Calling all hoarders out there......why?

[muriel76]

My DH is a bit of a hoarder. Some of his family are the same but particularly his mum, she seems to keep everything. They both like to also display pointless things ie books that will never be/never have been read etc.

Don't get me wrong, it is not a big deal or anything but I do want to understand why. It's hard to understand as my mum is the complete opposite and I am the same. DH and I have agreed to give the house (another!) big clear out and it would help me to hear a hoarder's view!

(Obviously I have talked with him about it many times BTW, I am just looking for other people's more neutral insights)

Thanks for any replies.

Well, one moses basket is claimed on freecycle and I'm going to chuck a few sheets in too. Hopefully, it will be going this week. I will put the other one up shortly.

The chair is still there, but I'll definitely deal with it.
I will get out all the M&P bedding out and put it up for sale cheap.
I've answered a freecycle request for a breast pump, but haven't heard back yet.
It's refuse collection tomorrow and I've got rid of a whole extra bag of rubbish (get me!!) and lots of extra paper stuff. It's happening slowly, but it's definitely happening :)

i know its late, and it may be that its already been mentioned but for anyone with Sky there is a program on Nat Geo now called Hoarders:out of control. There are US and Uk people on there and currently there is a very brave man who has agreed to let his sisters clear out his London flat before he gets evicted. Its very illuminating, as it has specialists commenting on the process.

I am sure it will be repeated.

Sorry.. Hoarders : Out of Control the :O was accidental

Good book about why people hoard.

Good job everyone! All across the world, floors and corners will be appearing

ChippingIn~ I do think the system works. It isn't easy knowing you will have to up sticks, but I think it is better to help those who need it most to transition, iyswim?
I was really shocked when I found out that in England people get to stay in council houses long term. Does that create a backlog of people needing places?
By setting the rent in relation to your need, you know you will not lose your home if your hours are cut. It does mean that as you earn more, you pay more, but that is a good way of returning independence to people. You always feel better if you are paying your fair share
Well, I'm off to clean some more

Not sure I'd put it quite like that Goodynuff. It'll take a lot more time and effort, procrastination (on my part anyway) and ruthlessness to actually see the improvement over here...

You'll get there Solo, 1 item at a time if that is what it takes I have faith in you!

Solo - wow, you are doing really well. I am very impressed!!

Goodynuff - Yes, the council housing situation here does cause problems, it would be better to have had a system like yours from the beginning - where people know it's a transitional system. The problem we have here is that people are given a 'home' - so they personalise it and attach to it in the same way you do when you buy it, rather than when you rent it. So when children grow up and leave home you may have a large family home with only the parents living in it - yet another family either not having anywhere and being in temporary accommodation (such as a B&B) or being squashed into a one bedroom flat. Common sense says the two should swap - but ... it's not that easy. People have lives, schools, jobs, neighbours that they don't want to move away from and because it hasn't been set up like yours in the first place they (understandably) would resent being made to move. Our system needs a giant overhaul.

I'm getting better.
mostly because of the lack of space.
(although, I am remarkably good at making space by compacting things )

The loft's next. (once DH has sorted out the floor of the study - I'm working on the assumption that if lots of the things haven't been thought about or looked at since they were put in the boxes (18months ago?) then he probably doesn't need them.
they're mostly ornaments, i think, and some photos. we can put the photos into photo albums, and the ornaments aren't essential. (I'm trying to get my head rond getting rid of my ornaments too - I used to collect them as a child/teenager and they're all in a box in the loft)

I love having a good clear out especially if I give it to charity or eBay it. The problem I have is when I open the cupboard to see what I can sort, I find it full of empty cardboard boxes that my DH has put there. The garage and shed are the same. We still have the moving house boxes from 9 years ago!:)

Thanks for that book link burger - about 50 pages are available on the Amazon site. Some really interesting stuff on how tendencies most people have at least a few of are amplified in people who become hoarders, and why and how it becomes a problem.
The idea that some hoarders have is that they will sort out their stuff 'when they have time', but that more stuff comes in faster than they can deal. Which sounds like my ILs and my dad - and also me when I'm ill. I've just had a month of doing little other than lying down and ordinary paperwork and mess spiralled out of control. Luckily I managed to sort out most of it yesterday but what if I'd been ill for six months? MrNC can't read fast enough to tell the difference between vital pension statements and TV junk mail in a feasible time, so just files the lot of it in the notcitrus pile.

Got rid of a whole shopping trolley of books, baby clothes and bric-a-brac to the charity shops today, and karma rewarded me with a brand new birthing ball in the charity shop as I was on my way to buy one anyway! :)

I am a terrible hoarder, mainly because we're strapped for cash at the mo and I can't bear the thought of giving away/tipping stuff that I could potentially sell/ebay, but I rarely have any time to do this. For this reason I have dozens of bags of plus size clothes (I've lost a LOT of weight), maternity clothes and baby girl's clothes, buggies, breastpumps, books. I really wish I could just get rid of it all as a job lot as I just don't have the time to ebay it all individually. The clutter is stressing me no end, and we're due to move in December so wish I didn't have to take it all with me. My mum's the same as me altho she does get time to ebay stuff as she hasn't got 2 young kids to look after.

Its a habit; of not throwing things away because you think you might need them

I'm a recovering or 'attempting to recover' hoarder. Drives DH crazy of course. Particularly bad with shoes and clothes and accessories. My excuse is that I dress according to personality/work and so need a large repertoire of 'stuff'. So its work stuff, mummy stuff, going out stuff which comprise a lot of vintage etc. Mostly not too expensive as its come to the point where it has to be worth my while and price range or I won't get it. Now of course its kids clothes as well.
I have read countless books on decluttering and it starts with wanting to 'get better'. But more than anything else, it boiled down to what my clever husband said to me which worked more than anything else. He said that excess stuff is a tax on our lives- it occupies brain space, real estate (he's American), emotional baggage, detracts from us enjoying our space because we're so preoccupied with 'stuff'. Since then, I've improved. I don't want to tax /complicate my life anymore than I can possibly help (theoretically). Of course I still buy clothes/shoes etc but these days, I ask myself one major question- if it were double the price- would I still buy it? If the answer is no- I won't get it. It means I'm swayed more by price than actually loving the item. Its about 85% foolproof now.
I suppose in response to your question why-

• we can think of any number of reasons, usually we have no idea why but just a strong need to.
• 'recovery' can only come about if one wants to.
• a useful tip that I learnt over the years is to take a digital image of it- much easier to store- then tell yourself that it will now have a more useful life donated to someone who would be able to love it better.

Hope that helps!

Notcitrus - well done :) What a fab reward too!!

Forces - I sent you a PM, don't panic, I don't bite

Chill - you might want to read the thread.

Chipping - I've replied :-)

Chipping - got home for MrNC to remind me that the ball I got rid of previously was one that was the wrong size, and my 65cm ball is in the cupboard. Which, if we had less clutter, I might have noticed more recently - haven't been able to reach said cupboard for months!

Still, it's a mere £4, donated to a good cause, and the new one is in a box with a stretch band and book on pilates, so quite handy anyway. And if I invite another heavily pregnant woman for tea we can both have one!

I have to admit to being glad that baby on the way is going to be my last, as not only will I never have to be pregnant again but I can get rid of all baby things as they grow out of them. I've done very well shifting loads to people with current babies, but SIL1+2 give me huge bagfuls (from ILs and other sources) so hard to keep up.

One issue is simply not having enough storage-furniture for this house - once the next room is done up I'll be getting some decent chests and wardrobes. We don't actually have that much clutter but a lot of things like baby clothes are in piles simply because there's nothing to put them in that's the right size. Honest. Well, especially since MrNC built his shed and agreed that he didn't need more tools and widgets than would fit in it.

I gave an arm full of girls clothes to my friend today :)

I've replied to another freecycler that wants childrens books to go abroad to less fortunate children. I now need to sort out all the baby books (except two or three that I'm really attached to ) to have her collect.

Chill it's way deeper than that.

notcitrus - can you go through the baby clothes and just keep the ones that are really nice and useful? For instance, do you have about twenty white vests when ten would do? Are a few of the babygros a bit bobbly? I managed to make a huge dent in my daughter's wardrobe when I really sat down and looked at each item properly. I decided to try to get rid of 25% of her clothes - so if she had 12 pairs of trousers I would try to get rid of three pairs, and then found the three most grotty pairs (either getting too short for her, or had marks on, or were a bit stretched out through washing). So I was keeping the nice stuff rather than holding on to all of it just in case, IYSWIM? And i haven't missed any of those items as she had way more clothes than she could ever wear.

If you've already gone through them and the piles are the nice stuff, then ignore me :)

I've gone through my groaning bookshelf and identified ten that I will never read again. Now bagged up and ready for the charity shop.
Next stop is the wardrobe.

I am getting a lot of digital clutter too, photos mostly, on some pages, in some emails, some with links, some on fb, etc

I am going to try and stream line, and make back ups on sd cards, and pare down the clutter.
I am also getting some digital picture frames, so that I don't end up with ten thousand little frames, some on walls, tabletops, end tables, ledges, loose, pinned to the cork board...

I can scan and digitally store the kids art work too...

Sod it. I'm off to the seaside. I've put some sewing projects and kids arty stuff in the caravan and i'm gonna run away.

Quite simply-as soon as you throw it away it is the very thing that you want.