Do you agree with me about young boys in our society?

[Elf]

I've just quickly read something that Fillyjonk said about her son needing daily walking and it reminded me of something I meant to put up for discussion here.

IMO, our young boys (boys in particular I think), get a bit of a raw deal in our society. It seems that many people agree that many of them are very energetic, want to run around, be noisy disruptive etc etc.

I feel that this is because not so long ago and for all generations before that, young boys would have been with their dads a lot of the time, spending their time being useful in their community and also learning important skills for hunting, fishing, making bows, arrows etc. They were learning, very early on what to do to be a man in that community.

They would have been outside all day everyday, using up this energy they have and would have felt like useful, respected members of the community.

I feel my dcs need to go for long walks everyday, which isn't always possible, but I feel that that would be one of the most natural things for them to be doing.

Instead, boys here today are given trampolines to bounce off their energy or just, as Fillyjonk says, labelled with ADHD etc.

If it was normal for our children to learn how to survive outside and get all their requirements from their local environment, that would keep them healthy mentally and physically. I often lament that we are not all in straw huts or caves in small villages. (Though perhaps somewhere warmer

What do you think? I know what I mean, I hope it is clear to you.

very good post, agree with you!

I wrote a long post and then deleted it because it was crap. But yes.

Yup - good post.

I always say that boys are a bit like dogs - they need regular exercise, regular food the odd cuddle and they thrive!

I concur

I completely agree! Thrilled to have a son now so I can do all that with him

I agree with your OP, elf. Boys have been feminised for too long .. and much as I fight it, I am occasionally guilty of preventing my boy from letting off as much steam as he should.

In fact, an old man kindly mentioned to me the other day in the CO-OP, when I was rather half-heartedly asking my son to 'behave,' that 'he was a little boy, and he was supposed to.'

I was grateful for his intervention. After all, seventy years before, he'd have been apple scrumping, playing Knock Down Ginger, pelting adults at the cinema with dried peas, and playing Cowboys and Injuns in the streets all day.

Another modern myth is that boys and girls are the same until they reach seven. Bollocks! (to cite one of the more obvious differences). Sure, there are some very camp little boys and some very butch little girls, but these are the exceptions that prove the rule.

Agree totally and at dog comparison. My ds is certainly as drooly.

I find it facinating even at ds young age (20 months) at how different he can be with his Dad. More physical and boisterous, but coming to me for quiet time and cuddles.

I hate this time of year as we don't get out in the woods as often...

feminised???

and I'm not sure I can agree that boys would have been spending all that time with their dads.

OK, sure, roles have changed for both men and women, thus for children as well.

You could just as easily point out the troubling sexual messages for young girls (e.g. 'porn star' on a t-shirt or a playboy pencil case).

Most primary teachers are women.

Just to throw that in the mix (but not drawing any conclusions, so no need for flak jacket)

There is certainly an expectation that children will be docile and quiet and sit down nicely. Don't know whether one can make any gendered generalisations, but the whole school-at-3 thing is hellish if you are a run-around-all-day kind of child, and yes, lots of children are not ready to sit for long periods till 7 or older.

I agree - and actually not just for boys, although they certainly have it worse. It's so sad, when you read books from the 50s, the amount of freedom and fun the kids had compared to today.

We shut our kids up in little brick boxes and then wonder why they go nuts with cabin fever.

"Boys being feminised" - isn't that something invented by the DM? What exactly does it mean? I think that maybe boys are being expected to behave in a way that isn't natural for them, but I would also say the same for girls.

For boys it's a relatively new thing, whereas girls have always had certain behavoural expectations forced upon them.

I am enormously relieved that my daughters do not live in a 'traditional society' which would have them weaving, cooking and procreating from the age of 15.

agree with OP

Message withdrawn

I agree with you, but I'm not sure its just boys to be honest. I have two 6 year old girls and they also need an awful lot of exercise - a long daily run/walk if possible, and they are then much happier. They'd spend all day walking/cycling/climbing if allowed.

One of them in particular finds sitting still all day at school very difficult, and goes berserk for a good hour when she returns, which has convinced MIL that she is hyperactive .

Yes, mine gets a morning and afternoon walk or else he's just not tired enough. He needs his fresh air and run around just like a dog! Me too! Dreading when poor dab has to start school..

My small boy is a lazy arse who has much less inclination to run around than his sister....

In many primitive societies young boys stay at home with the women - they only face the dangers of the hunt from puberty. One exception is Amazonian tribes who give young boys their own blowpipe and poison darts at about age 7.

Can you begin to imagine that here?

My brother (like me) was off on long bike rides with his pals from about age 8. He had his own air rifle at 7 and very sensible he was too.

Most people don't do those things now and if they did it would be considered highly irresponsible.

No wonder they go off the rails at 13/14/15 when they're suddenly allowed a free rein.

Don't know what the answer is - mine are 12 & 14 and luckily seem very well balanced so far.

all children , boys and girls, need 'child only' time, it would always have formed part of a normal childhood.

Part of the problem for boys is that we do stigmatise their normal style of play.

Also many boys are now growing up with little or no healthy male imput (doesn't have to be a dda, but families are increasingly fragmenting, so uncles etc may not be on the scene either, very few male teachers/ scout leaders.

NB this is not an ant single mums post. My dh was raised by a single mum, she made sure that there were lots of positive, stable male influences around the boys when they were growing up.

We don't let them be boys, and we often don't show them how to be men. they equate 'laddish' behavior with masculinity.

I so dont agree I'm afraid. I think that we still have unnatural expectations of both girls and boys but for a long time girls have had it much much harder and still do in so many ways. People often look indulgently at little boys running round and say things like 'boys will be boys' etc. but they expect little girls to be quiet and behave.

I was a 'tomboy' so I always encourage children to play rough and tumble games. But having said that I also used to sit down with my boys and do pink fluffy arty projects. Oh - and I cook with them, too - that's really important.

My ds cooks a lot!

I agree to some degree. I think they do need to run, and agree with MB that some their style of play is stigamatised. I am lucky that there are lots of male teachers at the ds's primary school though, I was watching one yesterday picking up a 7 y-o and holding him upside down, and they were both laughing.

But isn't this why we take our dcs camping/ to the beach/ walks in the wood - so they can get that kind of freedom. I'm quite happy that my ds's also learn to value other modes of behaviour though - new modes for new boys - like listening, doing domestic chores, taking it in turns to speak, not being frightened of their emotions etc.

annoyingdevil ... how did you come to chose your name?

It is deffo why we go campoing. So that my kids (and that includes dd) can run round and get dirty and play with sticks and make dens! )and me!)

But don't you think it's a problem that running free and getting dirty is now something that only happens under parental supervision? Of course it's better than nothing, but when we were kids we were off on our own - making dens out of straw bales, making bonfires and whittling sticks with 6" knives. I'd probably have an ASBO today