To ask what you think when you hear a child is home educated

[turquoiseamethyst]

I suppose I am trying to gauge a range of opinions.

I am seriously - possibly definitely (definitely maybe?) going to be home schooling my 8 year old for a period of time.

I don't know why I'm worried; perhaps because it's so beyond the norm of what we have experienced before. I don't know anyone who home educates; I wasn't educated at home myself and I think I have known rather a lot of people who are very much of the view that school is all important. I've never particularly subscribed to that view but I've always wanted my children to have a 'normal' upbringing and going to school seems very much a part of that?

Does anyone have any views? As I'm going to possibly be de registering him tomorrow?

I'm in a similar position to you OP. Took DS1 out of school in Jan because he was lonely, bullied and picked on. He's 13. It's hard work, not least trying to find non threatening social groups where he can meet other kids for a while. My DH and I are both qualified to teach and between us can manage most subjects. He's learning better than he was, but is still lonely. But the loneliest place I think is amongst other people who want you to know that they don't accept you.

"I'd also be wondering how the parents would manage to teach every single subject sufficiently. Every person has a weak subject, my strengths are literacy and my weakness is Maths.
I wouldn't attempt to teach them Maths, but I'd be great at teaching linguistic skills.
How would you go about teaching EVERYTHING? You're only one person."

Well..... the majority of homeschoolers that I know only did HSing for primary/elementary level. In most countries, including the UK, primary school teachers are generalists and do in fact "teach everything."

If you send your child to the average state primary, they are not getting taught by specialists for each subject either--other than perhaps PE. MAYBE a specialist French/Spanish teacher, IF you are lucky. A few private schools have specialist maths teachers at primary level, but this is not common.

Also, many/most HSers make use of external resources such as private tutoring. If I HSed my child, I would have a maths tutor take her through her maths curriculum over a couple of sessions a week, and then on other days I would just work with her to practice stuff that the tutor had already covered.

I used to think it was odd but now I know a lot of lovely home schoolers.

It's not for everyone but it's great for some. :)

My only direct experience of HE is of 2 children who started at my secondary school about half way through and had been HEd before that. They unfortunately were both very strange, both very intelligent and had pursued their chosen subjects massively. The girl did many languages to a high level and the boy maths. They educationally were unbalanced and also socially.

So that's what I think of.

Ime, Home Ed children are 'different' than the accepted norm. Some are odd different, but most are good different! The odd ones have simply been removed from school and left to do nothing from week to week. The good ones, have had very active and involved home ed and are a pleasure to be around. So my first thought, to answer your question, would be are they odd or good?

I home ed my ds4 when he was in his second year of school. I'm not a teacher, but he was miserable everyday and used to beg me not to take him to school. I tried to get him into another school, but they were 'full'. I put his name down and educated him 'otherwise' til a place was available.
The first week was awful - we were both in tears by the Friday. But he didn't want to go back to the 'bad' school. The next week was better and by the third, we were both having a blast! Sadly, by the sixth month, he asked to go to back to school, but not the 'bad' one. A place had come up at another school so he started that school. He'd actually completed all his years school work in that 6 months - and the next year too, so when he went to his new school he was miles ahead of the rest of the class. He really loved being asked to help the other children and pretty much loved the rest of his time at school.

Good luck, I hope it all goes wonderfully for you both!

I know of a few home ed. children.
Range of reasons:
Schools just aren't catering for the children's needs
Child can't be safe in school (often ASD involved)
Mother doesn't like the curriculum/way of teaching (I don't know the father's opinion on this)
Child has been severely bullied and another place can't be found for the child elsewhere

I usually think:
"Wow, they must be organised to do that every day"
"Gosh, no time to yourself"
"I wish I had the dedication to do that"
"I don't have the patience to deal with that"

I don't judge because I don't know the whole situation - I might be more judgey on the "I don't agree with what schools teach children these days" front, but so long as the children still come out of it being able to read, write and do maths, and with reasonable logical and social skills, then it's not my business nor my problem.

"I think it's a shame for the child. They should beat school with other kids making friends."

Of all the things I think, this is almost never one of them. Mostly because the majority of home edders I know have jolly good reasons for keeping their children out of school.

As another poster said - it's worse being alone in a group of your peers than being alone at home.

In all honesty I find home schooling very precious and weird, unless there are genuine medical (severe epilepsy etc) reasons why school isn't possible. Unless there's no other option, I also find it very arrogant that someone thinks that pushing a baby out their fanjo somehow makes them a qualified teacher in all school subject areas.

I would assume the parents were either hyper religious, there was abuse going on (mainly for the weird middle of nowhere families in the,USA though), or that one parent couldn't let go of their child and had latched onto any excuse not to send them to school.
I know one home schooled person who stopped going to school for no reason and his,parents,decided well okay, we won't force the,sweetheart he knows best. He did study, but then decided not to bother taking his gcse exams for whatever reason. I think when people let their child get their own way on major issues it becomes very difficult to pull back from that.

you asked for our views!

in your situation I think pulling him out of school entirely is far too extreme. Could you speak to the school about getting him a few weeks signed off leave, and explaining to him that people need to go to school, but you are going to give him some time off to focus on his feelings. However, its not an indefinite get out clause, as school is very important.

could you perhaps have a,separate meeting with the,school to,see,if there are any other issues? His reaction sounds too extreme - could there be bulling involved? Maybe this could be something,for him to,discuss with,a,counselor.

he can't learn,that simply giving up and running,away is how to deal with problems.

In all honesty I find home schooling very precious and weird, unless there are genuine medical (severe epilepsy etc) reasons why school isn't possible. Unless there's no other option, I also find it very arrogant that someone thinks that pushing a baby out their fanjo somehow makes them a qualified teacher in all school subject areas.

I would assume the parents were either hyper religious, there was abuse going on (mainly for the weird middle of nowhere families in the,USA though), or that one parent couldn't let go of their child and had latched onto any excuse not to send them to school.
I know one home schooled person who stopped going to school for no reason and his,parents,decided well okay, we won't force the,sweetheart he knows best. He did study, but then decided not to bother taking his gcse exams for whatever reason. I think when people let their child get their own way on major issues it becomes very difficult to pull back from that.

you asked for our views!

in your situation I think pulling him out of school entirely is far too extreme. Could you speak to the school about getting him a few weeks signed off leave, and explaining to him that people need to go to school, but you are going to give him some time off to focus on his feelings. However, its not an indefinite get out clause, as school is very important.

could you perhaps have a,separate meeting with the,school to,see,if there are any other issues? His reaction sounds too extreme - could there be bulling involved? Maybe this could be something,for him to,discuss with,a,counselor.

he can't learn,that simply giving up and running,away is how to deal with problems.

I have to add I don't HE and can't imagine doing it (though I would if my child were being bullied) but I think countries that make it illegal ate horrifying and I'd never live in one.

*are

In your case (I've read your other thread) I'd be thinking that if I were you, I'd be keeping him off school for acouple ofweeks until the Easter holidays nd make the deregistering decision in a considered way over the next 4 weeks..........

Without knowing anything about the background of why someone was home educating, my first thought would be to wonder if the parents were ultra religious and wanted total control over what the child was being taught, eg disapproval of learning about evolution etc
Followed by, more rationally, I wonder what went wrong with the child's school experience.

OP, if you are concerned about other people's perceptions of HE, it's very important you know that Mumsnet is absolutely not the place to garner opinion on this.

Even though you have honest and mixed responses on this thread, Mumsnet is a (wonderfully) liberal, tolerant, left leaning place on the whole and therefore you will get many more posters being non judgemental, if not actually supportive of home education.

In RL a majority of people find the idea of HE 'weird', a majority will think you are anti establishment or anti social, someone/a family/a child who can't or won't follow social norms or processes. Or they will think you are 'religious nuts' or that there are safeguarding issues, or an SEN situation. These are all the things I hear from (perfectly nice) people whenever HE is brought up.

Personally I'm in the middle. Obviously I don't think it 'weird' but I would wonder what's going on and I would definitely not want to take my kids out of mainstream school and all the social implications unless there was very, very good reason (for me that would be physical or mental illness or very serious bullying).

Haven't read the full thread, but honestly speaking, I do feel a bit sorry for the kids, I'm afraid.

Either because their parents don't want them to go to school, typically because of some sort of agenda of their own, or because the child has been unable to cope in mainstream school and has probably had some bad experiences which pushed the parents to home ed as a last resort.

I'm a lot more suspicious of the first category than the second. I do realise that, where children are really unhappy in school, parents may feel that they have little choice.

Yes I do see your point there and that's perhaps why I don't see us homeschooling indefinitely.

I don't think of it as giving up and running away though - just doing what makes you happy.

I do smile ruefully when people are horrified at the idea - the thought! - that someone would try to be a teacher! I think the entrance requirements for a teaching degree are something like two Es at A level. I had a school friend who met her boyfriend at university and he is now a year 5 teacher. He is a perfectly lovely man and I would be happy for my child to be in his class but the idea I can't somehow emulate what he does is 'arrogant' because I 'pushed DS out of my fanjo' (why must people resort to crudeness to illustrate just how much they disagree with you?) is laughable: he has a Third in rural studies! With respect to DS, I think I am cleverer than an 8 year old!

I know some great homeschooled children.

I know others who are unable to take instructions, accept boundaries and basically do as they are told and have parents who are oblivious.

We are just starting our 4th week of home ed! We have had mostly positive responses although obviously I've no idea what people are saying behind our backs but who cares really? We have to do what we know is best for our own DCs and sod what anyone else thinks.

One very common response is "wow I could never do that myself" (and one "sounds like my worst nightmare" :o)

People do mention the social aspects but I explain the reasons we are HEing. The social side of school was far, far too much for both of my (quiet, sensitive) DCs. Hearing my 5yo say "it's too loud mummy and there's too many people" just summed it up for me. But they are already making friends in the home ed community, and seem happier in small groups than stuck with the same 30 every day.

I think the availability of home ed groups must make a big difference. I expected to need to search for things going on, but there's absolutely loads.

Even if HE kids socialise with other HE kids every day of the week, I still don't think that is anywhere near the 'normal' socialisation that children who go to school get. HE children are largely a self selecting group and you just don't get the 'microcosm' of society that you get at most schools.

I also think that having that much attention on you all the time could turn out to be a not great thing. I'm sure that good home educators allow lots of more independent learning with their kids, but I still can't see how the kids would get the same experience as the more 'in at the deep end' experience of school. I mean, in real life you don't have someone completely focused on you all the time, and childhood, school etc is supposed to be preparing you for 'real life'.

My other thought is: 'I just couldn't spend that much time with my kids!'

I don't know, I think for a short amount of time, maybe a few months, or for certain circukstances where children have a very specific set of needs, home schooling could be beneficial. But other than that, I am sceptical.

I think home schooling is fine if you are prepared to join numerous clubs sporting and otherwise so that your DC get interaction with other children and that you are mega organised. In our area there are many home schooling groups too.
What is NOT acceptable is if you are just considering this on a whim .I know some mothers who home school, as a previous poster has suggested ,just so that they don't have to get up early and as they think that the NC is not suitable for a girl! Grrrrrr

If you take into account the opportunity cost of the HEding parent working it is a pretty expensive form of education!

Honestly, I think 'poor kid' but I'm probably biased because my 3 DCs have been to great schools, which they love and they've learned so much more than just the national curriculum. I also think the parents must be quite controlling in that they think they are best-placed to educate their child and are reluctant for other adults to have that relationship.

I'm also quite jealous of that ability to set your own timetable, go out and about much more, and learn according to what interests you, rather than a nationally imposed curriculum and set of standards.

Yes, the freedom aspect must be great, though I sometimes wonder if HE'd children struggle to adapt later to the routine of a job.

I do think some people are confused that I am keeping my job while we HE, but I only need paid childcare once a week - and our CM is homeschooling her own DCs so she takes mine along to meetups etc! But that kind of response has made me feel a bit guilty like I can't possibly be doing it properly.

But I have to put those thoughts away. HE doesn't have to be 9-3 mon-fri anyway. I think it's hard to see how HE can be much quicker than school in that you don't have to wait for 30 DCs to be quiet, sit down etc and allow for walking between different classrooms etc, you just get on with it. But I'm careful not to mention that kind of thing because it sounds like I'm criticising school and I don't want to do that.

I often also mention English and maths because we will be doing that every day - it's very important to me that my DCs are confident in both (actually that was one thing I was unhappy with about school, both DCs did maths only a couple of times a week - but again, I don't mention that to people) and it seems to reassure people too as it's recognisable work IYSWIM.

Christy - by that logic you think the same of private schools, grammar schools, church schools, single sex schools, schools with a selective intake of any description, schools with a catchment area that isn't diverse?

I'm not trying to be difficult and I do know what you mean but schools aren't necessarily diverse or representative of the range of society! :)