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Original poster

Husband and I are going away for a week... how much to pay the babysitter?

394 replies

LondonLisa · 10/02/2010 12:02

My husband and I will be going on our first holiday away from our 22-month-old daughter. We have someone from her nursery staying with her for the 7 days we are away. This will mean the sitter will take our daughter home from nursery (6-ish) and stay all night and bring her to nursery the next day. Repeat. This will also overlap 2 weekends.
Any idea what fair pay would be? I don't want to skimp but I also don't want to be... ostentatious, if that makes sense.
We usually pay this sitter £8/hr if that helps.
Any suggestions are appreciated.

OP posts:
RedbinDippers · 10/02/2010 23:38

£50 a night is about right. Ignore the other comments, at 22 months she won't know any different and more important is unlikely to remember and throw it back at you later. Enjoy your holiday.

muminlondon · 11/02/2010 00:09

The only situation where I could imagine wanting to be away that long from such a young child is to spend time with a sick or terminally ill parent. Just because children can react weirdly to those in hospital, in my experience.

Good luck, LondonLisa.

SolidGoldBrass · 11/02/2010 00:19

I also think it's better for DC to get experience of being looked after by a selection of kind, competent people who love them (and remember that this nursery worker has known the child for over a year and may well love her - money is not going to be her motivation if it hasn't even been discussed. Nursery workers and childminders do get to feel love for DC they spend a lot of time with, love isn't all about biological ties).
ANd it's also worth remembering that we all put our DC through experiences they may find distressing at the time whether that's vaccinations, learning to share or having to be left with someone else (you and your PFB WILL have to be separated at some point you know.)

Romanarama · 11/02/2010 08:20

This kind of thread is what makes mn so interesting!

I would have been surprised that people are so shocked by the OP, except once I posted that I was annoyed my friend wouldn't come out for dinner with me for 2 hours without bringing her 11 month-old with her (because she was bf'ing. More than every 2 hours, at that age?? ), and dozens of people said that it was absolutely to be expected that she wouldn't be able to leave her 11 month-old with HER HUSBAND for 2 hours. I was gobsmacked then, and am now immune

ssd · 11/02/2010 08:33

I don't think LondonLisa is a troll.

Way back in the dark ages I nannied in London and met quite a few women who'd think nothing of leaving a baby this long if it suited their needs. And these women think if they are paying someone to look after the baby that makes it all right, its all down to money, feelings don't come into it (especially the baby's...), thats why she's asking "what should she pay the babysitter", not "should she go."

she'll go and the baby will be left with a young girl who thinks its easy money, and it'll be the first of many trips without the baby

oh, back to the op's question. I'd pay the babysitter as much as you can afford, as leaving a little baby alone for a week with a resentful young nursey worker ISN'T worth it.

ssd · 11/02/2010 08:36

SGB, the girl won't be doing it cos she loves the baby, she'll do it for the cash, don't ever kid yourself childcarers are doing the job as they love the kids so much. It is possible to grow very close to children you care for 12 hours a day, but its a job like any other, its like saying any other worker like a nurse or a teacher does the job as they love the kids/patients - no they don't.

cariboo · 11/02/2010 10:55

A little anecdote here, fwiw:

One summer, when I was a student in Paris, a couple (both gps) hired me - who didn't then know anything about babies - to care for their 9 mos old ds and 24 mos dd. It was hell. Absolute hell. Hot, stuffy (large & well-furnished though) flat for July & August. Nearest green area was 20 mins walk away - longer with whiney 2 yr old - and full of dog shit. The little boy was teething and screaming in pain. I had to iron ALL their clothing (learned how to iron, anyway) and make the baby food from fresh. Cook chicken, carrots, etc. Cool. Purée. Store in fridge. The 2 yr old was a brat typical terrible two & knew very well that I hadn't a clue. Anyway, you get the drift.

On my very last day of this summer job from hell, the dd found my pot of black ink on the mantlepiece (yes, very stupid & very naïve was I) which I used to draw during naptime and poured it all over the white Roche Bobois leather sofa and the white carpet.

To cut to the quick, I didn't get paid. Not a sou. And I promised myself that I would never, ever have children. And then amended that vow some 15 yrs later to never, ever have ink in the house and certainly not expensive white furniture.

Nefret · 11/02/2010 10:55

I haven't read through all of this post, just scanned to get the gist really but I have to say I am totally shocked that someone would want to leave a tiny child for a week with a babysitter just because she thinks it is time to go away without her

She says she can't take her baby as it is a camping holiday with no creche facilities. Well even if she did take the child on holiday she would obviously want to leave her with someone there as well.

What is the matter with some people, it always amazes me how people have children then don't want to do things as a family. Going on holiday is one of the nicest things to do as a family, I couldn't even consider going away without my children, even if it was a free holiday.

I also know that my children would be extremely unhappy if they were left behind at that age, they would miss me so much they would cry. The OP has never even left her child for one night and now she is going away for a week and leaving her with a baby sitter, not even a family member.

Shocking

hobbgoblin · 11/02/2010 11:00

ffs we are mothers not martyrs some of you seem to have confused the two

notyummy · 11/02/2010 11:00

cariboo - I am coming out in some stress related rash just thinking about that job....

I once had to look after a 7 year old for 4 weeks just before I started teacher training to make a bit of cash. (His mother had removed him from the local primary apparently because it wasn't 'stretching' enough....this turned out to mean she had been asked to consider alternatives for him because he was such a BRAT.) I still remember the expletives he screeched at me when I DARED to switch of the TV and wrestle the 3rd ice pop of the day out of his hands.

BunnyLebowski · 11/02/2010 11:22

'ffs we are mothers not martyrs some of you seem to have confused the two'

Oh for cocking fuck's sake.

It is NOT being a martyr to put your baby's emotional and physical needs ahead of your own desire to go off on a jolly.

It's called being a mother.

Nefret · 11/02/2010 11:32

Absolutley!

Now I am a mother my children's need will always come first, that's not being a martyr. They need me to be there for them and that is a resposibility I took on when I decided to become a parent. For me being a parent means you put your children first and don't just swan off because you feel it is time to get away from them. If I feel the need for a holiday I take my children with me.

flakemummy · 11/02/2010 11:37

Unbelievable, i have never heard of anyone doing this before!!

hobbgoblin · 11/02/2010 11:43

We should move this thread to jonquil's.

to be a good mother takes different things for all of us. time as a couple is valid whether or not one would do it oneself. for this family it may be imperative.

Nefret · 11/02/2010 11:44

Well it sounds like she just wants to go on her free holiday to me!

Rindercella · 11/02/2010 12:05

My first memory is of standing in a cot in my grandparents' house screaming for my mother. I was less than 2 years old and my parents had gone on holiday for 2 weeks with my older brother & sister (who would've been about 6 and 4 at the time). Why the chose to leave me behind, God only knows. I didn't even know my GPs at that time as they'd just moved back to the UK after several years abroad. It is certainly not a choice I would make for my children.

hobbgoblin · 11/02/2010 12:11

I was left as a baby too. My mum was in hospital for weeks having my premature sister and my dad thought it was okay to go to work while i was asleep cos my childminder was due in 5 mins.

The cm did arrive in 5 mins but I woke up and OMG i was distraught and possibly affected my whole life since this incident.

However, I still feel that parents must do what it takes to get through parenthood. Some will do so more selflessly than others. Some kids will be scarred by selfishness others by selflessness of their parents.

mumof2222222222222222boys · 11/02/2010 12:37

Changing tack a bit, my DH is away for about 6 or 7 months at the moment. He is in the forces. I am working full time and as you can imagine I am quite busy in the evenings and at weekends looking after the boys and doing all the jobs we normally share. Like many others I am lucky if I have time to blow my nose.

We are hoping that next month he will get a week's leave. So should I take the opportunity to:

a. Take myself off to a spa and leave DH to it.

b. Take DH away for a week for a bit of relaxation as a couple?

c. Take the boys out of school / nursery and spend it with them? Either at home or pref on holiday.

Till I'd read this thread, I didn't know I had options!

FWIW We're going for c (before I get flamed!)

rey · 11/02/2010 13:02

Boarding school comes to mind

Romanarama · 11/02/2010 13:42

mumof2 c def the right choice. Have a great time!

BlueBumedFly · 11/02/2010 14:18

Mumof2 - good choice, you would regret not giving DH time with the boys if you went without them I think, especially as he then goes away again. Boys might give you a seriously hard time too!

mumof2222222222222222boys · 11/02/2010 14:59

Not really a choice...I couldn't do it any other way (tempting as the spa is....)

OrmRenewed · 11/02/2010 15:18

"I have never left her for a night. I think it's time"

Maybe.

Maybe it's time to leave her for one night

LynetteScavo · 11/02/2010 15:52

Does it say anywhere on this thread how old the nursery worker is? Or are people presuming she is young?

Laquitar · 11/02/2010 20:05

Ok i have done it when i was nannying.
BUT i was in charge 24 hours for the baby (for one week) and got paid 7x24hrs. In OP's case the babysitter has another job during day . What happens if the baby gets ill?

This is not a matter of whether the mother deserves a break away or not. It is a crazy plan because doesn't take illnesses on account. Very different than leaving dd with grandparents or her regular nanny.

And what is all this about jelousy every time some posters make a point? It is just common sense, toddlers get bugs. And nurseries don't allow them when ill.

OP, you could hire a temp nanny to come with you?