Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Home ed

Find advice from other parents on our Homeschool forum. You may also find our round up of the best online learning resources useful.

How to connect with 'wholesome' families

322 replies

RosemarySutcliffe · 19/08/2025 17:43

Please no tiresome comments of offended outrage. I was hoping for ideas on how to meet home educated families in the hope that my children (ages 13,11, 7 & 4) could make friends with children more like themselves. Children who are familiar with classic literature (nesbit, ransome, tolkien, lewis etc), who are imaginative, interested in culture (shakespeare, poetry, enthusiastic, outdoorsy, well-mannered and have a sense of good sportsmanship, traditional childhood fun, how to be a friend and so on.
It feels like a needle in a haystack. We don't do gaming, my children don't have ipads or phones, they have only been exposed to edifying, wholesome films. They don't have behaviour problems or mental health problems. They are just decent, normal, imperfect, regular children. They don't know who Taylor Swift is, they've never played minecraft. How to meet like-minded people? It feels as if home educated children these days are often far more homogeneous than children who attend school. I don't mean any judgement of offence, it just can feel a little lonely as a family when you are raising them outside of the prevailing culture. We would love to have friends to invite for afternoon tea and poetry, dinner parties, bonfires, book clubs, put on plays with, swallows and amazon style adventures.. you get the idea.

OP posts:
RosemarySutcliffe · 24/08/2025 14:45

@Nestingbirds @Kurokurosuke @InWalksBarberalla all really useful points raised, thank you so much.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 24/08/2025 14:51

Once again we have an op who wants access to a wide variety of this that and the Other, people, facilities, jobs, opportunities, whatever, yet lives “very remotely.” I must see this every day on mn. It puzzles and irritates me in equal measure.

TheaBrandt1 · 24/08/2025 15:00

I can’t comment on HE but it’s natural and right for 12 plus humans to want connections and experiences outside the family on their own terms. It surely can’t be possible for a parent to provide this. They need the wider world. What you wrote sounds idyllic for younger primary age children but for teens - living rurally and HE? No way it will stunt them.

Watching our teens branch out / make friendships / go through the pain of rejection as friends are cruel but also the fantastic experiences they have when they find “their people”. As I sit here now one late teen Dd is at a festival with a big gang the other one is on a beach in Spain (having been to an art museum) with her girl gang - both living lives to the full with their friends. Surely that’s the outcome you want for them? What would you see them doing at 19?

TheaBrandt1 · 24/08/2025 15:40

Agree Bit! Most of us live in or near cities with all the pros and cons of that. You can’t get to have rural remote peace and yet still cherry pick the best bits of urban living 🙄. Unless you are extremely loaded of course that’s why the mega rich have London flats and a country pad.

BitOutOfPractice · 24/08/2025 16:24

Yes @TheaBrandt1 it’s a daily cry on mn: I want to get a job / leave my husband / join a choir / get to the hospital in 5 minutes / see a play / learn the violin: oh but I live very rurally.

In this case I want to live an idyllic bucolic lifestyle but still connect with like-minded families in my particular niche so my kids can have friends. Oh, did I mention, I live in the UK’s most sparsely populated regions.

Cleo2025 · 24/08/2025 16:25

@RosemarySutcliffe thank you so much for making this post! I have VERY similar experiences with "classic" home-ed and you don't know how much your thoughts resonate with me. I just replied to you via direct message (to avoid being dragged into thread replies); I had a formatting issue initially so my initial message shows as "deleted", but it's not spam, I promise!

mathanxiety · 25/08/2025 00:19

Newsenmum · 24/08/2025 12:33

but what about what he says is bad?

Where to start...

Maybe the racism. Maybe the pseudo-science.

FLipTheBaaaaaa · 25/08/2025 08:05

RosemarySutcliffe · 24/08/2025 14:43

@Cornucopia55 @HilaireBell I am sorry for my untimely response, you can't know how much I value your posts and the advice you have given, as well as many of the other posts. I have been taking notes. I have spent a lot of time this week mulling over this thread and absolutely did intend to come back and reply further, it is rude of me that I hadn't done so until now.
My husband and I have determined on a number of changes we want to begin gently implementing for this new academic year and I have a wealth of great ideas of things to add into our life to supplement the elder children's secondary education. Plus a fair number of other things that we will be giving serious consideration to. I feel fortunate to have heard back from those of you who ahead of me with teens and adult children. This feels like the right time to tweak our lifestyle in a number of ways, for this new stage with older children. Quite a lot of points had been raised that we had not considered or had perhaps not considered enough, so that has been inordinately useful. I'm very glad I began this thread.

I have a wealth of great ideas of things to add into our life to supplement the elder children's secondary education.

Your children are not personal projects, nor should they be held hostage to their parent's vision that may not be their own. Teenagers especially are wired to explore their individuality, often uncovering their passions through experiences they seek out independently. It’s worth reflecting, are you supporting their growth, or clipping their wings and confining them to a cage vision that limits who they wish to become?

InWalksBarberalla · 25/08/2025 08:38

I'm concerned you are still curating/controlling your teen's life to this extent.

ACynicalDad · 25/08/2025 08:41

I think Jacob Rees-Mogg is still without work since the election. Hand out with him.

Astleyxyz · 25/08/2025 09:22

Your eldest needs to be in school

Cherrytree86 · 25/08/2025 09:31

RosemarySutcliffe · 24/08/2025 14:43

@Cornucopia55 @HilaireBell I am sorry for my untimely response, you can't know how much I value your posts and the advice you have given, as well as many of the other posts. I have been taking notes. I have spent a lot of time this week mulling over this thread and absolutely did intend to come back and reply further, it is rude of me that I hadn't done so until now.
My husband and I have determined on a number of changes we want to begin gently implementing for this new academic year and I have a wealth of great ideas of things to add into our life to supplement the elder children's secondary education. Plus a fair number of other things that we will be giving serious consideration to. I feel fortunate to have heard back from those of you who ahead of me with teens and adult children. This feels like the right time to tweak our lifestyle in a number of ways, for this new stage with older children. Quite a lot of points had been raised that we had not considered or had perhaps not considered enough, so that has been inordinately useful. I'm very glad I began this thread.

@RosemarySutcliffe

do these changes include your oldest child going to school? If not, they should

TheaBrandt1 · 25/08/2025 14:17

I find the ops response quite sinister. Your 13 year old needs to be with their peer group it really is that simple.

HilaireBell · 25/08/2025 15:53

Lots of people on this thread don’t really understand where you’re coming from. I do. Good luck OP.

TheaBrandt1 · 25/08/2025 18:27

This thread confirms the prejudices some have about HE. The level of control this mother seeks over her teens is concerning and unhealthy.

TheaBrandt1 · 25/08/2025 18:29

What do you mean we “don’t understand”? Teens need to interact with other teens unless there are some sorts of SN. Mummy needs to back off to enable healthy development.

mathanxiety · 26/08/2025 03:11

HilaireBell · 25/08/2025 15:53

Lots of people on this thread don’t really understand where you’re coming from. I do. Good luck OP.

Au contraire, we u derstand very well where she's coming from.

Nestingbirds · 26/08/2025 04:21

Op you sound very open to improving the lives of your children which is very commendable, and none of us are perfect at parenting or otherwise. Maybe your lifestyle has served you very well as a family up to now, however I do agree with the posts that are warning you about your teenager’s happiness, well being and the dangers of loneliness.

It’s absolutely essential that teens have trusted friends, socialise privately and explore their own individuality and passions.

You do now need to step back and let them choose what they would like to be - what matters to them. Otherwise you will be stunting their development because you are being too controlling, and creating potentially some very serious issues further down the line.

The children may grow to actively hate living with you, living there and escape at the first opportunity. Or feel it’s almost cult like - the isolation and being cut off from the rest of the workf. They are vulnerable to developing mental health disorders and social anxiety.

It’s not so much the lack of interaction, as it sounds like you organise plenty of that, but it’s neither spontaneous or led by them. They have very little freedom or choice given their ages..

Your first priority should be a proper discussion as a family to discover what the children would most value in their lives. Do they like living there? Do they need more freedom and fun?

Ensure they have a digital skill set in order to eventually work and operate effectively in the real world, and the very last thing they need is more friends chosen by you op!

They need to find and make their own friends. Ultimately dc need to be prepared for the real world, and not the world you wish it could be - or you are setting them up to fail spectacularly.

You sound like loving and thoughtful parents, and I am sure you will find solutions that work for your children, but they need to be able to express what those solutions look like. 💐

TheaBrandt1 · 26/08/2025 06:12

Great post nesting.

It’s natural for NT teens to want to seek friendship and experiences outside the confines of the family. The majority appreciate that. So I would imagine that as they get into secondary the majority of families doing HE will be the teens that are unable to cope in mainstream (also more likely to be online) so they are then your child’s peer group. The sporty active ones will be at school.

The only families I know doing HE with teens have it forced on them as their autistic teens have school refused.

nildesparandum · 30/08/2025 17:15

Where are you RosemarySutcliffe?

wisbech · 15/11/2025 04:24

Not sure if still active - but maybe a decent boarding school?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread