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Original poster

Husband and I are going away for a week... how much to pay the babysitter?

394 replies

LondonLisa · 10/02/2010 12:02

My husband and I will be going on our first holiday away from our 22-month-old daughter. We have someone from her nursery staying with her for the 7 days we are away. This will mean the sitter will take our daughter home from nursery (6-ish) and stay all night and bring her to nursery the next day. Repeat. This will also overlap 2 weekends.
Any idea what fair pay would be? I don't want to skimp but I also don't want to be... ostentatious, if that makes sense.
We usually pay this sitter £8/hr if that helps.
Any suggestions are appreciated.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 10/02/2010 12:57

Why on earth shouldn't people judge?

The way I see it is like this:

When I go on holiday I pay someone to look after my animals. My child goes with us because he is a member of our family.

If I go away over night then my ds stays with my parents.

A child is not a pet that you can pay the petsitter to look after when you're away. Yes it's unfortunate that you live somewhere where you don't have support, but tbh that's a choice you've made. A child-free holiday is not a right.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2010 12:58

Nice try for a windup!

If you were really an American expat in th UK you'd probably already have a nanny for your child.

And if you did not, you'd know where to get one without posting on a board like this.

Also if you were American, there's about a snowball's chance in hell you'd leave your child with a stranger at that age at all, if ever, no matter how rich you were (or it would be a very well-vetted stranger and you wouldn't need to come on a net forum to query prices).

Trip trap.

And parp!

StarExpat · 10/02/2010 12:59

fgs people are so mean.
Her DD is young, but also nearly 2. It's not like she's holidaying without her 4 month old!
fwiw londonlisa that is quite a long time. You might be missing DD quite a bit, especially since you haven't ever left her before. Just a thought. But you're completely entitled to want a holiday with your dh.

LynetteScavo · 10/02/2010 13:01

Well, I wouldn't go on holiday for 10 days without my DC, unless they were left with DH, but that aside, London Lisa is proposting her child stay at her own home with someone she knows, so the trauma will be minimal. And also she won't have to experience jet-lag.

Lots of parents don't think twice about going away and leaving their child with a nanny for 10 days, and this is similar.

My main concerns would be if DD was poorly....the nursery nurse then wouldn't be able to go to work.

In an ideal world, I would take DD and a temp nanny, although this would obviously be £££.

Quintessential12belowZero · 10/02/2010 13:01

We lived 15 years in London without any support of family, as they lived overseas.

It is pretty lousy excuse to be selfish.

rosieposey · 10/02/2010 13:02

expatinscotland my thoughts exactly!

theyoungvisiter · 10/02/2010 13:04

I don't think the poster is a troll. Her posting history is quite consistent.

I think she is comfortable with leaving her child with a well-paid member of her child's nursery.

It's not something I would do - I didn't feel comfortable leaving my DS1 overnight until he was nearly three, and then it was with his Dad. That was the first and last time (so far) we've spent a night apart.

But I think some of the comments here are OTT. Would people be so harsh if the minder was a grandparent? Yet the child probably knows her nursery worker as well, if not better, than a grandparent they see only on weekends.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2010 13:05

It's.a.wind.up.people.

There's no reason to get your knickers in a twist because this peron is a troll who started this to watch strangers throw a wobbly.

wannaBe · 10/02/2010 13:05

she may be entitled to want one but she's not entitled to have one.

As I said before - a child-free holiday is not a right. When you have children then you take on a commitment to look after those children until they are independent. If you are lucky enough to have supportive family to look after the children then that is good luck for you. But if not then you don't IMO have the right to just abandon the children when it suits and pay someone else to look after them while you go swanning off on holiday.

becstarlitsea · 10/02/2010 13:06

I might get it horribly wrong, but I'm trying to empathise with the OP because she's taking a kicking, and she wasn't posting in AIBU so she's walked into it blindly not even realising that she's doing something wrong.

And that's what I'm on about really - LondonLisa, your mum is dying and she's a long way away, I guess you work FT hence DD at nursery, I guess at the nursery you mix with other parents who consider this holiday arrangement totally normal (My DS went to private nursery in London when I was working FT and plenty of the parents there would have said 'Oh how lovely, where are you going? We just adored our two weeks skiing without whassisname, sorry, I mean DS'). So in your social group you might be encouraged to stay emotionally dislocated and assuage your feelings with more material comforts.

I think in that situation it's quite easy to get dislocated from your emotions - that it might even be a defence mechanism. And you probably feel like you need a break, hence the holiday (I suspect you actually might need a good cry rather than a break from your DD tbh, but it might feel like you need a holiday). But I think you'll do yourself and your DD more emotional damage than good by this particular 'break' - you've put your deeper emotions on hold, haven't you?

That's the only way I can explain it to myself. Does it make any sense to you?

rosieposey · 10/02/2010 13:06

starexpat how on earth is someone 'entitled' to want a holiday with their husband?

If you have a DC i think that unless you have a very close support network that you can pretty much bank on holidays being out of the equasion for a good few years.

If you are lucky enough to sneak off for a weekend and you have someone that your child knows and is comfortable with then IMHO you are very lucky, but there is no 'entitlement' when it comes to having DC's and that surely is the choice you make when you have them?

StarExpat · 10/02/2010 13:06

I'm an american expat.
I do not have a nanny.
I am also not a sahm.

However, I do agree, expat, that I would never leave ds with a stranger. Do'nt know how I overlooked that point
I would only ever leave him with a trusted relative or trusted very close friend who he knows very well.

Yes, this arrangement does seem absurd.

theyoungvisiter · 10/02/2010 13:07

expat - I don't think it's a windup. Check out her posting history. It's completely consistent and not at all trollish.

Quintessential12belowZero · 10/02/2010 13:08

exactly theyoungvisiter, a grandparent may not be as good as nursery worker. Or vice versa. To most decent people this is just hypothetical, and a value judgement on this will not even be necessary. But it is hardly the point who is better or worse, the point is rather that this couple does not want their child with them. This couple, does not see their child as part of the family, and treat the baby no better than an animal.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2010 13:08

Aw, c'mon. Mum quips, 'Oh, deary me, I've suddenly fallen terminally ill! But bugger coming through to see me, off you fart on holiday! Bon voyage.'

That should have been your first tip-off.

Quintessential12belowZero · 10/02/2010 13:10

You are right expat. Either it is trip trap, and I can breathe again, or this person is just totally without a single moral fibre in her body.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2010 13:10

'expat - I don't think it's a windup. Check out her posting history. It's completely consistent and not at all trollish.'

Oh, just ask, Quint, there have been some legendary trolls on here who posted a lot for months as normal people.

That's why they weren't sussed for donks and made such legendary trolls.

Rubyrubyruby · 10/02/2010 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarExpat · 10/02/2010 13:10

btw I wouldn't personally leave my own ds for even a night yet (16 months). And can't see a time when I'd want to leave him for 7 nights... but I just think to each their own, you know?

rosieposey · 10/02/2010 13:11

If it isn't a wind up then OP please dont leave your baby for that long, it will make her AND you v sad

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 10/02/2010 13:13

i don't see how it's possible for a 7 day holiday to overlap two weekends, btw, so it's a seven night trip plus travel = min 9 days.

londonlisa's legged it anyway, by the looks of things. i wonder if becstarlitsea is right?

expatinscotland · 10/02/2010 13:13

Even very wealthy Yanks would find such a set-up irresponsible and prepostrous, tbh, ditching your kid with someone you don't know at all for days on end.

Nah.

It's sort of like the reaction to MMC disappearance there: people were just incredulous, because it's a very foreign concept to ditch your kids to go on holiday or that there, unless you're a bit of a ned type.

But ned types don't generally get work permits to come to the UK.

StarExpat · 10/02/2010 13:13

That's what I was trying to get at in my first post to op - I don't think she's thought through how sad it will make her as well as her dd. I'd be surprised if she made it 2 nights without coming back home... especially after not having ever left her before.

theyoungvisiter · 10/02/2010 13:13

I know there have been lots of longterm trolls expat.

And of course perhaps we're all hairy-handed truckers at the end of the day.

But I think shouting troll on a thread purely because someone is asking what is to most of us an inexplicable question is wrong.

And mocking the fact that the OP has said her mother is terminally ill is just cruel.

Yes it may not be true - but if it is, you've just caused a hell of a lot of unnecessary hurt.

If you think someone is a troll then fine - say it - but no need to be cruel about.

smee · 10/02/2010 13:15

Might not be a wind up. A friend of mine's sister left her baby with the childminder for a week whilst her and hubby went to the Bahamas. I was astounded, but they really did do it.