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Housekeeping

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Original poster

Calling all hoarders out there......why?

916 replies

muriel76 · 10/08/2011 17:10

My DH is a bit of a hoarder. Some of his family are the same but particularly his mum, she seems to keep everything. They both like to also display pointless things ie books that will never be/never have been read etc.

Don't get me wrong, it is not a big deal or anything but I do want to understand why. It's hard to understand as my mum is the complete opposite and I am the same. DH and I have agreed to give the house (another!) big clear out and it would help me to hear a hoarder's view!

(Obviously I have talked with him about it many times BTW, I am just looking for other people's more neutral insights)

Thanks for any replies.

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 17/08/2011 00:10

Lewis - I understood exactly what you meant. What sort of things do you keep? Is it a matter of wanting them or just that you haven't been bothered enough to throw them out?

Solo · 17/08/2011 00:10

Thanks Lewis nice to see you honey :)
Yes, it was a big step today. I got two moses baskets and all the dressings out of the loft today too. They will be gone this week. Two changing bags. Going to try to sell the cot and two sets of M&P bedding for it with all the extras. An old chair goes tomorrow too. I was going to re pad it for the bedroom, but no! it's going.

Alambil · 17/08/2011 00:13

chipping, its clothes mainly - things I will slim in to, things I don't even know I have, I think!

Looking around my living room, some is stuff that needs binning (like the crisp packet I just ate!) and the rest is clothes and some random things like a foot spa and the box from ds's xbox (that he got at christmas )

When I moved in, I never really unpacked properly. The cupboards need sorting; shelves need putting in and things like that... I never got round to it, which now means there's actually very few places to put the stuff I do have and need (like clothes!) so they're all everywhere...

I will sort under the tv tomorrow. I will......

ChippingIn · 17/08/2011 00:15

Solo - you are on a roll chick!! Very impressive

Alambil · 17/08/2011 00:15

oh and books - I have some books...

Kladdkaka · 17/08/2011 00:19

In that program the bit that hit me the most was when she was sorting through a very small pile of rubbish ie hair clips, matches, nuts and bolts, old birthday candle holders. That's me but I can see on there that it's just rubbish.

Solo · 17/08/2011 00:19

No ChippingIn, I'm not going anywhere near that charity shop before Christmas. Hopefully, all my stuff will have gone!

It was a little outfit that I bought for him in blue and green with little puppies on. It was so tiny! but it's gone now.

As for the rude man , he text me saying 'Sorry. That was not good. Good luck.'
I replied 'That was very rude. You either want to know about someone or you don't, but have the good manners to say so, not just hang up.'
I would've been fine with him saying 'Sorry, but I don't think we'll have another conversation' or something similar, but to just hang up!!! I think I hate men. That's just given me such a downer :( and I really didn't need another one (downer I mean).

ChippingIn · 17/08/2011 00:20

Lewis - do you have anyone who can come and put your shelves up for you? It is really hard when you don't have good storage. If you were to empty all the cupboards etc and put the shelves up would you have enough storage?
Could you sell the clothes that are more than one or two dress sizes too small? If/when you get there - you can replace them with new things. If you have any that are too big they need to go asap :)

cat64 · 17/08/2011 00:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Solo · 17/08/2011 00:22

Kladdkaka me too. I have lots like that and it's ridiculous!

ChippingIn · 17/08/2011 00:28

Lewis - re the books, do you want to keep them all or do you need to send some of them to live somewhere else?

Kladd - it's a bit of a weird sensation watching someone else do the things you yourself do isn't it.

Solo - What an arse!! It really hits you hard though doesn't it - even if you know it's his loss, it just makes you feel crap :( Still - try to remember that it's his loss and we all think you are very very FAB xxx

Alambil · 17/08/2011 00:28

a lot of it is DS's baby/young things - I am going to sort them and give a lot to my cousin (she's hard up and very grateful) and will charity the rest.

I do have someone to do shelves, yes. I am very lucky with that - I also need to buy DS a small wardrobe for his room (I want to get a 1 door Pax from Ikea, but need to budget it in)

They aren't there for sentimental reasons, but I have struggled with depression and had a breakdown and it all sort of spiralled... at least the house is not a contender for "How Clean" any more

ChippingIn · 17/08/2011 00:30

Cat64 - I'm in denial

I think a good rule to apply is - could I replace it if I needed to? If the answer is 'Yes' then it can go.

Alambil · 17/08/2011 00:31

I want to keep a lot of them, yes; some are from my degree, some are ones I'm keeping for DS, some I want to read again (and again) but most of the bookshelf could go, if I'm ruthless... that'd free up a lot of space for the ones on the floor.

this thread is like therapy!

ChippingIn · 17/08/2011 00:35

Lewis - it's good you have someone to do those things for you. Not the best friend is it?? I am sure your cousin will really appreciate the baby things and it's much easier to give them away when you know they'll be appreciated. I've been looking at the Pax wardrobes too - I need to a) finish decorating (well renovating) and b) work out how to pay for them! At least the one door isn't tooooo bad. What colour/wood are you getting? I think I'm getting the white stuff. I love the frosted glass but hate the way you can see the stuff in it - so I think it will be plain white. I know you have had a hard time of things (for quite a long while :( ) but it's good to know you have got the house past the Kim & Aggie stage and that you are obviously feeling a wee bit better now. What's happening work wise?

Kladdkaka · 17/08/2011 00:36

Another thing that struck me was the sons over the magnets in the speakers saying, if you need one, I'll buy you one. I wonder if with me that is the key. Fear of needing it and not having it. I've been without more times than I've been with and it terrifies me.

eg I wore nothing but flipflops for almost 2 years when my daughter was little because I couldn't afford shoes, even through the winter. Now I have shoes piled everywhere round the house. I might not need them now while I can afford to buy a pair, but what about in the future? I need them so I'm not shoeless again.

Does that make sense or am I waffling?

Alambil · 17/08/2011 00:41

it's my dad and best friend... either/or!

I'm going to get him the white stuff; the cheapest! I want 1 hanging rail, 3 drawers and a couple of shelves in it..... I figure men (boys etc) can fold their trousers on hangers, so he doesn't need too much hanging depth...!

work is all right - getting better, I suppose although the boss is a bit difficult to handle... she annoys me. Like today, we had a family in with an autistic son who had a melt down at home-time, so I rang her and said "running late, will do as much packing away as I can but xyz is why I can't do it all" and she had a go at me. I ignored her because to me, it's more important that the family felt supported and not rushed, than I got the shed filled by 5 30!

ChippingIn · 17/08/2011 00:45

Kladda - :( I would take the magnets out too - but I get that from my Dad. He keeps things that might come in useful but his garage/workshop is immaculate and he can put his hand on anything, so I don't class him as a hoarder - just very practical. I do think your income/financial security can play a big part in 'hoarding' - if things are easily replaced it's not so hard to part with them.

I have to say I have had times when things have been a bit hard - but never anything like you have been through. I honestly can't imagine wearing flipflops for 2 years because you can't afford shoes :( I know there are many MNers who have been in this position (and worse) but it's still beyond my comprehension (if I'm being brutally honest) :( It is so understandable you now have many pairs of shoes. I guess the next thing you need though is acceptance that no matter how many pairs of shoes you buy now, you can't go back in time and change how your life was for a couple of years :( and cluttering up your house now will not make you happy. How about instead having a bank account and saving some money for 'shoes' if things get tough again - or even a shoe box with cash in it??

It makes perfect sense and no - you are not waffling
x

Solo · 17/08/2011 00:47

Kladd it makes perfect sense.
I think mine started way back at the childhood stage as we didn't have much and when I split with exh1, he came into the house and took some things that he shouldn't have. Exh2 was a shopaholic, but when we moved into our house, he threw away some of my dearest possesions without telling/asking me and I found a couple of brand new skirts in the rubbish! because he didn't like them. My Christmas tree decorations that I'd added to over 10 years, just disappeared! loads of things...and now I've been poor again for 3 or 4 years, it feels bad and sad and frightening to think of getting rid of things. What if I could use that, need that, I like that...

ChippingIn · 17/08/2011 00:48

Lewis - you are lucky to have 2 men at your beck and call No he wont need much hanging space ( it will be getting him to actually use the hanging space he does have that will be the challenge!!). It sounds perfect. She does sound like a bit of a nightmare. Some people really do think they can treat others like crap. I'm sure you are doing a brilliant job!!

celadon · 17/08/2011 00:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alambil · 17/08/2011 00:51

we have rather taken it over from poor muriel though

Solo · 17/08/2011 00:52

Agree celadon :) nice isn't it?

ChippingIn · 17/08/2011 01:03

Celadon - I'd rather they just stayed away tbh :) - but I know what you mean.

Lewis - Muriel posted this evening :) If she's lurking... my friend said about that series too - she said it was good. I only have the basic 5 channels so can't watch it.

Solo - any one of those things would be a reason to have become a bit of a hoarder - the fact you have so many of them in your past makes it so very very easy to understand why you have been hoarding x You did really well and I have every confidence you can now carry on and sort your house out so that you and the kids can enjoy it. Try 'hoarding' money instead and building up your security with cash instead of things?

Well my lovelies I have to try to get some sleep - as apparently I'm too old to look after kids now and I have a friends two tomorrow as well see you all tomorrow sometime
x

Alambil · 17/08/2011 01:04

good night chip!

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