Would home education be a good fit for us?

I remember a parent at my dd's old school (awful school but 'outstanding' apparently). There was a young child there with medical needs that meant she had to wear a pull up. They also neglected to change it, the poor child was wet all day and sore.

The HT blamed the parent!! The mum had the backing of GPs and nurses but the school bullied her out, they had no intention of having a child with additional needs at their school. The HT got away with it.

I'm glad you are continuing to fight but if you feel that the school aren't listening try to get the local authority to find you a better school. HE is also an option but schools should be able to help.

That is awful Jennybeans but as an ex primary teacher I’m not remotely surprised. Most HTs think they are untouchable and the culture in so many schools is toxic.
Ive seen kids bullied out and staff too in my time. Parents just don’t realise how common this sort of thing is.
So happy to have taken myself and my kids out of our education system.

Im so sorry your son is not getting the support he needs

This charity have been wonderful in supporting us and have history of helping communicate with schools.

eric.org.uk

I would second contacting ERIC if you haven't already, they helped when my youngest would only poo in a nappy in the evening.

Put him in pull ups anyway. With pants over the top. You can overrule them on this one. Good luck with everything else.

Op i just sent you a pm ❤️

When is he 5, can you start the deferral process and come back in August when he's older and you know more about his needs.

Can you look into provision for his needs, I know it's not always well catered for. Some children can come a really long way in 2 years, even when the child has begun like this. He could just be too young. Get him toilet trained when he's ready, buy shoes he can practice putting on/off, eg no laces, softish shoes, v stretchy to get feet in, try to put on own jacket.

He could benefit from home Ed but it's a very specialist job, no matter what people tell you.

Our Boy did not toilet train until 11 - and then did it himself in a week despite every effort from family and professionals.

We Home Educate and found him still being in nappies did not matter at all - there are so many children with lots of different SEN that he fitted right in.

Home education is great and really not hard or hard work, ( and definitely not a specialist job) no matter what people tell you. I've been doing it for 30 years - so i know what i am talking about.

You could certainly try home ed. If it doesn't work, you can always send him back to school. It may not be the same one depending on whether or not there are places.
You would have to check what groups are available locally, near me there are some specifically for those with additional needs. If there any near you like that they might be useful to talk to about getting a diagnosis etc.
There are lots of lovely curriculums to choose between. Or traditional workbooks. Let me know whether or not you'd like me to mention a few of the ones that are popular in my circles.

"It's just a big step to take, right now the school is a life line as it allows me a few hours to work."

A childminder might be an option if you take your son out of school, though you do have to pay. The adult-to-child ratio is better than at school, so he could get better care and be free from academic pressure. I used CMs when my older child was 4-6 years old while I worked part-time. It worked out really well for our family. I got a break from my child, who was very sociable while I'm an introvert. My child had the opportunity to see how another family lived, play with the CM's kids (also home educated), read different books and play with different toys than we had at home, and go on social and educational outings.

Using a CM during the daytime is subject to exactly the same rules as doing so after school. Some CMs might balk at the idea of taking on a home educated child because they wrongly think they will have to do what a school does and that there will be extra requirements and paperwork. None of that is true. It's actually less hassle minding a child who is of CSA, because the childminder doesn't have to deliver the EYFS and document that. You can reassure the childminder that you are only looking for childcare and you don't expect them to deliver an education because you can do that yourself during the hours you aren't working: home educators don't have to stick to the usual "school hours". Of course, we all know that what a CM does IS educational: they answer children's questions, expose them to new places and ideas, help with their social development, and give them access to toys and books and craft supplies. But it doesn't have to be formalised.

If your income is low enough that you are entitled to help with childcare costs, you can apply that subsidy to daytime care just the same as if it took place after school.

If he's only just four, could you put him back in nursery? They might be able to help with his EHCP application - then you could look for a more suitable school in the meantime (if you decided to send him back at that age).

It sounds like a really tough situation for both of you and you have received so many replies so far, your head must be spinning! First of all your child doesn't need to be in school/full time education until the beginning of the term after his 5th birthday which in your son's case is September 2023. Until then you can send him part time, as is your legal right, not at all or he could go back to nursery instead. You will still get the funded 15 or 30 hours for the nursery place if he is not on a school roll. If you decide that is not right for him you could try sending him in to school very part time, say a few half days per week and see if he copes with that. You can then very gradually build up the time over several months, at his pace, pulling back if it feels too fast. The school may say that they don't 'allow' this but it is your legal right so that overrides their policies. You cannot be fined for not sending him not can they withdraw his place. The other option would be taking him out now then going back in September into reception rather than year one but this is sometimes more difficult to negotiate depending on the LA. I would suggest joining some local home ed groups and seeing if you can make it to some meetings as this way you will get a better idea of what it is really like. The problem with posting on general parenting sites is that you will get lots of misinformation, often from people who have no personal experience of home education. You need to be on a high income or have any teaching qualifications, follow the national curriculum and lots of other things that some people think are necessary to home educate. It can be as easy as you make it. Good luck going forward and I hope that you find a solution that works for your son.

I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had this experience but also I’m happy to hear you’ve removed him from that toxic environment. From an experienced home educator/unschooling mum, you won’t regret it and you’ve done an amazing thing for your child. Enjoy some slow, unpressured time now with your child and just do what you were doing before you tried the school system. DM if you want any help x

I’m sorry it came to that, and hope that house and your son are able to move on positively.

I'm sorry to hear you've had to take him out. It's been a difficult road for you. I hope you and your little guy can have some good time together now. Give it a little while and do the things which make you both happy while he starts to recover.

I think you're doing the best you can for him right now, just remember to keep on the LEA's backs about annual review with the EHCP it doesn't matter at the moment if it's inadequate, just that he has one. When you feel ready it will be enough to get him into a special school or different mainstream, even if it needs reviewing straight away.