To ask what you think when you hear a child is home educated

[turquoiseamethyst]

I suppose I am trying to gauge a range of opinions.

I am seriously - possibly definitely (definitely maybe?) going to be home schooling my 8 year old for a period of time.

I don't know why I'm worried; perhaps because it's so beyond the norm of what we have experienced before. I don't know anyone who home educates; I wasn't educated at home myself and I think I have known rather a lot of people who are very much of the view that school is all important. I've never particularly subscribed to that view but I've always wanted my children to have a 'normal' upbringing and going to school seems very much a part of that?

Does anyone have any views? As I'm going to possibly be de registering him tomorrow?

I know a number of people who home school and in their cases it's usually for conservative religious reasons, so I guess I now associate HE with people who can't bring themselves to allow their children to have a standard school experience for moral reasons. Of course I am completely aware that there are a range of different reasons people HE, but my mental association is now a religious one. I also have friends with older children they home schooled for reasons to do with the quality of local schools, and things have not turned out well for those kids despite their parents being academics and extremely well motivated.
All this is just to say that people will have expectations and you can't control that. All you can do is make absolutely sure you're doing it for the right reasons and that you have the necessary wherewithal to colour with being the one lesson responsible for everything your dc would have been getting from a school community and environment.

Good luck!

For me, two things come up primarily... and this is not intended to be patronising.

First, it is a "that is something I have learned that I can not do" thought. We have had months off of school with my DD due to medical issues, and I found myself counting the minutes until bed almost every night in the time between when she was medically stable enough for me to start working on schoolwork with her and when she was actually physically able to return to her class.

The second thought is (and I will ask if the conversation is open enough) "what brought you to this point?"

I know many families who home educate, and they are either devoutly religious and do not want the "state indoctrination" to interfere what what they teach their children (the minority) or they have children with varying special needs who, after trying and failing to have them adequately supported in a school setting, have thrown up their hands in despair and decided that the only way their child was going to be able to actually learn in a functional manner was for them to be home educated.

I wish you all the best, and hope it goes well and is received positively.

I woukdnt think much but I have had with contact with people that have home educated. I would ask you why ina social situatIon because I would be genuinely interested.

Why doesn't your ds want to go to school, out of interest? And how old is he, also out of interest?

Fair enough reason though.

I would wonder if you were deeply religious.
Or I would think something very and was happening to your dc at school and they weren't dealing with it.
Or that you were just a bit lentil-weaving.
But really you shouldn't care what I would think.

*cope not colour. Damn predictive text

Christina - in all honesty, I'm not completely sure.

From what I can gather, he is overwhelmed, worn down and traumatised after our marriage breakdown and school, on top of this, is too much. (He's 8.)

Interesting so many people associate it with religion; certainly not true here. I always thought that was more of an American thing!

Honestly, a couple based on encounter and further assumption

• socially challenging parents , pretty clicquey with other he parents, slightly superior attitude
• wow you're brave (lack of own self confidence- what if I couldn't teach th well enough)
• what was wrong with school, if it failed you and your dc will it do same for mine

Well, tbh, it just seems like they are missing out on the whole gamut of being in society. It's fine, she enjoys it, they probably do, I just wonder if they're maybe missing on out on developing relationships with other people? It might do them good to have to spend time with different types of people, learning how to get on with different types of personalities.

I dunno, I don't think anything bad in it, just that it seems rather limited. But this isn't the same as your position, since your dc has been to school and you don't seem to be planning to do it indefinitely.

I have mixed views about it. Some people home school for purely altruistic reasons and provide amazing experiences for their children and some don't preferring to indoctrinate their children with their PoV without input from others. Generally I don't think systems work for everyone so it is important to allow options for people.

I would personally struggle to facilitate HE as I WOH but if the children were suffering as part of the education 'system' I would probably consider it.

Have to accessed camhs? If he is upset by what has happened at home then giving him more time at home seems drastic.

I suppose I don't necessarily see HE as equating only spending time with a parent - I would hope that any child educated at home would still have ample opportunities to mix and play with other children?

I can see why you would think to home school your DS if he has panic attacks going into regular school. My DD went through a period of this also - severe anxiety and panic attacks going into school. Home schooling went through my mind but I was advised to work with the school on the anxiety and panic rather than remove her from it otherwise we'd never attack the real issue and she'd never learn coping mechanisms. She is doing well now with the help of the school (turns out she gets claustrophobic in certain circumstances and since her teachers are now aware of that they can help). Is home schooling really the answer for your DS? Maybe speaking to the school or a therapist would be the first port of call?

Clara it's not quite as simple as that - home as a building is not the source of the problem!

has he been to camhs? You need professional advice

I didnt mean the home as a building. I meant the adults in his life.

Frog thanks; I will if needs be be accessing therapy but at present the school are insistent he needs, well, to be at school - which is at odds with my own viewpoint. Not that there's any aminosity there, just different perspectives.

Clara no he hasn't but he may well do so.

The adult (singular) in his life is now me and I can assure you I am not doing anything untoward! The issue was with the marriage breakdown.

I think if it is best for your child, then go for it, but I don't think it is for everyone at all.

I know one friend who home schools and she has a specific reason.

In your shoes I would really want to explore why he does not want to go and try to address that in school first. Taking him out for a time may work or may make integrating him back in even harder.

There are a lot of groups you can join, home ed groups, so the child gets company but for me school (much as I dislike a lot of things about school) is the best place for most kids IMHO.

You need camhs before you decide to take him out of school. An 8 year old feeling like this needs urgent professional support- it is not usual. You need to find out what the issues actually are rather than trying to second guess it.

Get the school to refer him tomorrow. Also get the GP to refer you. Get both to stress the urgency.

When I hear that someone is doing it I feel a massive pang of jealousy/envy and somewhat guilt. If only I were brave enough, and sorted enough, and financially secure enough to HE.

I love - adore - the idea and the philosophy behind HE but I would be so shit at it, it's unimaginable. I'm glad in many ways that we live in a place where it's illegal so the choice is somewhat taken out of my hands - it alleviates the guilt!

I wouldnt think much of it. I have mixed views on HE. I have experience of HE in my family, and 2 of my friends HE. My BIL was home educated and says he felt lonely, andirectory he was active in HE groups.

My two friends who HE, think state education is the spawn of Satan. One of the kids is desperate to go to school though, and seems bored and unhappy. He needs a lot more than he is currently getting, but if friend was more active in the HE community then I am sure he would be happier.

I think my main worry with HE is socialising. My son is in reception, and watching hI'm build friendships has been wonderful. That said, if he ever had any real problems at school, I would consider HE.

Thank you Clara but it is all being dealt with. At present I am not forcing DS into school - school want DS forcing into school - lose lose, really.

It is easy to announce anyone, child or adult, needs 'professional support' but I am sure you know it's less straightforward to actually get it!

Italian, he doesn't want to go in because it is too much. That's essentially the issue. He can't focus or concentrate or manage friendships feeling as he feels at present. That's fine - school will still be there when he can manage it, I think!

What I have personally seen:

Mum who home educates smokes cigarettes all day while feral children run around the estate. Very little learning happens, and children have no discipline. She was a very poor example of home ed, but I'm sure many do it better.

If think that I hope the homeschooling involves mixing with lots of other kids. That it could be amazing if the parents is really active, switched on and organised. That for secondary school I think they will miss out too much socially/with teachers trained for specific subjects (unless lots of home ed groups I guess) but for primary it could work well as long as they get lots of play tone with other kids and interaction with other adults too.