Regretting taking kids out of school.

[apocketfulofposy]

Posting here for traffic,sorry.

I have 5 children ranging from aged 6 to 10 weeks old.

We always planned to home educate after reading a book about it when ds1 and 2 were toddlers,then when ds1 was about 4 and a half,and i was pregnant with baby number 4,i decided to give our local primary a go,partly because it was just that time where he would of been going and partly because i was finding it hard with them all at home (no family on either side for 3 hours,husband who works away monday to friday,rural ish area,i cant even drive!).

Anyway reception was ok,he liked it,made plenty of friends,dc2 and 3 went to the pre school and liked it,except dc2 had lots of issues with hitting other children and just general destructive behaviour.

When ds1 started yr1 last year he hated it from the word go,he still liked seeing his friends but he really noticed the change between mostly play to mostly lessons,plus his teacher left after a term and the new one was very strict and spoke to the children like she was some kind of prison officer.

Ds2 started reception and seemed to enjoy it but after a few weeks i was called in a few times about his hitting and destroying things,they said he just physically wasnt ready to be at schoolt hat much so put him down to half days,which was a bit of a faff for me as i was in and out all day but it was fine.It didnt seem to help though and he was behaving worse and worse at school,especially at lunchtime,but strangely his behaviour at home was getting better.

Add to this the fact i was finding it hard carting them all around everywhere and i felt crap because i kept forgetting to reply to things and i kept hearing all this micheal gove stuff,i just decided to pull them out,id been thinking about it on and off for a while and just thought do it,and id id it almost on a bit of a whim.

The first few weeks were great and we all loved the novelty of not rushing around in mornings and the kids have been playing all day,and actually one good point is that they have been getting on so much better.

But apart from that i am starting to regret taking them out,i miss the routine,i miss being able to take the babies to their groups and talking to my "mummy friends"(cringe) i miss being able to go to the shop quickly with just the double buggy,i also just dont know what to do with them,and the house is just such a mess!

I know these are'nt huge things but its starting to feel chaotic and i can feel it going back to the way it used to be,before school,and it hink i underestimated how much it did for all of us.I just dont know what to do!

Help and advice please!xxxxx

Exactly Tamer- not to mention school is free. Having to do these courses later at college costs money.

I much prefer the way my relative did it. Two of the children 'dipped their toes in the water' by picking a few subjects that really interested them for GCSE and flexie schooled by going in just for those lessons, helped by the fact that they had retained good links with LEA, the third elected not to do any. They all went into 6th form full time, even the youngest decided he needed A'levels. The school had already had his brothers and so were quite happy to have him. They then did all the exams for free, had expert help in UCAS forms and a good social life. They were all in track for their age group. One was a year behind ,but then many take a gap year so he still fitted in. It was all out of the way so that they only need further study from personal choice and not necessity.

The school was very helpful, even said that they didn't need to wear uniform for the GCSE classes, although they elected to because they didn't want to stand out but then it was very basic anyway and it wasn't a blazer and tie uniform. 6 th form didn't have one.

Bornya there aren't any studies as far as I'm aware, but when the Badman review was underway and galvanizing HEers to come together more formally, it was clear to me that

a. the numbers are small
b. most HEers have tried school, but removed their DC due to unresolved bullying, SEN provision, G&T etc.

I think things have changed even in the last couple of years. DD's school, for example, won't entertain any students joining the sixth form unless they have at least 5 GCSEs, including maths and English. Anyone with less than that has to go to the local 6th form college in town.

That is where keeping in with LEA was helpful. It was a small town, there was nowhere else to go. I think they would have had to travel about 24 miles for an alternative. The only other school in the town wouldn't entertain the idea of flexie schooling.

Our secondary won't accept 6th formers with no formal qualifications either. It has strict entrance requirements. No school around here do flexi schooling either- I know because my friend was recently looking into it for her children- she is worried beacause her DD now 10 and HE up to this point can't read or write and refuses to be taught by her Mum. She has mostly been concentrating on craft up till now which is her thing.

My friend's son had to go to a private school for A levels as no local state school woul dtake him without GCSEs.

The FE colleges would have but whilst they're excellent for vocationasl courses, the A level teaching there is below par.

No flexi schooling round here either- which is such a shame. I know because I have recently tried to help a couple of families organise it- but we just hit a brick wall. In My Glorious Reign, flexi schooling will be so common nobody will think twice about it. And it will be easy to attend two different schools for different things as well.

I expect they would have hit a brick wall if they had been anti working with LA,but since they had such a good relationship with inspectors they had 'good words' put in. The smaller school wouldn't risk it, they were keen to keep their league table position and the Head couldn't take in that HE was a choice and children could be bright!
It is where I think friendliess and openness pays. You might not need it now - but who knows for the future? It was not exactly onerous- tea and cake a couple of times a year at times to suit them.

It would be nice Matorana, but a long way off! Schools are tightening up, as in no term time holidays, they are not relaxing.

It was nothing to do with their relationship with the LEA. They hit a brick wall because flexi schooling is not an option.

In my case it was precisely because they had the good relationship. It wasn't an option before they tried it- it had never been done. Had they not been known to the LA they would never have got it.

I agree a good relationship with the LA can help, but that still doesn't mean having to meet with them if you don't want to. I haven't had a formal home visit to check on my education provision for four years, but I still have a positive relationship by email and for other reasons.

Tbh, the most benefit my son has had from the LA hasn't been due to my relationship with the EHE team, because they're pretty rubbish generally, but from the way I've worked with the SEN team. In any walk of life, you will generally catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, but good responses are far from guaranteed. One can but try.

I have been known to oil the bureaucratic wheels with cake, from time to time - it all helps .

I still remember how excited I used to be when the inspector was coming- I think it was an HMI in those days. Looking back on it, I suppose my parents must have been shitting bricks- but I just loved an opportunity to show off to another grown up. I can remember forcing them to eat cakes I had made, listen to me play instruments, read stories I had written........the poor people had to stay for hours!

Disclaimer- I am fully aware that the past is another country, things are different now, and that a child less repellent than me might well have found the experience excruciating. almost as excruciating as the inspector did in my house

ha ha martorana, I went to school but i was exactly the same sort of child as you, and looking back i can see how adults must have cringed around me

just found this - probably everything useful has been said.

my SIL2 has 9 (now aged between 16 - 2).
She has always homeschooled them and very much prefers the structure she (and BIL2) created.
they live in Belgium, if that matters.

I don't think I could HS. I need kids-free time.
she feels she gets that in the evenings.

I think being able to HS and do it well depends on so many factors - if it doesn't work put them back in school.

and congrats on new baby!

It just helps to be pleasant and keep people on your side. From the inspectors point of view if they have had a long, friendly relationship-not to mention cake-they are prepared to go the extra mile when you want something, like flexie schooling. If you have been antagonistic, seen them as the enemy, without even giving them the benefit of the doubt, and refused to let them even put a name to a face they are hardly likely to make much effort if you finally decide you want something. I help polite, friendly, smiley people-the other sort I ignore or if I am in a position where I am obliged to help they will get the bare minimum.
OP has 5 children under 7yrs and yet specifically said that she doesn't want support!

Well, if the people you're cooperating with aren't much good at their jobs, haven't the information to give and don't know where to find it, and don't intend to support you, it won't matter how much cake you chuck their way because you still won't get anything back from them! Unfortunately that's the state of affairs with many of the LA staff working to 'support' EHE. With those LAs (and it does seem to be the majority), you'll never have them 'on your side', no matter how hard you try to foster positive relationships.

And the families I'm talking about could have made the entire education department a 24 course taster menu - they still wouldn't have got flexi schooling.....

Flexischooling, in any case, is at the discretion of the headteacher. The LA may help to pave the way but if the headteacher refuses, they cannot insist it happens.

How does flexi schooling work with primary schools?

Given that most primary schools don't work to timetables it is pretty difficult just to drop in for certain subjects.

How can a child who is flexi-schooled hope to keep up the the syllabus?

Pretty impossible in primary schools-they like the flexibility that HEers have and they don't want to be tied down to doing Maths at 9.30 in the morning-they may be in the thick of a history project and want to do the Maths in the afternoon, another teacher may want to swap hall times.
I can only see that it would be frustrating for the class and the flexi child.
I wouldn't think it at all fair that 29 children and a teacher have to lose their flexibility to allow one child to be flexible.
It would be OK if the child just chose a day and took pot luck but they would have groups, be half way through things and have to waste time fitting one child in and getting them up to speed.
I can't see why anyone would want to use that option.

'Most primary schools don't work to timetables'? The school day starts and ends at given times, there are scheduled breaks and periods of learning overseen by a member of staff, who is scheduled to work with a specific class or group at a given and usually regular (i.e. same time every week) time. That's pretty timetabled. On my planet. What an odd comment? Can you literally not imagine figuring out a way keeping abreast of what the child is doing in school?

With flexi schooling, the school is almost always in charge of the learning programme - it can't really be any other way. I've only heard of a few instances of it working successfully for both parties.

I've also never come across any primary schools that didn't work to quite a strict timetable. When my son was in school I always had a fair idea of what subjects they were doing each day. It would be pretty chaotic otherwise.