Regretting taking kids out of school.

[apocketfulofposy]

Posting here for traffic,sorry.

I have 5 children ranging from aged 6 to 10 weeks old.

We always planned to home educate after reading a book about it when ds1 and 2 were toddlers,then when ds1 was about 4 and a half,and i was pregnant with baby number 4,i decided to give our local primary a go,partly because it was just that time where he would of been going and partly because i was finding it hard with them all at home (no family on either side for 3 hours,husband who works away monday to friday,rural ish area,i cant even drive!).

Anyway reception was ok,he liked it,made plenty of friends,dc2 and 3 went to the pre school and liked it,except dc2 had lots of issues with hitting other children and just general destructive behaviour.

When ds1 started yr1 last year he hated it from the word go,he still liked seeing his friends but he really noticed the change between mostly play to mostly lessons,plus his teacher left after a term and the new one was very strict and spoke to the children like she was some kind of prison officer.

Ds2 started reception and seemed to enjoy it but after a few weeks i was called in a few times about his hitting and destroying things,they said he just physically wasnt ready to be at schoolt hat much so put him down to half days,which was a bit of a faff for me as i was in and out all day but it was fine.It didnt seem to help though and he was behaving worse and worse at school,especially at lunchtime,but strangely his behaviour at home was getting better.

Add to this the fact i was finding it hard carting them all around everywhere and i felt crap because i kept forgetting to reply to things and i kept hearing all this micheal gove stuff,i just decided to pull them out,id been thinking about it on and off for a while and just thought do it,and id id it almost on a bit of a whim.

The first few weeks were great and we all loved the novelty of not rushing around in mornings and the kids have been playing all day,and actually one good point is that they have been getting on so much better.

But apart from that i am starting to regret taking them out,i miss the routine,i miss being able to take the babies to their groups and talking to my "mummy friends"(cringe) i miss being able to go to the shop quickly with just the double buggy,i also just dont know what to do with them,and the house is just such a mess!

I know these are'nt huge things but its starting to feel chaotic and i can feel it going back to the way it used to be,before school,and it hink i underestimated how much it did for all of us.I just dont know what to do!

Help and advice please!xxxxx

Hello word

I wasn't ignoring your question, I've only just read it.
Its a specialist music school that will fit dd like a glove, she is really looking forward to it.
Lots of people H.ed for different lengths of time, and if it wasn't this particular school she would remain H.ed, she has told us this

My BiL got expelled from his specialist music school... luckily it was after he'd finished taking his exams.

mistlethrush

What did he do, or daren't I ask?

They DO have a policy and consistency - the 2007 Guidelines - but they tend to interpret them very loosely so they can still stick to their own paths on HE.

My LA asked for parent consultation on their new policy document, and they made relevant changes to the draft so that it adhered to the law and 2007 Guidelines. Then they sent it to print with additional pages, unseen to anyone, that contradicted the rest of the document, and disseminated it to all their home educators. Now that's bad practice.

Yep, I know two people who were chucked out of specialist music schools for not making the cut. It's a very harsh world.

I think that there was a fire...

It must be like herding cats for the school staff...

Oh - and he did make the cut - and is a professional musician now in a very elite area...

All those free spirits, eh, mistlethrush?

Martorana

We visit on a weekly basis as we attend the free lunch time concerts before choir practice. Dh is a visiting specialist and the atmosphere is friendly and supportive. We have also met several parents and children from the school and family friends attend too.
Dh is one of the teachers of the new YMOTY, who attend the school and whilst competition outside the school is strongly encouraged it isn't really accepted within it, unless of course its healthy.
We will wait and see if she is still so enthusiastic in a couple of years.
Or if she would rather continue H.ed.

Specialist music school or not it is still above all things an institution.

It adheres to a very strict time table with little flexibility.

And the pupils live in that institution, obeying the institution rules. They get up when they're told. Eat breakfast when they're told. Study biology when they're told... that is how boarding school works.

word

I appreciate this, I was just saying what type of school it is.
She would go tomorrow if it was practical and we thought she was ready, she can't wait to go. However, her view is if she doesn't go here, then she doesn't want to go anywhere.
It is her choice and we will support her choices as long as they make her happy.

No I get that.
And given her obvious musical talent, I would imagine it will be great.

But it just seems so at odds with everything you think about school and qualifications and wotnot.

word

I just don't think that quals are the be all and end all. My argument was always about people gaining admission to uni's and colleges without formal quals, and indeed that if somebody wasn't capable of sitting GCSE's they haven't ruined their chances.
I'm still not in favour of the many that some schools insist on, my eldest son took 12/13 if I remember correctly and ds2 took 12.
I don't have anything against schools tbh and have repeatedly stated that dd was happy whilst at school, she was there from yr to end of y3.
Being at home has just given her more options with time and the flexibility to pursue her interests.
I do still prefer the life of H.ed for dd and it does fit far better than school in general. But I agree this is a personal preference and not for everybody.

Please, please don't give people the impression that it's easy- or even often possible- to get into university with no formal qualifications. I know it happens - but only in incredibly exceptional cases. Honestly. And the a University would have to really, really want you for some reason.

There are loads of things you can do with no or few formal qualifications- but loads more you can't. And people who say airily "oh, they can always get them later if they need them" -well, yes they can. But it's soooo much harder!

Martorana, I agree with you and would add that formal learning does become more difficult with age. The idea that you can waft into a university with no qualifications and stun them with your presence lacks any credibility.

I think that a lot of HEers over estimate their DCs capabilities because, unless they have a lot of experience, they have nothing to compare. I have watched quite a few start by thinking that their child is quite exceptional but coming to realise that they are fairly average.

Do many people home Ed because they prefer that educational philosophy to school, rather than because school doesn't suit their DC in some way? Most of the posters on here/elsewhere, seem to have DC with different needs e.g. talents to pursue that take a lot of time, or SEN, G&T...

"Martorana, I agree with you and would add that formal learning does become more difficult with age"

I don't agree with this- particularly with HE children. Those that succeed academically- and I include myself in this group- have to have learned pretty good study skills. My school educated children while not the spoon fed sheep some might see them as, are carried along by their academic peer group to some extent- my dd is writing an essay tonight because her friends are- it's much harder to motivate yourself if you are probably the only one of your friends doing that particular task. And that is what HE kids have to do.

Bronya I think eyfs & focussing on play should extend to 7 as it does in many countries. That is why we home educate our (nt, not unusually gifted) 5yo, but the more older HE'd kids we get to know, the more I suspect we'll continue unless or until our kids choose school.

Martians, It's not study skills, it's other factors. your concentration span reduces from age 20 onwards. Plus it is harder to learn language skills, maths and music as an adult. If you are going to excel in those subjects, the groundwork needs to have been laid T an early age.

Thanks Crabby.

What I really like about the schooling approach is the view of the child as basically, well, well-intentioned, for lack of a better way of saying it. The idea that they want to acquire knowledge and develop their thinking, and become informed. It's certainly a view that I recognise when I think of the young people I know.

Have we scared the OP away?

I think so.. she's not been around much lately. Mind you, if I had 5 children under 7 including a 10 week old baby, I'm not sure I would be hanging around with a bunch of people who she doesn't think are remotely supportive of HE...

"Do many people home Ed because they prefer that educational philosophy to school, rather than because school doesn't suit their DC in some way? Most of the posters on here/elsewhere, seem to have DC with different needs e.g. talents to pursue that take a lot of time, or SEN, G&T..."

Among my friends are people who fit into each of the camps you describe. There are some people like me who belong to both. I became interested in home education because I preferred the educational approach. I do like what home ed does for my older (NT) child. She'd cope OK at school though. However, I would be guaranteed to froth at the mouth if anyone suggested that school would be the best place for my younger child, who has special needs. So I guess I rant more post more often on that subject.

Besides, it is a quicker and easier conversation to have. Most people recognise that school can be a poor fit for some children with special needs. Not so many would acknowledge readily that even average children might benefit from learning in a nontraditional way.

Don't think it is study skills that make it harder to get qualifications later on, it is economic reasons and responsibilities and a general lack of time. It is so much easier to get them at the time that the majority get them.
I only know 2 adults who were HEed as children and both really regret not having got qualifications early.
One needed them to progress in his job and he got them, but he had to do OU at the same time as holding down a job and having a young family. The other never found the right time, she was having to earn money, then had children and never made the right moment because each time she might have done something appeared to get in the way.