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Home ed

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Original poster

To ask what you think when you hear a child is home educated

684 replies

turquoiseamethyst · 15/03/2015 23:19

I suppose I am trying to gauge a range of opinions.

I am seriously - possibly definitely (definitely maybe?) going to be home schooling my 8 year old for a period of time.

I don't know why I'm worried; perhaps because it's so beyond the norm of what we have experienced before. I don't know anyone who home educates; I wasn't educated at home myself and I think I have known rather a lot of people who are very much of the view that school is all important. I've never particularly subscribed to that view but I've always wanted my children to have a 'normal' upbringing and going to school seems very much a part of that?

Does anyone have any views? As I'm going to possibly be de registering him tomorrow?

OP posts:
Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 16/03/2015 00:14

I only family I know who were home educated are extremely odd now as adults. Obviously they might have been strange if they had attended school but at least they would have had a slightly more rounded education and a few more qualifications.

Op, in your circumstances it will probably be a temporary measure and it sounds like the right thing to do for a while.

Original poster
turquoiseamethyst · 16/03/2015 00:15

He does Christina yes, he is musical, likes rugby (just not football), animals - there's quite a bit but some of it is based in the next town which is twenty minutes away which isn't a lot but is after a full day at school if you see what I mean.

OP posts:
WereJamming · 16/03/2015 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
turquoiseamethyst · 16/03/2015 00:18

No, not at all Italian

I think possibly what (understandably) people don't fully appreciate is once the pressure to go to school was released he became overnight very chilled out and started opening up and talking.

I am fairly sure within the next three months we shall almost certainly move and stay in the same county but DS would be moving schools anyway so possibly I will keep him off for the rest of this academic year and, if he wishes (I think he will) start afresh in a new school in year 4.

My instinct is that he needs a fresh start, maybe we all do. I feel we need to listen to one another and reconnect really, as a family and as individuals in that family.

OP posts:
Original poster
turquoiseamethyst · 16/03/2015 00:21

Were yes and no; I think the problem with him going off sick (my first thought too!) would be that he would then feel pressurised to 'recover' and I definitely want this to be 100% his choice and no pressure whatsoever.

Then I'm not withdrawing him because I feel the school failed him - they are all lovely. I don't want to mess their attendance stats up Grin More selfishly I don't want to be fined! It's such a small rural area I want to avoid the 'I saw turquoise's DS in londis and he's meant to be ill!' comments!

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Froggio · 16/03/2015 00:21

I think it sounds perfectly reasonable now I understand the whole situation. Getting him some therapy whilst you home school him to give him that space makes sense. He's had a mini breakdown and people take time out of work for the same reason. It sounds as though you are at the end of your tether here.

morethanpotatoprints · 16/03/2015 00:23

turquoise

At the end of the school day my dd was too tired to do the one thing she loves, Music.
She wanted to practice when she was fresh and be able to travel to perform.
This was out of the question at school.
She has continued to attend all the clubs, ensembles, bands, choirs and has added some more Grin
It has been the making of her and she was happy at school and sad to move on, but she had a dream and went for it.
If she had been at all unhappy at school there would have been no alternative than to h.ed
It doesn't make any difference why they don't want to be at school in terms of education. By this I don't mean to belittle your problem and have no idea what that must be like for you.
It just seems like a no brainer if school makes them so unhappy.

Tobyjugg · 16/03/2015 00:23

We have one set of friends who did it and it seems to be going very well. One thing they did was made sure their DS joined a youth group (Scouts then he switched to the ATC) so he got to socialise with boys of his own age. He seems a well balanced, intelligent lad.

His mother (SAHM) did all the schooling.

Original poster
turquoiseamethyst · 16/03/2015 00:24

I'm not really frog; I feel surprisingly calm about it as its logical. It's more the horror with which the school have reacted that had me a bit Shock

I can understand it as DS wasn't being bullied, wasn't showing many outward signs of stress - at school at any rate, he was at home - and seemed content if quiet.

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Original poster
turquoiseamethyst · 16/03/2015 00:25

Potato, mine is musical as well. I hear all that!

Toby - scouts is a GREAT suggestion, thanks :)

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Froggio · 16/03/2015 00:30

Well I wish you and your DS good luck. I want to say "well done, good for you" but I know it sounds patronising. Smile

Original poster
turquoiseamethyst · 16/03/2015 00:31

No, not at all - I'd far rather that than be called a troll! Grin

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Sleepyhoglet · 16/03/2015 00:34

As a primary teacher, I would live to have a couple of children close together and do it. Would be amazing but I won't do it for various reasons. Something I regret and dislike about me is I'm not brave enough to make risky decision eg like leaving my steady income job

WereJamming · 16/03/2015 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
turquoiseamethyst · 16/03/2015 00:39

Were I think the problem with that would be there would be almost constant pressure on him to go back, in one form or another - and yes the 'ooh DS was out today' remarks. The size of the school mean in practice if he really wanted to he could go back - OR, I could look at getting him registered into his new school which would probably be more sensible than having him go back for a matter of weeks. I'm not sure; I'll be playing it by ear a bit I think :)

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 16/03/2015 00:43

turquoiseamethyst I hope you will get the professional help you need. You have said your ds will have therapy, so that is great.

Do you think moving will help him? I have no idea if it will or not.

It sounds quite complex and I am not sure I can really talk any further as I am not sure I have got much more to add.

Anyway, whatever you do I wish you and your son the very best.

Original poster
turquoiseamethyst · 16/03/2015 00:46

I'm not sure if it will help or not Italian - it just makes a lot of sense from a financial point of view. I am not selling this house but will be letting it out so it will still be ours, as I will explain to DS :)

Where we are moving to is still very rural but less isolated than this house which I feel will help everybody.

OP posts:
LulaMayBrown · 16/03/2015 00:50

I do find the idea of people doing HE a bit odd as I could imagine that child feeling as though they have been excluded from most life events that other children have.

However, I do have a friend who HE's her 4 DDs. She chose this because school starts here at 7.45am and the pressure of getting them all out of the door and onto the bus for 7.10 was a nightmare. Also, her eldest and 3rd DD have Aspergery-type problems so the social part of school was difficult anyway.
She seems really happy with the decision. You see loads of photos of her kids romping around in woods and being free-range. Apparently they have passed their grade exams. And because there are 4 of them quite close in age they socialise together. Personally, I think it seems a bit insular, but it works for them.

Also have another friend who was a teacher who is very Christian and HEs her 3 sons (7, 5 and 18months). They have moved around a lot so it just seemed a good idea. The boys seem really balanced and are good friends to my son. She does a lot of extra-curricular stuff with them.

For your son I do feel as though it sounds like you both need to work out which part of school is the problem, or whether this is to do with acrimony in your home life. I wonder that if you decide to pull him out of school now it will only make him more fearful of going back altogether.
I do feel that HE should be done for positive reasons ideally, rather than 'negative' ones. Perhaps discuss much more with the teachers and head teacher of your school and really be firm about an action plan?

53Dragon · 16/03/2015 00:53

I can only go by people I've known. The parents of home ed children have either been rather insecure and socially awkward or incredibly smug and self-absorbed. The children themselves have been rather odd when young but have invariably grown up into seemingly well-adjusted, successful young adults.
So I guess ultimately it's more of a reflection on the adult than the child. But as others have said - consider your decision carefully - don't rush into it.

Stratter5 · 16/03/2015 00:58

I've HE, I loved it, but I did enroll DD1 into an online school for IGCSEs. It's very liberating, and given the time over, I'd do it again.

cinders456 · 16/03/2015 00:58

In answer to your question, I feel very sorry for the children. Think theyre really missing out in so many ways. I also wonder whether some mums just want to micromanage/control their kids. Personally, I don't think it's healthy, unless there are special reasons.. ie severe bullying at school, longterm illness...

SwirlyThingAlert · 16/03/2015 00:59

Well, seeing as you asked - Grin

I'd think the parents barking mad.
I'd also be wondering how the parents would manage to teach every single subject sufficiently. Every person has a weak subject, my strengths are literacy and my weakness is Maths.
I wouldn't attempt to teach them Maths, but I'd be great at teaching linguistic skills.
How would you go about teaching EVERYTHING? You're only one person.

SwirlyThingAlert · 16/03/2015 01:00

Forgot to mention - socially I think they'd be missing out too. They need to be around children of their own age, and spend the majority of the day with their peers. Not grown ups.

inchoccyheaven · 16/03/2015 01:16

I can understand why you are considering this. My ds2 has also struggled with the separation of myself and exh and was diagnosed with depression recently and hasn't been to school at all the past few months. The psychiatrist said he wasn't ready to go back and the relief and pressure of not trying every day to battle with him has lifted. He is secondary school age.

She also said that she felt it may stem from him not wanting to be apart from me, maybe he thinks I will leave him or he is trying to protect me somehow. I don't know what is stopping him going at the moment and I am trying to get help from the school so his education doesn't suffer as I don't feel confident at all to home educate him. Good luck.

Salene · 16/03/2015 02:02

I think it's a shame for the child. They should beat school with other kids making friends.