Calling all hoarders out there......why?

[muriel76]

My DH is a bit of a hoarder. Some of his family are the same but particularly his mum, she seems to keep everything. They both like to also display pointless things ie books that will never be/never have been read etc.

Don't get me wrong, it is not a big deal or anything but I do want to understand why. It's hard to understand as my mum is the complete opposite and I am the same. DH and I have agreed to give the house (another!) big clear out and it would help me to hear a hoarder's view!

(Obviously I have talked with him about it many times BTW, I am just looking for other people's more neutral insights)

Thanks for any replies.

Good work loudlass! You can do it! Visualise how much space you want the final result to take up and how you want in to look. One storage box and 2 lever arch files? One neat row of folders in rainbow colours?
Be ruthless!

Solo- DP would turn my compost toxic!

Well, I got half my closet done, and almost a full black bag of clothes to go, which will be dropped off tonight

I am going to have to buy some jeans though i hate buying jeans

Yeah! What a dynamic lot of MNers!! Good work Goody! Hopefully the new jeans will be your reward?

Ok, I'm going to try to take my 5 bags down to that place to sell tomorrow. I'm trying to visualise the space it'll free up... 'uUUmmmmm'

I am strangely fascinated by hoarding. My dh has a slight problem with it. Just a few hours before we set off on holiday this year he disappeared into the cellar and emerged clutching a couple of maps of the region of France we were about to visit. Those maps had been in that box for 15 years or more, so he felt triumphant about that.

But, yes, rows and rows of cheap read-once paperbacks, are seen as somehow sacrosanct on Mumsnet. They don't count as clutter, oh no no no. If you don't have your living room lined with wall to wall Thomas Hardys that you read 20+ years ago ... then you lack intellectual vigour and might as well be watching TOWIE. So goes the party line.

Poshbaggirl, only if my keister shrinks magically

Horder of autistic calibre here. Cheap read once books, send them to the charity recycling for rehoming, no problem. Special interest books, wall to wall in the dining room and the attic and the living room, get read over and over again, and held and looked at and smelled.

Bibitybobity, there isnt a 'party line'. This thread has been about understanding, if you dont have anything supportive to say go and be vitrolic somewhere else. No one is being intellectual, its a tough psychlogical condition.

On GMTV today in about 15 mins there is a lady talking about clearing out her mother's house. She was a chronic hoarder, so it looks very interesting for those on this thread! :)

The lady is Jasmine Harman the TV presenter. Hoarding affects 3 million apparently..

For those who missed it's on tonight! 10.35pm BBC1!

Thanks for the reminder alfie. X

everyone's doing really well - well done on the composting Poshbaggirl

DH is doing the study next - it's mostly his dad's stuff from his parents' house: we put shelves up a couple of months ago to get books and stuff off the floor, but he decided to put all his parents' pictures up there - to be fair, he didn't know what was supposed to go on the shelves , so he just put the photos up to use the space
The idea is that we're putting the old photos onto the wall in the stairs, and then putting the other stuff on the shelves. We might have to get some nice boxes for his dad's war stuff, though.

oh, and now DH is his mum's deputy, he's in charge of all her paperwork, so he's done a lot of sorting through that - She never threw anything away, so there were boxes and boxes of old bills etc - most of which kept with the original envelope and random pieces of paper they stuff in them! I've had to teach him to take the bill out to keep and throw the rest of the crap away.

Thanks to all the replies on this thread and well done to those who have been inspired to start having a clear out!

I will be propping my eyes open with match sticks tonight to try and watch the BBC1 show, I also saw a trailer for a hoarding series I think it was on the Discovery channel - if I see it again I will try and post details.

Whooah there Posh, I think bibbity's squarely with the right-thinkers here, she wasn't taking the piss (or maybe but only gently)! It's been said before on this thread about the paperbacks. And each to their own - one person's keepsakes are another's total crap.

I did my makeup drawer and my 'spare toiletries' hoard at the weekend. I got new makeup and as it was 'Clinique bonus time' I got the mens' gift bag for DH to use in his travel kit.

I took four parcels to the post office today from my ebay sales. Unbelievable - I sold a never used (still with tags) Garden Trading picnic hamper for only £3.10 and a two-man Eurohike tent for £0.99. Yet my crate of 5 year old army rations split into individual lots all together went for £43.50!!!

We are going to get slightly worse before we get better now, because our flat has now got a tenant about to rent it and we need to remove a futon from it that they don't need. It is too heavy/bulky to go in the attic so it is going for sale! But until we can sell, it has to go in our Room Of Shame.

I wholeheartedly apologise for whatever it is I've done to upset you poshbag.

Bibbity - you have nothing to apologise for - there was nothing wrong with your post.

Posh - I suggest you re-read Bibbity's post, apologise, then work on why you took offence to it. There was nothing at all wrong with it.

only jsut read bibbity's post

I don't know why Posh got upset either, but bib tut tut - you know books are sacred

Solo :( I would help you - I would be able to do it in a non judgemental way and I would not force you to give up anything you weren't ready to do. It is very sad that you don't want people to visit you etc. You are so incredibly lovely and you must be missing out on so much in RL - you need someone to help you heal the pain that you have been through x

Cat64 - PM me if you like rather than answer on here... but how much would you be prepared to pay for this kind of service. I have a few friends who I help out from time to time and they and other friends tell me I should start a business doing it and I've considered it from time to time - but I don't know that anyone would really pay much to have it done. I think there is (or used to be) another poster who does this too.

Glittershoes - I understand you :)

Loudlass - that's really sad. There are often underlying reasons why people hoard things - people who don't at all are lucky that they don't feel the need to or understand it. With the girls clothes - try calling the charity shops and explain to them how much clothing you have bagged up and be honest about the quality - surely one of them would come out to you? If not, how about freecycle? Keeping the cards is fine

Poshbaggirl - it's easier to help others out because you aren't emotionally attached to the stuff :) It's not your 'blanket' that's dirty and smelly.

Lexi - although not as traumatic as other people's experiences, it is still - as you say, part of your makeup (excuse the pun). I have my own markers (similar to yours) and come from a family of 'it might come in handy'ers. Not can't get in the room hoarders or 'collectors' though and I'm not like that - so I think a lot of it is how you are brought up and you either go with it or rebel against it.

DoTheStrand - you are very lucky not to feel the need to hoard. I am sure many people are really envious of you - I would love to be that unattached to things. Have you looked at your mum's life to see why she might be a hoarder? There's usually a good reason for it.

Gremlin - would you pay for a service to help you do that?

Goodynuff - please don't answer if you don't want to... but what the hell living arrangement do you have that someone comes and checks your apartment??

I suppose I sit on the fence really. I do keep a lot of sentimental stuff but I don't hoard everyday stuff - newspapers/jam jars/computer manuals etc and find it hard to understand why anyone does - but I'd never sneer - because there's always a reason and it's usually very emotional.

Nickel - surely you should be encouraging people to get rid of books and buy new ones ?!

BEcause everything is loaded with meaning!!!1!!!1!!

I instructed DH to clear out his clothes the other day. Gave him a black bin liner and everything. An hour later I was to be found taking everything out again, clutching a torn T shirt smelling of Dove for Men and weeping "Why? Why would you throw this out? WE USED TO TAKE LONG WALKS IN THIS T SHIRT DON'T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE??"

Not joking. There were genuine real tears.

I have strong hoarding tendencies, which are under control at the moment. The urges come and go.

Mostly, it is a sentimental/emotional thing. I don't like getting rid of things that were given to me, or that remind me of happy times. I am also a sucker for attractive things, even if they are broken. The last bit got really out of hand when I was younger, and led to me hiding and keeping anything that was nicely-coloured or had a picture on it.

Unfortunately, my hoarding tends to be quite covert to begin with - I hide things. I think it stems from a time in my childhood when my mum decided that I was "too old" for a lot of the things I was still happy playing with and having around me, and started throwing them away or giving them to other children while I wasn't there. I had a proper revulsion for black bin bags that lasted years - I still don't like looking at them. The worst times were when my dad built bonfires in the garden. Finding the charred remains of my old beach toys made me hide in my room for a whole afternoon in tears. I'd hide things in old ice cream tubs, with a layer of pencils or jigsaw pieces on top to give the impression of a tidy box of permitted stuff. Underneath, there'd by my precious crow feathers and plastic jewellery and puppy pictures cut out of magazines.

Because I started very young, I don't think my "radar" for knowing how much stuff is too much, or what is worth keeping, is developed at all. I am also quite bad at seeing when things need tidying or cleaning.

DH has been a great help, as he seems to be a quite naturally organised person. Other than that, I try to combat my urges by being selective with what I bring into the house - I am getting quite good at turning down offers of stuff that other people are passing on.

This thread has been very cathartic. I am now sniffling into my keyboard.

ooh, that's true Chipping - i hadn't thought of that

Bibitybobity, it sounded like you were saying that all mners had the same opinion . What else did you mean by 'party line'?

For hoarders this thread touches a sensitive nerve and so far it had been about understanding and support, not piss taking (even if only gentle)

These threads are a conversation in many dimensions and any comment can be taken in lots of ways. I was feeling emotionally exposed by the topic and i sensed an attack in your comment (maybe being over sensitive). I think hypersensitivity is a symtom in hoarding personalities.

I apologise for being over sensitive and shooting at ya.