Regretting taking kids out of school.

[apocketfulofposy]

Posting here for traffic,sorry.

I have 5 children ranging from aged 6 to 10 weeks old.

We always planned to home educate after reading a book about it when ds1 and 2 were toddlers,then when ds1 was about 4 and a half,and i was pregnant with baby number 4,i decided to give our local primary a go,partly because it was just that time where he would of been going and partly because i was finding it hard with them all at home (no family on either side for 3 hours,husband who works away monday to friday,rural ish area,i cant even drive!).

Anyway reception was ok,he liked it,made plenty of friends,dc2 and 3 went to the pre school and liked it,except dc2 had lots of issues with hitting other children and just general destructive behaviour.

When ds1 started yr1 last year he hated it from the word go,he still liked seeing his friends but he really noticed the change between mostly play to mostly lessons,plus his teacher left after a term and the new one was very strict and spoke to the children like she was some kind of prison officer.

Ds2 started reception and seemed to enjoy it but after a few weeks i was called in a few times about his hitting and destroying things,they said he just physically wasnt ready to be at schoolt hat much so put him down to half days,which was a bit of a faff for me as i was in and out all day but it was fine.It didnt seem to help though and he was behaving worse and worse at school,especially at lunchtime,but strangely his behaviour at home was getting better.

Add to this the fact i was finding it hard carting them all around everywhere and i felt crap because i kept forgetting to reply to things and i kept hearing all this micheal gove stuff,i just decided to pull them out,id been thinking about it on and off for a while and just thought do it,and id id it almost on a bit of a whim.

The first few weeks were great and we all loved the novelty of not rushing around in mornings and the kids have been playing all day,and actually one good point is that they have been getting on so much better.

But apart from that i am starting to regret taking them out,i miss the routine,i miss being able to take the babies to their groups and talking to my "mummy friends"(cringe) i miss being able to go to the shop quickly with just the double buggy,i also just dont know what to do with them,and the house is just such a mess!

I know these are'nt huge things but its starting to feel chaotic and i can feel it going back to the way it used to be,before school,and it hink i underestimated how much it did for all of us.I just dont know what to do!

Help and advice please!xxxxx

att - I agree with you, and there's arguments here that its ok to let them play minecraft all day....

I think its different when they're practising instruments/ ballet school/ I guess. But they still need something to fall back on (albeit music teacher/ ballet teacher).

I know one boy who alternated spending all day in his room playing computers and uneblievable religious education materials. I'm not sure how he's turned out but I don't think it was better for him than school. Lovely well qualified parents etc.

martorana

Other instruments, she plays 5 including singing.
Some of this time is playing duets with dh or me if I'm feeling brave

I don't want to carry on an argument but you started on what you used to teach, morethanpotatoprints - I was merely responding. You appear to be taking general comments very personally. Lots of people want to work in offices- or to be precise jobs that need office space- and a lot of those are creative and even if they are not lots of people want to work with accounting, computers, research etc they are in no way inferior to jobs that don't involve offices. Everyone is different.

Goodness

I don't agree with falling back tbh, when somebody is so driven, something to fall back on is accepting defeat to them.
I know some very distinguished talented musicians, teaching was never something to fall back on. It was what they did/do when they had reached the pinnacle of their career and were revered at specialist level. When they were internationally recognised.

There is the other school of music teachers though Morethan - the least talented player out of a quartet I had at University went on to be the only one that actually taught.

Anyway, I came on to ask Crabby: why did you start and why will you stop HE your DD?

Hi Sparkly. I took DD out of school because I wanted to see whether she'd be happier educated at home. She was always a quirky kid but she was happy at infant school and it would never have occurred to me to take her out then. When she moved up to juniors it was quite a change and she seemed to be angry and unhappy such a lot of the time. I wasn't wildly happy with the school for various reasons but it seemed the lesser of two evils compared with the other primary in the area. When she went into Y4 after the summer holidays I noticed such a dramatic change in her mood and deterioration in her behaviour that I seriously considered HE for the first time. I chickened out because it was a 'good' school according to ofsted and very oversubscribed, so I was concerned that if I tried HE and it was a disaster, then her school place would have been filled and we'd be stuck. Two months later and ofsted judged the school inadequate and put them into special measures... I figured there'd probably be a place available after all so we might as well give HE a go.

I think we're doing ok with the learning overall but I constantly doubt myself and feel I should be doing more/less/differently/whatever. I worry that it's a bit haphazard, whilst simultaneously liking the fact that we can be so flexible. Today's learning stemmed from a visit to the dentist this morning (which she's hysterically petrified by); we studied the fight or flight response and why she was experiencing all these physiological effects. We spent all morning on that, incorporating a bit of maths too - taking her pulse and then working out how many times her heart beats, on average, in an hour, day, year etc. Some days it feels like much more of a slog or it's a struggle to fit the learning in around the social stuff she does.

We went and had a look around the local secondary school in the autumn and were really impressed with the facilities. We decided to give it a go and applied for a place but DD was getting increasingly anxious about it as the months went by and so was I - I just couldn't visualise her coping with the social and practical sides of secondary, and the level of self-organisation needed. She was diagnosed with Aspergers last year and she finds transitioning between activities pretty tricky. To have to stop what she's doing once an hour, pack up all her stuff and change rooms/teachers/subjects... I think she'd really struggle with that. The social side of things is even more of a worry, for various reason, and I was worried about how that would affect her mental health/wellbeing. She has a really lovely groups of similarly aged HE friends now and they accept her for who she is without any bitchiness or peer pressure. She's a vastly happier child than she was two years ago and I would hate to see that change.

I do think that a good school with good teachers has an enormous amount to offer, especially subject specialist teachers. I'd have liked her to benefit from that, and from the facilities the school has. If the price for that is a stressed and unhappy DD though, it's not a price worth paying. The educational welfare officer from my local LA is very happy with her progress and is of the opinion that she'd be happier and do better being HE than in secondary. That was a big vote of confidence for me that we're making the right choice for her.

When will I stop HE? Well at the moment it looks as though it'll be right through to GCSE level, which I find pretty terrifying, frankly. It's doable, and doable well, but it takes lots of commitment and it's not cheap either - tutors are bloody expensive. I'm glad she's got a peer group of HE kids as hopefully we'll be able to club together for tutor groups later on. I've just started up a science club for her and some friends, which I'm quite nervous about (fucking terrified actually - it starts tomorrow ). I feel like I've got to up my game a bit lot now she's approaching secondary age. The HE kids I know of who are aged 14 - 16 are in tutor groups for various subjects. They can do GCSEs from age 14 at the local FE college too, I think.

Did that answer your question?

morethan I notice you still haven't addressed the issue of boarding school.

How is your DD goingto remain a free spirut when you send her boarding in a few years time? How does this remotely fit into your educational philosophy?

Crabby - I can totally understand why you are HE. I can see why your daughter is better off being HE too. And the fact that you are meeting up with a HE group and running science club etc just underlines your commitment to it - you are really working at making it work. This seems to be the best way of getting an education for your daughter. You do seem to have embraced HE more than the OP.

I understand why crabby is doing it and am sure it is best for her DD. Cooperating with the LA is a huge plus and the fact that she constantly questions herself as to should she be doing less/more/differently is very healthy - it is the ones who are so sure they are right that are worrying.
Just as a parent I constantly wonder if I have it right and try to be better.

How is cooperating with the LA a huge plus?

I don't see co operating with the LEA as a huge plus. However I see it as a sensible thing to do not to waste huge amounts of time regarding them as the enemy and planning what to do when and if somebody wants to visit.

It is a huge plus because they were very pleased with her progress, it was a huge confidence boost that no one else could have given her in quite the same way. She can now go to them for help, will be able to get advice to access things that she might wish to access in the future. My relative has an excellent relationship with her LA, the inspector popped in for a chat and got tea and cake the children made. If she hd a problem he could help her deal with it, e.g resources and advice for her dyslexic child. When her children wished to go into the 6th form he eased the way, not all schools want to admit children with no track record. It also enabled them to flexie school for some GCSEs- that is much more difficult to do than slot into full time.
It pays to have a good relationship.
A lot of her group were very antagonistic and wouldn't cooperate in any way. They never found out what he was like.
You get much further with friendliness IMO
Crabby has nothing to prove, she is doing the best for her DC and it is sensible to get everyone on your side.

Perhaps sensible was a better word than plus.

Ok, thanks

Not all LAs are helpful, or knowledgeable. Some are actively antagonistic and hostile to home educators, so in some cases it's wise to be cautious and avoid their involvement as they can be harmful.

I have a very good relationship with my LA but that's because I HE in a way they approve of (structured and recorded). I have asked them for advice in the past and they haven't known where to start. They make promises and break them. I wouldn't trust them as far as I can spit. I play their game as far as I need to and it keeps them at arm's length.

It only works in someone like Crabby's case where they are HEing, I don't think it matters two hoots that it isn't like school and you are not following a curriculum, timetable etc. my relative did nothing in a conventional, traditional way- that was why they were not at school.
However if you are a radical unschooler there is no point- no one in the LA is going to buy into playing computer games and learning about things themselves when and if they want to. I should think you want to steer clear.

Sorry- steer clear if you are a radical unschooler.

An unschooler would need to weigh up the situation carefully- it might not be sensible.

You're not listening, TamerB. Some LAs are hostile towards home educators regardless of their educational approach. Structured or unschooling isn't relevant. It's HE itself that these LAs don't get.

But even if they don't "get" it, thy can't stop you. They may not be (often aren't) any help, and are therefore best ignored.

That's true, Martorana - they can't stop you home educating as long as they are satisfied that 'an education' is taking place, whatever form it may take. But they can make life quite difficult in some cases, by insisting on meetings, written evidence of work etc, even though these aren't required in law. It can be far easier for parents to opt to have no contact at all, rather than field unwanted attention, especially if they have several children to HE.

I can understand why some home educators refuse to meet LAs, (including structured, semi-structured, and autonomous). There seems to be so much disparity from region to region, with their following the LA guidelines for EHE. Many simply don't.

I agree some don't get it. An example I always remember was a friend who used to do HE visits with an EWO. She was of the opinion that some home educators did a marvellous job, some not so good, but all of them would be better off in a school.

Yes with a troublesome LA, it can be (at best) irksome, and at worst (I'd imagine), damaging, stressful and time consuming to deal with. You hear stories of people having to write letter after letter reminding LAs of the law.

Fair enough if you have met them to form an opinion. The chap my relative had as inspector would have like to have HEed his own, but circumstances didn't allow. Many people didn't find out he was a friend because they classed him as the enemy without meeting him.
I find that in life in general the friendly approach gets you much further.

I would agree that LEAs need a policy and consistency -and need to put in sympathetic inspectors.