How to connect with 'wholesome' families

[RosemarySutcliffe]

Please no tiresome comments of offended outrage. I was hoping for ideas on how to meet home educated families in the hope that my children (ages 13,11, 7 & 4) could make friends with children more like themselves. Children who are familiar with classic literature (nesbit, ransome, tolkien, lewis etc), who are imaginative, interested in culture (shakespeare, poetry, enthusiastic, outdoorsy, well-mannered and have a sense of good sportsmanship, traditional childhood fun, how to be a friend and so on.
It feels like a needle in a haystack. We don't do gaming, my children don't have ipads or phones, they have only been exposed to edifying, wholesome films. They don't have behaviour problems or mental health problems. They are just decent, normal, imperfect, regular children. They don't know who Taylor Swift is, they've never played minecraft. How to meet like-minded people? It feels as if home educated children these days are often far more homogeneous than children who attend school. I don't mean any judgement of offence, it just can feel a little lonely as a family when you are raising them outside of the prevailing culture. We would love to have friends to invite for afternoon tea and poetry, dinner parties, bonfires, book clubs, put on plays with, swallows and amazon style adventures.. you get the idea.

@Gagamama2 Yes I do see what you are saying, noted.

IP i think you are doing extremely well.
We are/were a bit in the same situation, we have left all him ed groups as the kids got to 11/12 years old as I felt the same, behaviour not great and most teens looking for friends will list their interests as Manga, discord and tiktok or similar, nothing else.
I find it very off putting.
I ended up putting my older teen into school and with others we mostly do after school clubs so they can make friends that way.
Also we aren't rural so there's a fair bit of playing out in the street, even if some children are from very different families they mostly get along.

Have you got a 'Woodcraft Folk' group near you?

I've just seen that you're in Scotland, and I'm now gutted because your family sound like a perfect match for mine -
7 and 4, no screens, no minecraft, big fans of wholesome play, wooden train sets, reading... but we're in north Yorkshire. Wail.

Your children aren't allowed to listen to music?

Yep, this is what OP's post is about. And then they say we need to send our kids to school so they learn.... doesn't seem school has done much seeing some posters complete lack of reading comprehension lol

Your children and their upbringing sound absolutely wonderful OP. I would love to know more about how you homeschool and what topics you look at? As someone with two babies and considering homeschooling myself.

I disagree with some PPs suggesting that your children will be at a disadvantage due to lack of tech. I don’t believe this will be the case at all. As a teacher, it is the students who have too much tech who struggle to cope in school. Also, just because a child has access to tech does not mean they are necessarily learning future job skills from it. Spending time on TikTok doesn’t teach them how to code or use excel. Most students I teach even struggle to touch type. With the growing use of AI I think things are going to get even worse. There’s a brilliant book called The Shallows by Nicholas Carr on that topic if you’re interested.

You could see if there is a Woodcraft Folk near you - no guarantees that the children won't play Minecraft or listen to Taylor Swift, but ime the families are possibly slightly more likely than average to do some of the other activities you list (the ones related to a having mid-C20th style childhood more than the academic/cultural ones, though playing instruments/singing also seems to be very popular)?

Have been musing over this thread today.

We know wholesome, outdoorsy families at a sailing club, around horses / farm work, and have met others at random crafty events like doing hedge laying, family woodwork and bush craft days, pond dipping at an outdoor learning centre, a sealife conservation day at the beach, etc etc.

The problem is none of these events have lead to a long term deeper friendship in our case...I find this comes either from proximity, ie our kids being in the same village and therefore able to walk round each other's houses, or through school.

My nephew is an avid reader and has bookish friends, he met them in his primary class in a state school and now goes to a private senior school where there are similarly minded children. I can't think of my SIL mentioning he had any close friendships through clubs he does. I knew well read boys from our local grammar school.

It's a tricky one. I hope you find an answer. I have considered homeschooling so many times, but the social aspect of school is what always makes me reluctantly keep my children in the classroom.

Agree you have to be careful about which Steiner school / community you join...there are brilliant, progressive ones, but there are also wierd fundamentalist ones

Steiner and Waldorf are trade marks.

Anything using those terms has to be 'franchised' rather like - say McDonalds.

Like McDonalsd they will be trying to ensure you get the same product everywhere

Dont be fooled, some may well be much worse than others and they try to hide what they are really about.

They are NOT wholesome!

The institutions themselves may not be as wholesome as they make out but many of the families accessing them will be, they just haven’t looked that deeply into the origins and history of the movement and just see the term “Steiner school” as a synonym for “slightly alternative and less mainstream school in a wooden toys and folk tales and forest learning” type way. So OP may well still meet likeminded folk through Steiner groups and schools.

Steiner schools are wholesome on a very surface level, I dipped my toe in their group in desperation and I came away wondering if they were mad or I was living in a totally parallel universe. The ones drinking the anthroposophy kool aid should not be having unsupervised access to children!

Slight tangent, but Bluey goes to an anthroposophy Steiner school, doesn't she? Istr there is the episode with being allowed to have a gnome model from the shelf to put in the village one of her friends is building.

OP, it's fantastic you're working so hard to give you children a wholesome childhood. They'll make adults to be proud of by every metric of respectable values. You'll find families like yours if you look in FIEC. Try this website. You'll find many families home schooling and with similar worldview.
Families who home school join other families for organised outings pertaining to different. You can find out about these and choose which is to attend. All the best.

You don’t mention whether you belong to a faith group but you’ll find plenty of people with similar values in Catholic home Ed groups. My children were similar to yours but I did have to unclench a bit once they got to their mid teens as it’s very difficult to navigate friendships if you’re the only one without a smartphone. They are adults now and they are very grateful that they had such an “unplugged” childhood.

My children did sports groups (especially water sports — kayaking, rowing etc), orchestras, St John ambulance cadets, dance. All of these were good ways to meet other youngsters. But their closest friends were made through faith based groups.

I echo what a PP said that Charlotte Mason groups would be a good fit. There’s an online lesson provider called Dreaming Spires and friendships do seem to flow from it as well.

I think the hardest part of your lifestyle is that you must have limited options because of being so rural. We are in the south east of England so there are lots of options for us. I’m not saying you should move but you might have to be quite creative in seeking out soulmates.

Finally, I don’t think woodcraft folk or Steiner would likely work for you. At least round here, they have a real hippy vibe which I don’t think is what you are looking for.

Good luck OP.

She will find herself fielding all sorts of pressure to join up. They are very evangelical and it's not always subtle.

Oh come on - "some sort of sporting event"?

Even my luddite 91 year old DM in Dublin knows what the Superbowl is and who Taylor Swift is. DM reads a serious newspaper for her information and then does the cryptic crossword.

How did you come to the conclusion that it had to be either a conventional education OR an upbringing in an idyll? Can children not grow up with treehouses, streams, animals, art, music, family plays, etc., and also the many benefits of school?

Exactly

They are allowed to listen to "modern" music. Like Bob Dylan and Elvis

Come to this thread rather late but....

You and your family sound super OP, your family would have been a perfect match for our own family - except that we did the same many years ago and my children are now adults.

Just a note for all the negative comments about technology - we had no TV until the children reached late teens. Nor did we have computers, mobiles, tablets or any such thing. By the time the children reached their teens they did go to school (home schooled in earlier years) and everyday technology was slowly introduced at that point.

I do believe they didn't suffer but gained a great deal. One child went to university and did very well, another refused university, but went into programming and is now working at a very high level at the forefront of computer technology/security, A1 etc. The lack of tech in their early years hasn't held them back it seems!

Some tech is a must in most secondary schools now?
Lots of homework online and online logins given, even at transition events. I have one starting year 7 in September. Even the families who are anti tech are getting a brick phone. That is the current fashion. Phones that just text etc. The kids need to be able to communicate with other kids their age or they are left out of plans to meet up. They also check homework requirements with each other. I think DS will use school enabled Teams possibly.

So anti tech means brick phone at 12 plus plus sharing a computer at home, in a supervised area. in my experience. I do not know anyone who does not have at least that accessible to their DC.

Exactly. Balance is key.

Alienating your children from current or recent cultural references is just cruel imo and not something to be proud of.

Have you come across Forest School Camps? https://www.fsc.org.uk/

not a solution for regular socialisation with local friends, but something you might be interested in for the kids.