Do you agree with me about young boys in our society?

[Elf]

I've just quickly read something that Fillyjonk said about her son needing daily walking and it reminded me of something I meant to put up for discussion here.

IMO, our young boys (boys in particular I think), get a bit of a raw deal in our society. It seems that many people agree that many of them are very energetic, want to run around, be noisy disruptive etc etc.

I feel that this is because not so long ago and for all generations before that, young boys would have been with their dads a lot of the time, spending their time being useful in their community and also learning important skills for hunting, fishing, making bows, arrows etc. They were learning, very early on what to do to be a man in that community.

They would have been outside all day everyday, using up this energy they have and would have felt like useful, respected members of the community.

I feel my dcs need to go for long walks everyday, which isn't always possible, but I feel that that would be one of the most natural things for them to be doing.

Instead, boys here today are given trampolines to bounce off their energy or just, as Fillyjonk says, labelled with ADHD etc.

If it was normal for our children to learn how to survive outside and get all their requirements from their local environment, that would keep them healthy mentally and physically. I often lament that we are not all in straw huts or caves in small villages. (Though perhaps somewhere warmer

What do you think? I know what I mean, I hope it is clear to you.

A big difference between boys and girls when it comes to reading is that girls are much more flexible. I read all my brother's Red Indian books and all his Biggles, he never read The Little House on the Prairie or Anne of Avonlea.
When I have been reading to my dd, she has always been equally open to adventure and the softer stuff, and never cared at all whether the protagonist is male or not, grown-up or a child. Just William, Jennings, Robin Hood, King Arthur, Harry Potter- she's never complained.
Now that I'm reading to dd and ds together, I am suddenly faced with a library that's been reduced to half its previous size. No girls, no stories that are not specifically for boys, nothing out of his incredbly narrow comfort zone. No wonder she reads twice as much- she's got twice as much to read!

That's a fair point, cory.

I find I have to pick much more carefully for boys and sometimes think I shouldn't have to at all. I recently did a little personal experiment and gave a mixed group of seven 10/11 yr olds a choice of three books. To my surprise, the Jacqueline Wilson one came out tops with a couple of boys voting for it too.

However, the main protagonists were boys. But I thought Wilson's reputation alone would haveput boys off. I was pleased at their lack of any prejudice.

I think your post is quite sexist. Girls like running around too.

i think all children should ideally be able to play as the op describes. my dd is incredibly active and loves nothing better than running wild in the great outdoors. i think its equally important for both sexes. yes boys and girls are different but its a subtle difference, not a fundamental one.

I adored the famous five books and they were passed down rom my older brothers. We weren't allowed out much till we were 14 or so then we could go in the fields behind the house. I don't let my children out as we're on a busy road and there isnt really anywhere for them to play here. In my dreams I'd love 10 acres of fields and trees, in my next dream somewhere farm like, then possibly an alternative school maybe, but for now we'll manage with the garden. They are so active though. DD2 (my 4th child) was happily climbing up on the inchworm to the table then jumping down onto the rebounder tramp, almost falling on her head then laughing away whilst she got back up again I am dreading when my youngest is joining her. I thought the elder three were bad enough.
I do agree that children do need more exercise. Plenty of time for study and exams when they're old enough to do it but, as I read today, there isnt a resit for childhood.

haven't read the whole thread, which is pretty crap really since my comment seems to have inspired it but...

I have a boy and a girl atm, and they are pretty close in age.

They are very very similar in the amount of physical activity that they need. BOTH need to be walked by around 9 each day. BOTH also like arts and crafts. Ds loves the little house books, pippi longstocking, etc.

Lots of people have made lots of good points so no point repeating, but I do feel strongly that there is often a general sense of disaproval from people when they see BOYS acting in a stereotypical boyish way.

I am saying this because I have a girl and a boy, and they are both fairly androgynous. Ds loves fairy wings and pink, dd loves trucks and cars. They dress themselves mainly, and ds will normally end up wearing some pink, and dd will end up with something "boyish". But they do have reasonably gendered haircuts, though their hair is about the same length...

At the same time, ds does display more typically 4 yo boyish, yet harmless, behaviour, eg running around shouting loudly, and chucking sticks at high walls than dd. This may of course be because he is 4 and she is 2.5. Or it may be because they are a boy and a girl, or because they are dd and ds...

I really have noticed a difference in reaction to him depending on whether he is percieved as a girl (or "not sure") , and ditto dd. Bascially, if ds, percieved as a boy, does this, I am expected to "control" him. This is also true where dd is percieved as a boy. When the perception is that they are girls, people seem much more indulgent.

I can make this post 400 times longer with specific examples-including one where a woman was shouting at me to "get my kids under control" (mine were the only kids in a fenced off kids playground, but she wanted to sit there in peace for some reason ) UNTIL she heard dd's name and realised she was a girl...

"Of course, here in Britain, the weather
doesn't help."

Another adult attitude that we restrict children with, IMO (and I have been guilty of it plenty of times ).

How many kids really bother about the weather and if they do, are they just repeating what they've heard us say ?

LOL - my DS would quite happily run around outside naked even on the coldest/wetest days. He's walked accross the village wearing only a short sleeved t shirt (& trousers, shoes & socks) on more than one occasion this month when we have been in our winter coats still.

well i agree totally and it has really been peeing me off recently. my ds is 3.4 years, and needs to run around and make loud noises, brandish sticks etc. He is not aggressive or violent in any way and wouldn't dream of hurting anyone. But in public we always get odd looks, and at a couple of friends' houses they really expect him to contain his energy and not jump around or talk loudly. He gets lots of exercise and can be quite and concentrate when reading books or doing art stuff, but he is naturally loud and boisterous. I have notices in Spain and elsewhere in the Med, people go out to restaurants, sit outsdie and let their children run around and play close by, here, we expect children to disappear by 8, and if they are out at a restaurant, to sit silently like little adults. It is not only feminization of little boys, it is a public expectation that children should behave like adults. And i think it is unfair.

he can be quiet, not quite!

I was watching the kids in school today (secondary). It was interesting to see that the majority of the running round/ general horse play (goodnatuted stuff) was 95% boys.

I think that girls tend to grow out of the need to run round, pushing and shoving (and I am talking about play here, not poor behaviour) much earlier than the boys.

I have been wonder lately if boys (and girls) in their teens behave so immaturely because they are so restricted when they are little.

This may sound really harsh and of course is not true for all teens, but I have gone back to college as a mature student and most of the students there are 16 - 18.

The vast majority of them behave like kids (running around, jumping on eachother, shouting across the cafeteria and giggling at themselves within their little group). Boys are def worse than girls.

I am aware that I am 30 and they are a lot younger than me, but don't think I am that old and boring...?

casting my memory back (and I'm 46 this year ) I think that it was always like this.

The boys in the school I went to were running round like made things at 14, and we were making eyes at the sixth form lads!

They were like it when I was at school too, MB.

But I suppose things were the same then.

Cooped up for much of the day, sitting for their lessons.

I think that if they were allowed to roam free and develop 'naturally' (sorry, I am a hippy I think ), they would be more settled by the time they are almost adults.

But then we are not all adults at 18 I suppose and we are constantly growing and developing.

Children wouldn't have 'roamed free' though, would they? they would have been a vital part of of the work for the family.

My grandfather wasn't in school at 12, because he was working full time as a miner in a coal mine. My eldest aunt was sent to work as a maid in london, she got sunday off.

I meant when you were at school and I was it was not much different to now.

I'm not saying that kids roamed free in generation past even, just that I think if they were allowed more of that now (without infringing on others' freedom) that we would have a much happier population in a generation or two.

Who knows tho...?

Certainly not me.

I think it depends. We had more freedom, but we were also expected to 'get on with it'. I don't think that teenagers get the same experiences now.

We had the right to run around more, but with it came the realisation that if we acted like idiots our parents wouldn't bail us out, they would jump on us! We expected that if we misbehaved, adults other than our parent would tell us off. Now the kids have less freedom, but woe betide any adult who corrects the behavior of a teenager that isn't their own.

On balance, I think that we were happier, but that could be the rosy tinted glasses of middle age

Yes, I do think that we look back and remember the good, but the bad we just take for granted.

We worry more about the bad that may be happening now, maybe simply because we don't know what the effects will be.

Oh, I am waffling.

Am going to have tea and talk DH's ear off about Hippy Schools !!

Actually we are going to watch Hotel Babylon DVD - I am addicted.

Will to return, no doubt, to waffle more...

no but I think there IS a difference between the generations

I grew up in inner london. We played out. There was traffic. There were abductions. But all the kids on the street played out. It was what you DID.

Now kids basically do not play out. Partly this is traffic/stranger danger stuff. BUT I think people also don't want to see kids playing out, tbh. They don't want to hear kids shouting in the street, and they don't want games of football, or kids hanging about in the evenings.

Now I like peace and quiet also, but I think one consequence (and cause) of this is a real loss of community.

(oh and I am 30-we are not talking HUGE amounts of time since I was a child here)

lol

I provoked this thread

and then I killed it

Lol.

Joint effort I think.