick off my whole list. In the course of decluttering my dressing table I found several silver bracelets that have got tarnished from not being put away properly so need to add buy silver polish to tomorrow's list.

Toffee - glad you were able to get out again.
Swan - hope the tooth settles down.

Off to collect the boys now so the peace will be shattered... Just hope they're not in too foul a mood!

Evening
Sorry, too tired to catch up with all the posts.
Head is back to normal after Mondays sedation.
Managed to de clutter 2 of my wardrobes: one was 4 shelves, the other was a normal wardrobe with piles of rubbish at the bottom
One left to do and then two crap-filled shelves at the top!!!
Will do that on Friday I think.
Have 4 bags of clothes to donate so far!!!

Blue - I use this on my (few!) silver pieces.

Glad you are feeling better, Mummy. I am both impressed and envious of your wardrboe decluttering. My wardrobe badly needs sorting out.

Am cooking a proper home-cooked dinner tonight: lamb curry with nan bread. It's a Menus4Mums recipe that all four of us () enjoyed last time I made it.

I keep admiring our new stove. I can't wait to be able to use it!

Hi all! Sorry I've been missing for a few days, it's been a busy RL at the minute! The council people came and said everything was ready and I didn't need to do anything before Ofsted , they are coming a week on Monday or Friday of the same week so I've got lots of bits and bobs that i want to do before then!

I'll just wave to everyone and jump back in as if I haven't been away as I've got lots to do...starting with zumba I'll be back tomorrow morning with a list and then evening for personals!

BB in the morning- hope everyone is ok!

Well done, Lauren. When is your Ofsted inspection? I was really worried about mine, but the inspector was lovely. I hope you are as lucky.

Evening all,

Sorry to have been AWOL for the last few days, we were away at the weekend and I spent too much time reading the papers and MN threads about all the things that are going wrong in the world and our country at the moment and felt really miserable for a few days. Anyway, I have cheered up now, but am overwhelmed with stuff to do this week. I have also been a bit unfaithful to this thread and spent far too much time on the Kenwood Prosperos one. As I have just bought one as an early birthday present to myself .

I have to go and bake a cake to take to work tomorrow now and DH is still at work, so lots to do, so I am going to head off now, but just wanted to say hello to you all.

Oh and Toffee - we love, love, love our stove. BTW I have floated the statement idea in front of DS's teacher and headteacher to gauge their reactions, theyh have both been supportive but of the "it'll be hard" point of view. I think they are right. The HT says she is going to arrange a meeting with me and the SENCO to fully assess where we are and on what basis we would be applying, which is good. I didn't mention the workshop, but will at some point.

Unfaithful to this thread, WhoKnows? We shall forgive you, however - I don't have a clue what a Kenwood Prospero is (I know Kenwood, but not Prospero), but it sounds like it might be Good Housekeeping-related so I'm sure FlyLady would approve.

lauren Glad the council visit went well.

Toffee of your curry. We can't get lamb here; in fact, I'm not sure I've ever seen a sheep in Austria. Sorry to hear you had such a horrible start to the day; I think that very often, children either don't realise how much they're upsetting us or are trying to provoke a reaction but don't realise how hurtful they're being.

MummyNic Well done on the decluttering! Good to hear that you're back to normal now.

Blue Sympathies wrt non-materialising work, although at least it sounds like you've been fairly productive. I didn't feel like it was worth me making a start on anything else as I'd been told the job would arrive first thing, but finally realised it wasn't going to appear by late morning (or at least not in time for me to get it done). It's now due to arrive first thing tomorrow morning. Hope yours turns up soon as well.

swan Hope the tooth is OK now. DD2 is quite a Jekyll and Hyde character too, and getting annoyed/upset with her doesn't work as it just makes her worse. I find it very hard to stay calm with her sometimes, though...

scatty Hope your headache has improved. Sinus headaches are awful, from what I've heard - I think any kind of pain in your head (headache, toothache) is just the worst.

**

Thursday's links

Babystep: add an afternoon routine to your control journal.

Mission: tackle the clutter on your bedside table.

Thursday is errand day.

I was positive I had posted on this thread today. Oh well, DD away with school until Friday, got my knitting out earlier after I had tidied up the dinner things.

Feel a bit poo today so have only washed one load of laundry and washed the downstairs floors again, along with a swish and swipe all round.

Will change the beds tomorrow.

Morning all.
Sorry I didn't get on yesterday but DD's birthday took over :)

i think she had a lovely day though 9 x 9 yr old girls in the house was definitely a bit much for both of us. They are a very well behaved lot but were understandably excited, there were a few tears at times and DD was quite upset at how little respect some of them had for her things and her room - big lesson for her I think (and a quietly proud one for me as she obviously has high standards of how other people's things should be treated)
Overall a success though - Fimo beads made, pizzas made and eaten and cake suitably coo-ed over (may even post picture as I'm very proud of DH and my work :)) It was another 'craft and pizza' event Swan (well done for remembering) and although I think everyone enjoyed themselves it worked better last year with less children.

Onwards to DH's birthday today now. Much easier to arrange - nice breakfast, presents and meal out tonight.

Need a list:

• All up and out on time with presents opened, breakfast eaten, etc
• Reading at school
• Work
• Morning routine
• Hoover downstairs whilst it is vaguely clear after party
• Mop kitchen floor after 3 juice-related accidents last night - 2 by adults!!
• Make a start on Master bedroom. I can't even get to my wardrobe easily at the moment to sort it out Need to clear out everything that has been dumped in our room recently
• Post ebay parcels and list more stuff

Best get started, have a good day everyone and hope you're not too sore Bitchy

Thank you all for your wise and kind words of encouragement. It makes me feel a bit ashamed when some of you have such serious and ongoing problems with your DCs. Scatty, DH had a long term and very slowly deteriorating neurological condition which, amongst other things, affected his balance. He is very pigheaded strong-minded and would only, very reluctantly, use a single stick when he was at a stage where IMO he should at least have been using two sticks if not a frame. One day, when I wasn't with him, he fell backwards on a concrete floor and the result is that now, two years later, his left side is very weak (no, no stroke), his right side not much better, and he walks very slowly with a frame, about 10 yards max on a good day. What enraged me at the time, and still does, is the poxy amount of exercising he does to help strengthen his muscles. He LIES to physios about how much he's done and, when I challenge him, I get told how boring repeated exercising is, and how it's not his sort of thing. I know it's boring but that's not the point, and I get so frustrated that he's the only person that can change anything (and probably not much by now, tbh) and he doesn't. He doesn't try to use his left hand and the only activity I can get him to do to exercise it is pair and ball socks, for which you need two hands (nb you also need the nous to realise that black socks with thick rib don't pair with black socks with fine rib but I deal with that out of his sight!)

Goodness, this is a long essay! Sorry about that. Thanks for listening.

Right just a list this morning, it's my day off so I'm hoping to get lots done, in other news- I've lost 8 pounds this week

To do:
Deep clean bathroom
Go and buy a padlock and paint and paintbrush oh and do I need that paint stripper stuff turpse is it? Or will water do?
Hoover later
Sweep and wash kitchen floor
Dog poo
Strip bed
All of this weeks missions apply as my rooms a tip
Put wrapping paper from Christmas in the loft
Deep clean my room including missions
Paperwork and catch up on here later!

That'll do! BBL

Arghh I typed a huge personal responding to and thanking all of you about your thoughts on my problems with others, and hoarding, and somehow lost it!

I can see what everyone who says stop helping the hoarded house is saying, but have resolved to continue as the person really can?t turn anywhere else and is in danger through it, but I?ve placed a time limit of will give them x days, and if it?s not good enough, so be it.
They believe very full, mouldy, rodented rooms, can be emptied, sorted and restocked with what?s to be kept, in about 14 hours per room. I?m all for optimism but think they?re completely unrealistic.
But, am having a very big think on damage limitation, and how to put better barriers in place and into my other two friendships which are open ended for continued lumbering me with their problems if I don?t do something, and most of all am practising ?sorry I can?t.?
I haven?t come up with the answer to ?What am I supposed to do, then?? if anyone has any good stock ones...
(Saying ?I don?t know? often brings responses I can?t deal with.)

Honu, you?re absolutely entitled to your frustration and it?s all totally unfair on you as a partner trying to cope, never feel awkward, all our problems are relative.
Do you have a disabled swim session at local pool? (?swim? can be a very lose term :o) I was accompanying my children as their carer, and got motivated to use the session for myself as well, by seeing other disabled people including children, trying to keep it together and no one judging effort/failure etc. It?s more powerful than anything else.

Toffee Holes KS3 follow on work, widely used in classrooms if it helps: www.teachit.co.uk/index.asp?CurrMenu=searchresults&tag=154
Free but you have to register to download.

Lauren Well done. :) (Irritatingly I seem to have found half of your weight loss)

Thank you everyone who?s saying putting away bits from Christmas, I thought it was only me!

Babystep?s and mission
Read meter (harder than it sounds)
call leccy board to dispute bill (I hope!)
Post Office
Shopping and refuel car (petrol voucher)
Recycling
Launderette
Sort spillage in fridge
Find new bank
Ironing
Book repair
File

done
busy morning in school library. Finally changed ds2's book He wanted Father Christmas On Holiday and seemed unable to locate it in school time.
dd's assembly (brought tear to my eye)

it is a beautiful mildish day. But I need to restring the violin so don't have time to do any gardening. Off out now.

honu I found it impossible to get ds1 (bad femoral fracture) to do any physio after a certain point, although in next breath he would be saying things like I'm so bad at football, I can't run No-one likes me because I can't run etc etc. It seems to be an inbuilt default setting for a lot of recovering invalids - denial when they get to a certain point I mean. Certainly my mum refuses to use two sticks for her v bad ankle problem, and then says she can't walk It's exhausting having to be positive for other people certainly Balling up socks does sound useful though, we need a lot of that around here...drawers are bit like an unmanned dating agency atm Swimming sounds a brilliant idea, I know that getting in the pool is a big pysch barrier, unless it is associated with all sorts of good things. I know my mum finds swimming absolutely wonderful when all else fails. She feels her young self again.