Regretting taking kids out of school.

[apocketfulofposy]

Posting here for traffic,sorry.

I have 5 children ranging from aged 6 to 10 weeks old.

We always planned to home educate after reading a book about it when ds1 and 2 were toddlers,then when ds1 was about 4 and a half,and i was pregnant with baby number 4,i decided to give our local primary a go,partly because it was just that time where he would of been going and partly because i was finding it hard with them all at home (no family on either side for 3 hours,husband who works away monday to friday,rural ish area,i cant even drive!).

Anyway reception was ok,he liked it,made plenty of friends,dc2 and 3 went to the pre school and liked it,except dc2 had lots of issues with hitting other children and just general destructive behaviour.

When ds1 started yr1 last year he hated it from the word go,he still liked seeing his friends but he really noticed the change between mostly play to mostly lessons,plus his teacher left after a term and the new one was very strict and spoke to the children like she was some kind of prison officer.

Ds2 started reception and seemed to enjoy it but after a few weeks i was called in a few times about his hitting and destroying things,they said he just physically wasnt ready to be at schoolt hat much so put him down to half days,which was a bit of a faff for me as i was in and out all day but it was fine.It didnt seem to help though and he was behaving worse and worse at school,especially at lunchtime,but strangely his behaviour at home was getting better.

Add to this the fact i was finding it hard carting them all around everywhere and i felt crap because i kept forgetting to reply to things and i kept hearing all this micheal gove stuff,i just decided to pull them out,id been thinking about it on and off for a while and just thought do it,and id id it almost on a bit of a whim.

The first few weeks were great and we all loved the novelty of not rushing around in mornings and the kids have been playing all day,and actually one good point is that they have been getting on so much better.

But apart from that i am starting to regret taking them out,i miss the routine,i miss being able to take the babies to their groups and talking to my "mummy friends"(cringe) i miss being able to go to the shop quickly with just the double buggy,i also just dont know what to do with them,and the house is just such a mess!

I know these are'nt huge things but its starting to feel chaotic and i can feel it going back to the way it used to be,before school,and it hink i underestimated how much it did for all of us.I just dont know what to do!

Help and advice please!xxxxx

Please don't take this the wrong way but......

You seem to have started the home-ed on a whim without fully researching it and being sure it was do-able in your circumstances.

You have a challenging life and seem to be switching to wherever the grass seems greenest as a solution to your life's challenges.

Sometimes in life we have to stick at something, often working medium/long term with others to sort problems to which there is no overnight quick fix.

There were children in reception with my youngest who lashed out and indeed my child stunned me by getting involved and hitting too but some children just took longer to adapt to school life and rules. Now they are in year 2 it has all settled down.

With 5 dc and some very young, I think you need to pick something, stick with it and make it work. Unless you are super disciplined and fairly organised plus have a good level of educational achievement yourself, I think school is the best option.

It does sound home ed has become more like crowd control in this case, are you managing to do any home edding at all? Tbh op, with your dp working away and you doing all the childcare, housework, cooking, shopping, home mgt, looking after several kids and home edding, it just sounds like too much for one person.

I would give school another go, if your child is hitting, deal with that behaviour , it doesn't mean school is wrong option it means they need to learn the appropriate behaviours. I think you are expecting a massive amount from yourself, esp in a rural area, not driving etc. be kind to yourself, get the children back to school and reconsider home edding in the future.

Good luck

People talk about HE needing a certain type of parent, but I think equally important is that you have the right type of children . In order to achieve anything you need pliable, engaged and, er, obedient offspring, otherwise they'll just make mincemeat of you. HE parents dress this up as all kinds of things like "child-led learning" but when all's said and done it's the children calling the tune and in the process not getting much of an education.

I'm not dissing HE - I think it can work very well indeed in the right circumstances. But in your case, OP, it sounds a bit too much. A ten-week-old baby! I couldn't sit down when dd was ten weeks old, let alone plan and deliver a lesson to ds! If your boys are rather boisterous then it might be helpful all round if you gave school another shot.

You need to get them back.

i haven’t read the whole thread yet but just to be clear i did spend the first 4 and a half years researching and thinking about home education,i decided to send them to school to try it out,and they didn’t really like it,and i found it stressful and didn’t agree with the way they were learning there so i took them out,when i say i took them out on a bit of a whim i don’t mean i just woke up one day and took them out because i couldn’t be arsed to take them in,i mean i thought about it on and off the whole time they were there and just decided to bite the bullet,i should of worded it better sorry.x

dc2 cried and clung to me every day for the first few weeks of reception. I prised him off, teacher/T.A. held on and I went to the car and cried.

You need to give things time and work with the professionals in school. Maybe give H/E another try once your youngest doesn't need so much of your time.

You only have one pair of hands and 5 children at home all day is very challenging. You must be shattered, I wouldn't personally want someone so distracted in charge of my dc's education. Do you not think you are short changing them education wise because you won't ride out the behaviour issues by working in partnership with the school.

If you're not organised enough to deal with what the kids bring home from school, notices and letters etc, how can you co-ordinate an education program for a couple of them whilst providing pre-school facilities to another couple and being mum to a relatively new-born too. IMHO - it's too much for one person and must be wearing you out which doesn't help with decision making ability re school/home ed etc.

I wasnt ever planning on doing lessons or anything really,unless they want to or they need to when they are older if they decide to take exams.

A boy my son was quite good friends with in his class was taken out a couple of weeks ago who lives on our road came round this morning and we went to the beach,it was the first thing we have done for about a week!We had a really great time and it was nice to talk to someone in the same position as me.My husbands best friend came round and finished this play centre thing my husband was halfway through building before he went into hospital,so now they are having a climb all over that whilei feed the baby.

I think i just need to plan more outings and be a bit more organized in myself,they go to bed quite early,sometimes the lder ones are asleep by 6.30-7 and they dont wake up til 8ish most mornings so i do have plenty of time i just need to use it more,although its difficult as the baby cluster feeds in the evenings.

And i feel bad for saying i regret taking them out,i dont regret it im just finding it hard and i need ways to make it easier.The kids seem a lot happier since they came out,especially ds1,so that must be something.

I think its just been a really awful week with lots of things happening all at once.

When you say you weren't planning on doing any lessons, do you have any learning plan for them? Are they reading every day etc?

Sorry but what they are doing now doesn't sound like Home Ed. Play all day is great but both you, and they, need some structure to the day, even if it's only dividing up the play sessions into chunks. Everyone would benefit from knowing when they are going to do craft, when it's time to go for a walk etc. One outing in a week is not enough either. It's difficult to know where the "education" is in all this.

Well i want them to learn naturally from the world around them,its called learning autonomously or unschooling.

I would rather we went out more than once a week too,we usually do but last week my pushchair was broken and i couldnt order the part i needed as the internet wasnt working either.We usually go out most days,depending on our mood really,sometimes its nice to have a home day.

Children will only learn so much by osmosis and observation, they do need to be led and there needs to be a plan for leading the learning.

A board with a plan for the day and materials ready to do whatever learning activity is being planned would be very useful.

Experienced school teachers don't just wing it with a cupboard full of resources at their disposal, they plan to meet a target in respect of ach child's learning. If you're going to home ed, please take some time out to plan.

Children in school only do a certain amount of learning each day, much of the rest is fun activities with a group of their friends/peers. This gives them life skills in getting on with others outside of their immediate family etc. This is where regularly meeting up with other home ed'ers would be invaluable.

I personally do need some kind of organization,with regards to the house and organizing myself,i dont feel like i need to have some kind of timetable for them,if they want to do something they can do it,within reason.

Has anyone on here Home educated?I assumed the education board would have a mixture of school and home ed parents,thats why i posted on here.No one seems to know what im on about and keep mentioning lesson plans and curriculums!

If you weren't planning any lessons then it isn't home ed is it?

It's just not taking them to school...which to be honest sounds like you are doing for your own reasons, not theirs.

Ignoring letters from the school or taking them out of it won't fix anything, it's just ignoring any problems. Not a good idea.

I think you need to understand im not trying to do school at home,its still education but its completley different to what goes on at school.

Schools do use their grounds and away days too, plus we as parents facilitate the learning naturally from the world around them. Being in school is not mutually exclusive with this type of learning if parents are prepared to be actively involved in their child's education

antiabz-so unless you are at a desk being spoon fed information,its not education?

Haven't read all the replies but definitely start a thread on the HE board. I HE my four and whilst it has it's downs it is mainly filled with ups!
You don't have to miss out on things- it's just a matter of re assessing etc. Hope to see you on the other board

apocket, as someone has said above there is only so much 'education' children can get from play. Do your older children naturally like to sit and read?

No I don't believe a desk is necessary, but even just some kind of loose idea of what they should/need to be learning would be good. To be honest it just sounds like you are just going to let them run around the house and call it 'learning'

I'm not having a go just can't see how what you have planned would work. Are they never going to take exams? What kind of uncompetitive jobs are open to them without any formal qualifications?

Oops meant to say OP, that we are autonomous

apocketfullofposy - I'd ask for this to be moved to the home ed section, as instead of having your questions answered, you are ending up just explaining and justifying your education method. Not what you need at the mo surely.

not lesson plans no, but a plan of how to ensure they meet educational milestones so that they are not disadvantaged by your preference not to put them in formal schools.

Imagine if your child suddenly asks to go to school, (this is not unheard of for a home ed child), you presumably don't want them to be behind their peers with whom they will, in the long term, be competing for jobs. If you end up having to go back to work for whatever reason and home ed'ing is no longer financially possible, integration back into formal school will be much harder/less agreeable if you ignore the standards of attainment expected of children generally in the UK.

How do you expect them to learn to read? To do the basic maths we do every day?

They won't learn that going on outings or by osmosis. They need to be taught and you need to do it. HE isn't a soft option, it's hard and requires commitment, discipline and organisation.

I'm not meaning 'lessons' or 'lesson plans' - I'm thinking about things like doing sums or 'puzzles' when out on a walk... 'I had 15 buns and gave 6 away, how many have I got left... and if I divided the remaining ones up between 3 of you, how many buns would you have' etc. And reading poems and reading stories together, and going to the library and getting books out on things that they want to know about, and looking at maps and drawing etc etc etc...

YY, mistlethrush. That's what my HEing friend does. It doesn't sound at all like what the OP does.