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Original poster

Calling all hoarders out there......why?

916 replies

muriel76 · 10/08/2011 17:10

My DH is a bit of a hoarder. Some of his family are the same but particularly his mum, she seems to keep everything. They both like to also display pointless things ie books that will never be/never have been read etc.

Don't get me wrong, it is not a big deal or anything but I do want to understand why. It's hard to understand as my mum is the complete opposite and I am the same. DH and I have agreed to give the house (another!) big clear out and it would help me to hear a hoarder's view!

(Obviously I have talked with him about it many times BTW, I am just looking for other people's more neutral insights)

Thanks for any replies.

OP posts:
Poshbaggirl · 16/08/2011 19:02

Smallclanger i feel your pain, that is so unsensitive of your parents. Yuk @ burnt remnants of toys Sad
My dad threw things out of the car window if we were squabbling in the back. I still have anxiety about it. Sad

Solo · 16/08/2011 19:17

So!!! I took 6, yes 6 black bin liners of clothing down to that place this afternoon and found....that they were no longer there :( . Illegal goings on apparently. I felt so deflated after making such an effort to actually do it. I couldn't bear the thought of taking them all back indoors...so. I. CHARITY SHOPPED THEM. No, I really, really truly did! I feel a bit :( about it, but I've started. I think.

ChippingIn :) you are lovely too and thank you. I'm sure you'd do a brilliant job in helping, but I'd be mortified, I really would.
You are right in what you say about missing out on so much. I do and so do the children. Even when the house was tidy (pre Dd), I was always anxious about anyone coming in. I was told my house was 'cosy' which could be code for cluttered, but she (my work colleague) said she liked it as it was warm. I think people used to be comfortable here, but now of course, they'd not even be able to sit down Blush. It's going to change though. It has to. X There! I've made my mark in blood.

ChippingIn · 16/08/2011 19:25

Solo - well done!! Grin

Why do you think you feel sad?

Do you feel in any way pleased/relieved/lightened?

There would be no need to feel mortified if I, or anyone else, was to help you. I think that you need to understand it's just a manifestation of an emotional crisis/history - I'd no more judge you for the way your house is than if you took AD's or were afraid of heights etc

I'm glad for you that you have seen things need to change so that you and the kids can stop missing out on things :) It's a big step isn't it.

What can we do to help?

ChippingIn · 16/08/2011 19:28

TSC - it's no wonder you became a hoarder - it's completely understandable and I'm sorry you had such a horrible childhood (or at least parts of it were so horrible - it's really sad to hear things like that about children).

You are doing really well though and your DH sounds great. I agree that the best way to start tackling it is to monitor and be strict with what comes INTO the house.

bibbitybobbityhat · 16/08/2011 20:07

By 'party line' I was referring to many old threads on Mumsnet that say if your house is not stuffed to the gills with books then you are borderline illiterate.

I am a well-read person who always has several books on the go and indeed made my living from books and reading pre-dc. But I choose not to have loads of books on show in the downstairs area of my house. And I know people who are far more well-read and intellectual than me who only own about 20 books and everything else they get from the library.

I was just making an aside comment about the various threads I have been on where certain unmaed posters (Pan in particular iirc) said that anyone who doesn't have books in their house is a philistine and about a zillion people piled in to agree with him. Tis just a Mumsnet bugbear of mine, nothing more than that, and not a comment on the people on this thread.

bibbitybobbityhat · 16/08/2011 20:12

Solo - we could help each other out, you know. I live near you and have hoarding problems (just not with books) and my house is often un-visitable.

Kladdkaka · 16/08/2011 22:25

Is it the same problem if stretches to food. I can't get rid of food stuffs at all, unless they go mouldy. I've spend all evening filling up buckets of apples in the garden which will now have to be turned into jars of pie filling for storage in the cellar. Can't possible throw away good apples, even though doing the work causes mountains of pain in my hands (peeling on an industrial scale). The thing is, none of us really like apples so the jars will be stored with all the other jars already there. Just writing this, I can feel the butterflies of panic waking up.

I've also got 4 huge full freezers down there, sacks of rice, pasta, tins of soup, sacks of sugar etc. I laugh it off and tell people it's in preparation for zombie armageddon, but the reality is that I just can't get rid of it.

Alambil · 16/08/2011 22:37

there's a programme on bbc1 right now about hoarding...

I am a hoarder, I think - I have a house full of stuff... I don't know if it's hoarding or laziness Blush

lucjam · 16/08/2011 22:38

Don't know if this has been mentioned, couldn't read whole thread way through too cluttered for me! Anyway, there is a programme about to start on BBC1 right now about hoarding, could be interesting...

Alambil · 16/08/2011 22:43

my bedroom is similar to that.... hoarding + no storage = chaos

I am going to fix it.

I am.... but I AM.

DS needs me to.

Alambil · 16/08/2011 22:43

oh - "that" = on bbc1

Henwelly · 16/08/2011 23:15

Its interesting how this woman moved around alot - my family members who are hoarders as bad as she is were brought up moving around in the army.

I wonder if it has something to do with having to leave belongings behind.

ChippingIn · 16/08/2011 23:29

I missed what she said happened in her childhood - but I gather many of her toys were given away.

I think it was very brave of Jasmine to do the program.

ChippingIn · 16/08/2011 23:30

Do any of you hoarders have houses like hers?

How does it make you feel when you see someone else's house? When you hear them talking about it?

secrethoarder · 16/08/2011 23:38

I do and it is exhausting. I don't know where to begin.
Have name changed but am a regular mn.

cat64 · 16/08/2011 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Alambil · 16/08/2011 23:46

I think it was handled brilliantly; sensitive to the mum but showed it honestly too.

My house isn't THAT bad - my bath is full of bags of clothes, my bedroom has only a path around the bed and there is a patch of floor in the living room, but the stairs are passable!

Poshbaggirl · 16/08/2011 23:47

The woman on the programme just kept adding to the pile, buying more, like a broken record. The poor woman. Her kids were wonderful.
Watching it kinda makes you feel you dont really have a problem!
I have a warehouse for my business and a large 'corner' is where my hoard is. Moving warehouse in october and it'll be a bit embarrasing exposing it. MUST SORT IT. Sad although i must say i dont actually add to it.

Alambil · 16/08/2011 23:50

I bought a kindle to prevent adding too much to it; at least it's only one item, even if it does have 20 books on it!

Solo · 16/08/2011 23:59

Mine isn't quite as bad as hers, but if I left it another 12 months, I reckon it could be. I have piles and piles of 'stuff' in every room :(
I too can hear her words coming out of my mouth. I'm very sad for her, so I suppose I'm very sad for myself too. And my poor, poor children.

I'm actually sitting here crying and I'm not entirely sure why. I've been rejected by a man on a dating site tonight on the phone; he just hung up on me...I was actually wondering how I could get out of a second phonecall with him, so it's not as though I liked him after talking to him, but he hung up! how rude! I think that's upset me and on top of the charity shop trip today... :(
A part of my brain is thinking about a particular outfit that was in those bags of clothing. It was something that my new born Ds wore...he turned 13 last week. How sad am I?
Bibity I would gladly help you. But I could not open my door to you ~ not yet anyway. I will though, be inviting you over to drink tea when it is much improved.

ChippingIn · 17/08/2011 00:02

Oi - Cat64, while you're here! I've got a bone to pick with you, but I can't remember which thread you said it on.... something about those over 40 not having the energy to look after small children - cheeky cow!! How old are you?? I'm around that age and cope it just fine thanks - cheeky mare Grin

Alambil · 17/08/2011 00:04

solo, you've inspired me... I will begin sorting mine tomorrow evening, when I'm in from work. I will sort the bit of the living room under the tv and on the arm chair that needs to go to the tip (which I will aim to do this weekend)

you aren't sad... stop talking yourself down. You've taken a MASSIVE step today. I really, really do know how hard it is - I need to take it myself...

Alambil · 17/08/2011 00:05

oh it gets me down - very down - I have an appointment on monday to see the GP for help, actually....

Alambil · 17/08/2011 00:06

when I said there's a patch of floor, I meant an empty patch; the rest is clutter / stuff.... I realise it may have sounded the opposite, now.

ChippingIn · 17/08/2011 00:08

Solo - HUGS. Do you have any idea why he hung up? It hurts even when you aren't that interested in them doesn't it! It's silly in a way because if you realise you aren't compatible then why shouldn't they?? - but it still feels like a rejection :( We need to understand we were just too good for them Grin Anway - his loss!! (Our gain because we'd 'see' you less if you found yourself a new man!!) I really can understand you thinking about the baby outfit. Did DS wear it on any special occasion/was it a first or anything - or just one of the outfits he would wear? If it is going to continue to upset you - you could go and get that one item back. Things in this process will be hard - but none should leave you too upset.

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