How to connect with 'wholesome' families

[RosemarySutcliffe]

Please no tiresome comments of offended outrage. I was hoping for ideas on how to meet home educated families in the hope that my children (ages 13,11, 7 & 4) could make friends with children more like themselves. Children who are familiar with classic literature (nesbit, ransome, tolkien, lewis etc), who are imaginative, interested in culture (shakespeare, poetry, enthusiastic, outdoorsy, well-mannered and have a sense of good sportsmanship, traditional childhood fun, how to be a friend and so on.
It feels like a needle in a haystack. We don't do gaming, my children don't have ipads or phones, they have only been exposed to edifying, wholesome films. They don't have behaviour problems or mental health problems. They are just decent, normal, imperfect, regular children. They don't know who Taylor Swift is, they've never played minecraft. How to meet like-minded people? It feels as if home educated children these days are often far more homogeneous than children who attend school. I don't mean any judgement of offence, it just can feel a little lonely as a family when you are raising them outside of the prevailing culture. We would love to have friends to invite for afternoon tea and poetry, dinner parties, bonfires, book clubs, put on plays with, swallows and amazon style adventures.. you get the idea.

but where we live now the groups don't sound very edifying (teen social, gaming club) plus we are so busy with schoolwork (classical education style, not unschoolers) and after school clubs that we don't have the same time to commit

In the kindest way, you are overly controlling of who your children can be friends with. Let them pick their own friends and interests. You are worried about them not having friends who can can pop around to play/ hang out, but there is your solution to your problem right there in your post. If they have not got friends to hang out with from their existing activities, then you need to expand their scope to make friends by facilitating their introduction to new kids. The solution is there in the groups you mention. They can only make local friends by going to local clubs. If you exclude them from those clubs because your tastes, then they won't make local friends.

I'd be interested in any suggestions for 'edifying' films.

Thank you so much for the encouragement and for the link, I am thankful for all the input people have given.

I can see the sense in what you say, one of out girls goes to brownies now and I have been considering scouts. The trouble is, I hear so many negative stories. I am willing to consider that my fears of "bad influences" may be a little out of proportion. I'm not a precious mother of 'no one is good enough for my little darlings' mindset. But I genuinely know someone whose son was asked at scouts if he watches porn. So there are children at groups who are troubled, I mean obviously there will be. I suppose I have to trust my children to be discerning and I need to give them opportunities to develop discernment.

Thank you I will look into this.

Ignorance of popular culture is very uneducated.

Thank you @HilaireBell for such helpful suggestions, I really do appreciate it.

Completely agree.

The OP needs to give her children a wider range of experiences and opportunities to engage with a wider range of people but their complete ignorance of popular culture will make that difficult

Thank you so much. I read books like for the children's sake and the well trained mind when my eldest was a baby, that helped me with my vision. We are very heavy on classic lit, shakespeare, poetry and history. I think if posters knew the children they wouldn't be so critical, they are very well-adjusted and happy. Whatever you decide, I imagine your children are exceptionally fortunate.

And the snob value imbued in every post. God forbid her kids have to brush up against any chavvy riff riff that don’t have an appreciation of iambic pentameter or Mahler’s 5th. The unwholesome ignorance and lack of privilege might brush off into the very air her children breathe. Oh the horror!

OP, some of you say resonates with me. However, when they reached 14/15 and started striking out into social groups that including a more diverse set of kids, my two eldest HE DC taught me that 'different to them' isn't something to be scared of.

'Not wholesome' doesn't mean 'must avoid.' Their ability to navigate friendships with people who different to them, and still stay true to themselves, has been a learning curve for me.

A LOT of what you say sounds as though it comes down to being scared. That fear of being part of The Real World - as it IS, not how you wish it was - will filter through to your children and as they get older and strike out into the world, that may not serve them well.

Your DC trust you with everything right now. Try to avoid making decisions for them and about them that are based on fear. Be really honest with yourself about this.

@Allisgoodtoday thank you for the encouragement and for taking the time to share your experience. It's so helpful to hear from people like you who speak from experience.

I think this is very sensible and I do agree with you.

To be fair I'd simply die without Mahler. 🤣

It's very cult like. My DC has a friend who was "educated" at a Steiner school. Parents were educated professional people, albeit eccentric so they had the advantage of a normal education and career. Their DC were barely literate when they switched to state school in their teens and consequently too far behind to ever do well academically. They are still friends but the friend, who is now in their 30s has just drifted from one low skilled job to another. Most parents would want better for their kids.

What do you mean? I had no idea!

Basically the movement is very secretive.

I used to come across Steiner people as I was involved in the Green Movement/party

I put them down as mostly harmless until they opened a Free School in my town, read the Ofsted reports into the Steiner Free Schools!

Despite what you think Steiner is very prescriptive and you follow what he says - despite the fact he wasnt a teacher - or farmer so stay away from Biodynamics, Triodos Bank and Weleda all Steiner business's

They look very hippy and alternative but are anything but.

The Steiner screen policy widely available on some of the schools sites (eg Waldorf NY, US) is actually not far of the philosophy of Jonathan Haidt on the subject matter - and he seems to be all the rage right now.
You do not have to take the whole Waldorf/Steiner thing at face value. You can pick and choose.
The concept of children accessing “media” (participatory vs passive forms) at age appropriate times is quite good.

I'm sure they are very happy now but I'd be afraid they would be like fish out of water when they leave home which, surely, they will need to do at some point.

You’re scared of porn, drugs, vaping and Taylor swift ? How on earth are you preparing your children for the modern world ? At some point they’re entering the workforce, they need skills and being tech savvy is important.
I’ve just been making PSHE lessons on issues like porn - looking at the dangers and impact on the teenage brain for year 9. They need to know, it’s important. Lessons on addiction, cce and cse, abusive relationships, trafficking, sexting etc - you can’t hide them in a forest and hope it all goes away.
in my (long) experience in education it’s the ones who are cosseted and left ignorant who take the most risks.

Sounds like living in a fantasy bubble, the real world is going to be a shock if they are allowed to go to university, or leave home. It's all fine, but at some point they have to interact with the world as it is, not how it was or how you would like it to be. They can do all the things you like them to do and still play silly computer games, enjoy trashy songs and rubbish tv shows like other children, these things are not mutually exclusive as you imply.

The whole thing points to some very interesting questions about the rights of children to an education and I mean this in the broadest terms.

But with a user name like yours @RosemarySutcliffe, what is the appeal of wholesome families?

Rosemary Sutcliff was a well known author. I don’t think that’s the gotcha you think it is.

Agree.

And because of the various circles of induction or initiation into theosophy, there's very much a sense of dealing with something that is sucking you into a very rigid and all encompassing world view. There are names for that sort of organisation..

I unwittingly sent one of my DDs to a W-S wet-on-wet watercolour class held in a local hall, thinking 'how lovely, an art class for a 4 yo that isnt finger painting/ wallowing in crayola paint'. I swallowed the description of the class, hook, line, and sinker, paid my money, and dropped little DD off for an hour once a week for ten weeks. Every week when I picked her up I found the teacher more and more puzzled as she looked at DD's output (on paper that had rounded corners) - apparently DD had managed to get the art 'wrong'. DD (a very bright child) sensed she was getting something wrong too and really didn't want to go to the last three days. We were never told what DD was expected to produce or where exactly she had fallen short. Many years later I found her very dreamy watercolours and looked up what might have been off about them. It was the granddaddy of all rabbit holes, and I found out way more than I would ever have suspected about Steiner and in particular Steiner art than I would have if I had just read the brochures.