Flinging our way through the chaos: February’s Fledgling Flyers

[LinzerTorte]

Welcome to the February edition of the Fledgling Flyers' thread.

If you're living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome), this is the thread for you! We follow the tips on the FlyLady website in an attempt to restore order to our homes, but advise against signing up for the e-mails; all the information you need is on this thread.

Each day, I'll be posting the links that will enable you to do any of the following:

• start or repeat babysteps

• repeat babysteps and do 15 minutes a day decluttering in the current zone

or

• reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.

More information about the babysteps is here.

So please join us - there's always plenty of chat, , cake, encouragement and the occasional to help us on our way!

Thanks for your nice messages, Mummy and Sanguine. It's always very comforting airing worries on this thread. Sanguine - DS1 used to love cooking, but the computer has rather taken over his life. It's a good idea to try and get him involved again though. Mealtimes are, perhaps, too relaxed! I was so determined not to let my children get stressed by eating (having been through that myself as a child - forced to eat food I hated) that I never pressure them to eat anything - so maybe now I have gone too far the other way .

how about getting ds to research a recipe on the computer that he has to make (with your help but he is master chef you r just skills) for the family and eat? Do you think a challenge like that might appeal? He has control.

Tbh i havent really ever admitted exactly how bad it does get wrt food. Not to anyone else, not to me. And it isn't good atm. Until just now all i had eaten was a few bites of a banana. [consumed] I wasn't even hungry. Admittedly i had drunk 3 cups of coffee too. it took discussions over what to feed ds for tea for me to realise i hadn't actually eaten, i had intended to but just forgot One bowl of soup now consumed. And now back to the stupid paperwork. And yes right now I am stressed, i feel very out of control, I am in pain, but strangely i am not depressed which would be a normal feature of this cycle, atm I am just overwhelmed.

But shhhhhhhhh I NEVER admitted that. Any of that.

Bitchy - how about adding eating to your Flylady routines? In fact, breakfast and drinking water is already part of the morning routine, isn't it? Also, find small snacks you can eat that won't take up lots of time, eg bananas. Sorry, am probably just telling you what you know already. I can go without eating for hours too and regularly miss breakfast just because I can't eat when I'm frantically trying to get everyone else ready. Sometimes I just grab a banana for breakfast as I think it's better than nothing at all.

Sorry you are feeling so stressed and out of control at the moment.

(Oh, and yes, good idea about DS researching recipe on the computer. Thanks.)

Ah, I think it's o'clock.

Help yourself, Bitchy and anyone else .

Hey tis ok toffee. I am in control because i know it is happening, before it would be days and days before i would pass out and then realise. and i have food on my routines but i have organisational issues and i forget to look at them. the only reason why i know when i have taken med atms is because i have it writen on my hand so i can't lose it. I'll get there but it is going to take me longer then some and i need to deal with the issues because otherwise it becomes control to not eat rather then just forgetting which is far harder to resolve iyswim. I have been like this since I was ten. There is no miracle cure, but i am always making steps forward even when i go backwards. even if it is just the realisation comes sooner. progress is progress. babysteps and all that. :)

And i am never going to be a great flyer, but i am going to try and maybe just maybe i might even get to the stage where the routines are something that exist in reality and not just in my ideal world. but i keep improving bit by bit. 15mins is now ingrained. Not giving up is now ingrained. trying to do a little bit every day is getting there. That is progress. I have cleared boxes of clutter bit by bit and i have been more ruthless with what has been kept then would otherwise be. It is all steps in the right direction. I just take longer then some to get there. babysteps. One step at a time. just dont pop in for cofffee unannouced and expect anything that approximates tidy

And as for the chaos i am trying to tackle it, i am not giving up. dealing with the root cause. This is the new thing that i have done over the last year. And it is tough but each time it gets easier and the ball of issues gets easier to untangle iyswim.

and sorry for yet another brainsplat.

Toffee I have no words of wisdom, but wanted to say i read your post and thought i'd send a ((hug)) over. Does ds1 drink plenty, would he drink milkshakes (apologies if i'm teaching grandma to suck eggs here) but when i suffered from anxiety i couldn't eat much but found drinking easier.

Re the picky houseguest coming, when i have similar people over I tend to point out the things that need doing before they get a chance and if they point out something else will bring their attention to another flaw and either shrug like i'm a lost cause or show them the cleaning cupboard, iron or watering can and say totally sincerely that they are so clever being able to do everything and so that they feel at home please feel free to do it here too.

Another hectic yet not particularly productive day here (at least not FLYing-wise). I spent virtually all morning planning this week's English lessons and virtually all afternoon helping DD1 with her homework and to revise for her maths text next week. DH is feeling very stressed about it and spent a lot of time revising with her at the weekend. I've realised that there's absolutely no point trying to persuade him to do any less with her - it's great that he's so involved in her schooling, but patience isn't exactly his strong point - but he's agreed to send her to a maths tutor (the husband of a friend of mine) for a couple of lessons before her test, so I'm hoping that will take some of the pressure off both of them.

Toffee So sorry to hear about the stressful meeting. I think anyone who's been on this thread for longer than five minutes will agree that you're about as far from being a crap mum as it's possible to get. Eating can be such a difficult issue, but (as I try to remind myself when the DC are being fussy yet again) you can't force them to eat - you can only offer them healthy food. It really sounds like you don't need the added stress of a difficult relative visiting either (I think I can guess who it is - I really hope I'm right and that you don't have two very difficult relatives to deal with!).

Bitchy Yes, I think that not giving up and hanging on in there, even when you feel like you're taking one step forward and two steps back, is the key to eventual success. You just need to look at all the progress you've already made and be proud of yourself for having come this far.

nettle Welcome back to the fold; lovely to see you back.

SC You're ahead of me skills-wise, as I don't have the first clue about the garden and haven't ridden a horse for about 30 years.

Waves to Lady, MummyNic, JustGetting, Blue, Jax, Dedalus, swan, WhoKnows and anyone else around.

**

Tuesday's links

The penultimate babystep this month is a very relevant one in view of what we've been talking about today: make sure you're eating properly, drinking enough water and getting enough sleep.

The mission is to get rid of all the rubbish in your living room.

Tuesday is planning day.

Hi all, just a quick catch up.

Toffee - - it must be so hard, I can't even begin to imagine it.

Bitchy - really interesting what you say about food control. I also don't talk to one of my sisters at all, and another rarely. Fed up to the back teeth of being lectured at, told off for 'showing off' , them getting upset when I don't run to them for advice etc, etc.

A bit of a fail day yesterday. I just lost all motivation when I had some family crap thrown at me. But I did manage to get the kitchen back to a nice state at the end of the day, and run some errands. Having a battle with DS1 about drinking fluids, he just isn't at the moment and as a result is constipated (a continueing saga which he was under paediatric care for). If for any reason my attention slips from making sure he has had enough to drink, he just doesn't do it on his own. Probably need to add 'Make DS drink from drink bottle' to my morning routine!!! .

To do list
DSs up and ready for school/nursery
Breakfast
DS to drink all juice in drinking bottle
School Run
Drop used ink cartridges off at school (fundraising)
Look at offices locally for DH
Menu plan for the week
Small food shop
3 loads of wash (1 already in dryer, 2nd in machine)
15 minutes decluttering hot spot (just need to pick one of the many)
Work in main bedroom to clear it so that I can continue painting

Oh dear, that's a bit bigger than I really want to deal with in one day! Oh well, let's see how we go.

Lady - that's a good idea about drinks, thank you. I have added smoothies to my shopping list as well as ground almonds, which I read somewhere (probably MN, source of all wisdom) that you can add to make it more fattening. I like your style with obnoxious relatives .

Linzer - yes, thank goodness, only one tricky relative! Your guess is right. I could do without the added stress, yes, but there'll never be a good time, so I might as well get it over with. So sorry that your DD is facing another test and that it is causing so much worry. I think a maths tutor is a brilliant idea and maybe, if she gets on with the tutor, it could be a regular thing. That would take the stress off you and your DH. I certainly appreciate having an English tutor for DS1.

ChitChat - thanks for the hug . Sorry to hear that you are having your own battles over DS's nutrition, ie drinking enough. It is so hard to monitor what they should be doing naturally themselves, isn't it? You hope that, provided you give them access to healthy food and drinks, that they will feed themselves adequately, but it doesn't seem to be that easy. DS1 is tricky about drinking too, but no one is having a go at me about it yet! He will have ice lollies though, so that's one way of getting fluids into him.

I insisted that DS1 had a proper breakfast this morning and wouldn't take no for an answer. The promise of CocoPops (which I usually don't allow) seemed to do the trick. He ate all his cereal with milk, then pretended to drink from his glass of orange juice (and thought I wouldn't notice) and had one spoonful of yogurt. Better than nothing and it's a start, I suppose.

Couldn't sleep last night, so feeling wretched today. DH said, "Never mind, you can sleep in the day" . He has said this to me ever since I have been at home with the DC. I've given up pointing out that I don't generally have time to sleep.

So, to do:

Breakfast for myself doing as I type
Tackle kitchen - d/w, declutter sink, wipe surfaces, kitchen hotspot
Prepare fridge for arrival of...
Ocado order containing extra high-calorie snacks for DS1
Washing on
Laundry
Room rescues
Window cleaner due
Watch DVD for DS1's schoolwork (Brian Cox on the solar system)
Lunch
Operation Declutter (preparing for Friday)
Make double spag bol
School run
Dinner
Meeting at school about DS1
Home for bedtime routines and

Running past waving to all because otherwise I wont manage to get any of what?s on the list I?ve not had time to write, done.
Friend with m/h probs fell of the tablets again and things got a bit ott, and am now trying to catch up everything else, and be prepared for not being home tomorrow.

Toffee, huge sympathies. It?s so hard to be the parent when a child doesn?t or can?t do what is taken for granted, and it absolutely isn?t a reflection of parenting.
Very often it?s actually good parenting that?s why they?ve been getting by and surviving/coping with their differences and the effects on them.
That comes in black on white from the very good authority of our G.O.S. consultant.

Ps. Avocado?s are another good one, and guacamole made with mayo is ruination to some and a booster for others.

Toffee - The paediatrician told me to give DS1 whatever he would like fluid wise - it was more important to get him to drink something than to get him to drink water - told me to ignore all that hype about giving children water, limiting squash, etc, etc. It has made life a lot easier at home, I must say. Difficulty is that at school he can only have water so doesn't drink all that much, if any. Chocolate milk is a great way to sometimes get extra fluid into him, and would probably have a few extra nutrients so pehaps your DS would like that?

Afternoon all. Didn't get on yesterday and have been to town this morning (I love going to town by myself ). It is very spring like here .

Ta da:
hoovered

To do:
dust
banking
mopping

toffee You really are a great mother. You can only do your best. Also have a quick look at other kids DS1's age, a large propoportion of the kids I see look very underweight!

bitchy I think you are fab!

I was just wondering whether to add the letter that I just received from DS1's school to the general list of woes on here, and I feel I can

Toffee I think Bitchy made an incredibly good point, it is not about bad or good parenting more that they just have to flag up issues. Not suprisingly we feel that the presence of those issues are enough to put us in the dock.

Ds1 is not underweight, he is overweight (so at least that is not a problem but he's sprained his wrist at evening football (I did think it might be broken but thank goodness not So we had a quiet day today with his arm in a sling.
I went to work as per usual Tuesday, returning at midday to find a letter from the secondary school Head of Year saying that DS1 was being rude and insulting to his fellow students, and despite all the chats they had had with him, Nurture group etc, positive re-inforcement, nothing seemed to be helping. [GULP] They were thinking of taking a tougher line with him as he was offending so many people. Really don't know what to do next, except continue to investigate the Dyspraxia angle which I've already seen to Doctor about.
He is not being bullied, he just seems consistently to misjudge the way that he is meant to talk to others, and gets attention by calling people names. He also fails to recognise that it is his fault. He goes off to school happily, returns in a good mood, talks enthusiastically about what he's done that day, but in the meantime he has no close friends. And he is upset about that, when he's upset about something else ifsyim, like his homework. Waiting to talk to teacher. Rome trip this weekend for ds1 - maybe that will help, but I think higher ratio of adults always improves things. He is just like a very very annoying large puppy that keeps crashing into things metaphorically.

Bitchy I so completely agree with you about food being a control thing. It is very difficult to relearn normal mechanisms of appetite, just in the same way as when you are overeating you can get confused about what hunger is . Marxism resources? In a communal household or as a new LObjective?

DH still away, and now furious that ds has been upsetting people again. Morning ironically made easier by not having to get ds1 off to school first thing or force him finish his homework last night, but still have to sort out sprained wrist before trip

Chitchat waves - but better dash
SC also waves - think those are pretty good achievements, think of wisdom required for that pronouncement compared to all the flashy things that younger people say about themselves! We know more...-scratches head, I know I know more about something or other even if it just choux pastry and the difference between a ground elder and a creeping geranium-

chitchat if ds needs fluid for medical reasons, you should insist he is allowed fruitjuice at school.

Waves back to Justgettingonwithit and everyone else

Linzer sorry to hear exam season is causing stress! It is fast approaching in this household too and dd and I are having the usual revision battles (ie she refuses to do any without being goaded by me!!). Trying to explain the complexities of isoceles triangles in French does make for a congenial afternoon!

Swan sorry you and ds1 are having such a stressful time (but happy to hear no more broken limbs!). I hope the dyspraxia investigations and your talk with the teacher bear some productive fruit. Poor lad, it must be tough for him without a few close friends to hang around with. If it's any consolation, my nephew went through this and was rattling around alone almost until the fifth form (which worried my sister sick) but he is now part of an incredibly tight group of really nice lads and is enjoying life immensely. So things can turn around ...even if it's not as soon as one would like.

Thank you for your kind words about my paltry cv btw!! You say the nicest things!!!

Bitchy am loving your brain splats!!

Um, just wondered if everyone is OK with the idea of me starting up a March thread? I am v. happy to run it unless someone else has a burning desire to do so - in which case they would be most welcome. Let me know. I'll set it up this evening if no-one else volunteers.

Still v. much lacking in housework motivation here. Please aim large carefully aimed kicks at my rear end ....

That would be wonderful if you didn't mind starting a March thread, SC. I think DH might divorce me if I carried on as he's getting a bit fed up with me disappearing upstairs to the computer every evening and inevitably getting sidetracked after I've posted the links.

Sympathies re isosceles triangles in French. I can't even cope with the most basic maths as they seem to calculate everything differently to how I was taught, plus DD1 insists that I explain everything in German.

Toffee Good to hear that the English tutor has helped your DS. I just hope that extra maths coaching will mean that DH won't have to do quite as much with DD1 as home.

Eek - DD1 has just smeared the ink in her last two calculations all over the page so will have to start all over again. DH can't understand why I think that primary school children using ink for maths isn't the best of ideas (I'm sure I still used a pencil at secondary school); it's just "the way things are done here". So now her work looks even more of a mess than usual.

just had long [phone]chat with Ds1 Head of Year who for some reason has gone all touchy feely and we want to help your intelligent charming child find his potential . He has referred me to the SENCO, and also suggests that ds1 has Tourettes and mild autism. I'm feeling a bit bewildered really - he was so uptight before about ds and I don't why he has suddenly decided to be so plain nice - is it a trick?? Can't be much fun dealing with parents after all...

SC Yes I wondered that, maybe ds will find a choir clique. I think he just needs to find something he is both good at and finds interesting (ie: not football) to make good friends. Oh and not insult people

Linzer it is lovely that your dh is being so helpful to dd's revision, I think in the end she'll remember he was on her side. If she fails does it matter? Will she have to redo a year? Friend with Maths tutor (and the least ambitious parent I know in terms of pushing her children through posh schools etc) said her daughter went from nil confidence and bottom set in primary, to top set in secondary, all because of tutor explaining things clearly.

Better tidy up before Dh comes home, builder has secured an Ikea bookcase and built me a red filing cabinet, not without usual chatting, so I'm very behind in flotsam and jetsam department.

Also done
been to Dr's surgery twice for different things
went to see some kittens which we will have after Easter!
cooked supper, fried potatoes and sausages and broccoli and salad
loads of walking.

Dh is about to return

My ta-da list:

Bedroom all dusted (didn't manage it last week)
Pile of clothes put away on bedroom table - yay!
Two loads of washing done
Defrosted utility freezer. Supposed to be self defrosting but was very iced up inside
Cleaned both bathrooms and loos
Shined up lots of mirrors
Cleaned office desk

Hope you have all had productive days

Tbh swan it could just be that the situation has gone from a hmm this is a problem child to a hmmm this is a child with problems. When it comes to being rude to others it could simply be the first but if it seriously out of control then there could be a reason behind it. The change in tack behind the HOY might just reflect this change in perspective.

Ds has real social skills and the break through was, as you say, a shared interest. Does make a huge difference. And the skills did transfer from one environment to the other. very noticably. However, can be hard to find that interest.

All the nice comment made me and cheer me up after a trying day.

Ta da:
ds to hospital to have his pins out.

he is fine just a lot of hanging about and a lot of talking which wasn't good when reducing the strength of pain killers. I am glad for my bed tonight.

As tomo is antiprocrastination day tomo's list looks like this:

sort out accomodation for trip away.
make important phone call
speak to school about ds returning.
load of washing
rest and consider a master plan.
ds to school?

and s anyone?

Glad to hear the head of year is being more supportive swan, even if his change of tack is a little disconcerting.

Tbh I don't think DD1's mark in the test will matter a huge amount; the most that can happen is that it will push her overall grade down. She got a 3 for maths in her report last semester, which would make it very difficult for her to get into grammar school, but as she'll be going to middle school her grades don't really matter. I only found out recently that children can only repeat the first two years of primary school, not the last two - but apparently it's better for them to do so now than at secondary school.

Bitchy Hope you're surviving OK with the reduced painkillers. We're all off the dentist's tomorrow - and right on cue, I have (mild) toothache; I suspect it's my wisdom teeth playing up again but as long as the pain is only very occasional and generally mild, I'd rather not do anything about it.

Really must try to have an early night tonight, but there's still so much tidying up to do and DH is away all week so I can't delegate. Think I may just do the kitchen, put the dishwasher on and hang up the washing (or at least take it out of the dryer); the rest can wait until tomorrow, when I have a full five hours to myself.

Back later with the links.

flying in with a tiny list as decorators are downstairs and everything in dining room is in middle of room and lounge 'stuff' is in middle of lounge.

I have cleaned kitchen, upstairs, bathrooms. Cant really do much more in the house until decorating is finished, will only be moving dust around.

Here are the last links for this month:

Babystep: do the weekly pampering mission.

Mission: spend 15 minutes getting rid of anything that doesn't belong in your living room.

Wednesday is anti-procrastination day.

arf at Ellie!! [Distributes . Blither - forgot it was Lent - glug]

Swan Maybe your ds1's head of year is a Mumnsetter!!

Congrats on your list Pink and glad you are feeling a bit more cheery Bitchy

Flaps wings at everyone else!!

The Fledgling thread for March is here

[OK so I won't make Poet Laureate this year but hopefully all relevant info is there. Don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions.]

Humungous thanks to Linzer for guiding us through a freezing February .

[pours more ]

Ellie bloody good to see you me old swear buddy.

Tbh linzer the pain from the wisdom tooth is a bit of an ache and mostly very rapidly decreasing and more or less tollerable, and no where near the pre-removal pain. Unfortunately the pain from previous injuries when i did far too much exercise is sending me to the doctors later this week to get checked out and i am considering taking extra time off training .

Well after the spanner being thrown into the works, followed by yelling, shouting and general stroppiness I am now going to bed later then planned. Positivity? what positivity? Thank goodness that I am planning on sorting the master plan out tomo as half of what i thought i was going to do this week is now not going to happen.

wishing you all peaceful night !