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Original poster

Husband and I are going away for a week... how much to pay the babysitter?

394 replies

LondonLisa · 10/02/2010 12:02

My husband and I will be going on our first holiday away from our 22-month-old daughter. We have someone from her nursery staying with her for the 7 days we are away. This will mean the sitter will take our daughter home from nursery (6-ish) and stay all night and bring her to nursery the next day. Repeat. This will also overlap 2 weekends.
Any idea what fair pay would be? I don't want to skimp but I also don't want to be... ostentatious, if that makes sense.
We usually pay this sitter £8/hr if that helps.
Any suggestions are appreciated.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 10/02/2010 13:29

They're being real f*ckwits at the HO, Kew.

I had indefinite leave to remain when the girls were born, so they asked for all this additional paperwork.

Then they sent back the younger one's supporting documents, including the marriage certificate.

Then sent a letter rejecting her application, because they need the marriage certificate.

Mind you, all three applications were submitted at the same time, via Check and Send, complete with a letter stating the marriage certificate was to pertain to the girls' applications (I was a British national when DS was born).

So now I have to wait for the documents to get back to me. Then send them back to the Home Office.

FFS.

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 10/02/2010 13:30

i really do enjoy spending time with my kids, i cannot imagine going on holiday without them, it would seem mean. maybe if i had enough dosh to go on holiday more than once a year...? hmm. nope. not for me tbh. quite happy to go away with family and let them play with their gps and aunties etc, but the idea of poncing them into some creche or other isn't intrinsically better than leaving them with a nursery nurse imo. maybe i'll see the point more as they get older but no, not yet.

Original poster
LondonLisa · 10/02/2010 13:31

This isn't a wind-up and the trip is not until the late fall. We have known the woman who will be caring for our daughter since she was 4 months old and I trust her implicitly. She is not a random babysitter I found online, she has a relationship with us and my daughter is extremely fond of her. To me she is no different than leaving her with a family member (yes, I am paying her, I know).
Thanks to those of you who are defending me and giving me useful advice.
I do take on board the well-meaning comments about leaving her for a couple of nights first, that's a great idea.
The place we are going is a camping-type of situation so there is really no option of a creche, unfortunately.
I should add that this holiday was a gift, not one we planned specifically to leave our daughter behind. Doubt that matters to most of you though.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 10/02/2010 13:31

Oh, they rejected DD1's photo, too.

This is the second time.

And they send back DS's supporting documents last week.

But I still have no effing British passport for him.

If they don't sort all this out by 30 March, I'm going to keep the entire dossier of receipts, copies of applications, letters, and when we return to the UK and they ask where their British passports are, I'm going to tell them the Home Office had over 2 months to process them, but continually f*cked up, and will appeal any fine.

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 10/02/2010 13:32

22-month-olds love camping, lisa.

morningpaper · 10/02/2010 13:32

Can I suggest a holiday with childcare options? That would seen perhaps a better arrangement?

Ilovemybed · 10/02/2010 13:32

LondonLisa, I did this with ds at that kind of age and left him with grandparents (for 8 days). On reflection it was too long. I wish we had gone Saturday-Wednesday say. We did have a wonderful holiday but ds stopped eating and sleeping. I felt awful on return. I thought he'd be fine as he was with his beloved Nana / my mum. I think my mum was a bit upset that he was so upset IYSWIM.

Anyway, I think you should go away but I would suggest a long weekend instead.

Also I failed to buy my mum a present to say 'thank you' becuase I didn't really see how any object would sufficently say 'thank you' but she thought I couldn't be bothered and had a massive strop. Between that and ds's reaction my memories of the holiday are kinda of tainted.

HTH

morningpaper · 10/02/2010 13:33

If it was a gift from someone who didn't realise you had a child, then you need to explain it to them.

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 10/02/2010 13:35

mp. v true.

Kewcumber · 10/02/2010 13:35

Many sympathies Expat - I bound DS's UK adoption application with all relevant documents (all notarised copies becuase I didn't trust them with originals of irreplaceable KAz ocuments) together with a index.

They still managed to lose some and get the otehrs out of order.

TheFallenMadonna · 10/02/2010 13:36

Well, I like going on holiday with mine too. Which is why it's camping for the foreseeable future for us . But I'm off to a swanky hotel with DH for a few nights soon, without children, and I certainly do not wish they were coming with us at all. Much as I love them and love their company. And the "I enjoy spending time with my children" line (my emphasis) really does make my teeth itch.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2010 13:36

Our holidays are of the self-catering caravan variety, so no childcare issues.

It's just something I thought you sort of suck up if you've not got family about.

The weans love it, anyhow, because they get to maraude about with other kids all day.

What could be more fun to a wee one?

becstarlitsea · 10/02/2010 13:36

If the holiday was a gift and is fixed, I'd suggest you just leave the holiday early and arrange to come home after two or three nights at most. Like Ilovemybed I think you might be surprised how you feel about it afterwards. And your DDs reaction might surprise and upset you.

Kewcumber · 10/02/2010 13:37

ILisa - I really think you underestimate how uncomfortable you will feel being so far away from your DD for so long. I'm working so I was well used to being away form DS during the day but the first night my mum had him overnight I raced around there at 8am because I couldn't take any longer - and she lives around the corner!

Marne · 10/02/2010 13:40

I wouldn't leave her TBH but its your choice (nobody elses), could you bot arrange to take her and a sitter with you so you can spend time alone with DH but have your dd and sitter near by?

I think people are being a little harsh, the PO is not leaving her dd with a stranger, she knows the woman well and she looks after her dd at nursery (so dd know her). Yes its not ideal and i wouldn't do it but its the OP's choice. I mean whats the worst that could happen? If anything happens such as dd gets ill i'm sure the sitter would be able to contact the mother via the phone.

My dd's are 6 and 4 and i would love a few nights away but i'm not sure if i could leave them, i think i would feel a little guilty that i didn't take them with me.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2010 13:41

Kew, the lady on the helpline today, who had a heavy European accent, actually started laughing.

She said, 'I know, they have some different policies here, haven't they?'

You can say that!

I wanted to make sure when I submit the new photos they don't get rejected again, so I rang to ask if I needed to have them countersigned again, and to find out about the marriage certificate thing.

I can only imagine what the adoption process is like, Kew. Much sympathy!

GetOrfMoiLand · 10/02/2010 13:41

OK fair enough about your dd knowing the babysitter.

However I still don;t think I would feel comfortable in having her do a full day's work at the nursery and then looking after your dd in the evening. God knows why when that is the lot of every WOHM.

I would certainly have practice sessions before hand where you leave dd for a night or two. But still I do think that a week is a long time to leave a child this age, and think long weekends/Monday-Friday breaks wuld be best. The concept of time is pretty alien for a child this age really and she may get distressed when she can't see you. That said, she may be absolutely right as rain. You know your own daughter.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2010 13:42

Take them self-catering, Marne! You can have your evenings free whilst they're in bed and during the day they have a blast at most caravan parks.

thesteelfairy · 10/02/2010 13:43

The longest I ever left my child was a three night trip to New York, when he was almost three. In hindsight it was too long, for us anyway and he was with well loved grand parents as well. As soon as we got back I said "Never Again" and I haven't with him or with dd.

I don't think this can be true, surely no-one would do this unless leaving their child with a family member.

Fwiw I love spending time with my dc on holiday. Thats why I go!

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 10/02/2010 13:43

tfm i didn't bold a thing, so i rather resent you doing it while appearing to quote me.
enjoy your trip away, dh and i are considering going to a wedding on our own soon but it will cost £££ and tbh we would rather spend that money on going somewhere with the kids.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2010 13:45

'22-month-olds love camping, lisa.'

They probably don't care one way or the other, but Aitch loves camping.

Kewcumber · 10/02/2010 13:46

Expat - Ma is at this very moment considering buying a caravan on the south coast . I am taking a close interest in inputting into final decision

hatwoman · 10/02/2010 13:46

how far away will you be? you will need a back-up plan if either your dd is too ill to go to nursery or the sitter is too ill to look after her.

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 10/02/2010 13:46

lol. actually i don't mind it more than love it, and dh is the same. but the children SERIOUSLY love it, and blossom every time we go away.

Kewcumber · 10/02/2010 13:47

my DS likes camping the only problem is when we go he gets VW campervan envy and I get "buy a campervan mummy for weeks afterward".

I have invested in a trailer tent which I hope will appease him!