How to connect with 'wholesome' families

[RosemarySutcliffe]

Please no tiresome comments of offended outrage. I was hoping for ideas on how to meet home educated families in the hope that my children (ages 13,11, 7 & 4) could make friends with children more like themselves. Children who are familiar with classic literature (nesbit, ransome, tolkien, lewis etc), who are imaginative, interested in culture (shakespeare, poetry, enthusiastic, outdoorsy, well-mannered and have a sense of good sportsmanship, traditional childhood fun, how to be a friend and so on.
It feels like a needle in a haystack. We don't do gaming, my children don't have ipads or phones, they have only been exposed to edifying, wholesome films. They don't have behaviour problems or mental health problems. They are just decent, normal, imperfect, regular children. They don't know who Taylor Swift is, they've never played minecraft. How to meet like-minded people? It feels as if home educated children these days are often far more homogeneous than children who attend school. I don't mean any judgement of offence, it just can feel a little lonely as a family when you are raising them outside of the prevailing culture. We would love to have friends to invite for afternoon tea and poetry, dinner parties, bonfires, book clubs, put on plays with, swallows and amazon style adventures.. you get the idea.

Bit ironic the OP is using mumsnet 🙊

I'm amazed they've never heard of Taylor Swift.

They must be living quite sheltered lives. I tutor some home schooled children and even if she's not to their taste they do know who she is....

They do several sports, a singing group, one of my girls is in brownies.. this is all fine and they like the children there. I was just looking for ideas on how to meet children with some wider-ranging interests and I am grateful for the ideas I have been given. They make friends easily and get on with pretty much anyone. I am concerned about university debt for them, but I do take your point about isolating them and this is something I will think on. I don't think they isolated from people, we see a wide range of family, friends, neighbours and local community. They have great social skills. But from mainstream culture perhaps, and maybe I need to relax on that as they get older. I just wish young people had the range and depth of wholesome interests they once did, I do feel a sense of sadness about that. My children read so many old books and then ask about debating clubs, sunday school picnics and I have to tell them that its a bygone era!

I'd suggest church - either Mormon or Brethren.

They're both quite wholesome and having had friends from both also really lovely people with very well behaved children.

What groups have they been doing up until now and what has happened to the children in those groups as they've got older.

Presumably if your eldest DC is 13 and has never been to school, they've had years of home ed and meeting other children though activities etc., when they were younger. Have these friendships just fizzled out?

Off topic but I don't know any children who are into Taylor Swift - I would say her fandom is mainly 20s/30s women. She is quite wholesome (teaser campaign for her new album aside). I would rather my kids have her as a role model than Elvis Presley but they are into artists who were born this millennium.

Agree with the PP who said your children are old enough to manage their own friendships. You've already restricted their exposure to potential friends by home schooling - why are you so judgmental about other families and their interests? Just let them be friends with other children regardless of whether they like playing the lute or reading the novels of Noel Streatfield.

My children (tweens/teens) have wholesome interests, they are sporty, play musical instruments, enjoy Swallows & Amazons style camping adventures make lots of friends, play chess and boardgames and they also have Playstations, listen to alternative trap, watch YouTube and eat Haribo.

ETA they love debate club and both were/are members of model UN. This definitely does still exist.

Thank you, I think there is truth to what you say. I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

Home ed wise though - it thins out at Secondary level. Many kids go back to school at this point - mine did.

If you want to go to sunday school picnics are you sending your kids to a sunday school?

And if your child wants to join a debating club why not start one?

I just wish young people had the range and depth of wholesome interests they once did, I do feel a sense of sadness about that. My children read so many old books and then ask about debating clubs, sunday school picnics and I have to tell them that it’s a bygone era!

But what is ‘unwholesome’ about enjoying Taylor Swift or playing the odd video game? And my daughter’s state primary school is starting a debating club in the autumn term - these things do still exist.

In the nicest way op, you can give your children this wonderful childhood you have explained but still live in the real world. Electronics is actually incredibly important for most jobs and there is a wide range of literature and culture that is ‘modern’ but will be the new classics and it would be a shame to dismiss it. You want well rounded children but it sounds like youve had a hard stop at the early 90s. They dont live in the world we grew up in. Dont dismiss it all.

Have you looked at facebool groups? Other hobbies? Im assuming its a case of constantly trying and constantly putting yourself out there until you find your tribe. And yes, some of them will be very good on the ipad. ;)

We have moved from Devon, to Wales and then to Scotland (2.5 years ago) so that has affected friendships, although we are still in touch with many, penpals plus those who come to stay and camp or we go on holiday with them. We have a wide friendship group but very little now in the way of those who can just come round and play, and none in our tiny town that my elder children would be able to go and out about with. When they were little we would go to heaps of home ed groups but where we live now the groups don't sound very edifying (teen social, gaming club) plus we are so busy with schoolwork (classical education style, not unschoolers) and after school clubs that we don't have the same time to commit.

Why not invite some of their friends from their groups round to yours for a picnic? If you want old-fashioned fun, you may need to make it. Most kids enjoy tree-climbing and outdoor games, for example, given a chance.

I also have 4 DC and have found lots of friends who also have 4 DC, are largely vegetarian, like classical music, books, nature and cycling type endeavours. So if you find the larger families that are middle class are they not all going to be a bit like that? They are were I live in London, and most actually do go to school. Some are Catholic, some Mormons, some anthroposophy, but mostly they are just of a certain type. So I would say focus on the larger families who do not like screens, don’t like processed food, like cooking, reading and playing games as a family.

Yeah agree with this. Be the change you want to see.

My children loved listening to John Williams’ music but the pieces they like are from movies like Star Wars and Pirates of the Caribbean - are they wholesome enough for your kids?

Take a look at the Wildlife Trust for your area - ours does specific activities for home educated children as well as young ranger days, forest schools and woodland safaris.

Minecraft is actually quite educational. Mine sometimes use it to design things for homework (eg a Celtic round house).

if your 13 year old has never used an iPad, I would seriously consider slowly introducing some screen time as they progress through their teenage years. It’s lovely they’re climbing trees while playing violin and reading Shakespeare. But they’re going to grow up and need to join the world of work. Which is often screen based in some capacity in the majority of cases. No IT literacy skills will be a serious hindrance to them. Also what if your child could be a skilled coder or app developer but they’re not getting that chance to develop those skills because you’re keeping them in a screen free bubble?

You say they don’t even know who Taylor swift is- why not? Why aren’t they being exposed to modern music as well as classical so they can decide which they prefer? Taylor swift writes her own songs, plays her own instruments, she’s prob one of the better modern examples of a singer.

anyway, I don’t know where you’ll find other kids that have been sheltered from the modern world. But maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing for them to mix with children who haven’t been so sheltered?

Happy for them to have a diverse group of friends…..but I would like them to have the chance to make friends with children more like themselves.

You’re contradicting yourself in the same reply. Living in an echo chamber isn’t conducive to a stimulating and challenging environment for children is all I’ll say.

But surely only mormon/brethern are welcome there? We are Christian but not in a every-single-sunday-reading-the-bible-every-single-day sense. My children read harry potter and I sometimes say bloody hell if I step on a lego.

Sorry op but I think you are being quite restrictive and limiting your children's lives with your options. At 13 especially they should be making friends of their own accord. Appreciate you have moved around a bit but.....
My son is into his playstation. But also at college studying engineering. He does volunteer work at a heritage railway working with different age groups. He loves walking and is an avid reader. Loves 80's music.... he's quite a solitary person though. You have to let them find their own way in life sometimes

You let them have Lego??? They are doomed,sorry.

Have you also sheltered yourself? The local comp to me has a debating club, and competes with other schools, and I literally walked past a church picnic day at my local park a couple of Sundays ago (it had food and sports games and all the kids had matching T shirts from the church).

The things you want exist, but they’re in schools and churches - so if you don’t go to them, your kids won’t experience it.

Classical music orchestras would be a good bet too, if they could learn an orchestral instrument. Drums? Flute? Clarinet? French horn?

You obviously want your kids to have friends that are the same as them. Thats not real life. In real life we learn to love and get along with people who are different to us, whilst respecting their choices.
Let them make any friends they wish. Take them anywhere to meet other kids and broaden their minds.
There's other ways of doing things, and youre superiority complex is showing.