Regretting taking kids out of school.

[apocketfulofposy]

Posting here for traffic,sorry.

I have 5 children ranging from aged 6 to 10 weeks old.

We always planned to home educate after reading a book about it when ds1 and 2 were toddlers,then when ds1 was about 4 and a half,and i was pregnant with baby number 4,i decided to give our local primary a go,partly because it was just that time where he would of been going and partly because i was finding it hard with them all at home (no family on either side for 3 hours,husband who works away monday to friday,rural ish area,i cant even drive!).

Anyway reception was ok,he liked it,made plenty of friends,dc2 and 3 went to the pre school and liked it,except dc2 had lots of issues with hitting other children and just general destructive behaviour.

When ds1 started yr1 last year he hated it from the word go,he still liked seeing his friends but he really noticed the change between mostly play to mostly lessons,plus his teacher left after a term and the new one was very strict and spoke to the children like she was some kind of prison officer.

Ds2 started reception and seemed to enjoy it but after a few weeks i was called in a few times about his hitting and destroying things,they said he just physically wasnt ready to be at schoolt hat much so put him down to half days,which was a bit of a faff for me as i was in and out all day but it was fine.It didnt seem to help though and he was behaving worse and worse at school,especially at lunchtime,but strangely his behaviour at home was getting better.

Add to this the fact i was finding it hard carting them all around everywhere and i felt crap because i kept forgetting to reply to things and i kept hearing all this micheal gove stuff,i just decided to pull them out,id been thinking about it on and off for a while and just thought do it,and id id it almost on a bit of a whim.

The first few weeks were great and we all loved the novelty of not rushing around in mornings and the kids have been playing all day,and actually one good point is that they have been getting on so much better.

But apart from that i am starting to regret taking them out,i miss the routine,i miss being able to take the babies to their groups and talking to my "mummy friends"(cringe) i miss being able to go to the shop quickly with just the double buggy,i also just dont know what to do with them,and the house is just such a mess!

I know these are'nt huge things but its starting to feel chaotic and i can feel it going back to the way it used to be,before school,and it hink i underestimated how much it did for all of us.I just dont know what to do!

Help and advice please!xxxxx

That's fine twelve I'm pleased that makes you happy.
We just prefer H.ed its enough for us. We are all different aren't we?
My 2 sons were also home ed and attended school.
We are just doing what suits atm.

If I left DD to be autonomously educated she would have a very limited education. She doesn't like maths and would choose not to do it. I think that these days it is difficult to go very far without at least a GCSE in maths.

Bunbaker

I know what you mean, I thought the same about dd with reading and writing. She was very reluctant and apart from a few lines in a diary she did no writing and didn't read for more than a year.
Now she reads and writes for pleasure, and has improved a great deal. It wasn't our intention to be autonomous, other subjects were structured from the beginning, but it was listening to folk on here that made me take the approach of leaving it to her. Now she has decided her poor spelling won't do and she has asked for lists of words and a weekly spelling test.
I still don't know if this approach would work for everybody, but all I can say is it worked for dd. If we encounter any other topics or subjects she is reluctant to do, we will do the same.

It doesn't work for all though as there are kids playing computer games all day or just doing craft.

As a parent I think you need to expose your child to all these ideas and opportunities which a good he would do naturally. Not everyone would though (returning to op?)

Goodness

Playing computer games and doing craft can be educational, I suppose it depends on what you are doing within the game.
My dd doesn't use computer games or consoles, she isn't really into them. I suppose if she hadn't been doing lots of music practice my dd might have been thought of as not doing much.
She used to do lots of baking, shopping, playing in the park etc. To many this would seem very little but it enabled her to cover many mathematical topics in a practical way. She still prefers to do maths like this now.

I agree baking shopping playing can be educational (we do a lot!), and covers some of the primary maths curriculum. Not sure it would cover secondary topics though!

I was referring more to those that were just playing on computer games and doing craft that had been referred to above. Your daughter is obviously doing a lot more than that, and most home edders would be out exploring or following the childs interests etc. However the child has to know there are things to be interested in, and given the opportunity to develop interests.

Staying at home all day every day just doing family chores/playing isn't really going to do that is it?

I think that in the early years learning through real life is often great.

It must make more sense for a child to actually go in to a shop and pay than those problems they do in school. John has 2, he buys three apples costing 10p each, how much change does he have?

However, it is difficult to cover more extensive things in dat to day life. You won't come across trig in the park!

One of the reasons our friends sent their DS (and will send all their DC) to school for sixth form, was that they felt HE had gone as far as it naturally could, and that for a deeper understanding, their DC need access to expert teaching and collegiate experience.

You can do the real life maths after school. Learn the theory and then do the practice- best of both worlds.

Come home, help cook the meal- even better when older- take over and cook the meal.

People seem to think they go into a cupboard at 3.30 and education stops!

Goodness

I think that some autonomous educators do encourage children to follow their interests, its just that they don't choose for them.
For example, we have a well stocked library with all manner of specialisms that dd can dip into whenever she likes. I don't tell her to read them, she just uses what she wants.

I don't think its a case of education stopping at 3.30, but for us its being able to have a tailor made education to utilise the time we have for education, to fit in with other activities and commitments.
I have dc who went to school and also learned outside school, they didn't go into a cupboard after school neither.

I was a non stop bookworm from about the age of 6 yrs- unfortunately it wasn't until I was about 16yrs that I was given a list of books that it was recommended that I should have read. I had had free choice in the local library all that time. I really wish that someone had given me more direction earlier. There are really good books that you don't just 'discover'.I belong to a book group and some of the best books have been ones that I wouldn't have picked up if I didn't have to or wouldn't have persevered with on my own.

My main interests are things I would never have thought about in my own. You can't pursue an interest unless you know it exists.

It's totally consistent with radical and educational unschooling to suggest things your child might enjoy. And to help them find out possibilities from other people, the internet - and yes, book groups if appropriate. It's also consistent with RU for a child to choose to take a class or go to school - if they want to.

Good-I have a feeling that OP won't find it convenient if one child wants to go to school and 4 don't. It seems a method that fits those with one child much better than those with several. If you have several children then I can see that the easy going give way.

Her kids are very young, all below the age at which formal education begins in lots of countries. Life and logistics will get easier for her & if any of her children want to go to school they'll do so having had a strong foundation in learning through play - genuine, child-led play - and strong sibling relationships, having had the chance to develop them.

And having the easy-going kids 'give way' is NOT consistent with RU, which requires the parent/s to be close to their children and know what they want and to help them get it. It's a consensual philosophy where the more rambunctious kids learn how to recognise the needs of the more easy-going and where everyone searches for win-win situations. Eg if one child wants to go to school his older brother who likes walking might take him sometimes. Or the other kids might volunteer to look after each other while Mum does the school run.

How lovely! If only life was like that with 5 children close in age!

MavisG to make that work, you'd need to be a pretty highly skilled parent/facilitator, and have very co-operative kids.

It's pretty natural for kids to fall out and be unreliable which is why although I give my older ones various tasks and chores, they don't include looking after the younger sibs unsupervised. It's not fair on ny if them.

Living consensually does help a person improve their facilitating skills and does promote cooperation from adults and children. But yeah I agree that supervision of sibs prob a bad example here with small age gap. Agreeing to go on school run would be a better one. And yes it would still be challenging for the parents sometimes, but no one has 5 children in 6 years expecting a quiet life!

I think it is positively good for them to fall out -they learn how to negotiate, how to compromise, how to fall out and make up, all within the confines of home and people who are close to them.
Some of the odder members of my relative's HE group-the ones who did the radical unschooling -had the view that siblings were supposed to be best friends. They got most upset when the theory didn't work. Two of her own children wound each other up and couldn't be left alone together. At 16 and 18yrs they suddenly appreciated each other and are best friends.
My three have always got on well-it doesn't mean it was all sweetness and light. It is perfectly normal to fall out, they learn about themselves and the world. It isn't healthy to suppress it all to please a mother with irritating expectations.

I bet all parents, of all parenting philosophies, would love a perfect world where no one was ever tired and crabby, everyone was endlessly helpful, never selfish and mean, always smiling and never throw a tantrum!
Actually, once the novelty wore off it would be very boring-rather like Stepford wives! Give me the imperfect, the sparky and argumentative any day! It is like having ill children who are so good-you just want the normal 'naughty' child back!
I am so pleased that my mother wasn't 'perfect' and expecting us all to be 'peace and love'-it would have been very trying to live with.

come on then lets round it off then.
In usual mumsnet terms.
Everybody is different and we all do whats best for our children

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