Would home education be a good fit for us?

At this point in time you don’t necessarily need the LA or the school to do or agree anything. DS is below CSA so you have the right to defer until later in the year or for him to attend part time if you wish.

Once DS is CSA if DS can’t attend school full time the LA must provide a suitable, full time education under s.19 of the Education Act 1996. This is much easier if the LA are on side, but is still possible if they aren’t because you can force them. A brief overview of the process would be email the Director of Children’s Services informing them of the situation and requesting provision. If they refuse, delay or ignore you email again threatening JR. If they refuse again contact SOSSEN for a pre-action letter. In the vast majority of cases where the LA initially refuse they back down when parents threaten JR or with a pre-action letter. Only a small minority get to a point where they have to begin proceedings.

In addition to the above you can apply for an EHCNA. You can do this now you don’t need to wait for DS to be CSA. IPSEA have a model letter you can use on their website. If school isn’t suitable an EHCP can include EOTAS rather than it naming a school. EOTAS packages are all different as they are tailored to individual needs but can include tuition, therapies, care farms, forest schools, mindjam, outdoor activity groups, sports, cooking lessons, other provision, mentor, a budget for trips out/resources/equipment… the possibilities are endless.

Again, the process is easier if the LA are onside but is still possible if they aren’t. Many parents do have to appeal during the EHCP process, some more than once, but it is worth it when all the support is in place. The majority of appeals are upheld.

DS1’s EOTAS package includes 1:1 tuition, therapies (SALT, OT, SIOT, play therapy, physio, Lego therapy, rebound therapy), ELSA, swimming and kayaking/climbing (enough funding for 1hr 1:1 of one or the other of them per week - DS1 normally does climbing in the winter and kayaking in the warmer weather). It also includes equipment, subscriptions/memberships, a budget for resources/outings/sundries. HLTA hours to act as the second adult outside the house/escort for transport. And professional time for meetings/reviews.

Following the curriculum isn’t mandatory, EOTAS is completely bespoke to the child’s needs. The package can follow the curriculum or not to whatever extent is appropriate for the individual child.

With DS1 we follow the curriculum closely for maths, English, science, humanities and computing, but not at all for creative subjects or languages because DS1 can’t cope with them.

I know others who have EOTAS packages which are the opposite and follow the curriculum for creative subjects but don’t follow it closely for more academic subjects. I also know others which follow the curriculum completely. And ones which don’t follow the curriculum at all, some don’t have any tuition or formal traditional schoolwork because that’s not appropriate for them. And there’s everything in between.

Medical needs tuition under s.19 of the Education Act 1996 often follows the curriculum fairly closely, at least for core subjects, because the majority of pupils receiving this provision will reintegrate into schools. Only a minority will move on to EOTAS via an EHCP. But again it must be suitable to the individual child, so if that isn’t suitable for an individual then it doesn’t have to.

Don't this the wrong way but you really need to be putting your effort into getting your child potty trained not trying to change the school system.

You clearly don’t have a child whose SEN means toilet training is delayed. How do you know OP isn’t trying with the toilet training as well as sorting the school situation?

Don’t take this the wrong way, but you really need to be putting your effort into reading a thread carefully and not bothering to respond unless you’ve something useful and non-judgmental to say to the OP.

You are right, you can exercise your right for DS to attend part time and there won’t be any consequences.

You can use emails as part of the evidence for an EHCNA request. In future add a line to the bottom of the email asking them to correct anything they disagree with then even if they don’t reply you still have a paper trail of evidence.

You could also submit a SAR to get evidence.

Them saying they can’t meet DS’s toileting needs is unacceptable. They are required to by law.

Good work OP!

What are your options for other schools?
I'd try to move him before homeschooling.

Well done for fighting the school OP, it's hard work but it will be worth it in the long term.

It never ceases to amaze me how some people think school is the ONLY place to educate a child and that ALL children are ready for full time school at age 4?!
We are SO conditioned as a society by the whole idea of school we can’t see even see that it’s actually abnormal for a 4 year old (or any child in my opinion) to be in an establishment five days a week away from their parents. School as a concept is only just over 100 years old yet we worship at its gates. And we shame those whose babies are not school ‘ready’ by age 4/5!!
I say all this as an ex primary teacher.

well done OP. You are advocating for a child who cannot advocate for himself. I admire you hugely.

www.kids.org.uk/sendiass
Sendiass may be worth contacting, for advice on the EHCP appeal.

Be careful with SENDIASS. Some are good but too many repeat the LA’s unlawful policies. IPSEA and SOSSEN are better.

I can completely believe it, there are a lot of people over on the SN boards who are in or have been in the same situations.

It does get better, but you have to keep fighting.

That isn’t acceptable, email the HT and SENCO complaining.

I'd also copy in the class teacher if you know the email, totally unacceptable.
Ask what you've asked here, how did it go unnoticed?

As bad as it is for him, this is also evidence they can't meet your sons needs. It is all building to prove you have a case.